The Vows We Break

by Briana Cole

  I nodded. She was right. I knew it. I just hated to admit it, because it was looking like everything was getting worse and not better.

  “Kimmy.” Adria’s voice was filled with compassion as she touched my hand. “I’m for real. Don’t put us through that shit again. You almost died and so did Jamaal. This is serious.”

  I nodded. “I know. I’m going to take care of it.”

  I still couldn’t call the police. Not yet. But there was someone else who could get that bitch on a leash. Leo.

  * * *

  Jahmad startled me awake, pulling me from my nightmare. I lifted my head from the side of the bed and looked around, trying to remember what had happened. The beeps and whirrs of the machine hummed like a soft melody as Jamaal lay sleeping, his tiny body seeming to disappear in the hospital gown. But he was breathing. That’s all that mattered to me. His color had come back, the familiar brown complexion making him look like a tiny china doll in the crisp, white sheets. I sighed in relief, not wanting to remember the stark images that played in my dreams. Images of my child with Tina, her vindictive laugh as she held my son tighter and tighter until he had lost consciousness. I blinked until the vision faded away.

  “How is he doing?” Jahmad whispered.

  I sighed, grateful. “He’s fine,” I said. Remembering, I suddenly glanced around, noticing the room was empty with the exception of us. “Where is Adria?”

  “She left with Keon when we got back.” Jahmad set the bag down and took a seat beside me. For a moment we just sat in silence, both of us lost in our own thoughts watching Jamaal sleep. Interesting how we had shared the same moment only days earlier, but the difference was he had been in his crib in his nursery, safe. And we weren’t afraid then.

  I broke the silence first. “Did you find anything at the house?” I asked, afraid of his answer.

  “No. Nothing.”

  Confused, I looked at his profile in the darkened room. “Not even the teddy bear? It was on the floor with all the stuffing. You couldn’t miss it.”

  Jahmad shook his head. “I didn’t see that.”

  My mind tried to process the information. It didn’t make sense. None of it made sense. I shuddered to think someone had been in our house, but that was the only logical explanation. Of course there had been a teddy bear there. I wasn’t imagining things, and what more proof did I need than my son lying here in a hospital bed from choking on a piece of it? But where was it? Had Tina come back and taken it? Was this her fucked-up idea of some kind of sick mind game? That was certainly what she was known for, but why now? She clearly saw I had moved on and wanted no part of her husband. What was her end game?

  Jahmad must have been thinking my thoughts exactly, because he spoke up and said, “As soon as we get out of here we are going to the police.”

  I did not respond, just continued staring at my son’s sleeping figure. I knew he was right, and that was what I was afraid of.

  I waited patiently for Jahmad to go to sleep, and when it finally looked like he dozed off, I grabbed my phone and snuck from the room. The reception was horrible on this floor so I took the elevator down to the hospital entrance and dialed Leo’s number.

  Of course, I did not expect him to pick up, especially on the first ring. But his voice came through the speaker as if he had been waiting for me to call. “My love,” he greeted. “What a welcome surprise to hear from you. I’ve missed you.”

  “We need to talk,” I said, his pleasant demeanor almost making me angry. Here my son was laid up in a hospital bed because of his wife and he had the nerve to act like this was some sort of courtesy call. Like two old friends getting together for drinks. The bastard. “Where is Tina?”

  Leo paused as if shocked or confused by the question. “What do you mean?”

  I rolled my eyes. “What do you mean ‘what do I mean’? You’re the last one that saw her before you told me she was out of the way and I wouldn’t have to worry about her again, remember? Well, now I’ve seen her at my dad’s church, and she was in my damn house.” I conveniently left out the part about Jamaal. No need to add all that and overcomplicate an already complicated situation. “I think your bitch is stalking me,” I went on. “And I’m telling you she needs to back off or I will go to the police and press charges.”

  “Okay, my love. I understand, but it’s not that simple.”

  “And why is that?”

  “We need to talk in person,” he said quickly. “I will text you an address, and we can meet tomorrow.”

