A Sweet Mess

by Jayci Lee

  Lucien’s expression darkened as though remembering the pain he’d put them through, but the momentary cloud lifted when his eyes met her shining ones. “I know. You also know who I love.”

  They’re so much in love.

  Even through her anguish, Aubrey was thrilled about their engagement. They were wonderful people, and they deserved each other. She couldn’t cast a shadow over their happiness. With dogged determination, she pulled herself together and wrapped Aria in a tight hug.

  “Congratulations.” It meant so much to Aubrey that her friend didn’t have to hurt anymore. “I’m so very happy for you.”

  “What’s wrong?” Concern returned to Aria’s eyes. “Where’s Landon?”

  “Everything’s fine. I think he went to run some errands.”

  “You’re so pale, darling. Are you sure everything’s okay?”

  “Honestly, I’m stressing out a bit about returning to Weldon and facing all the work I have waiting for me.” Aubrey managed a sheepish smile. “But that’s being ungrateful. Thanks to you and Landon, I’ll be able to finish renovations to the new location and open Comfort Zone again. I really am very lucky.”

  “I can’t believe you’re already going back. I’ll miss you so much.” Aria squeezed her hand. “But I have a feeling we’ll be seeing each other soon to celebrate your engagement to Landon. He’s crazy about you, you know.”

  Not enough to want a future with me. The calm façade Aubrey had put on began to crack at her friend’s well-meaning words. They needed to leave before she fell apart.

  “Come visit me in Weldon.” Aubrey hurriedly stood. “I’ll let Landon know you came by. Congratulations again.”

  After hugging Aria and Lucien, she gently sent them on their way. Even after she closed the door behind them, she didn’t shed a single tear. She felt as though her soul had dried up.

  * * *

  Landon was grateful that his mind remained a clean slate, unfettered by thoughts or feelings. Even his breathing grew slower, subtler, like his body understood his need to play possum. The pain he was keeping at bay was too much for him to let in, so he just drove calmly and competently without a destination. Stop and go. Left and right.

  He hadn’t realized it was already dark until his headlights came on. Then he saw without really noticing that the scenery looked familiar. His subconscious had led him back to the villa. Back to Aubrey.

  There was no more hiding from it. Dragging in a ragged breath, Landon placed his head on the steering wheel. He couldn’t get the image of Aubrey’s face out of his mind, determination and heartbreak mingling with her unshed tears.

  He should’ve stayed and talked to her. Whether he’d meant to or not, he’d hurt her. Strangers had scorned and judged her because of who he was. He’d had to distance himself from the rumors to protect their reputations and careers, but he’d also done it to protect her. He realized this was only the beginning. Gossip and rumors could get very ugly, very fast. If he didn’t deny their relationship, she could’ve been hurt more deeply.

  Without warning, she’d become his dream. He wanted her to be his and only his. Every time he touched her, made love to her, he wanted more. He wanted—no, needed to know her, and he was desperate for her to know him. All of him. Despite everything, he wanted to hold on to her.

  No. His hands wrapped tightly around the steering wheel, turning his knuckles nearly blue. If he held on to her, she would become another person he could fail. And lose.

  He’d been daydreaming when he’d thought he could have her. He’d been willing to risk his reputation, security, and his duty to his family to have her. More egregiously, he’d been willing to risk her reputation and dream to keep her by his side. He’d allowed his selfishness and recklessness to taint his decisions. No more. He refused to be like his father. Landon couldn’t go public about his relationship with her. He couldn’t put everything Aubrey had fought so hard for in jeopardy just so he could hold on to her.

  He couldn’t bear causing her pain, but more than that, he was afraid. That was his reality. He had to walk away. Pushing himself wearily out of the car, Landon walked to the front door. He could’ve spent the night at the schoolhouse if he’d wanted, but he’d come back to the villa. Until now, he hadn’t known he was a glutton for pain. His lips twisted into a bitter mockery of a smile.

