Granted he'd never gone into detail about his own dreams; he'd simply supported her in hers. Rather her father's. His plan had always been simple—raise cattle and crops. And though his dream wasn't as grand as hers, it was solid, realistic and, given his past experience, entirely possible.
He recalled the exact moment he'd known he'd wanted to travel west again, this time to lay down solid roots—April 26, 1843.
In the spring of 1842 he'd grown tired of life as an ambling saddle tramp—a life that had grown tougher since breaking his leg the previous year—and decided to try living as a settled man. He'd bought thirty acres outside of Charlottesville, Virginia. The first month he'd put in corn and potatoes and planted a kitchen garden. Over the next few weeks he'd built a small, yet sturdy log cabin. The day he'd cut the hole for the front door had been bittersweet—the itch to move on already niggled.
Summer passed. He sold his crops with moderate success. Farming his plot grew increasingly tedious knowing thousands of acres were available for the taking out west.
Then he'd met Valerie.
While on a rare trip into town that fall, he'd happened upon the willowy blond. Her flawless appearance had drawn him to her at first; costly dresses and jewels were her daily attire and she took great care to maintain a flawless appearance. It had taken months of courting and more than a few baubles, but finally he'd seen a glimpse of warmth beneath her icy shell.
With their future life together in mind, he'd spent the end of winter trying to convince her of the opportunities available in Oregon Territory. Valerie typically listened to his reasoning without comment.
On April 26, 1843, he'd ridden out to her home, intending to discuss the matter again. Instead he'd found a note addressed to him pinned to her door. With a sinking heart, he'd broken the wax seal.
Jake,
Traveling across a barren land to spend a lifetime in a shoddy cabin is barbaric, and I want no part of such nonsense. It is obvious I want more from my life than you can give me. You needn't bother calling again.
Valerie
Furious with himself for pursuing such a worthless woman, Jake had returned home, stood on his front porch and surveyed his land; he couldn't leave fast enough. He'd hired on as Elijah's trail guide across the Oregon Trail two days later.
Now he had enough money to cultivate and manage all the acres the territory would grant. He could make a profit on crops next fall and then put it all toward a herd of fat cattle. Within three years, he'd be prosperous.
However, he couldn't imagine any of it without Kate by his side. As his wife.
He should have asked her already. He'd had plenty of opportunities. He could have asked after she'd saved his life by pulling him from the frigid Columbia River. He could have asked when he'd stood on the hillside over Oregon City, his mouth exploring the soft curves of her neck and then moving to linger over her lips, which had parted so seductively.
No, even after sharing a passionate kiss he'd found reasons not to ask.
The timing wasn't right. Asking her while in Theo's hotel would render the scoundrel a permanent reminder of the special day. He didn't have flowers. He didn't have a ring. He didn't have a finished doorway to carry her through after their wedding.
No more excuses. No more waiting. He loved her. He wanted to marry her. He was going to ask her. Right now.
"Kate, I wanted to ask…" He pulled his hat from his head and subtly shifted so his right knee rested on the ground. "Kate, I think that we…" He grimaced as he faltered again.
She studied him thoughtfully. "Jake, what's wrong?"
"Nothing. I've had something on my mind for a few weeks, and after what happened in the land claims office it's all the more important that I say this now."
His mouth had gone unexpectedly dry and he wished his canteen wasn't across the camp. Maybe he should start with letting Kate know her father had approved of him enough to ask that he take care of her after his death.
"Oregon Territory is an unsettled and dangerous land, and will be for the next few years. Or longer. Even after civilization takes a firm hold, there is no guarantee of your safety."
He forged ahead, wishing he'd planned this moment better. Why were his hands so sweaty?
"Your father knew of this, which is why moments before he died he asked for my word that I'd watch over you. He worried how you'd fare if you were alone, and so I promised to care for and protect you like he would have done."
Kate's unblinking stare made it difficult to gauge her feelings.
This wasn't going well. At this rate, he'd be better off just blurting out a proposal. After all, he had the rest of his life to tell her how he felt.
"Katherine Davis, will you ma—"
Kate held up her hand. "Wait."
Chapter Fifteen
Released
"Don't say another word." Kate focused on her trembling hand raised in the air between them. She had to look at something, anything, besides the man who'd just broken her heart. The man who, instead of professing his love for her, was only concerned with honoring her father's dying wish.
Certain conversations made sense now. And angered.
"Jake, the other night in the hotel room you said something that bothered me, but I couldn't figure out why. Until now. Until you tried to propose—not out of love, but out of loyalty to my father."
"That's not what—"
"Stop," she commanded. "Let me finish."
Muscles in Jake's neck stood out in cords and a vein in his temple throbbed, but he stayed silent and motioned for her to continue.
"In the hotel room, you said as my father lay dying his biggest concern was securing a promise from you to watch over me and Ben." She drew in a ragged breath in an attempt to calm herself, but the harsh and inevitable truth remained. "You're not asking me to be your wife out of love. You're asking out of duty."
Jake slowly shook his head. "Not true."