  “No,” I snapped. “There is nothing—”

  “My love, just hear me out. There are some things you need to know that I can’t say over the phone.”

  I started to object again but heard the text message notification in my ear. It was Jahmad asking where I was. I quickly typed back that I had come out to get some air and was on my way back up. Then I put the phone back to my ear. “Fine,” I agreed. “Text me and we’ll meet tomorrow.” I thought for a moment, then added, “Don’t bullshit me, Leo. I’m not about to play these games with you and Tina. I’m not y’all’s wife anymore.” And with that, I hung up the phone and hurried back up to Jamaal’s room.

  Chapter 15

  Tears stung my eyelids as they placed my son in my arms. He was grinning, looking and reaching for my face as if nothing had happened. And that was how I wanted to act: as if nothing had happened. I didn’t want to harp on the what-ifs, because Lord knows I had beat myself up enough lingering on those, one scaring me more than anything. What if Tyree hadn’t called when he had and woken me up? I would have slept on while my baby lay dying. The dreaded thought had me holding on to Jamaal just a little longer, just a little tighter, inhaling a little deeper the fresh baby soap scent that clung to his skin.

  “Mommy missed you,” I murmured. I kissed his still-damp hair, creating little soft ringlets that made him look more like a baby doll, before placing him carefully in his car seat carrier.

  I half listened to the doctor about Jamaal’s discharge instructions and follow-up care, partially because Jahmad was taking it all in like he was studying for an exam, but mainly because I was thinking about meeting up with Leo later.

  He had texted me, sure enough. He wanted to meet at the Decatur downtown district; why I didn’t know. So now my mind was flipping through all sorts of lies and excuses I could use to get away from Jahmad without looking suspicious. And I prayed he wouldn’t hold to his suggestion we go to the police. Not yet.

  Leo’s words from yesterday echoed in my head, and I couldn’t help but wonder what was so important that he needed to tell me in person.

  “Ms. Davis?”

  I turned at the voice, throwing a warm smile at the doctor when I realized he had been addressing me. It was obvious my mind was everywhere but here. “Take care of my little man,” he repeated. “Next time I see him let it be at his first birthday party.”

  I nodded. “Absolutely, doctor, and thank you so much for everything.”

  I let Jahmad take the carrier from my hand and lead the way down the hall. He had something to say for sure. I could tell from his demeanor, from the brisk strides he took that seemed to maneuver him across the floor in half the time, even the tight grip he had on the carrier’s handle.

  We waited at the elevator, and I turned to him, resting my hand on his arm. “What is it?”

  He shrugged off the contact. “Nothing.”

  “No secrets, no lies, remember?” I tossed his phrase in his face as I followed him onto the elevator.

  “Maybe you need to start taking your own advice.”

  Shit. My mind went into overdrive, playing through the past few hours. What had happened? Had he found out about my meeting with Leo?

  “And what is that supposed to mean?”

  Jahmad didn’t respond, just kept walking to my car. I waited while he secured the baby’s car seat in the backseat before I spoke again. “Jahmad, what the hell is supposed to be your problem now?”

  He didn’
t answer but glanced to his phone when it rang, piercing the tension between us. I crossed my arms over my chest.

  “Oh, who is that? Your precious little CeeCee?” I snapped.

  He faced me now, and my eyes widened. What little bit of rising anger I had was snatched clean and replaced with fear by the pure rage I saw across his face. But underneath that was something else. Hurt, raw and jagged.

  “Jahmad—”

  “Follow me to the house,” he said. And with that, he turned and walked across the parking lot in the direction of his truck.

  My heart quickened. Yeah, he must have found out about Leo, I deduced. How? I didn’t know, and at this point it really didn’t even matter. What mattered was: how was I going to explain my deception?

  I felt like I was driving down death row. Hell, even the cars I passed felt like the passenger’s eyes were on me, tsk-tsking at the “dead bitch driving.”

