Perfection

by Gianni Holmes

  “Shit, boy.” I closed my eyes and focused on the sensation instead of the sight of him, like a cockwhore dying for a drop of my cum. My hips pistoned faster, driving deeper.

  The sound of my cock hitting his mouth dripping with saliva was so dirty. I opened my eyes just a slit and found his closed, his whole body relaxed as if he was floating away somewhere.

  “Fuck, I’m coming.”

  His eyes flew open as the first spurt of cum ejected into his mouth. He sucked greedily, moaning around the fullness of my cock. With a groan, I tapped his cheek, and he released me. He chased after the head of my dick with his tongue and circled the plump glans, humming like he was the one who’d just come.

  Despite his mewling sounds of protests, I tucked my dick back into my pants, then crouched before the desk.

  “Did I do good?” he asked me softly.

  “Extremely.”

  I leaned forward and captured his lips with mine, slowly teasing them apart and deepening the kiss. His arms came around me, clutching me with surprising force.

  “You okay?” I released his lips and kissed his nose.

  He nodded with a smile. “Thank you. I feel better now.”

  I helped him up from the desk, sat in my chair, and pulled him between my legs. “You can come to me at any time, baby. You know that, right?”

  “I’m afraid of letting you down,” he admitted as I fixed his clothes. “Like if I’m being honest about how I feel, you’ll see how truly fucked-up I am and leave.”

  “Oh, baby.” He climbed onto my lap and settled against my chest, and I tucked him into my arms. “Let me hold you a minute.”

  “Okay, just a minute. I heard my phone go off when you had your cock stuffed down my throat, so I think Rue’s here.”

  “Does this mean you’re looking forward to your first meeting?”

  He gave me a blank stare. “Not exactly looking forward to it but willing.”

  “Good, that’s enough for now.”

  Chapter Two

  Ashton

  “We’re here.”

  At Rue’s announcement, I stared at the nondescript brick building ahead. It was nothing at all like I’d expected. Nothing different from the other buildings that lined the block.

  Silly me.

  The name Alcoholics Anonymous had to be in practice and not theory only, but I’d expected a big condemning sign on the front of the building. I’d expected people to look at me with disgust as I walked inside, immediately thinking the worst of me.

  Ashton Keyes, an alcoholic. I wasn’t convinced. So I had a drinking problem, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as that.

  You crashed your car into the restaurant.

  But it was an accident. It could’ve totally happened to anyone.

  If you were sober.

  “Is this really necessary?” I asked Rue, fed up with arguing with myself.

  “You know it is, Master Ashton,” my driver replied, his eyes connecting with mine through the rearview mirror. “Unless you want to check in to that recovery facility your mother wants you to. It’s more private, and the staff signs a nondisclosure agreement, so no one will know you were there.”

  For a few seconds, I did contemplate the privacy of that option. But for the sake of being away from Callum again? I just couldn’t. The new phase of our relationship had just started, and Callum meant the world to me. His encouragements and love kept me afloat.

  The last thing I wanted to do was go away again from him.

  I might lose him.

  Rue got out of the car and opened my door.

  “I should go in. Thank you, Rue.” But he didn’t respond, didn’t close the door, just stood there.

  I scowled at him. “Well, you don’t have to watch me go in.”

  “I kind of do.”

  My eyes widened as I thought of Callum whispering to him as I headed for the car.

  “I don’t need a babysitter.”

  “Then this is your opportunity to prove to us that you don’t. You should get going, Master Ashton.”

  “You work for me, Rue, not him!” Miffed, I stalked off toward the entrance of the building. Now that I was closer, it looked like it was a bookstore in a former life.

  “I actually work for your mother, sir.”

  I had no retort to that. He was right. My irritation with him didn’t last, though. It never did. Not when I was a kid and he used to bring me to school, even though I’d ordered him to take me to the arcade instead. And definitely not now.

  At the front door, I turned to him.

  “See you at ten?”

