All Your Twisted Secrets

by Diana Urban

  “But it didn’t go disastrously wrong. She didn’t drop Amy. Do you think maybe you’re overreacting?”

  “No, I’m not. Do you know how much time we put into this routine? She’s ruining everything, after all our hard work.” She dropped her voice to a hiss and clenched her fists again.

  It was like she was trying—and failing—to contain her anger. This was clearly more than dissatisfaction with Priya’s performance. “Jesus, Sasha, are you high or something?” I grabbed her wrist, which trembled in my grip.

  “No! Why would you think that?” She wrestled her arm back and turned to the bleachers, crossing her arms. A vein bulged in her neck as she tried slowing her breathing. “Because you’re acting insane,” I said, deciding not to bring up what Scott hinted at when she was already so agitated. “I’m worried about you, Sasha. You’re taking on too much. Can’t you see that? Why don’t you drop cheerleading for a couple months, just until the play is over—”

  “Who the hell do you think you’re lecturing?” Sasha narrowed her eyes at me. I flinched, shocked by her tone. “Like I said, I’m not taking anything. I’m fine.”

  “You don’t seem fine.” Heat rushed up my neck. “And you’re being a mega bitch to Priya.” We’d never argued like this before, and my voice cracked under the pressure.

  She threw me a look of disgust. “I don’t get why you’re friends with her. She’s pathetic.”

  A lump formed in my throat, and icicles snaked around my heart. That was my best friend she was talking about. It was like she’d shed her friendly façade to reveal something vile underneath, and I was horrified to see it. “No, she’s not,” I croaked.

  She screwed up her face and waved me off. “Too many freaks, not enough circuses. Why don’t you go back to the nosebleed section and mind your own business?” Before I could respond, she spun on her heel and raced back to her squad.

  I hadn’t seen Sasha lash out like that before. But I couldn’t have been so wrong about her. It had to be the drugs talking. It had to be.

  And I had to help her. She’d gone out of her way for me and for Priya—convincing the drama club to let me score the play, and letting Priya onto the cheerleading squad, helping her learn their routines. But she was taking on too much . . . partially because of us. Maybe it was my fault she felt so overwhelmed. I had to help her. Whatever demons she was battling, I had to help kick their asses.

  “Ow.” I grimaced—Priya’s bony butt was digging into my leg. Four of us were crammed into the back seat of Maria’s Prius. I tried shifting closer to Amy, but she was already squished next to her girlfriend, Lisa.

  “I’m sorry,” said Priya. Her voice trembled like she was on the verge of tears. She was clearly still shaken from Sasha’s tantrum earlier. Sasha, on the other hand, acted like nothing happened when she texted me after the game: Get down here, we’re gonna celebrate the win at Zane’s. Now she and Maria were scream-singing some Taylor Swift song while Amy and Lisa laughed along, their hands clasped in Lisa’s lap.

  “It’s okay,” I said.

  “You guys,” said Sasha when the song ended. “I think I’m going to let Zane get to third base tonight.” She laughed. “No pun intended.”

  Maria squealed, and Priya threw me a confused look. Oh, God. I hadn’t told her about Sasha’s confession that she liked Zane. I thought she’d only said it to throw me off whatever she was doing with Scott under the bleachers. “Are you two officially dating?” I asked innocently.

  “Yep!” she said.

  “When did this happen?” I said. “Why didn’t you say anything?”

  “She’s bashful about boys,” Maria said in a squeaky voice, and Sasha swatted her arm.

  “I told you I liked him.” Sasha threw me a pointed look, as if to say, See? I didn’t hook up with Scott. I wanted to ask, So what drugs did he hook you up with? but didn’t want to make accusations in front of everyone.

  “I mean,” she went on, “we’ve been hooking up on and off for years. But we went on our first real date last night!” She glanced in the rearview mirror at Priya, whose expression had morphed from confused to aghast. Sasha knew Priya liked Zane and let her obliviously pine over him this whole time.

  “I can’t believe you two haven’t screwed yet,” said Amy.

  “I’m not that easy.” Sasha shrugged like it was no big deal.

  Maria twisted in the driver’s seat to wiggle her eyebrows at us. “C’mon, Sasha. Give it up. How easy are you, exactly?”