  With agitated stabs of his finger, he punched in the security code and let himself in. It was dark and silent inside as though it were unoccupied, and his stomach clenched with panic. Landon scanned the foyer and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Aubrey’s canvas backpack resting by the entryway.

  That morning, he’d had a taste of what it would be like to lose Aubrey. A part of his soul had cracked. But by some miracle, the dream hadn’t fully taken root in his consciousness. He could still survive this as long as it ended now.

  20

  Aubrey heard Landon drive up to the villa and took a bracing breath. A few hours after Aria and Lucien had left, she’d finally snapped out of her stupor and began thinking very, very hard.

  This couldn’t be the end. No matter what had happened that morning, she would fight for him. Her plan to confess her love had only been delayed, not derailed. She needed to apologize for flying off the handle earlier and tell him how much she loved him. Whatever held him back, she had to try to convince him to give them a chance.

  Praying for courage, Aubrey took out the handblown glass bottle she’d gotten in Cambria and filled it with moonstones. With her hands shaking, she buried the first of the pregnancy tests deep inside and pushed the stopper closed. She walked to his room with fine tremors crawling down her spine and knocked. As she waited, she held on to the glass bottle for strength.

  He opened the door and looked blankly at her as though he didn’t even recognize her.

  “Landon.”

  “Yes,” he said stoically, not bothering to move back from the doorway. He hadn’t turned the lights on in his bedroom. The only thing illuminating the hallway was the faint glow of her bedside lamp seeping out of her door. No matter how hard she searched, she couldn’t see the expression in his eyes, and fear dug its sharp claws into her a little deeper. Suddenly realizing she’d been gripping the glass bottle with all her strength, she stuck it out to Landon.

  “Here.”

  When he just stared down at the bottle in her extended hand, she was certain he wouldn’t take it and almost lost the little hope she’d had. But Landon slowly raised his hand and took it from her, and Aubrey sighed with relief.

  “I got it from the glassworks store in Cambria and filled it with the stones we gathered that morning.”

  “I can see that.”

  “I wanted to thank you for that wonderful trip. I’ll never forget it.” She fought on doggedly despite the lack of encouragement. “That bottle means the world to me, and I hope it’ll mean as much to you—”

  “Aubrey,” he interrupted. “What are you doing?”

  Cut off in the middle of her practiced speech, Aubrey froze and blinked at him. When his question finally penetrated her brain, she told him the truth.

  “I love you.”

  His eyes snapped up to hers, and she felt the intensity of his gaze even in the dark hallway. Then his face became a hard mask. “Don’t.”

  “Landon, please listen.” Tears clogged her throat. Stark fear slithered down her back, and she realized she’d never felt real fear before. Not like this.

  “This morning, you handed down an ultimatum. You ordered me to choose between you and my career.” She couldn’t tell whether the tremor in his voice came from fear or anger. “There is no reason why we can’t see each other in secret. For the good of our careers, it doesn’t make sense to flaunt our relationship publicly.”

  “But I—” Panic thumped in her chest like in “The Tell-Tale Heart.”

  “I refuse to be manipulated. My career, my life, and my future are not inconsequential.”

  “I never meant to imply they aren’t importa
nt. I meant quite the opposite. I love you, and I want to be with you. Forever. But I can’t be with you in secret. I don’t want to hide anymore. I can’t live believing that the person I love is ashamed of me. Not again.”

  Something akin to anguish and desolation flitted across his face, but it faded in a second. “My career isn’t only about me. I have responsibilities and duties to my family. The same responsibilities I would have for you, your career, and your happiness if we were together.”

  “I know it isn’t going to be easy, but we could do it together. I want us to build a life together. Something real and lasting.” Aubrey gripped his hand in both of hers as tears fell endlessly down her cheeks. She couldn’t tell him about the baby yet. She didn’t want to trap him into staying with her. Prey on his sense of responsibility and his drive to set things right. But she wanted him to know what they could have together. “We could build a family of our own.”