  I’d opted for the late-night meeting, since Callum would be free from his obligations in the coffee shop. It was something to do while he was finishing up there.

  “I’ll always be here when you need me, sir.”

  I smiled at him, appalled to find how close to tears I was. He was right. Rue was always there for me, and he didn’t deserve my nasty attitude because I was scared about what was on the other side of this door.

  “And, Rue…” The words of apology and gratitude got stuck in my throat.

  “I know, sir.”

  He did. It was a miracle I hadn’t run him off by now, but somehow, he knew I had great affection for him. He was probably the only friend I had left.

  And that was just sad. It also made me want to find the nearest bar and drown these feelings until I was on top of the world again.

  I entered the building, and only then did he get back into the car and drive away. I knew because I watched him.

  I came into a small waiting area with an abandoned desk and a passage ahead. It was silent, only a light chattering drifting toward me. Taking a deep breath, I took one step forward.

  Then I chickened out and bolted back through the door.

  I couldn’t breathe. I was shaking so hard I had to sit on the low step and hang my head between my legs. Fuck, I was going to mess up again. I could feel it in my bones. I was going to drive Callum away for good this time.

  I dug my phone out of my pocket, my hands trembling so badly the phone slipped out and fell to the ground. The screen wasn’t cracked, thank god. I speed-dialed Callum’s number.

  “Ashton, is—”

  “I don’t know if I can do this.” The words came crashing out like waves.

  “Ash, where are you?”

  “Sitting outside on the steps. You said I could come to you about anything, and I don’t know.”

  “Baby, you’re breathing too heavily. Take a deep breath.”

  I struggled to. My heart beat erratically in my chest, and I was at the point of a full freak-out.

  “Listen to me, Ashton. You’re doing fine. It’s going to be fine.”

  “I don’t know if I can,” I gasped.

  “You can do it for Daddy. Deep breath in, baby.” He must’ve heard the gulp I made. He continued. “Now let it out slowly. Do it again and again. That’s it. You’re such a good boy.”

  “I’m not good,” I said on a sob.

  “Hey, we’re all a work in progress. Don’t be so hard on yourself for where you are. Be proud of how far you’ve come. You just need to take that step inside tonight. That’s all I’m asking. Give yourself the chance to be better, Ash. Baby, you deserve it so much.”

  I blinked open my eyes and swiped at the tears. Why was he so sweet to me? He called me spoiled. He called me a brat. Yet he cared. I wasn’t crazy enough not to see that I’d lucked out with Callum for a Daddy. He thought he was all tough and firm, but he was a big softie with me.

  I didn’t doubt for one second that he could be strict, but he cared too much to give up on me, and I cared too much to let him down. I wanted to do better, but it was so fucking hard.

  “Okay, I think I can do this.” I sniffed.

  Fuck, I’m so pathetic I can’t even go to an AA meeting without calling him.

  “You are not pathetic.”

  My eyes widened. I’d spoken my thoughts out loud. Thank god he wasn’t ar
ound to see how humiliated I felt about the whole thing. My self-deprecating remarks were usually a private matter among me, myself, and I.

  Everyone else thought I was the confident and wealthy Ashton Keyes. Was that the reason I loved Callum so much? Because he saw vulnerable and weak Ashton and still cared about him?

  “I want to hear you say it,” Callum demanded.

  “I should go in.”

  “Say it, boy.”

  “I’m not pathetic,” I whispered.

  “Again.”

  “I’m not pathetic,” I said more firmly.

  “Exactly. You are not. Now get up and walk inside.”

  “Okay, I’ll hang up now.”

  “No, I’ll be right here walking in with you. When you’re inside, then you can hang up.”

  I opened the door and slipped back inside. The nervousness still fluttered in my belly, but I felt calmer. Steadier with him on the line.

  “Are you inside?”

  “Yes, but I think it’s a shared building. I’m walking along the empty hall.”

  “Good.”

