The Answer Is Simple- Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit!

by Sonia Choquette

  His only response was: “That was wise,” and then he, too, sauntered away. Thinking it over, he was right. It was wise to hold my tongue, to look them in the eye, and to wait it out rather than react. And it wasn’t something I normally did. In the midst of the threat, I accessed a wisdom that I didn’t know I had. And that wisdom spared me from a number of possible unpleasant outcomes—it saved me from harm.

  Since then, I’ve often thought about wisdom and how it protects and serves us in all situations. One thing I’ve learned is that in order to access it, we need to forfeit the need to be “right.” The minute we believe we’re “right,” someone else must inevitably be “wrong.” And as long as there’s “right” versus “wrong,” there will be conflict.

  This isn’t to say that you shouldn’t have morals, values, and convictions and stick to them. It just means that what you feel is right isn’t necessarily what feels right to someone else. Respect these differences in opinion and perspective. While it’s important to live with your inner morals and guidance, it’s not loving to impose them on others—especially by the use of force—and doing so will bring only harm.

  Having wisdom means developing a respectful sensitivity and clear understanding of other people’s rights, too. Simply put, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.” That’s it.

  To be wise means to bite your tongue, bide your time, forgive the moment, and respond to a difficult or infuriating situation with love rather than fear or anger. Having a wise heart entails being in control of your passion, instead of allowing it to control you. It means channeling your aggression or passive aggression into thoughtful actions rather than being enslaved by your reactions. Engaging the wise heart asks you to embrace the old adage “This, too, shall pass” and choose to live in the peace and calm that comes from using your higher reason, as opposed to constantly facing the damage control that hotheaded emotional reaction necessitates.

  Engaging a wise heart is more than simply controlling your emotions—it’s also accessing higher reason to guide you through tough situations.

  Betty engaged her wise heart when she divorced her cheating husband, Edward, after 13 years of marriage. Even though she was enraged by his transgressions and at times wanted to hurt him for the hurt he caused her, their seven-year-old twins adored their father, and Betty didn’t want to destroy their world or their relationship with him. So, as difficult as it was for her, Betty acted wisely: She forgave her husband for his betrayal and never spoke an unkind word to or about him in front of their children during the divorce proceedings and afterward. She held her feelings in check and only shared them with her therapist. She exerted extreme self-control out of love for her kids and a desire for her own peace.

  Edward, in contrast, tried to justify his behavior by attacking Betty. Then he attempted to minimize his actions by giving her excuses and blaming her. Next came gifts and promises. She steadfastly refused to react. He then distanced himself from her and became confrontational and argumentative. Still, she remained calmly and wisely detached. She simply said, “I love you as a person, Edward, but I no longer choose to be your wife.”

  After two years of this conduct, their divorce was finalized. In the midst of it, Edward asked Betty for forgiveness, and she gave it to him. In the end, they actually became genuine friends. As a result of Betty’s wisdom, Edward stopped attacking her, blaming her, and feeling ashamed of his actions and simply admitted that he’d been too immature to be a good husband.

  During this time, Betty realized that she had been too controlling to be in a healthy partnership, especially with someone so immature. To be so controlling left little opportunity for her spouse to have much genuine influence over the marriage. She learned to step back, admit her vulnerabilities, and allow others to be there for her. This all took a lot of honest emotional work on her part, but it was worth it.

  After the divorce, Edward moved a block away from Betty and stayed closely involved with, and committed to, his sons. Betty continued therapy and remarried a far more mature man five years later. Edward and the new husband eventually became friends, and now they all vacation together.

  This was only made possible by Betty’s ability to be wise throughout her divorce rather than “right.” She looked at the bigger picture in lieu of righteously choosing to be “wronged” and battle it out with Edward or punish him for her pain.

  The way to engage our own wise heart is through prayer and faith. To do so, we need to give up control and surrender our personal will and perspective over to the Divine. Wisdom is a spiritual gift that lies in all hearts, waiting to be activated. We must step back from our egos and consciously engage our timeless higher selves. Wisdom is rooted in the remembrance that, in the end, all lives come and go; all things on the human plane have a beginning, middle, and end; and it’s only what serves the Spirit that lasts in the long run. Wisdom is the knowledge that only those choices in life that bring us closer to God and Divine mind are of any value. Those that take us away from Divine mind are harmful—not only to us, but to everyone.

  Every day we’re given chances to be a little wiser than the day before. They come when someone cuts us off in traffic, disrespects or disrupts our plans, or robs us of our peace. These opportunities to be wise are inherent every time someone doesn’t do what we want them to do.

  You can be foolish and react with negativity, have an emotional outburst, or vent your uncontrolled indignation, but this won’t change the other person and only makes you look ridiculous and feel enraged. Not only does being foolish not give you what you want, a foolish heart makes things worse. It causes you to act before you think, lash out before considering the effects, and become so invested in being right that you sacrifice all hope for peace and tranquility for a temporary moment of control.

  A client recently asked me how to best develop a wise heart. She did so because she was married but in love with someone else. She liked her husband and didn’t want a divorce but felt deeply drawn to the other man. She didn’t know how to remain connected to him and still be faithfully married. My answer was: “Do what you can live with—do what brings you peace.”