  By the time I pulled up behind Jahmad in the driveway, I still hadn’t come any closer to a logical rationale for me not telling him about Leo. None other than the truth in that I was scared it would make him question my fidelity. And I sure as hell couldn’t admit that because, no matter how true it was, I knew he wouldn’t believe me. Even still, there was nothing else I could say.

  As I parked my truck, I spotted Jahmad’s neighbor, Patti, stooped over a collection of manicured bushes, her short frame bent as she stood starring at the shrubbery, a brimmed hat shielding her warm face from the spill of sun. Her shih tzu, Pokie, sniffed eagerly through the grass at her ankles, stopping every so often to lift a bark of attention to his distracted owner. I watched as Patti pushed up the sleeves of her sweat-stained blouse and shook her head.

  Jahmad had already disappeared inside, and I took my time getting JayJay out of the truck.

  “Morning, Kimmy,” Patti greeted, her rich southern accent hanging like honeysuckle on each syllable. “Oh, you got that baby. Let me see him.”

  She didn’t wait for a response, just crossed the yard and peeked into the carrier in my arms. “My, my, he’s certainly getting big, isn’t he?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  Patti’s smiled faded as she glanced to Jahmad’s house. “I saw the ambulance and police out here the other day. Everything okay?”

  Not wanting to rehash the situation, I simply nodded. “Yes, ma’am. Everything is fine. Looking for something?”

  “Snakes,” Patti replied on a defeated sigh. “Or possums or something. For days now the flowers over there”—she pointed to a small garden on the bit of lawn dividing her and Jahmad’s properties—“have been trampled on.”

  I eyed where she was pointing. “What do you mean?”

  “Like flat. Like some cat or something is stepping on ’em. I probably just need to call someone to come out here and spray or set some kind of trap.” A few more of Pokie’s anxious barks and I couldn’t resist leaning over to scratch between his ears. His appreciative licks slapped wet streams of saliva against my wrist.

  I took my time trying to digest what Patti was saying about the flower garden. Something about that didn’t sit right with me. And considering what had happened and my conclusion that someone had to have been in Jahmad’s house, well, that certainly had me riding high on all kinds of paranoia.

  “Ms. Patti, have you noticed something around the house?” I asked, readjusting Jamaal’s car seat. “Like, I don’t know. Someone coming around more?”

  She frowned. “Like when y’all are gone? Nothing out of the ordinary, I suppose. But I can certainly keep a lookout if you want me to.”

  I shook my head and plastered on a polite smile. “No, that’s okay. Since you’re talking about the flowers being trampled, just had me curious.”

  Patti murmured in agreement, pulled off the brimmed hat to wipe the sweat pearled on her forehead. The gesture had her silver ringlets spilling from their neat perch to brush each shoulder. She stooped to scoop up Pokie, who was amusing himself by biting and growling at my shoelace. “It’s those damn possums,” she said, shaking her head. “Or raccoons, cats, or something. But anyway, let me get back inside. You call if you need anything, you hear? Don’t you be afraid to call me.” She looked at me with a sternness that reminded me of my mama.

  I nodded with a smile before turning to walk toward the door. Just to make sure, I did pause to take a closer look at the flower garden Patti had indicated. Sure enough, the flowers were flattened, and there were even slight impressions of something in the soil. Of what, I couldn’t make out.

  I heard Jahmad in the kitchen when I stepped inside. Damn, he hadn’t even bothered to grab the carrier and help me with the baby this time. But I knew whatever ice I was on, it was thin as hell, so rather than call him on it, I just headed up the stairs.

  For a brief moment, I had a little post-traumatic stress entering the baby’s room. My eyes immediately landed on the empty carpet, expecting to see the torn teddy bear. But Jahmad was right, there was nothing. And by the look of the open closet, he had gone searching for it, which did make me feel just a little better. It meant he believed me. Which also meant he too figured someone must have been in the house.

  I set Jamaal’s carrier down and did my own little mini search of the room to put my fears at ease. I peeked in the empty closet, then dropped to my knees and checked under the crib, half expecting to see Tina’s crazy ass hiding in the shadows.