  “It’s wishful thinking—as far removed from reality as a fairy tale.” His harsh expression was cut in stone, and the bitter certainty of his words drove the point home.

  “Please, Landon.” Aubrey dropped his hand and retreated a step. “Don’t do this.”

  “I have no choice.” His voice was thick with emotion, and his eyes were almost pleading. “We have no choice.”

  Aubrey couldn’t remember how she’d gotten back in her room, but there she was. She’d given up and walked away from Landon. But she’d fought for their love with everything she had. Right now, she felt as though she were being ripped apart strip by strip, but she would be proud of herself someday. She had no regrets.

  She couldn’t tell him about the baby. She couldn’t trap him in a relationship he no longer wanted. Even if he chose to be with her, she would always know he’d stayed for the baby. She’d know he didn’t love her. She could never live like that again.

  She let her tears flow silently. There was no holding them back. It hurt so much. Landon didn’t love her. He wasn’t willing to give them a chance. The anguish threatened to overwhelm her until she wished it would consume her.

  Aubrey sat on her bed until she was certain she could form comprehensible words. Then she reached for her phone and dialed.

  “Bree? What time is it?” Tara’s voice sounded croaky from sleep. Ribbit-ribbit. Aubrey felt hysterical laughter bubbling to the surface and quickly clamped down on it. If she lost it, she would never make it out of Bosque Verde.

  “Almost three in the morning, I think.” Aubrey was surprised that her voice sounded almost casual. “I need you to come take me home.”

  “Send me the address. I’ll be there in three hours, tops,” her best friend said without a moment’s pause.

  Aubrey placed her phone on the nightstand and lay down, hugging a pillow to her chest. She wasn’t sure if she’d slept or not. When she was aware of her surroundings, almost two hours had passed. She had to pack. Her limbs didn’t move properly, but she somehow placed two packed bags by her bedroom door.

  As promised, Tara texted from the driveway in two and a half hours.

  Aubrey stood and quickly scanned the room to make sure she hadn’t forgotten anything. Then, pulling her suitcases behind her, she walked out to the hallway and stopped in front of Landon’s door. It would be easier for her to sneak out, but she had to see him one last time. No matter how much it hurt, she didn’t regret a single moment with him. He’d saved her from her solitary confinement. She’d lost him, but her love would always stay with her.

  It was barely six, but she knew he’d be awake. When she knocked quietly, he opened his door as though he’d been waiting for her. He was still wearing the same clothes from last night, and the shadows under his eyes told her he hadn’t slept. The eyes that searched her face looked almost wild, and when his gaze fell on her suitcases, blood drained from his face.

  “I didn’t want to leave without saying good-bye this time.” Her words reverberated in her head like the echo of a gong. Don’t you dare cry in front of him. “Tara’s here to take me home.”

  Landon stepped out into the hallway, moving jerkily like a broken toy soldier. Taking the suitcases from her, he started down the stairs without a word. As soon as he had his back to her, she swallowed the painful lump in her throat and blinked her burning eyes. When she had her emotions in check, Aubrey followed him down.

  At the foyer, he stopped and placed her bags on the ground. Then he turned his head away, his throat working frantically. She needed to leave now. She was seconds away from falling apart in front of him. As broken as she felt, she wanted to retain some of her dignity. She hurriedly grabbed her suitcases and headed for the front door.

  “Good-bye, Landon.”

  Before she could take more than a couple of steps, Landon spun her around and pressed his lips against hers. He tasted like salt and sorrow. She stood still, refusing to respond to his kiss until he stepped back, his arms falling to his sides. His eyes searched her face frantically. For what, she didn’t know and couldn’t care. She turned her back to him and walked away. She couldn’t bear to stay another second.

  Tara stepped out of her car as Aubrey neared it and enveloped her in a tight hug. Then she tucked her into the passenger seat and stowed her luggage in the back. Once she settled in the driver’s seat, Tara turned to Aubrey and handed her a box of tissues.

  “Let’s take you home.”

