The Answer Is Simple- Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit!

by Sonia Choquette

  I reminded her that while it was wonderful to be with her parents, doing so took work, and I suggested that she allow herself some alone time to regenerate after each visit. I also proposed that she ask for nurturing from other family members, perhaps in the form of a foot rub or a few minutes undisturbed for a bubble bath when she returned home, to help her refuel her Spirit. At first she thought that these suggestions were excessive and self-indulgent, as the ego so often does. She felt them to be a little “touchy-feely” for her self-image and rejected the idea on the spot. Yet after repeated arguments and petty clashes following her parental outings, she rethought the suggestion and gave it a try.

  She became more sensitive to her Spirit; asked her family to go out to dinner on the nights she was with her mother and father; and came home to a quiet house, a warm bubble bath, and an early bedtime. With these choices, the drain and conflicts ended.

  Attending to her parents started to be the loving experience she desired, and her family enjoyed being supportive by giving her a little space to be alone afterward. She discovered the power of rest and rejuvenation and no longer felt guilty about it. The results were simply too positive to deny. Her Spirit was grateful, and her life improved all around.

  The key to keeping your Spirit in balance is to recognize the need for rest and rejuvenation every day and not to approach it with an “if necessary” attitude. Rather, plan your energetic recuperation in advance as part of a self-loving way of life, and look forward to your quiet time. It’s good for your Spirit, and it’s good for others’, too. As you love and live your Spirit, others will see that it’s important as well.

  The other night my daughter came home from her fourth highly successful (according to her), very hot date in only four nights with a new guy, only to accidentally touch her bare calf to the tailpipe of his motorcycle as she was getting off of it. (Yes, she was on a motorcycle; and no, I didn’t approve—but that’s another story.)

  She received a fairly bad burn on her leg and had to go to a lot of trouble to care for it and prevent it from becoming infected. Not surprisingly from an energetic perspective, this mishap created a pause in her dating tempo with the guy. Her burn also resulted in a lot of love and fussing over her on the part of her doting, protective family (us) and gave her a solid excuse to slow future dates with this guy to a more manageable pace.

  The not-so-minor burn counterbalanced the “hot date” and helped her re-center herself. Of course, all of this was on an unconscious level and not planned . . . yet the Spirit does find ways to take care of itself. I’m not suggesting that burning her leg was an intentional act of self-love. But underneath the “accident,” I’m sure that there was a need for her Spirit to recuperate the vast amounts of energy she’d expended on this new guy in a short time, and the incident provided a convenient way to do that. Although painful, her burn did inadvertently help rebalance her energy and bring her back to self. She slowed down, they switched from dates on his motorcycle to ones in a borrowed car, and the slower pace was clearly more comfortable for my daughter, as I could tell by her behavior.

  I know that this may seem like a stretch to people not accustomed to examining life on an energetic level, as I do, but if you stop and objectively look over your own life experiences, I’m certain that you, too, will notice your own Spirit’s unconscious attempts to rebalance your energy when you’re overextended. It can show up in something as coincidental as getting a cold and becoming bedridden after helping your best friend move all weekend; hurting your back after working a 100-hour workweek; or, as I’ve been known to do, going on a shopping spree that’s hard to control after a particularly rigorous schedule of workshops.

  My point is, the soul does try to refresh your Spirit’s energy for you in some way. Rather than reach a crisis point that requires dramatic intervention on your Spirit’s part, it’s so much more self-aware and self-loving of you to give yourself full freedom and permission to recuperate consciously—and plan to do so in advance. Then your recovery is pain free, and self-love remains intact.

  Simple Practice: Meditate

  If you were in the middle of a very hot, dry desert and became extremely thirsty, would you hesitate to stop and drink if you were near an oasis? Of course not—in fact, you probably would want to stay near that oasis and have water every day. I know I would.

  Well, that’s what meditating is like for the Spirit: It’s a cool, refreshing drink at the wellspring of life, available to anyone, anywhere, anytime they’re willing to take their attention off of the scorching intensity of being part of the human ego condition.

  Meditation is refreshment, replenishment, and rejuvenation for the Spirit—and it’s a vacation for the ego and body as well. When you meditate, your Spirit checks in with God, your Creator, Who is the source for the fulfillment of all your needs.

  The beauty of meditation is that there’s no one right way to do it; there’s simply your way. The ego mind discourages you from meditating by having you believe that it’s a near-impossible yogi-like feat that’s only legitimate if you can silence your brain to the point of becoming nearly unconscious.

  How appealing is that? Not very, which is why this is such an effective ploy to keep you from trying it. Your Spirit knows better. Meditation is simply a walk with God. You enter it through your imagination, and once there, you can accompany the Divine anywhere you want. You can walk with God along a pristine sandy beach at sunrise; through a green, earthy forest and into a magical glen; to a gorgeous mountain peak overlooking an ancient valley; or to a distant star. Or you can simply invite God to join you in a fireside chat in your den if you aren’t up for wandering too far.