  Even after checking around, something about putting my son back in the crib where I’d found him near death left me uneasy. Plus, he had fallen asleep, his head bobbing against the cushions of his seat. So I picked him up and carried him back downstairs and placed his carrier on the dining room table.

  I caught Jahmad rummaging through mail while sipping what looked to be Hennessy at the kitchen counter. He spared me an absent glance.

  “You not laying him down?” he said.

  “He’s fine.”

  I caught sight of something on the back door. “You got a new lock?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Why?”

  “Because the other one was broken.”

  He didn’t have to say anything else for me to put two and two together. Teddy bear or no teddy bear, it was more than clear Tina had broken in and tried to harm my child. Which meant she had started World War III.

  “We’re getting a security system,” I said. “And new locks on—”

  “Kimera, what is this?” Jahmad interrupted, holding up a sheet of paper.

  I frowned, more from his off-the-wall question in the middle of our discussion than the actual junk mail he was holding out to me. Still, I stepped closer and took the paper from his hand.

  It was as if time stood still, painfully still. As the light-headed feeling clouded my brain, I wished like hell I could rewind time. Before the baby’s accident, before CeeCee’s pop-up visit, before the fire. Before all that shit. And maybe then I would’ve gone with my first instinct about ripping up that damn paternity test Leo had sent me as opposed to stuffing it in a purse in the nursery closet. The one that said that Leo was Jamaal’s father. He must have found it when he was searching Jamaal’s room for that damn bear like I had asked him to.

  The paper slipped from my limp fingers and fluttered to my feet, resting faceup to display the results like an engraving: 99.6 percent. I was already shaking my head to deny the results, but more so to deny what I knew Jahmad must be thinking of me and Jamaal.

  “It’s not true,” I whispered, my voice trembling over the words. When he remained quiet, I rushed on, seizing the opportunity to explain. “Someone sent this to me, but there’s no way they could have tested Jamaal. That’s how I know it’s not real.”

  “Who would have faked some paternity test results, Kimera? And why?”

  I was sobbing then, feeling like the walls were closing in on me. One lie after another and now I was strangling on them. I hadn’t noticed when Jahmad pushed another stack across the counter so hard that they slipped off and fell to the floor in front of m
e. “You say that shit is fake? What about those? Are they fake too?”

  I shut my eyes against the couple of checks Leo had sent for child support. Usually I would just deposit them into Jamaal’s little savings account, but I guess I had been so stuck on stupid, just asking to be caught with my hand in the cookie jar, because these last two checks I hadn’t bothered to deposit. Not yet, anyway.

  “Who’s writing you checks, Kimera?” Either fueled by his anger or the liquor or a combination of both, Jahmad was yelling now. “Or is that Tina too? I guess Tina is burning down your store, breaking and entering, trying to choke Jamaal, leaving teddy bears, and sending you money too. Is that it?”

  I sighed. Frankly that did sound absurd as hell. “That’s not what I’m saying—”

  “Get your lying ass out of my house.”

  “Jahmad, you don’t understand. Leo—”

  I stopped short when Jahmad took the glass and hurled it across the room, the shattering startling a scream from my lips as well as Jamaal’s. Instantly, the baby’s cry filled the air, vocalizing exactly how I felt.

  Jahmad didn’t seem to care. He snatched the keys from the counter and stormed out, slamming the front door so hard the walls shook with the impact. I wanted to crumble to my knees, but I forced my trembling legs to move, stumbling to the door and yelling his name over the baby’s wails though I knew it was useless.

  I opened the door as Jahmad wheeled his truck through the lawn, his tires digging mud trails into the grass in an effort to get around my car, which was blocking the driveway. He tore up the street, and I watched him disappear, and this time, no matter how I tried to deny it, this time I knew it was for good.

  Chapter 16

  I heard the knock, loud and clear, but I still didn’t bother to answer. This early in the morning, it could only be one of my parents on the other side of the door, and I figured maybe if I pretended to be asleep they would go away.

  I really wasn’t in the mood for conversation now. They hadn’t bothered asking me questions when I showed up at their house last week, bag and baby in hand.