"It is true! Otherwise you wouldn't have waited so long." She stared at him as a sickening realization took hold. "Now that everything is going wrong, you want to swoop in on your white horse and play the part of valiant rescuer to helpless princess."
She'd been such a naive simpleton. Not only had she invited him to share her room in the hotel, she'd nearly thrown herself at him that same night. No wonder he'd rebuffed her attempt at a good night kiss. After all, why would he want her when there were so many other women available?
"Your father wouldn't want you to be alone, and neither do I. Kate, I want you in my life. Forever."
She crossed her arms across her chest. "No, what you mean is now that my deeds are problematic, you're stuck with me. Forever."
Eyes wide, he placed a steadying hand on the ground and shifted from bended knee back to a crouch. "What was agreed upon between your father and I has nothing to do with today."
"How flattering," she replied, her tone dripping in sarcasm. "You're sweeping me off my feet with your romantic words."
"I shouldn't need romantic words to convince you your ideas are pure foolishness." He snatched up his hat and set it in place with a firm tug. "I know what you're thinking with that deed; you'll ride around until you find an empty house and fallow land. However, even if the deed is real and you manage to settle in, there's no guarantee someone won't try to take the place from you—lawfully or by force. Face it, Kate. I'm your best option."
"What you're offering isn't a marriage I could ever consider." She couldn't, and wouldn't, have a marriage built on a misplaced obligation to her dead father. "I'd rather be alone."
"I just thought maybe one day you would…" He trailed off and bowed his head.
They both fell silent.
As Kate listened to the whispers of the fire's hot coals and the rhythmic clicks of their horses enjoying their grass dinner, she reconsidered her stance.
His proposal was a selfless act, and it wasn't his fault she fervently wished it had stemmed from love instead of honor. He'd tried to do the right thing,
which was admirable and deserved her understanding, not her anger.
"Jake, I release you from the promise you made my father." Kate took a deep breath and slid her hand over his forearm. "As for your proposal? Thank you for asking, but my answer is no. All my life I've been dependent upon others. Now's my chance to make it on my own, and I'm going to take it."
As much as Jake—and apparently her father—viewed her as vulnerable and helpless, she didn't need a caretaker. Hard times were definitely ahead, but if she made smart decisions and worked hard, she could succeed.
Before he could say another word, she crawled into her bedroll and turned toward the darkness.
Jake was right. She was a convincing liar.
Chapter Sixteen
Returning Empty-Handed
Sunday, November 12, 1843
They woke early, rode hard all day, and arrived into Oregon City just before midnight. Sunday and a steady rain kept the streets clear all the way to the livery, and exhaustion kept them quiet while they tended to the horses.
Gathering two of his saddlebags and one of Kate's, Jake led the way out of the livery and down the boardwalk. He stopped at the hotel's front door, tested the knob, then gave it a firm push.
After motioning Kate through the doorway, he followed her upstairs without a word. At her door, Kate removed a sealed envelope with her name that had been affixed to the wood just above the knob. Upon opening it, she produced a silver room key. Once inside they made short work of unpacking damp supplies and trading sodden clothes for dry ones.
Unbidden, Kate laid out blankets and a pillow on the floor, then collapsed across her bed. Jake, too weary to protest the invitation, blew out the lamp, then scooted across the wood planks until he felt the makeshift bedroll and fell promptly asleep.
****
Monday, November 13, 1843
Jake sat on a chair in the shadows of the hotel room, watching the morning sun spill in through the window and onto the bed where Kate still slept. Overnight her hair had worked free of its braided constraints, and now sprawled across the pillow in brown ribbons. Her blankets lay in a tangle around her waist, revealing a sleeveless cotton nightgown that strained against her full curves with each breath.
She was beautiful, even with tinges of blue below her eyelids. Obviously the trip had sapped her strength, and if it was up to him she'd spend the day in bed, relaxing.
But she'd made her choice, which left him with no say anymore.
He should leave. Now. After all he was ready, if not willing. He'd spent the last hour dressing and silently repacking his bags—bags now waiting by the door.
Kate, eyes shut tight, let out an alluring sigh, then rolled onto her side and tucked her hands, palms together, between the pillow and her cheek.
With a groan of pent-up longing, Jake shifted his position in the chair.
Stubborn woman.
He loved her still, yet hated the recent glimpses of what she'd been like the day they'd first met and their first few weeks on the trail. He also hated how she hadn't understood the intent behind his proposal. Yes, hindsight confirmed leading with the promise to her father hadn't been his shining moment, and yes, he'd phrased every part poorly, but his pride still stung at her refusal. A refusal which had unwittingly revealed her independent streak still ran deep.
However, since poking a bear had never been his idea of fun, he wasn't about to point out the countless flaws in her plan of making it on her own.
Five days.
Five days until the land office opened and Jake could make his own claim.
Five days of the town slowly flooding with men arriving from the outlying areas, eager to stake their name to a claim and seek trouble in the saloon while they waited.
"Good morning." She gave him a sleepy smile as she lifted her arms over her head, inadvertently distracting him as the thin cotton stretched taut across her chest.