  At the end of the hall, I met upon a turn to the left and the right. A poster on the wall announcing the AA group and meeting times pointed to the left.

  This was it. There was no turning back now.

  “Ash, you’ve stopped walking.”

  I had. I took the turn to the left, and the chattering became louder, though still at a moderate level. “I see the door.”

  “You’re doing fantastic, Pretty Eyes. Now take a deep breath if you have to. Take a moment if you need it, but walk through that door. I’ll stay on the line until you do. You let me know you’re in when you hang up.”

  “Okay.”

  Footsteps behind me startled me. I turned around. A guy of medium height, hoodie pulled low over his head, hurried toward me. He looked like a jock with his beefy frame but had a fairly young face. He greeted me with a big smile.

  “Hi, I’m Jodi with an i,” he said, doing what I couldn’t for myself. Then instead of asking my name, instead of holding the door open for me, he just disappeared inside. I didn’t know what to think.

  “I think I just met a member,” I said into the phone.

  “And?”

  “He introduced himself but didn’t ask my name. He didn’t even invite me inside.”

  “Then you’re in a good place,” Callum replied. “How far you go is up to you, Ash. Your recovery is up to you. I can support you, but you have to take the steps.”

  “Order me to go in.”

  “Ash.”

  “Please, Daddy. I need this.”

  “Only this once, Ashton. You need to be strong enough to walk into that meeting without coercion.”

  “Thank you, Daddy.”

  “Now get your butt inside and stay there until the meeting is finished.”

  “I love you too,” I said and hung up.

  Without thinking too much about it, I opened the door and entered the room. Ever since I committed to going to AA, I worried about what my first impression would be.

  I didn’t know if I was pleased or disappointed.

  About fifteen people were gathered in the room. The space wasn’t cramped, but it wasn’t too spacious either. It looked less like the classroom setting I’d envisioned and instead had circular desks in various spots in the room. The chairs were padded and looked comfortable. A few people were sitting on long lounge chairs lined up on the opposite wall. Others stood talking quietly with each other.

  “Hi, it’s me again.”

  I turned to the jock-looking guy. “Jodi with an i.”

  He chuckled softly. “Yup, that’s me. I’m so glad you came in. We’re about to start in about five minutes. You can sit anywhere you’d like, or if you want me to introduce you to the others?”

  “I think I’ll just find a seat for now.”

  “Okay, today’s a discussion meeting, and our leader will kick us off soon. Do you have any recommended literature?”

  “Literature?” Fuck. I sucked at Literature. I just never found the appreciation for it the way my classmates had back in high school.

  “Don’t worry. We have handouts that you can use for today. I’ll bring you some.”

  He walked off, leaving me alone in a twilight zone. I sat on a chair at an empty table. In the center stood a bowl with some white chips. People waved to me with a smile, and I nodded back.

  Everything was just so weird. No one tried to force me into a conversation, but at the same time, I didn’t feel dismissed. Not all the faces wore a relaxed expression. Quite a few attendees looked like they wished they were anywhere but here.

  By the time Jodi with an i returned with the reading material, I was confused. And also properly chagrined for my stereotyping. Apparently, my preconceived notion of what to expect from an AA meeting was all wrong. The people seemed regular, not as if they were alcoholics. Or what I thought an alcoholic would look like.

  A huge painting on the wall grabbed my attention. It was of a man staring up at a row of steps ahead of him. Each step had words written on them. The first of which read “We are powerless over alcohol.”

  I found the message weird. If I was powerless over alcohol, then what the hell was I doing here? But before I could get to my feet and cry out of this meeting that seemed nothing like I’d imagined, movement at a little podium caught my eye.

  “Hi, everyone, welcome back to our meeting,” a tall brunette announced with a wide smile. “My name’s Alice, and I’m in charge of today’s discussion meeting. Let’s get started.”

  Chapter Three

  Callum

  “Hey.” Phil placed a hand on my arm, but when I turned to him, he quickly dropped it.