  Sasha flicked Maria’s leg. “Keep your eyes on the road, would you?”

  “Then answer the question.”

  Sasha sighed. “I think of myself as a third-date kind of girl.”

  “Oh, come on!” said Amy. “You said it yourself, you’ve been hooking up with Zane for years.”

  When nothing but Taylor Swift’s voice filled the car for several moments, Maria yelled, “Holy shit. Are you still a virgin?” She and Amy shrieked with laugher.

  Sasha mumbled something unintelligible. For once, she wasn’t the first or best at something, and blotches of pink stained her cheeks. “Well, what about you guys?” she finally said. “Priya’s obviously still a virgin.”

  Priya crossed her arms and shot me a dirty look, like I was the one who made the jab.

  “Amber, have you and Robbie done it yet?” Sasha quickly switched focus to me.

  Now it was my turn to flush. “No.” Robbie and I had pretty epic make-out sessions, and had gotten close a couple times. But sneaking a quickie in the backseat of his SUV or in one of our bedrooms with parentals in the house didn’t seem particularly romantic, so I always pumped the brakes. I still wasn’t ready, and wanted to wait until the moment was right, and thankfully, he respected that.

  “And neither have you, Amy,” said Sasha.

  “Um.” Amy cocked her head. “You know I have.”

  “But you . . . you’ve never had sex with a boy,” said Sasha. “That makes you a virgin.”

  Lisa gave a huff and poked her cheek with her tongue, but didn’t say anything. Amy smacked Sasha’s seat. “Sex with girls counts, you fuckturnip.”

  “Don’t bother,” muttered Lisa.

  “Besides,” Amy went on, giving Lisa’s knee a reassuring squeeze, “sex with boys would be so boring. They don’t know where the important bits are—”

  “Can you not overshare right now?” Lisa swatted at Amy’s hand.

  “What?” Amy pouted. “They’re my best friends, I tell them everything.”

  Lisa crossed her arms. “Your best friends don’t think sex with girls counts.”

  Sasha sank back in her seat, nibbling on her thumbnail. Even in the dark, I could see her face was fully flushed now. Somehow, I didn’t think she meant what she said—she just didn’t know how to handle not winning at something. After an awkward stretch of silence, I piped up, “For what it’s worth, I think it counts.” But nobody said anything else until we arrived at Zane’s. I scrambled out from under Priya’s thighbone, shivering from the night chill, and followed the girls around Zane’s house.

  In the backyard, Zane’s dad tossed patties onto a grill while he and his mom dragged over heat lamps for us to huddle under. The moment Zane’s parents went inside, Sasha wasted no time—she dragged him over to a picnic table, planted herself on his lap, and initiated some very public displays of affection.

  “Oh, geez,” I muttered. I grabbed Priya’s arm. “Listen, Priya, I’m really sorry—” I started, but Robbie jogged over, interrupting us.

  “Where’s my victory kiss?” He wrapped me in a sweaty hug and kissed me. I shoved him back playfully.

  “Ew, you’re all sweaty.”

  “Well, that’s what happens when you hit a game-ending home run.”

  “You did?” I must have missed it. He released me, his expression unreadable, and my stomach clenched. “I mean, yeah, that was awesome! Great job!”

  “You didn’t see, did you?”

  Crap. “I’m so sorry . . . I had to c
ram for our physics exam during the game. I must’ve been really in the zone.”

  He kicked at the gravel, his jaw clenched. “Well, the scouts saw. That’s what matters.” Just then, Sasha giggled as Zane whispered something in her ear. Priya huffed and raced back toward Zane’s front lawn. Oh, no.

  I backed away from Robbie. “Listen, I’m really sorry. But Priya’s upset. I have to go talk to her.”

  “Fine, fine.”

  I ran after Priya, catching up to her on Zane’s driveway. “Priya!”

  She spun. “What the hell, Amber? Aren’t I your best friend? Or has she got me beat there, too?”

  “Of course you are—”

  “She reams me out in front of everyone.” She jabbed her finger toward the backyard, where Sasha was glomming onto Zane’s face. “And then yells at me like I’m a five-year-old, and you go comfort her?”

