An Enduring Love to Heal Her: A Historical Western Romance Book

by Lorelei Brogan

  She had rehearsed them too many times to forget. She and Lily hopped down and began to walk.

  “Are you going to tell me what this is about?”

  “Derek betrayed my trust. That’s all I can say.”

  Lily nodded as if she understood, even though Emilia was sure that she didn’t. But Emilia would explain it to her cousin later, when she had calmed down.

  When they reached the clearing, Emilia recognized George’s horse tied to the hitching post.

  They walked up to the cabin and knocked. It didn’t take long for the door to swing open.

  Derek was standing there. Normally, it would have made her heart beat a little faster or her hands feel a bit shaky, seeing him look at her with that worried expression, but not today.

  “I need to talk to you.” Emilia glanced between Derek and Lily.

  “Come in.”

  George pushed past him. “We’ll wait outside.”

  Emilia began to pace the parlor as soon as she was inside. “I can’t believe you.” Every carefully planned word left her brain and instead, raw feelings spilled out of her mouth.

  “I trusted you with my secret. I told you what it meant to me that you would keep it quiet, about my father. The entire town knows! I cared about you, like a friend, like more than a friend. How could you betray me like that?”

  “What are you talking about? Calm down, I didn’t tell anyone about your father.”

  Emilia drew in a deep breath and stared hard at Derek’s face. He looked sincere. He looked as if she could trust him, but could she? Who else could have done it?

  “What is going on? You need to slow down and talk to me. We will figure this out together.”

  Emilia took a few big breaths and managed to calm herself down a bit. “I went to town, and everyone started telling me how sorry they were about my father and stuff. Who could have done it, Derek? The only person I told was you.”

  Before Emilia knew what was happening, Derek had crossed the room and put his hands on her shoulders. “Look at me, Emilia.”

  Emilia reluctantly raised her eyes to look into his, and he continued, “No matter what you might be thinking right now, I promise you I did not tell a soul about our conversation. Maybe it was someone from your past who knew you.”

  Emilia fought the tears that started to stream down her cheeks. “I don’t know who could have done this. I want to believe you. I…” Emilia knew that she needed to say the other two words that were on her tongue, but she also knew that they might change everything.

  “I love you, and I don’t know if I could love you if you did something like that to me.” Her voice broke as she said the last words. She didn’t know when she’d realized it.

  Maybe it was when the postman had told her how sorry he was for her loss. Or maybe it had been on her way over here, but she had realized that this broke her heart—not so much because everyone knew her secret, but because of Derek’s betrayal.

  It hurt her more than anything to think that Derek might not feel the same way about her and might betray her trust in such a way.

  Derek was staring down at her with an unreadable expression.

  “I-I… don’t know what to say. What I do know is that you can be sure that I did not say a word.”

  Emilia was hit with both a wave of relief and of grief. She had told him that she loved him. Maybe she hadn’t known that for long and maybe she shouldn’t have said it out loud, but she had still expected something to be said on his part.

  That could only mean that he didn’t feel the same way about her. “Do you promise you didn’t tell anyone?”

  “I promise. Please believe me.”

  Emilia nodded. She believed him, but now there was something worse between them: his rejection. He hadn’t said he loved her back.

  She took a step toward the door. “I should go. I’m sorry. I’m sorry for barging in like that and accusing you.” With each word Emilia said, she felt more self-conscious and more in a hurry to leave.

  She felt so silly, so terribly dumb and naïve. How could she have thought that someone like Derek was interested in her?

  He must have a huge number of young ladies in town telling him that they cared about him. She was just one of many.

  The sound of sprinkling sounded on the roof of the cabin. “Emilia, stay. You and Lily should stay for a bit and we’ll take you home when it stops raining.”

  “No, we should go now. I actually need to get back.”

  “Emilia, just… let’s talk for a bit.”

  “No. I don’t think we need to. I found out what I came here to find out.” This time, Emilia was fighting tears over a different type of betrayal.

  She stumbled back to the door of the cabin and hurried outside. She wiped any remaining tears from her cheeks before she made it to where George and Lily were having a deep conversation.

  “Lily, we should go.”

