The Answer Is Simple- Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit!

by Sonia Choquette

  You are so cute/handsome.

  You are great.

  At the same time make a list of kind words you can say to your Spirit, such as:

  I am glad that you are present.

  I hope that you are comfortable.

  Thank you for your grace.

  It is so wonderful to feel your grace.

  I love you.

  Type up this list and post it prominently in your field of vision. Turn it into a screen saver on your computer. Print it out and put it on your dashboard. Place a copy in your wallet. Stick it on every mirror in the house so that each time you look at yourself you have kind words for yourself. You can even call your cell phone and leave your list as a message.

  To view yourself, and especially your body, with criticism is very physically damaging. Ancient cultures and Eastern belief systems recognized this and even created amulets to ward off “the evil eye.”

  In the name of self-love and love for your body, don’t cast the evil eye—or as children rightfully call it, “the stink eye”—onto your body . . . ever. Shower light, love, and affection onto it instead. Speak kindly to your body if for no other reason than because it’s basic manners to treat a friend with respect.

  Another way to honor your physical self is to take care of it. Twenty-five years ago my mother gave my father the gift of a Cadillac Seville for their silver wedding anniversary. She knew that he wanted one and had saved for it for years. It was a beautiful, grand car and more glamorous than any he’d ever owned before. He treasured that vehicle: He washed and buffed it weekly. He changed the oil religiously, swept it out, covered the seats with protective covers, and most of all, spoke to and of it with appreciation. He cherished his gift and took great and loving care of it. Consequently, it drove and drove and drove. Outside of regular maintenance, the car never needed a thing—it ran like a dream.

  I’m not suggesting that our human bodies are literally cars, but I do know that if we gave them half the care we tend to give other things, like our automobiles, we might succeed in feeling good in our own skin.

  Start with the basics. All human bodies need lots of water, grains, greens, and protein. It’s also a known fact that they’re healthier if fed an alkaline diet, which consists of grains, greens, and nonanimal proteins. So to keep yours running well, eat more alkaline foods than acidic ones. To find out which are which, go on the Internet and search for “alkaline foods” and “acidic foods.” If you primarily eat from the alkaline list, you’ll feel better than if you don’t.

  Next, move a little. Movement makes the body happy, and a happy body helps feed a happy Spirit. Stand up, stretch, bend, walk, and wiggle. Move every hour or two, if only a little. It keeps the engine of the heart, lungs, and digestive system running well.

  People ask me all the time how to get their weight or health under control. The answer is simple: Listen to your body (which is much easier to do if you speak nicely to it), and respect how you feel. Notice how your choices affect your physical being—not just in the moment, but in a few hours, or the next day. Make the ones that allow your body to feel good.

  For example, I notice that even though I enjoy French bread and cheese, if I eat more than a little, I get very congested and can’t breathe well soon after. When this happens, I don’t sleep as soundly and don’t feel good the next day. So I listen to my body and eat bread and cheese sparingly.

  My husband loves a nice glass of wine or a beer, but his body doesn’t. It leaves him feeling moody, unmotivated, and tired. He listened to this and stopped drinking because he didn’t feel good afterward.

  To listen to your body and respect how it feels is a powerful act of self-love. But be careful not to impose your own do’s and don’ts on others. What is self-loving for your body isn’t the same for all bodies.

  Last year I was visiting my parents in Denver, and we decided to go out to eat. After dinner, the waiter came over and offered dessert, specifically the house specialty: warm chocolate cake with vanilla ice cream and caramel sauce.

  My mother listened intently, then said, “My goodness, that sounds delicious, and I’m sure it is. But I love myself, and I know that if I eat it, I won’t feel good later, so I’m going to say no and pass.”

  The waiter, surprised by her self-loving comment, said, “Well, who can argue with that? Okay.”

  Just then my dad piped up: “I love myself, too, so I’m going to say yes!” Then we all laughed out loud.

  While the waiter set off to bring the dessert, I thought about what they both said. It was true that sweets didn’t agree with my mom, who tends to be hypoglycemic, but they rarely if ever bothered my father. They both made the right choice. When the dessert came, I—who am learning to love myself better—said, “I love myself, too,” and took only three bites. We all went home self-lovingly satisfied.

  When well cared for and cherished, your body becomes your best intuitive feedback system. It can warn you of danger through a gut feeling, the hair on the back of your neck standing up, or chills running up and down your arms. It can also register excitement through warmth in your throat, butterflies in your stomach, or lightness of heart. It’s your best intuitive guide and will steadfastly get you beyond where you’re going and toward the best possible circumstances at all times.

  The more we love and care for our bodies, the more in tune we become with them.

  STEP 3

  Know Your Spirit

  Simple Lesson: Know Your Spirit

  This step focuses on helping you better recognize how Spirit expresses itself through your individual personality. The practice that follows instills in you your Divine right to be happy and will stop your ego from robbing you of joy. As you embrace this new awareness, you’ll no longer wait for happiness to find you—you’ll choose it and will draw healthy and protective boundaries around your Spirit and your natural joy.