  Thinking this over, she decided that she couldn’t live with a secret affair, but did want to have the man she loved in her life. Her wise decision was to introduce him to her husband, curb her sexual attraction, and enjoy him as a friend. Eventually her husband and the other man became best friends, allowing all three of them to coexist peacefully.

  Where in your life are you presently exercising a wise heart? It might be in choosing to overlook the road rager cutting across your path. It might be ignoring your teenager’s rude remarks rather than picking a fight. It might be not responding to someone’s uncalled-for criticism as opposed to sniping back.

  What choices bring you peace? It might be tolerating your co-workers’ mistakes rather than getting upset. It could be listening to your parents without being defensive, choosing to respect their point of view even if you don’t agree with it.

  What behaviors leave you feeling content with yourself? Perhaps it’s giving up a personal perspective to accommodate the group idea, or forgiving someone who has let you down and not taking it personally. It might be listening to another’s complaint without being defensive or reactive. . . . Those are the expressions of your wise heart.

  Alternatively, where in your life do you lack peace? Where do you serve your pride in its place? When do you blame, lash out, condemn, or refuse to apologize or forgive, preferring righteous indignation instead? Where are you consistently shortsighted, quick-tempered, close-minded, and self-indulgent? These are costly decisions that rob you of the foundations of self-love, which are self-esteem and inner peace.

  The wise heart is that of your inner elder, your ancient one. It’s the aspect of your Spirit that knows that as time passes, emotions calm, passions subside, and clarity returns. The wise heart merges reason with emotion so that your response is both wholehearted and whole-brained. It engages
all of your faculties—feeling and thought, passion and reason—and discerns a course of action that benefits everyone, not just you.

  A wise heart feels passionately but acts with prudence. It leads you to discernment and patience. The wise heart springs not only from your highest personal reason, but also from the wisdom of the ages—a gift from your ancestors, anchored in your DNA.

  Another source of wisdom available to us is the wisdom of humankind. It’s the collective learning we can all draw from as human beings. All wisdom is the legacy our predecessors passed on to us. It’s a gift derived from their pain, their anguish, and their mistakes—as well as their victories—one that’s made available to spare us suffering.

  To access ancient wisdom, call upon your ancestors, both personal and collective. Ask yourself what wisdom they’ve passed on. Give this real thought.

  I have a neighbor who comes from a stubborn, prideful Sicilian family. The wisdom he gained from them is that of loyalty, steadfast commitment, and endurance. But he has also gleaned wisdom from their mistakes, by watching the pain their suspicions and narrowmindedness cost them. He saw how they’d rather suffer than allow others to help them. Observing their mistakes, he’s wise enough to judge less quickly, trust more easily, and let others in. Their experiences enlightened him.

  One of the wisest things we can do is learn from our ancestors. We can study the past, both good and bad, and take the lessons of our forebears to heart.

  The wise heart in all of us sees the continuity of life. It understands cycles and observes how life keeps coming back to itself again and again. If we’re wise, we slow down, connect the dots, observe and learn from others, study cause and effect, and choose to be peaceful over being right. Right is the subjective reaction of the fleeting ego. Peace is a universal response to the deepest Spirit.

  Have a Courageous Heart

  The courageous heart is the aspect of your authentic Spirit that sticks to your convictions, stands true in the face of fear rather than running away or becoming unconscious, and cherishes self-approval over the approval of others.

  The courageous heart endows you with the ability to say no when you must; stick up for what you believe in; and face off attack without giving in or acquiescing to what goes against your principles, morals, ethics, or values. It is the heart of strength, and no one can fully self-love and live their Spirit if they lack one.

  The courageous heart is the fiery heart. It’s the one that not only feels what’s true for our Spirit, but that acts on our feelings. In my 35 years of private practice as an intuitive consultant, I’ve rarely met a person who told me that he or she didn’t sense what was right for his or her Spirit. As Divine Beings, we do feel what’s right. That’s not enough, however. We must also act on what our Spirit suggests to truly live the love our Spirit conveys.

  I just finished teaching a small class in Chicago devoted to this very topic. When I asked the students how many acted on what their Spirit suggested—such as contacting a new person they were attracted to, starting a creative project, initiating a change of job, or changing their direction in a health matter—fewer than half raised their hands. When I asked why, the answer was universally because they were afraid. It seemed that they were waiting to feel safe enough, secure enough. No matter how much love, approval, affection, security, or calming peace you provide the ego, it will never be enough. The ego wants absolute control of everything outside of itself, and that can never be achieved.

  Several years ago while on a trip to South Africa, I received a lesson on the courageous heart that changed my life forever. Shortly after completing several workshops in Johannesburg, Durban, and Cape Town, I rewarded myself with the gift of a three-day safari in the South African bush.

  First I flew on a commercial aircraft for an hour from Johannesburg to a distant point, then took yet another, smaller aircraft an additional 20 minutes to an absolutely remote landing strip, and finally drove another hour to a tiny camp where the safari began.