  Her cousin looked uncertain for a moment until she looked at Emilia’s face. “Okay, are you all right?”

  Emilia nodded, but inside, her heart was breaking into a million pieces.

  She tucked her arm into Lily’s as they turned and hurried down the ranch’s path. She ignored Derek, who called out her name. She needed to walk away before she didn’t have a bit of pride left.

  Chapter 23

  Lily peeked in on Emilia one more time. She wasn’t sure exactly what had happened at Derek’s ranch, but she knew it was bad. When they’d gotten home, Emilia had said she needed to rest and had gone and laid down. When Lily had gone in later, she had been asleep.

  Lily tucked the bundle of letters she was reading under her arm and retreated quietly to the parlor.

  She was excited about the next letter. In the one before it, her aunt had asked when they would be having a child. The timing lined up. She couldn’t wait to read about herself when she was a baby.

  Lily opened the next letter in order of date. She imagined what it must have been like for her mother, writing this person that she had never met all the time. She wondered why her father hadn’t written his sister instead of her mother.

  She unfolded the old paper and began to read.

  Dear Carolyn,

  I can’t believe what you’ve done. You can’t expect to love that baby like your own child. Why won’t you just wait? I know that there must be an orphanage who will take her.

  I’m not saying that I won’t accept it. I am just begging you to reconsider. The girl will always feel out of place. If you’re lucky, she will be more white than black. At least her mother wasn’t a full negro.

  The child will be teased. Surely you know this.

  My dear sister-in-law, all that I ask is that you consider your future children. What will they think of having a sibling who looks so different… one who is not a real part of your family?

  I will let you think on this. If you do choose to keep the poor thing, I agree, Lily is a beautiful name.

  With respect,

  Maggie

  The enthralled excitement of reading these correspondences that Lily had felt just a moment before crashed down on her in waves.

  She read the last line of the letter one more time. It couldn’t be true, could it?

  “Lily? What are you reading?” Her mother’s voice interrupted her bubble of time that seemed to have stopped.

  “I-I was reading these letters… They were in your chest that you said I could look through to find the samplers that we were going to make together.”

  Lily saw the recognition dawn on her mother’s face and she knew that what the letter had said was true.

  This wasn’t her mother. Eddy and Eli weren’t her brothers. She didn’t belong to the Carson family at all.

  “Oh, Lily. Don’t believe a word that her letter says. I should have thrown it out ages ago.”

  “What are you talking about? Is this true? I’m not… I’m not really your daughter?”

  “Don’t say such a thing! Of course, you are my daughter, I rai
sed you from the day you were born, and I love you as much as or more than I would have a daughter of my own.”

  Lily felt as if she couldn’t breathe. Her heartbeat seemed to fill her ears with a roar. “Why? Why would you lie? Where is my real mother?”

  Anger and pain flashed in Carolyn’s eyes at Lily’s words. “I am your real mother. The woman who might have been your mother died the night you were born. Your father and I raised you as our own because you would have gone to an orphanage otherwise. And I have always loved you.”

  “What about my father? Did I have a different father besides Pa?”

  “You did. Your mother said he died, leaving her a widow. I don’t know what happened to your father. Some people said he lived in Shade Hollow, but no one is sure.”

  “No one knows? Someone had to have known my parents.”

  “There were people in town who might have met them. I don’t really know. I let the past fade away and raised you the best I could. We both loved you, as much as any parent loves their children.”

  Lily felt so many emotions washing over her that she didn’t know what to do. She felt as if she was going to explode. “I need to think about this.”

  “Lily, please don’t be upset. I would have told you, but I thought it would only make you feel more different, more upset.”

  “Of course, I feel different. I have been teased about being the maid, or not being part of this family all of my life. I always stood up for myself. I feel so foolish now. They were right all along.”

  “They were not right. You were never anything less because you were not born into this family.” Her mother stood and reached for her, but Lily took a step back.

  She didn’t dislike her mother. In fact, she was quite certain she still loved her immensely, but right now, she just needed a moment.

  Lily rushed back to the room she shared with Emilia. She felt relief when she saw Emilia was sitting up and wasn’t sleeping anymore.

