Rescued by the Single Dad

by Emily Forbes

  ‘Interesting to whom?’ Pat sounded annoyed now. ‘Amy is back in Wombat Gully. Did you expect Charli to return there after everything that had happened?’

  ‘No, not at all. I think everyone is curious about what happens next, though. That photo looks like the start of something to me and I’m sure everyone would love a fairy-tale ending to the tragedy. Charli?’ Stacey was not backing down quietly.

  ‘I think they’re going to be disappointed,’ she replied. ‘I don’t live here and when I am able to fly I will be going back to England.’

  Charli loved the idea of fairy-tale endings as much as anybody but despite finding herself imagining a life with Patrick and Ella she knew it was impossible. She might love the idea of happily-ever-after but Patrick hadn’t made any suggestions that he was feeling as though there could be a future for the two of them.

  His house was still full of Margie’s photos and Margie’s touches. Charli was under no illusion that he was thinking about anything permanent. She needed to be careful. She couldn’t afford to get in any deeper, to give her heart away completely. She would be leaving and she wanted her heart intact when she went. Giving it away twice, to Patrick and to Ella, would only cause her twice as much pain when she returned to the UK.

  ‘There’s nothing that would convince you to stay. A new romance, perhaps?’

  Charli shook her head and Stacey turned to Pat. ‘What about you, Pat?’ Charli held her breath, waiting to hear if Pat would share his thoughts about her plans. Would he say he’d like her to stay?

  But Stacey didn’t ask him the question Charli hoped for. ‘Is there anyone special in your life?’

  ‘Only my daughter.’

  Pain pierced Charli’s chest at the implications of Pat’s words. She knew Ella came first in Pat’s life, that was fair and right, and she suspected that she was also further down the list than his late wife, but to hear Pat neglect to mention her at all was hurtful.

  Pat’s tone suggested that he wouldn’t be answering any more questions and Charli was relieved when Stacey ended the interview. She was upset and she didn’t want to break down on national television. Especially not in front of Stacey, who she knew would take great delight in asking her more pointed questions, or in front of Pat. She wanted to get away from the cameras, away from the scrutiny. The interview had been a mistake.

  And perhaps the relationship with Pat had also been a mistake. Hearing him say he wasn’t looking for anything serious hurt her more than it should have, given that she had been telling herself the same thing. But hearing him say it had made her realise just how invested she had become. How much she cared for him. How much she wanted to think this could be the real thing.

  She was shaking as the crew removed the microphone that was pinned to her shirt. She wasn’t sure if she was angry or upset. Or both.

  The drive back to Pat’s house passed in an uncomfortable silence. Charli wanted to know what Pat was thinking but she was too much of a coward to ask.

  He’d had ample opportunity over the past few weeks to tell her that she was special to him and he hadn’t done it, and he’d made it perfectly clear tonight that she wasn’t anywhere near the top of his list.

  Would she have contemplated staying if he’d asked her to?

  She shook her head in silent admonition. It was a ridiculous notion to entertain, it was obvious he would never ask. He had other priorities and Charli didn’t need or want to compete with Ella and she couldn’t compete with Margie.

  How did you compete with a ghost?

  She had only one option and that was to leave.

  She went straight to her room and closed the door when they got home. She didn’t want Pat to see her tears.

  The pain in her chest was so intense she thought her heart might be breaking and for the first time since she’d left the hospital she slept alone.

  ‘Thank you for meeting me.’ Charli greeted Harriet with a hug. ‘I wanted to say goodbye in person.’

  ‘Goodbye?’ Harriet let her go and stepped back. ‘You’re leaving?’

  Charli nodded. ‘I got the all clear to fly yesterday. I’ve booked my flight home.’

  ‘But what about Patrick?’ Harriet was frowning as she sat down. ‘I thought things were going well... I thought the two of you... I don’t know, did I get it wrong?’

  ‘No, you didn’t, but I think I might have.’

  ‘What’s happened?’

  Nothing had happened. Or rather nothing had changed. That was the problem.