  “Wait—that’s what you’re upset about? This isn’t about Zane?”

  “No, this isn’t about a stupid boy.”

  “But . . . wait, so you’re not upset he’s with Sasha now?”

  “I mean, kind of? But I haven’t liked him for ages. It’s painfully obvious he doesn’t give a crap about me. He’d never like me back.”

  For ages? My brain scrambled to recall the last time Priya brought up Zane before our disastrous double date, the last time she babbled endlessly about him . . . it must have been months ago, and I hadn’t even noticed she’d stopped. “You’re the one who’s been trying to set us up,” Priya went on. “What were you thinking, anyway? You knew they were hooking up. Were you trying to get my hopes up?”

  “No! I’m so sorry. I didn’t—”

  “And what the hell’s up with you taking Sasha’s side at the game when I was the one getting shit on?”

  “Priya, I was trying to calm her down. You know, so she’d stop screaming at you. I told her to stop being such a bitch.”

  “Sure you did.”

  I blanched. “You don’t believe me?”

  “Maybe I don’t.” Her lower eyelids were rimmed with tears. “You two are besties now. You go to all her parties. You’re dating one of her best friends. You’re one of her best friends now. You’re in her circle.”

  “So are you!”

  Priya threw her arms out. “Are you blind? She hates me. She hates everything about me. She thinks I’m totally pathetic.”

  “That’s not true . . .” But Sasha did use that exact word. I brushed back my bangs. “She let you start doing stunt work.”

  “Yeah, because I stole a midterm for her.” Oh, God. That was true, too.

  “Can’t we all just—”

  “Just what? Get along? I tried that, Amber. Remember? I tried sucking up to her, just like you did.” A tear trickled down her cheek. “I wish . . . I wish we never tried to be friends with her. I wish none of this had ever happened. I wish she didn’t exist.”

  24 Minutes Left

  Sasha’s eyes flashed, tremors shook her arms, and her cheeks flushed—whether from heat or anger at Priya’s suggestion that she be the one to die, I couldn’t tell. “How could you say that?” she thundered. This had escalated faster than I’d imagined.

  “Because you’re a complete bitch.” Priya gripped the backrest of one of the chairs so hard her knuckles turned pearly white. “You’ll do anything to get your way—”

  “Oh my God,” said Sasha. “You’re so jealous of me, you want to get rid of me!” Diego slid another drawer into the middle of the misshapen platform, so the bomb was now hidden behind the mantel.

  “Oh, no,” said Priya. “This is not jealousy talking.”

  “Guys, stop it.” I rushed to Priya’s side and glared at Sasha. “Priya doesn’t really want anyone to die. It’s just this room . . . it’s making us all go crazy.”

  “How do you know?” Sasha asked.

  “Because I know her better than anyone else in this room,” I said, “and I’d be willing to bet my life on it.” Priya’s expression softened, but she still gripped the chair as though she depended on its support. “Listen, we still have”—I glanced at my watch—“about twenty-four minutes left. There’s still time. Let’s focus on stacking stuff in front of the fireplace.”

  Diego crossed his arms, shaking his head at the stack of drawers. “I really don’t think this is going to work.”

  “Maybe we should at least start talking about who to choose,” said Robbie, cringing as though disgusted he had to suggest it. “What if we do have to do this?”

  I shook my head, my heart racing so fast I thought I might have a heart attack. “But how can we decide something like this? How can we choose one of us to die?”

  He wiped a hand down his face. “I don’t know. But we don’t want to wait until the last minute to choose, do we?”

  “I still say it should be Scott,” said Sasha. I tilted my head. Her secret was already out. But then I remembered something Scott said earlier, before he almost passed out. He’d hinted that she’d used something he’d told her against him. And months ago, when I’d cornered him at Mike’s Diner, he said he had no choice whether to sell her drugs. What did he mean by that?

  “God, Sasha,” I said. “Why are you still so dead set on killing Scott?”

  Sasha crossed her arms. “Why do you think?”

  “What, the Ritalin thing?” I turned to Scott. “Or . . . is there something else?”

  Sasha folded her arms tighter, staring at the door. “There’s not.”

  “So you didn’t blackmail me?” said Scott, his nostrils flaring.