  As you walk with God, imagine that you’re talking with Him. Tell your Creator all that troubles your heart. Unload everything, as God knows all anyway, so there’s no need to hold back or hide. Take your time as you unburden yourself. Breathe gently in and out as you share your concerns, enjoying the walk as you confess your troubles. Then, after you’ve emptied your heart and there are no more words for the moment, continue the walk with God in silence. Or, if you’re enjoying a fireside chat, once you’re through revealing your burdens, just watch the fire with God. Enjoy the silence and the scenery. Relish being close and connected to God. As you walk, imagine that your Creator is lovingly embracing you. Imagine being hugged by God.

  It’s possible that God may break the silence and advise you while on your meditative walk, but then again, He may simply love you instead. Be okay with whatever unfolds. Just enjoy being in God’s loving vibration and healing presence.

  Walk as long as you want, and when your Spirit is full of God’s presence, return with God to the door of your imagination. Thank your Creator for His presence and love, and step back through the door and into the present time.

  That’s it. You’ve meditated. See, it’s simple.

  Some days you’ll walk longer with God than others. Just be certain to go for a walk or meet with God every day, because it restores and energizes your Spirit. If you go to the door of your imagination to meditate regularly, especially at a specific time, God will know when you’re coming to see Him and will be waiting to welcome you with an open, loving embrace the moment you cross the threshold.

  Treasure your time in God’s presence. Protect it and don’t allow your ego to distract you or steal away this time by making excuses; over booking your schedule; letting the outside world come first; or getting sidetracked by TV, the phone, or your computer. It would be as debilitating to lose time with God as it would be to allow a scoundrel to lead you away from the oasis back to the dry desert with no sustenance.

  If you’re still uncertain about meditation and worry about your success, quiet your ego by easing into it. Go for a short imaginary walk with God around your own block or neighborhood. You can venture further in God’s company as you become more comfortable. Just remember to keep it simple. The point is to connect with your source . . . to drink at the oasis of Divine love in a dry des
ert of ego concerns.

  INTERLUDE

  The Heart of the Matter

  The Heart of the Matter

  Here, at the heart of the book, we’re taking a break from the lessons and practice of self-love and authentic Spirited living, and focusing on how to fully engage the heart. Love is broken down into four basic expressions of true Spirit, corresponding to the four chambers of the heart: the open heart, the clear heart, the wise heart, and the courageous heart. In this section, you’ll learn how you can remove any obstacles to experiencing the deepest level of love for your Divine Spirit and thereby gain inner peace.

  Have an Open Heart

  To love yourself and live your Spirit, you must have a heart that’s open. When you do, you’re receptive to the love and goodness of God and life. You see, feel, and attract the positive in the world. You connect with the Spirit of life rather than its drama.

  You can’t experience love of any sort, of self or otherwise, if your heart isn’t open—for it’s only the open heart that allows you to receive, feel, and experience love of God, life, and others. As a Divine Being, you—and everyone else—are born with the open heart of the sweet, undefended child. It’s the heart that expects life to be a positive, wonderful experience.

  The open heart looks forward to life. It delights in experience and enjoys the wonders and gifts of being alive. This heart smells the flowers of life, drinks its milk shakes, and plays on its playground. The open heart sees, feels, and absorbs the beauty of the world.

  If your heart is closed, you cut yourself off from all the goodness of life. In this state, you won’t be able to connect with your Spirit, nor will you be able to enjoy beauty or music or laughter or love. If your heart is closed, you can’t feel or experience any of the sweetness that life offers, and you become isolated in your ego.

  A friend of mine described having a closed heart as being like a window-shopper looking at the fantastic beauty of life through plate glass: You may be able to see it, but you can’t touch it or experience it for yourself. You’re locked out.

  As I said, we all start out in life with an open heart and a direct connection to our Source, the Holy Divine Mother/Father God. Sadly, we soon begin to experience human ego confusion—such as anger, judgment, and disapproval—which makes us disconnect from our Spirit and close our hearts. This results in pain, disappointment, and injury . . . which in turn causes our egos to panic, closing our hearts even more. We become caught in a vicious cycle of misery.

  Through the eyes of the ego, there will always be a million and one reasons for closing your heart. Yet the minute you do so, you disconnect from your Source, which is Divine love. To close your heart for whatever reason is like plucking a flower from the garden and putting it in a drawer. No matter how your ego justifies this act, you deny yourself all love and nurturing from God, life, and others, which you need to grow. Essentially you sentence your Spirit to a slow death.

  That’s why keeping your heart open is among the most important—and perhaps most challenging—of all decisions you can make to love yourself and live your Spirit. You must maintain an open heart in order to stay in a close and receptive relationship with all that nurtures and supports your Spirit, no matter what disappointments come. Only an open heart assures that life’s gifts will keep flowing toward you. Only an open heart sustains your soul in every way.

  To maintain this state of being, you only have to make one simple decision: Expect good things. When you do, you claim your right, as a Divine and beloved child of God, to be beautifully provided for and nourished throughout life no matter what unfolds. When you expect good things, you attract them. This is the natural Divine plan.

  My brother Anthony has had his fair share of challenges in life, some very painful, yet he remains openhearted and always expects good things to come his way.