  Not only is it important to create an appropriate atmosphere in which your Spirit can reside, it’s also important to become familiar with your Spirit itself. Notice the nature of yours in particular and what it likes . . . or better yet, loves.

  When I ask my students or clients to tell me about their Spirit and what it’s like and what it loves, I receive many blank stares and looks of confusion. “I don’t know what my Spirit is like,” I hear. “I’ve never thought about it before.” And more explicitly, “What lets me know what my Spirit is like, let alone what it loves? I have no idea!”

  Never fear—to discover what your Spirit is like is simple. It’s the part of you that is light, happy, creative, and kind . . . the part of you that’s present, lives in the moment, and laughs easily. It’s the aspect of your nature that’s tolerant, forgiving, easygoing, and confident. It is also the side of you that’s enthusiastic and generous. Don’t panic if you can’t find or feel your Spirit within these descriptions. Even if your Spirit is hiding from you, as long as you’re alive, so is it.

  To identify your Spirit, know that in addition to these universal qualities, every Spirit possesses unique personal attributes as well. Some are feisty and rambunctious—I know mine is. Others—like my older daughter’s or my father’s, for example—are calmer, more laid-back, and subdued.

  Some Spirits are grounded and practical and patient. These Spirits are earthy in temperament. Others are sensitive and empathic and compassionate—they’re watery. Some Spirits are talkative, quick on their feet, and fiercely energetic. These are fiery Spirits. And some are wise—they take the long view and see the Big Picture. They are airy Spirits. From hearing these descriptions, are you able to better discern what kind of temperament your Spirit has?

  This may be the first time you’ve considered this question, but once you begin to ponder it, your Spirit will reveal itself to you more and more.

  To help you recognize and get to know your Spirit more intimately, look over the following short list of other typical Spirit characteristics to see which ones you can relate to:

  —If you are an earthy Sp
irit, you tend to be:

  Solid

  Consistent

  Grounded

  Calm

  Slow to react

  Patient

  Affectionate

  —If you are a watery Spirit, you tend to be:

  Sensitive

  Compassionate

  Empathic

  Emotional

  Nurturing

  Encouraging

  Moody

  —If you are a fiery Spirit, you tend to be:

  Expressive

  Assertive

  Reactive

  Decisive

  Impulsive

  Confident

  Communicative

  —If you are an airy Spirit, you tend to be:

  Global in perspective

  Objective

  Curious

  Resourceful

  Inventive

  These, of course, are very generic descriptions, and it’s not unusual for a Spirit to have some combination of the preceding characteristics—that is, you can be both a watery and an earthy Spirit at the same time. As Divine Beings, we draw from all aspects of conscious expression and often blend our Divine traits.

  Another way to deeply appreciate and understand your Spirit is to identify what you love. What engages you so completely that you step away from all sense of time and space and simply enjoy the now? What thrills, delights, consumes, mesmerizes, and moves you? The answers to these questions tell you a lot about your Spirit. Write your responses down. Make a quick list of all the things you love and you’ll get a solid sense of your unique Spirit and how it best wants to express itself.

  For example, I love to travel—especially to exotic cities such as Marrakech, Jaipur, and Cairo. While there, I feel timeless, fascinated by the beauty and mystery these places hold.

  I also love to shop, not necessarily to buy, but rather to fill my senses with all the creativity and invention I see in the various stores. I love the color, lighting, texture, smell, and taste of beautiful things. I can shop all day and not get even a bit tired.

  I love to cuddle in bed with my (now-grown) daughters and watch reruns of our favorite TV shows while painting our toenails and sharing stories during commercials. No matter how tired I am after a busy day, I can spend hours sharing and laughing with my daughters before I even have the slightest desire to drift off to sleep.

  I love biking with my husband, Patrick, and trying to keep up with him as he tears through the forest preserve near our home in Chicago. I love how my heart beats so fast that I think it’s going to pop out of my chest as I ride, and the high I feel after we’re done. I can ride for hours without getting tired, even if I’m exhausted when I start out.

  Every time I open a workshop, I ask my students to share with each other what they love as a way to beckon their Spirits to wake up. No matter how subdued the group may be when we begin, in five short minutes the room is abuzz with energy and vitality as everyone describes what they love. I hear bursts of laughter and shared enthusiasm among strangers within seconds. The Spirit is not only your source of joy; sharing its loves is a source of joy for all. Every time I teach, I’m amazed by how quickly a roomful of shy, withholding people transforms into a group of what feels like old friends by simply announcing what their Spirits love.

  Try it and you’ll see what I mean. Take a sheet of paper, right now if possible, and begin. The less you think and the more quickly you write, the better. Jot down everything you love. Give this exercise no more than five minutes at the most. Anything more than that and your ego takes over. Then study your list. It will give you great insight into your Spirit’s unique temperament and energy.

  Here’s a sample list:

  I love . . .