  * * *

  It felt as though he’d been on his back staring at the ceiling for days. There was a hairline crack by the ceiling fan, and Landon thought he should let Lucien know. This place was much too new to have any cracks. His friend should hunt down his contractor.

  At first, Landon thought he was hearing his pounding headache bouncing off the walls. But he heard two pairs of feet hurrying up the stairs and realized it must’ve been them knocking on the front door. Aria and Lucien looked down at him from either side of his bed, so Landon closed his eyes to shut them out.

  “He looks like death.” Landon cringed at the sound of Aria’s voice. She might as well take a hammer to his head.

  “He’d better not die in my villa.” At least Lucien whispered.

  Aria perched on the side of his bed. “Landon, sweetheart. Where’s Aubrey?”

  Resigned to the fact he couldn’t will them away, he tried to answer the question. Maybe that would get rid of them. Tragically, he couldn’t get the words past his parched throat. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had water. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d done anything.

  “Could you bring up a cup of water for him?” Aria asked Lucien.

  Landon knew he couldn’t keep his eyes closed when Lucien and Aria tugged on his arms to get him sitting upright, so he opened them to glare at Aria. Unfazed, Aria put the cup to his lips.

  “Drink.”

  Glaring made him tired, so Landon closed his eyes again and tried to lie back down.

  “Drink this water. Or, so help me God, I’ll throw it on your face.” Aria shook his arm sharply and shoved the cup into his hand.

  Aria didn’t make empty threats, and Landon didn’t feel like changing out of a wet T-shirt. He grudgingly drank one sip, then gulped down the rest of the water, realizing how thirsty he was.

  “She’s gone.” His voice was nothing more than a hoarse whisper despite the water.

  “What?” Aria’s voice rose an octave, and Landon clutched his head, cursing under his breath. “She didn’t even say good-bye. What did you do?”

  “Darling, maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it right now.” Lucien rested his hand on her arm.

  “It doesn’t matter. She’s gone.” Landon wished he could return to his fascinating study of the bedroom ceiling. “There’s nothing to talk about. Now or later.”

  “It doesn’t matter?” Aria said with some heat. “You disappear for two days and we find you here looking like death, and you have the gall to tell us that it doesn’t matter? If I were your mother, I’d box your ears right now.”

  “I’m j
ust trying to survive,” Landon clarified. It’s been two days. Only two days. He recalled assiduously emptying all the wine in the villa to dull the pain in his chest, but for the life of him, he couldn’t get himself drunk. He couldn’t hide from the pain. She was gone. God, she was gone.

  When he made to collapse back into bed, Aria slapped him sharply on his shoulder. “Don’t you dare lie back down. What in God’s name prompted you to let her go if you were going to fall apart like this?”

  “She overheard me talking to Stan about the rumors going around,” Landon said.

  Aria squinted in confusion. “What rumors?”

  “The one where the crew decided I hired Aubrey after my review because she was sleeping with me.”

  “Mio dio,” Aria breathed, then she slapped her thigh and stood up bristling with temper. “Don’t they realize they’re talking about real, flesh-and-blood human beings?”

  “I told Stan she meant nothing to me and asked him to kill the rumor.” He felt quite detached from it all. “And Aubrey heard me.”

  “What did she say?” she asked incredulously.

  “She wanted to know if I’d meant what I said. I told her I had to say what I did to protect both of our reputations. Restoring Comfort Zone and her reputation was the end game from the beginning. We couldn’t risk discovery.” Landon pinched the bridged of his nose and squeezed her eyes shut. “She said she didn’t want to be my secret anymore. She wanted to go public and weather the storm together.”

  “And?”

  “I told her it was impossible, so she left.”

  “How could she have stayed after that? She wanted a life with you. What were you thinking?”

  “Please, shut up. You’re not helping.”

  “You need to hear this,” Lucien said firmly. “I almost lost Aria because of my stubbornness until you talked some sense into me. Aria and I want to repay the debt.”