  One day around lunchtime as he was sitting on his front porch with his girlfriend, she turned to him and said, “I’m hungry,” and suggested that they get a hamburger from the local burger joint. Not at all interested in her suggestion, he declined, saying, “I’m not in the mood for another burger. I’m in the mood for something delicious, with real flavor and spice.”

  He had no more gotten the words out of his mouth when they both noticed a young man dressed in a chef’s coat and hat walking toward them carrying a covered platter in his hands. Smiling, my brother asked, “What have you got there?”

  The young man returned his smile, and explained that he was a student at the local culinary school that had just opened a block away. The platter he carried was a new dish he’d just invented that day. My ever-curious (and perpetually hungry) brother then asked, “What is it?”

  “It’s shrimp with saffron over rice. It’s very spicy and full of flavor,” replied the young man.

  Not missing a beat, my brother inquired, “Can we try it?”

  “Sure,” answered the young man, surprised, but obviously pleased by their interest. He then walked directly up to them and handed the platter over, asking, “Do you mind if I stick around to see if you like it?”

  “Of course not,” they replied, laughing. “Come on in.”

  The man then proceeded to follow them into their kitchen and presented the meal as if they were seated in a fine restaurant. Not only was the food delicious, but it was served in style. My brother laughed as he told me the story, thrilled at his good fortune and the delightful synchronicity of the Universe. I couldn’t help but think, however, that he had received such a remarkable treat because his heart was open enough to say hello and ask the young man what he was carrying.

  That’s how it works. If your heart is open and you expect the best, the Universe meets you halfway and fills your life with wonderful surprises, as it did for my brother and his girlfriend that day.

  Even during the darkest night of the soul, the most self-loving and self-healing choice you can make is to keep your heart open and expect something good to come from your difficulties.

  I had a client years ago who was a troubled and unruly teenager, heavily involved in drugs. At age 17, she lost her entire family to a fire and suddenly found herself alone, homeless, and emotionally devastated beyond belief. Although it took quite a while for her to regain her emotional bearings, she eventually realized that she had a choice: Either she could continue to wallow in self-pity and pain and spiral further downward, or she could honor everything her family had ever taught her before they died and use her experience of adversity to grow as a person. Although she would never wish such a terrible loss on anyone, in the most painful way it helped her become stronger.

  With her realization, she went from being a self-centered, unfocused, drug-using teenager to a serious, dedicated, hardworking student with a mission. She quit all drugs, got a job, and studied and worked seven days a week. She found purpose and decided that she would indeed honor all she had received from her family by doing something worthwhile in life. She eventually graduated from high school, went directly to college, kept her job, and devoted her free time to working at the student-counseling center, helping fellow young people through losses and challenges. Whereas before the fire her heart had been closed and she cared for nothing besides her own adolescent indulgences, now she opened her heart and was galvanized toward the goal of helping others who were suffering. It took a long time, and it’s fair to say that she still has her bad days.

  When I last spoke with her, I asked her how she’d managed to get through such a devastating loss. Her answer was simple: “I had to believe that something good would come from my loss and keep my heart open to it. Otherwise, I would have wasted away in grief. Being useful to others is good for me. I now value life and don’t intend to ever waste it again.”

  It’s a challenge to keep your heart open when the world hurts you, but to close it at these times is far more painful than anything life throws at you. To do so is to cut yourself off from living. It’s spiritual death and self-destruction, and the most painful of all choices you c
ould ever make.

  My client Robyn closed her heart at an early age and suffered lifelong consequences. She was the fourth child in a family of seven, and when she was 14, her mother was diagnosed with breast cancer and died 11 months later. Her father was so overwhelmed by her mother’s death and the needs of the family that he turned to alcohol and became despondent and violent, which devastated Robyn.

  At 16, completely demoralized, she moved out of the house, quit school, and began working as a waitress at the local diner. Robyn decided, following her mother’s death and her father’s terrible decline, that she would never allow anyone to hurt her again. She closed her heart and tuned the world out. Although she worked hard and was appreciated at her job, she had no friends and few other outlets for affection, save her dog, a German shepherd named Foxy.

  Her siblings periodically tried to contact her, but she pushed them away. By the time she was 25, they’d all but given up on her and had moved on. Robyn became increasingly lonely and angry but refused to open her heart and take the chance to let in love of any sort.

  When we met, she was 34. She came to me because she’d heard about my work in a radio interview and wanted to know if her life would ever get better. When she arrived, she was defensive and suspicious—and, underneath it all, extremely hurt by life. I explained that her heart was closed due to her earlier trauma, but that unless she opened it once again, she’d remain cut off from life and all the good things it had to offer.

  Although she acknowledged that she’d closed her heart, there was no way she was going to take the chance of ever opening it again. Even though she was lonely and wanted to feel better, she wasn’t willing to assume the risk of being hurt or disappointed once more. I told her that love was trying to find her, and she admitted that there was a young man she worked with who’d tried several times to ask her out, but she refused to go. I encouraged her to rethink that decision, and she said she would consider it.