  “What’s up?” I hated this uncomfortable rapport between us.

  Phil and I had known each other since our first year in college, and we’d never fought like this before. We’d had some innocent ribbings, yes, but this was beyond anything we’d ever faced.

  “Brayden and I will lock up.” He nodded toward the door. “Go get your boy.”

  He must’ve overheard me when I called Rue to inform him he didn’t have to pick up Ashton after his AA meeting. I wanted to be the one he saw when he walked out. Just in case he needed me.

  He and Rue were close, but there were some things only his Daddy could give him.

  “I’ll help.”

  Phil blocked my path and glared at me. “How long are you going to be mad at me, huh? I messed up. I know. I’m trying to make up for it, so don’t act like I’m not trying.”

  I sighed, watching the entrance from the back where Brayden was. He’d have sensed the tension between Phil and me, but he hadn’t commented on it. I’d rather keep as much of what happened between us.

  “You don’t have to keep making up for it. We’re good.”

  “We are?”

  “Look, man, I know you were coming from a place of concern, so I can’t be pissed off at you forever.”

  “Good, because I wasn’t sure you’d still want to come to Kaylee’s birthday party.”

  I leaned forward and rapped his forehead hard with my knuckles. “Is your brain on right now? Have I ever missed her birthday party?”

  How I wished I hadn’t asked the question. Yes, I had missed her party one year, and that was when everything went absolutely shit with Mario. It was a timely reminder, though, that Phil’s concern about my relationship with Ashton was valid.

  His execution had just been fucking out of line.

  “I’ll be there. If it’s okay to bring Ashton.”

  “Of course, if he wants to. We can hang out after the kids are in bed.”

  “All right. Are you sure you don’t mind locking up?”

  “Positive. You’ve given me a free pass many times, and it’s now my time to reciprocate.”

  Assured that Phil could handle closing up alone, I took a quick trip upstairs and showered. I’d been in the coffee shop all day, and I might never be able to fully
get the coffee smell away, but the sweat could go.

  Half an hour later, I arrived at the AA building. I was a bit late, but several cars were still parked in the lot, and I assumed the meeting wasn’t over yet. I sat back, waiting for Ashton to walk out.

  When he’d called me earlier, I’d been relieved to hear his voice. I would’ve liked for him not to need my encouragement to do this for himself, but I was glad he’d called me in his moment of weakness. Everything could’ve been so much worse if he’d followed his instinct and not gone to the meeting.

  As long as we continued communicating, things looked hopeful.

  The front door of the building opened, and the first person walked out. I sat up in my seat and had a moment of uncertainty. What if he didn’t want me here after his first meeting?

  Earlier he’d accused me of expecting too much of him too soon. At the time, I’d thought he was just saying what he did to earn himself a spanking, but now I wasn’t so sure. Maybe I should’ve let Rue collect him. Ash could come to me if he needed me.

  The last thing I wanted to be accused of was stifling him.

  Shit.

  Ashton walked out of the building, alone. A tall younger guy barreled through the door and squeezed his shoulder, then headed in the direction of a Ford Explorer.

  Too late. Ashton spotted the car.

  I climbed out and leaned against the car as he walked toward me. The expression on his face filled me with unease. I didn’t know how to interpret it. Other than when he was hiding his alcohol addiction, Ashton was usually pretty easy to read. I could tell when he was feeling down and when he was horny. This stoic expression wasn’t anything I was used to.

  I had an apology for being a pushy Daddy ready on my lips. There was a thin line between giving off a supportive air and being suffocating. If he misconstrued what I was doing here, I could ruin whatever impact his first meeting had.

  “Ashton?”

  He walked right into my chest and wrapped his arms around my waist.

  “Baby, are you okay?”

  “Just hold me for a minute, please.”

  My curiosity burned, but I didn’t ask. I didn’t push. I just enveloped him into my embrace and held on tight. I placed my chin on top of his head and waited for him to get what he needed.