  ‘Nothing’ she said. ‘Things just aren’t quite what I imagined.’

  Things had been awkward since the interview. Charli had waited, hoping that Pat might say something, anything, about his feelings for her, but he’d remained silent. She could only assume that his feelings were nothing more than superficial. That she was nothing more than a temporary person in his life.

  ‘Are you sure?’

  ‘I’m sure.’ She nodded. ‘I have to go.’

  ‘You don’t love him?’

  She shook her head. It wasn’t a question of her feelings for him. It was a question of his feelings for her. ‘No.’ She felt like crying but she had to stay strong. ‘It doesn’t matter how I feel.’ She sighed. ‘I don’t think he can love me.’

  ‘What does that mean?’

  ‘I don’t think he’ll let himself love me. Or anyone. I think he’s still in love with Ella’s mother.’

  ‘Has he told you that?’

  ‘Not in so many words but I can hear it in the way he speaks about her and there are photos of her all over the house. She’s everywhere you look. And Ella is a constant reminder of her too.’

  ‘Charli, I saw the interview. I’ve seen the two of you together. Are you sure you’re not in love?’

  ‘I can’t compete with a dead wife.’ She wanted to be enough for someone. She didn’t want to be second best.

  She’d made up her mind. She had to go. This was the right decision. For all of them.

  She couldn’t risk her heart. Both Pat and Ella had got under her defences. Tears welled in her eyes as she thought of the little girl with her dark curls and mischievous smile, the way her warm little hand would slide into Charli’s when she wasn’t looking and not let go. She hadn’t wanted to get attached, she’d been terrified she’d screw everything up if she did, but it had happened regardless.

  ‘I can’t stay. I have to leave before I get in any deeper. Before it hurts too much.’

  Her heart was already breaking but there was no other choice.

  * * *

  Pat felt it as soon as he walked in the door. The air was still and quiet and the house was silent. Much too silent.

  He called out to Charli but was greeted only by more silence and he knew the house was empty.

  He went to her room. The door was ajar, her bed stripped bare, her sheets folded on the end of the mattress. On top of the sheets was an envelope with his name on it.

  His hand shook as he opened the flap.

  He didn’t need to read the words. He knew what she would say.

  She was gone.

  He knew her flight left today but he hadn’t thought she would leave without saying goodbye. He hadn’t thought she would take a taxi to the airport to avoid saying farewell, but her letter told him that was exactly what she had done.

  He sat on the bed and reread her note but it gave no more clue as to what she was thinking. No more clue as to why she had left this way.

  It didn’t matter. It didn’t change the fact that she was gone.

  She had left him. And it was his fault.

  But there was nothing else he could have done. Nothing he could have changed. He wasn’t ready. Despite the fact that he was happy with her, he wasn’t in a place where he could give his heart away again.

  He’d been worried about getting too close
. Worried about letting Charli into their lives, into his heart. He knew Ella had already opened her heart to her. His daughter was going to be distraught and that was his fault too. But there was nothing he could do.

  He knew she couldn’t stay and it wasn’t fair to ask her to. He couldn’t make a commitment or a promise. He couldn’t offer her anything.

  But he couldn’t let her go without one last goodbye.

  Saying goodbye was going to hurt but he would get over it. He’d got through worse.

  * * *

  He spotted her just as she was about to go through Security.

  ‘Charli.’ He resisted the urge to reach out and grab her, to physically stop her from taking another step.

  She turned at the sound of his voice. ‘Pat! What are you doing here?’

  Her eyelids were puffy and the tip of her nose was red. Had she been crying? He wanted to pull her into his arms, to ask her what was wrong, but her posture was stiff and she had her arms crossed protectively over her chest. Was she protecting herself from him? He wasn’t sure he could blame her.

  He wanted to embrace her but instead he put his hand under her elbow and gently drew her out of the queue as he stepped backwards. ‘Were you really planning on leaving without a word?’ he asked.

  ‘I thought we’d said all we had to say.’