  She sat down beside her cousin and the tears began to flow. She wasn’t sure exactly why she was crying; she just knew that she was confused and sad. Why hadn’t her parents told her the truth?

  If only she’d known for all those years, maybe it wouldn’t hurt so badly.

  “What’s wrong?” Emilia asked, hugging her close.

  Lily shook her head and leaned into Emilia. Earlier, Emilia hadn’t been able to explain what upset her so much, and right now, Lily couldn’t explain, either.

  She just needed to cry and for Emilia to understand. She was grateful to have her cousin right now. She wasn’t sure that anyone else would be able to comfort her.

  What was she going to do? How could she have grown up with the wrong family all these years and never realized it? Could she find her real family?

  The words from the letter haunted her and the possibilities tempted her. The urge to find out who her real family was filled with curiosity.

  Maybe her father had died, but maybe he still had family in the town where her parents used to live.

  If she could find someone from her real father’s family, maybe they could tell her about her parents.

  She knew that her parents were dead, but she wanted to know their stories. She wanted to know who she was, and where she really came from.

  ---*---

  “You know, even if you are adopted, you are still family. You are still my cousin. I don’t think that Aunt Carolyn sees you as anything other than her real daughter, either,” Emilia said kindly. “Being family is more than just being related by blood, you know.”

  Lily nodded and sniffled. “I know, but it feels like my whole life was a lie.”

  “It wasn’t a lie. You had a mother and a father who loved you. You have a mother and two brothers who think the world of you. All of that is true.”

  Lily wiped her eyes and turned to face Emilia. She wasn’t sure whether to think of her as her cousin or not anymore. So much had changed in the last couple of hours.

  “I just…”

  “I know things must feel confusing right now, but just try to think of how Aunt Carolyn feels. She probably didn’t want to tell you because she was afraid this was how you would react.”

  “I don’t want to feel this way, I really don’t. I just don’t know what to think, or where I am supposed to go from here. Do you think she’ll want me to find them?”

  “Who?”

  “People who knew my parents or my parents’ family. They could tell me who my parents were, what kind of people they were. Wouldn’t you want to know, if you were in my situation?”

  “I don’t know that I would. I mean, don’t you love the family that you have? Maybe, if you find out something about your first family, you won’t like what you find.”

  Lily knew that Emilia was right, but she also was curious. She had so many questions. Why had her father died? Why hadn’t a relative adopted her?

  “What should I do, Emilia? I don’t know if I could live without finding out who they are. I mean, my parents’ family, aren’t they my family, too? Maybe they would like to know who I am.”

  “Whatever you chose to do, I will support you. That’s what friends are for. I just hope that you know what you’re doing.”

  Lily nodded and wiped the tears from her face. “Thank you. I think I am going to get some rest now.”

  Emilia smiled at her and gave her a quick hug. “I hope you feel better soon. Things will work themselves out, you’ll see.”

  Lily laid down on her bed and stared up at the ceiling. She wished she could go back to the morning and not have looked inside those chests to find those letters.

  How could such a perfectly good day turn sour so quickly? Would George think the same way about her if he knew she wasn’t her mother’s daughter? What did George think of her, anyways? Every time they ran into each other, they had lovely conversations, and sometimes he said things that made Lily think that he cared for her more than a friend.

  But other times, he acted as if he didn’t notice her more than any other girl around town. Lily sighed. She had never felt the way she did about George before. But she couldn’t risk not knowing the truth about her family. She hoped that he would think of her the way that Emilia did.

  She didn’t know what she had to do yet, but she was going to figure it out. Already, a plan was forming in her mind. She had the information her mother gave her. She knew who the older people in town were.

  She was going to find some answers. She needed to find out who her first family was. She imagined her mother, passing away right after she had given birth.

  She could imagine that her birth mother would have been devastated. She must have known that she was leaving her baby in the world to fend for herself.

  Lily was grateful to Carolyn for everything she had done. She loved the life she had grown up in. But, she needed to know where she came from, what her roots were.

  She had seen the negros around. Some of them had been slaves on ranches in the past. Some people hated the negros, and others welcomed them and worked in harmony with them. Lily wondered what her life would have been like if her parents hadn’t died.