"Good morning, Kate." He breathed a sigh of relief when she pulled her blanket up and around her shoulders.
"You're up early." Her brows furrowed in confusion as her gaze slowly traveled from his boot-clad feet up to his coat-clad chest, then moved to his saddlebags piled near the door. "You're leaving?"
He nodded, then rose.
"Oh," she murmured, slumping against the pine headboard.
"You made your choice. I have to go, Kate."
Swallowing back the emotions roiling within, Jake grabbed his saddlebags, slung them over his shoulder, and picked up his rifle. One glance at her sitting wide-eyed and forlorn made him seriously consider falling to his knees beside the bed and begging for her love.
Instead, he opened the door.
"When will I see you again?" she asked as he stepped into the hallway.
He turned, and for the first time that morning, he smiled. "Kate, I've never been a quitter, and I don't intend to start with you. You'll see me again soon. I guarantee it."
He winked just before pulling the door closed behind him.
Chapter Seventeen
A Hard Place to Fall
Jake walked down the hallway and reached the top of the staircase just as Clara stepped onto the landing.
"Hello," she said, her smile pleasant as she moved aside to allow him passage.
Jake took quick note of the hefty stack of linens kept firmly in place by her chin, a fresh pillow tucked beneath her arm, and her other arm curled around an empty water pitcher and bowl.
"Let me help you," he said, ignoring her startled expression as he leaned his rifle against the wall, dropped his saddlebags to the floor, and relieved her of the pillow, pitcher, and bowl. Balancing everything neatly against his chest, he grinned. "Where you headed?"
Clara matched his grin and nodded toward the nearest door. "Not too far."
With a sheepish shrug, Jake leaned against the wall and waited while she produced a ring of keys from her apron pocket and unlocked the door.
"You and Kate got in late last night," she said, stepping inside. "No wonder you both slept through breakfast."
Jake followed her into a room that matched the one he'd just left, minus any personal effects. He cringed in disgust at the boot heel marks on the rumpled bed sheets and dirtied towels strewn across the floor. Clara was a saint for tolerating such disrespect.
"This room unoccupied?" he asked, setting his borrowed burden on the nearest tabletop.
"As of this morning, yes." Clara eyed him, her expression both curious and wary. "Something wrong with the one you and Kate are sharing?"
"It seems I've overstayed my welcome in her room. I'd like this one, if it's available?"
Clara nodded. "Theodore handles payments, so you'll need to square it away with him first. I'll have it cleaned and ready by the time you return."
"Thank you, ma'am," Jake replied. After a friendly nod in her direction, he spun on his heel and went out the door. Once he'd retrieved his rifle and saddlebags, he headed down the stairs. He grimaced with each step, this time not from pain but at the thought of handing over his hard-earned money to Theo.
Unfortunately, he didn't have much choice. He could always buy a few supplies at the mercantile and hightail it out of town until the land office opened, but camping on someone else's land, even unintentionally, was inviting trouble. And not just from an irate landowner unwilling to bargain with a trespasser.
Two years ago he'd suffered a broken left leg and been plagued by pain ever since. Oregon winters were soggy, cold, and unpredictable. Sleeping outside on damp ground would only worsen his suffering. Until the land office opened and allowed him a claim, he was stuck in the hotel. And, given how his leg already ached, he'd likely remain until he'd built some sort of shelter, however primitive.
At least he'd be close to Kate.
He'd left her room, but had no intention of giving up on her completely. She'd cited his utter lack of romance when she'd declined his proposal; now was his chance to show her he was fully capable of sweeping her off her feet. And then some.
&
nbsp; Even if she truly wasn't interested, one thing was certain—though Kate had set him free of the promise he'd made her father, he had no intention of honoring her somber declaration.
Jake entered the hotel's lobby and found Theo sitting at his desk, pen in hand, frowning at two identical parchment papers lying side by side before him. When he saw Jake he quickly stacked the papers and pushed them into a drawer.
"Clara informed me the room at the end of the upper hallway is vacant. I'll take it."
Theo raised an eyebrow. "Trouble in paradise?"
Jake glared at him, but said nothing.
Theo—oblivious as always to looming danger—leaned back in his chair, laced his fingers behind his head, and smirked. "I recall some tough talk from you only four days ago. Something about how you'd rather sleep in a rainstorm than spend another night under my roof. And yet here you stand, wanting what only I can provide."
Jake waited, and fought the urge to relocate his rifle to a more meaningful position.
Eventually Theo lost their impromptu stare-down and lowered his gaze to a nearby ledger. He flipped it open, traced a long list across two pages, and then looked to Jake again.
"Yes, the room is available. Question is, can you afford it?"
Jake snorted. Leave it to Theo to ask for money from a man, yet at the same time insinuate payment was impossible. Mentally calculating what he'd paid for Kate's room per night, Jake dug into his pocket.
"I'll take the room for two weeks," he replied, tossing the required amount of coins onto the desk. Though rationally he knew there wasn't another option, he still hated seeing his money disappear into Theo's wall safe instead of going toward supplies and seeds for the next spring's crops.
Tainted Dreams Page 8