  ‘What about “Goodbye”?’

  ‘You knew I was going. I’m no good at goodbyes.’

  ‘What am I supposed to tell Ella?’

  She shook her head. ‘I don’t know. Tell her I’m sorry.’ She looked over his shoulder and he knew she was looking at the departures board. Was she really leaving? ‘Pat, I have to go.’

  I don’t want you to. The words were on the tip of his tongue but he bit them back. Those words would get them nowhere. He couldn’t ask her to stay.

  She had a job to go back to. A life. A life that didn’t include him.

  He wanted to ask her to stay but the words lodged in his throat, choking him. He had nothing to offer her.

  ‘Pat?’ She watching him, her blue eyes big and bright. ‘What are you really doing here? Is there something more you wanted to say?’

  He wasn’t ready but he was desperate. He took a deep breath. ‘What if you stayed?’

  ‘Stayed? Why would I stay? My future is in England. My career is there. My life is there.’

  ‘Stay for Ella. Stay for me.’

  ‘You said yourself there’s no one important in your life other than Ella. We had fun, but we were always on a time limit. We were never supposed to have more than this.’

  ‘If you leave now, we’ll never know.’

  She was shaking her head and he knew he was losing her. ‘I can’t be the person you want me to be.’

  ‘What the hell does that mean?’

  ‘I can’t be Margie.’

  ‘I don’t want you to be Margie!’

  ‘Maybe not, but I don’t think you’re ready for me or anyone else to take her place. You’re still in love with her. You haven’t moved on. You’re not ready to move on. To let go.’

  ‘That’s ridiculous.’

  ‘Is it? The house is like a shrine to her. Have you changed anything since she died?’

  ‘No, but that wasn’t for my sake or because I couldn’t bear to. It was because I wanted to keep things consistent for Ella.’ He hadn’t been able to put away Margie’s photos but he didn’t even notice them any more.

  ‘I’m sorry, Pat. I really like you and I did wish that what we had could develop into something more but I’m not ready and neither are you. There’s no room for me. You told me you thought it would be you and Ella now, a unit of two, and I’m not going to come into your lives uninvited. I don’t want to screw things up for Ella, like my stepmother did for me. I don’t want Ella to hate me.’

  ‘Ella loves you.’

  He could make it all about Ella but they both knew that wasn’t it.

  ‘I’m not going to live in Margie’s shadow. I’m not going to compete with her. You’re not ready to include me in your life, not in the way I want.’

  ‘What is it that you want?’

  ‘I want what you and Margie had. I want to be somebody’s special person.’

  ‘Just give me some time,’ he pleaded.

  She shook her head. ‘I haven’t got time. I have to think about what is right for me. Ella will always come first in your life. Which is the way it should be, but I can’t accept being anything less than second. And if I’m not going to be second then I’m not the right person for you. I’m not enough.’

  He had to let her go. He had no choice. He couldn’t tell her what she wanted to hear. The three words that he knew she deserved.

  He’d been scared to love her in case it didn’t work out, but he was going to lose her anyway.

  The queue through Security was short. She stepped back into line and he watched her walk away. She didn’t look back.

  He’d asked her to stay and she’d shut him down.

  It was over.

  CHAPTER TEN

  ‘HEY, HOW’RE THINGS at home?’

  Charli kicked her shoes off and lay back on her bed as she answered her sister’s phone call.

  ‘It doesn’t feel like home,’ she admitted. She had been living with her father, Victoria and their newborn twins, her half-brothers, since she’d returned to England. It wasn’t ideal but she’d been living with Hugo, now her ex-boyfriend, before she’d fled to Australia and she’d had nowhere else to go when she’d got back.

  ‘No, I guess it wouldn’t,’ Amy said.

  She and Amy hadn’t lived at their father’s house for years so she could understand why Amy would agree with her, but it wasn’t the unfamiliar house that was the problem. The whole country felt foreign to her now. England didn’t feel like home any more. She’d felt like she’d left home behind when she’d left Australia, even though she knew it wasn’t the country she was missing. It was the people.