  We all stilled and gaped at Scott. The room went so silent I could almost hear the bomb ticking in the fireplace. Sasha pursed her lips and shook her head, the vein in her neck bulging again. “You liar.”

  “It’s not a lie, and you know it,” said Scott.

  “She blackmailed you?” I repeated. “How? What happened?”

  He rubbed his eyes. “None of this leaves this room, okay?”

  “Dude, we might not even leave this room,” said Robbie.

  “We won’t tell,” I assured Scott.

  “No—” Sasha started.

  “Shut up!” I yelled. She flinched.

  Scott took a deep breath. “Well, one day after detention, I was waiting for my dad to pick me up, but he didn’t show. No shock there. But Sasha walked by, and I really didn’t feel like walking home, so I asked her for a ride. Dumb move.” He shook his head. “So in the car, she acts all concerned, asking me what’s wrong. And she’s being all nice, giving me a ride, and I’m all vulnerable and shit, so I tell her what’s up. That my dad’s constantly high on meth or weed or whatever, so he’s out of work, and always forgetting to do stuff, like pick me up.

  “So Sasha’s like, ‘Have you tried getting him help?’ But my mom’s been dead for years, and if Dad went to rehab . . . what if Social Services found out? God knows what’d happen to me. I’d probably wind up in foster care.”

  “Wow,” said Diego.

  “I’m so sorry,” I said.

  “Yeah, I thought she was, too.” Scott glared at Sasha. “But a couple weeks later, she cornered me and asked if I could swipe some of my dad’s meth for her. I said, no way, and offered her weed instead, but she insisted on meth. She said I’d be doing him a favor, putting a dent in his stash. ‘Besides,’ she said, ‘don’t you need the money?’ I refused, and then she started going on about what a shame it’d be if he kept doing meth, and someone found out about it—”

  “I didn’t mean it like that!” Sasha finally interjected. “I wasn’t blackmailing you. I was just trying to help.”

  “Bullshit,” said Scott. “You were only trying to get what you wanted. I confided in you, and you used it against me.”

  “You’re wrong!” Sasha’s expression darkened. “You have no idea what you’re talking about.” I glanced at Priya, whose arms quivered as she gripped the chair next to me.

  “So that’s why you sold her the Ritalin, then,” I said to Scott. “So you�
��d be selling her something, and she’d keep her mouth shut.”

  “Exactly,” he said. “And now she wants to kill me over it.”

  “That’s not true!” said Sasha.

  “We’re not going to kill you,” I said to Scott.

  Sasha gave me an incredulous look. “He’s trying to twist my words around. I never meant it that way. He just wants to make me look bad to make sure one of us dies instead.”

  But I didn’t think Scott would make all of that up. I believed him. “What do you mean, ‘one of us’?” I asked Sasha.

  “Well, you know. Us. Our friends.” She pointed between me, Robbie, and herself. “But it can’t be one of us. It can’t be.” Robbie put a protective arm around me, like he agreed. Heat radiated from him, nearly suffocating me.

  Priya released the chair and took a step forward, balling her trembling hands into fists. “In case you haven’t noticed, you’re not in any sort of majority.” Sasha bunched her eyebrows, and a rock settled in my gut. “It’s three versus three, and I say it should be one of you to die.”

  Her words shattered my heart into more pieces than any bomb could. We’d been best friends all our lives, up until a couple of months ago. But it should be one of you to die looped in my ears as I stared at her, tears brimming my eyes.

  How had it come to this?

  But before I could say anything, before I could try to reason with someone who until recently had been like my sister, Priya’s eyes fluttered shut, and she collapsed in a heap.

  2 Months Ago

  DECEMBER OF SENIOR YEAR

  Priya never showed up to school today.

  I waited on her front stoop in the morning so we could drive in together as usual. I desperately needed her advice. Last night, Robbie told me he received a full scholarship to play on Georgia Tech’s baseball team. It was a big shock—he barely expected to get recruited, let alone a scholarship. But apparently they felt like they’d discovered a hidden gem. Robbie couldn’t be more thrilled—they’d churned out nearly a hundred MLB players, and he finally earned his dad’s respect. But after I finished jumping up and down with him, covering his face with kisses and congratulating him, he did the unthinkable.