  Family

  Rock music

  Dancing

  Fresh flowers

  Beautiful dresses

  Great shoes

  Dinner parties

  Good pillows

  Passports

  French bread and cheese

  Paris, travel, and friends

  Telling stories

  Singing

  Teaching

  Praying

  Sleeping

  Laughing

  Of course, your list may not cite all that you love, but it jump-starts a relatively good and clear beginning. The above lists some of my core loves, which are the food and fuel of my Spirit—the things that strengthen and feed my authentic self. If I engage or connect with the items on this list, I feel instantly happy and peaceful, which tells me that I’m connected to my Spirit and Divine mind. I can also tell by the list that I’m a fiery, airy Spirit who loves comfort, adventure, and inspiring others.

  Now look over your list. It will reveal intriguing insights to you as well. Once it’s written out, run it by a good friend and ask the other person if there’s anything you’ve overlooked. Then run it by a family member or someone who has known you your entire life. After you read it to these people, inquire whether they can think of anything else that you love that you may have forgotten. Ask if they can think of anything that’s quintessentially you at your best. In doing so, you ask close, personal intimates to highlight an aspect of your Spirit that you perhaps overlook or don’t readily acknowledge.

  For example, upon hearing my list, my husband immediately reminded me that I love to solve problems quickly and that I take great joy in doing so. This was indeed a love of my Spirit’s that I’d overlooked. And both my daughters, after hearing my list, immediately reminded me that I absolutely love to write, something I totally neglected to include. In fact, writing is a favorite rejuvenating activity, and I completely forgot this about my Spirit.

  If you’re questioning your path, your truth, and your purpose, begin your exploration with the list you just made. It’s the perfect place to find answers and direction because it reflects the authentic you in action.

  For example, I just returned from teaching a workshop in San Francisco, where a young woman shared with me that she had no idea what her purpose in life was and felt she was wasting it working as a secretary for a large advertising agency. After I asked her to review what she loved as a way to connect to her purpose, she mentioned that she grew up in Kansas and loved animals. In particular, she loved horses more than anything on Earth. She delighted in riding them, grooming them, competing on them, training them, and anything else that had to do with them. She especially felt that they were healing for her Spirit, and she realized that she missed these animals very much.

  As we conversed, she also said that she loved teaching and working with young girls—especially those who came from broken homes—something she’d done when she was in college. She’d even been a “Big Sister” to several young girls over the years, and it had brought her great joy. Continuing to explore, she then remembered that she loved being in nature and had often thought of leaving San Francisco and moving to a more rural area.

  By the time she’d finished exploring her loves, she realized that what called her Spirit was working with horses and perhaps finding a way to help adolescent girls build their confidence by learning to ride, which she could teach them to do. She actually decided right then and there that she would move to Lake Tahoe and begin working with horses in the winter. By the time we finished speaking, her Spirit had taken over in full force. The light was in her eyes, the fire burned in her belly, and the clarity to do what she loved took over her mind. I’m not sure if she’ll follow through or not, but I do know that she left feeling completely connected to her Spirit, and happier for it!

  I spoke with another student in the workshop who had been a scientific researcher for more than 20 years. When asked what she loved, she said, “Children.” When I encouraged her to elaborate, she realized that she loved to teach and spend time with kids and often dreamed of creating her own Montessori school. As she spoke, she also came to the conclusion that being a scientific researcher, although something she was good at, wasn’t what her Spirit loved at all. Rather,
it was something she pursued to please her highly ambitious father. She was extremely bored and uninspired in her present job and dreaded going to work each day. Her Spirit felt isolated and disconnected from all she loved, and she could no longer bear it. Even her father’s approval, which her ego felt that it needed, wasn’t enough to make her choice worthwhile.

  Once she reconnected to her Spirit, she was moved to make a change in the direction it called her to. She left, promising herself that she was going to follow her Spirit and engage in what she really wanted to do. She declared, “I’m going to start my school. The very thought of this makes me happy and inspired. I’m not afraid.” When she announced this, the entire class erupted in applause. When one person follows his or her Spirit, it gives us all permission to do the same. As there is only one Spirit, so one person’s liberation from fear and ego is everyone else’s as well.

  The more you give your Spirit what it loves, the stronger and more embodied it becomes; and the more embodied it becomes, the less lost and out of control you feel. A well-nurtured, fully embodied Spirit quiets your nervous, insecure, self-sabotaging, fearful ego mind completely and moves you toward what makes you happy and fills you with light. You stop worrying, and like dominos falling in place, you find yourself on a path toward fulfilling your most authentic self.

  The more you know your Spirit and allow it to move you in the direction of what you love, the more quickly you enter into a comfortable and grounded pattern of ease and confidence. You don’t have to think about your purpose because you’ll be flowing with it.

  Nurture the desire to know your Spirit. Pay attention to the things that speak to your heart. Follow those clues and you’ll travel directly toward what you seek in life . . . always.

  You may have temporary relapses of ego and drift away from your Spirit, getting caught up in the traps of negativity and insecurity, but try not to worry about it. Simply engage in one thing your Spirit loves every day and you’ll get back on track.