  ‘You haven’t had any luck finding something else?’ Amy asked.

  ‘No. I haven’t had time to look. I’m working eighty-plus hours a week and studying.’ She also hadn’t been in the right frame of mind to look for alternatives. She knew she’d have to bite the bullet eventually, she couldn’t stay at her father’s indefinitely, but she didn’t have the energy to do anything about it.

  She was miserable, exhausted and lonely. She didn’t want to start over with new flatmates, she wanted to be with Pat and Ella, but she’d mucked that up.

  She missed Amy but she was missing Pat even more. Now that she was on the other side of the world she couldn’t really remember why she’d left.

  Nothing made sense without him.

  Now that she was on her own she was acutely aware of the hole in her life. She supposed she would find something or someone else to fill it eventually, but she had come to the realisation that she didn’t want to. She wanted Pat. She should have fought harder, been tougher, been braver. She should have given him more time. But none of those realisations were any use to her now.

  ‘How are the twins?’ Amy wanted to know.

  ‘Good.’ She couldn’t pretend she didn’t adore the babies. Despite her protests, she had fallen in love with Milo and Louis the minute she’d first held them.

  ‘Victoria is coping okay with the whole baby thing?’

  ‘I have to admit she’s actually doing well but the nanny is a huge help. Maybe Dad should have employed nannies for us instead of marrying Victoria.’

  ‘He did. We had a succession of them. Don’t you remember?’

  ‘No, I don’t.’

  ‘None of them stayed long. I think we were difficult and so was Dad. I don’t think we can blame Victoria. She had a lot to deal with, a lot to sort out. But, tell me, how’s work going?’

  ‘It’s okay.’
r />   ‘Only okay?’

  ‘It’s pretty exhausting, to be honest. I’m really tired and finding it hard to focus. I feel a bit out of control.’

  ‘I’m sure it’s not that bad.’

  ‘Adjusting to life back here and to work is a lot harder than I thought it would be.’

  ‘Oh, Charli, give yourself a break. You’ve been through a lot of stress over the past few months—breaking up with Hugo, the landslide, leaving Pat, starting a new job—that’s more than enough to deal with. Give yourself time to settle into the job, don’t be so hard on yourself. Have you caught up with any of your friends?’

  ‘I don’t really feel up to it.’

  ‘You should make an effort. I’m sure you’d feel brighter if there was something to look forward to other than work and going home. I wish I was there with you. I’d make you go out.’

  ‘When will you be back?’

  ‘I don’t know. Dan has asked me to go to Canada with him. We talked about doing the winter there and he wants me to go home with him first to meet his family.’

  ‘Really? That’s great.’

  She tried to be happy for Amy. Her sister had always been more adventurous, unlike Charli she’d never been afraid to take chances, but hearing Amy’s plans just reinforced to her how alone she was. All she really wanted was someone to love her. Someone who wanted to share a future with her. She wanted to matter. She wanted to be the most important person to someone. But it hadn’t worked out that way for her with Hugo or with Pat.

  ‘Maybe I could come via England?’ Amy was saying.

  ‘No, don’t be silly.’ Charli didn’t want Amy to change her plans for her. She was a grown-up, she could manage. She’d have to manage. ‘I’m fine. I’m just a bit sad.’

  ‘What’s the matter?’

  ‘I miss Pat,’ she admitted. ‘Now that I’m here I wish I hadn’t left.’

  ‘Oh, Charli. You should have stayed. You could have stayed. Why didn’t you?’

  ‘I was scared.’

  ‘Of what?’

  ‘Of falling in love with him. He didn’t feel the same way about me. He told me, more than once, that he and Ella were a unit of two, that he wasn’t looking for anything serious, but I didn’t listen.’ She hadn’t listened to Pat or to Amy or to herself. Instead she’d given her heart away again and hoped he’d change his mind. But he hadn’t. ‘I thought it was better to leave. I thought I’d get over him. But it’s not getting better.’