  Just being a guest in this vast experience of nature was a miracle, especially for me, the city girl from Chicago. The days ran from 3:30 A.M. till 7:30 A.M., driving around the bush sighting animals, and resumed again from 4:00 P.M. to around 7:00 P.M. Everything I saw was extraordinary: The hyenas, elephants, rhinoceroses, and giraffes, all in their natural elements, were breathtaking.

  On the last evening, just after the sun had completely set and we were about to return to camp, there was a flurry of radio chatter between my driver and those of several other Range Rovers in the area. Something remarkable had been sighted.

  We all rushed in our vehicles to the same spot, where we parked and waited in silence. The guides gave us no indication of what we were waiting for. We just peered into the dark and watched. Suddenly, out of the bush emerged a mother lion leading her five cubs to water. Seeing them took my breath away. The minute they were near, all the Range Rovers flashed their bright headlights right at them, yet neither mother nor cubs even so much as acknowledged our presence. Instead, the mother, keeping her attention on her goal of leading her cubs, padded steadily along without shifting her gaze to the left or the right even once.

  When she passed our Range Rover, she was so close to me that I could feel and smell her hot breath and notice the deep scars in her face from past battles. Goose bumps jumped all over my flesh as she slunk by. I noticed something else as well: her powerful, unwavering, fearless intention—so formidable that it held her five cubs at absolute attention as she proceeded with her objective. It was a vibration of such clarity, purpose, and commitment that nothing would dare interrupt her flow. As she passed, I suddenly embodied what it vibrationally meant to be “lionhearted.”

  To have courage of this magnitude only comes with unwavering focus, and commitment to what the Spirit requires. The lions needed water to live, and they were going to get it. Nothing would disturb this . . . and nothing dared. They were fearless in their intention.

  I thought of others similarly fearless in their intentions—Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Mother Teresa, Joan of Arc—and suddenly realized that we all could be part of the brother- and sisterhood of courageous hearts. All it takes is unwavering focus on our goal. The courageous heart sets its course and doesn’t ask in fear and doubt how it will achieve its goals. The hows reveal themselves as the process unfolds.

  Nelson Mandela didn’t know how to end apartheid, but his heart was convinced that he would. Mother Teresa didn’t know how she would care for so many desperate people, but she decided she would. Gandhi didn’t know how he would free India from British rule—the how wasn’t his primary focus; that it would occur was his only concern.

  When your head, heart, and feet align with higher intentions, God and all of nature align with you as well. You create a seamless vibration of power and protection. When you become lionhearted, you love yourself and live your Spirit. You summon the Divine flame of God, fill your heart with courage, ignore your ego’s fears and your need to control, and choose to be true to yourself no matter what.

  Courage is the heart of action, not hesitation.

  It’s the heart that my client Jenny demonstrated when she suddenly dropped out of business school and enrolled in a design program, even though her friends and family protested, “What a waste!”

  It’s the heart of John when he chose not to sue the woman who withdrew her contract to buy his house when friends and lawyers alike cried “fraud” and encouraged the battle.

  It’s the heart of the young child who smiles and greets the homeless man instead of blankly looking the other way.

  To live our Spirit requires the spunk and fire of courage. We all have a lion heart within. And even if we feel like the Cowardly Lion in The Wizard of Oz at times, we must still stay the course.

  Be afraid, but don’t quit. Be worried, but don’t quit. Be nervous, but don’t quit. Steadfastly, like the mother lion in the bush, just keep placing one foot in front of the other, with your eye on the goal. Don’t indulge yo
ur fearful ego’s whys and hows. Trust and keep steady and your Spirit will reveal the way as you proceed. That’s your Divine agreement.

  STEP 6

  Share Your Gifts

  Simple Lesson: Share Your Gifts

  This step aims at making you aware of the beautiful gifts your Spirit brings to this world. The practice that follows encourages creativity as the most direct way to experience your true sense of purpose. You’ll discover the richness of Spirit in all creative endeavors and develop greater confidence in your personal contributions to life.

  Embedded in the heart of every soul born on this earth is a huge basket filled with gifts that it wishes to share with the world. Some of those gifts are obvious, and others are less so. However, each—no matter what it is—is an equally important contribution to the balance and joy of the world and is necessary to the whole.

  On a deep level, we feel the treasures lodged deep within our hearts, waiting to be discovered and shared. Intuitively, we know that we have something we must contribute in order to feel at peace with ourselves and be of service to the world. We call this longing to contribute our “purpose,” and we spend vast amounts of time and energy seeking to find out exactly what that purpose is.

  The answer is simple: Our purpose is to look deeply into our hearts and share what we love. We are simply to open our interior gift basket and then uncover and share those things that bring us great personal joy. That’s it.

  The ego mind doesn’t want this to be our purpose. It’s too easy for its tastes, and only involves the heart. If the ego isn’t involved, it loses power and must step back—which, as we know, it doesn’t want to do. So to preserve its own interests, the ego distracts us and derides, minimizes, and criticizes the things we love, dismissing them as meaningless. We set off on a wild-goose chase to “save the world”—only, to validate the ego, we must get paid for our efforts as well.