The Answer Is Simple- Love Yourself, Live Your Spirit!

by Sonia Choquette

  My mother was only 15 when she came to America, and Grandmother Antonia took her under her wing. “It was your grandmother,” my mother told me, “who taught me to be so creative. She said that it was the secret to happiness, and God gave everyone the gift of creativity to keep us entertained. ‘If you aren’t creative,’ she said to me, ‘it’s underused imagination and maybe a dose of self-pity, but it’s never a lack of ability. We are all creative.’”

  My mother took my grandmother’s philosophy and creative example to heart. She raised us with the mantra:No matter what problem you meet in life, simply know that there is always a solution.

  I believed her. When I was seven or eight, I wanted a pair of summer sandals, yet money was tight, so they were simply not in the budget. At first I was frustrated. I even threw a tantrum and cried to see if that would get me what I wanted. It didn’t.

  Observing my misery, my older brother Stefan walked over to me and calmly said, “You won’t get sandals that way, so you might as well stop because no one is listening. Why don’t you make a pair instead?”

  “How?” I asked, wiping my tears.

  “I dunno,” he answered. “Figure it out.” Then he walked away.

  That was a thought. Maybe I could. I engaged my brother Bruce, always the engineer, and we set to work. We found some cardboard, old rope, and duct tape and were off. We spent nearly three days trying to perfect our model and finally succeeded. I emerged with a pair of cardboard-soled sandals with rope poking through the bottom—wrapped around my feet and then duct-taped on for stability. Never mind that I couldn’t take them off. I didn’t want to. I wore them for a week uninterrupted. I slept in them; I took my bath in them, feet sticking out of the water; and I walked all over the neighborhood showing them off. I was proud of those puppies.

  Several weeks later my mom tapped me on the shoulder and said, “Come on, we’re going to Montgomery Ward’s.”

  “Why?” I asked, incredulous.

  “To get you some real sandals.” She smiled.

  “But I like my sandals,” I retorted. “I don’t want new ones.”

  We were both surprised: she, because she thought I’d jump at the chance to get new sandals; me, because the ones I created made me so happy. So we went for a root-beer float instead.

  Creating is an essential yet very simple tool for loving yourself and living your Spirit. Anytime you feel the disturbed energies of your ego mind blurring your joy, stop whatever you’re doing, if possible, and try something creative.

  The most important thing is to think: I am creative. To do so is to commune with Divine mind. To think I am creative is to align with the Spirit and solution, rather than the ego and problem.

  Make it a Spiritual practice—or in other words, an exercise of Spirit—to be creative every day. People who have hobbies know the value of this. These diversions are daily touchstones of Spirit. You don’t have to be Picasso. You don’t have to be “good” at your creative endeavor. It’s not for others to judge . . . it’s for you to enjoy. So do.

  STEP 7

  Remember What You Love

  Simple Lesson: Remember What You Love

  This step aims to help you remember your Spirit and consciously connect to the beauty and joy that it exudes. The practice that follows introduces you to the joyful song of your Spirit, and immediately lifts the heavy burden of ego off your shoulders. You’ll once again delight in yourself and all of life.

  One Saturday evening we threw a party to celebrate several family birthdays at once. Since they were mile-stone birthdays, we decided to go all out for the event. We rented tables, hired a caterer, and asked a neighbor who owns Chicago’s top nightclub to serve as our DJ. Then we invited everyone we knew, ages 7 to 87, to join us . . . and we had a blast.

  After dinner, the tables were removed, speakers were assembled, and our living room instantly became a disco. A friend named Terry brought his 83-year-old father, George; and George’s 78-year-old girlfriend, Thea, along with him to the party. The minute the music started, The ajumped up and joined in the dancing. She danced with the same enthusiasm as the teenagers in the room did.

  After the dancing died down and we were eating birthday cake, Thea came over to me, exulted. “That was so much fun—I forgot just how much I love to dance!” Then she tangoed back to George and gave him a bite of her cake and a kiss. It was clear that her Spirit was loving the party, and more important, she was loving herself without any reservations at all.

  After the festivities were over and the house was returned to its normal appearance, I continued to think about what she’d said: “I forgot just how much I love to dance.” It’s true. We do so easily forget the things we love, the things that light up our Spirit and fill us with joy and self-love.

  I know I do. I forget how much I cherish seeing my parents, going for bike rides with my husband, and meeting dear friends for lunch. I also fail to remember how much I love me, my life, and who I am when I engage in the things that are spiritually fulfilling to me.

  Why is it that we’re able to forget the things we love the most that make us feel good about ourselves? Why don’t they seem to be priorities?

  It’s because we’re indoctrinated to believe that it’s selfish to do things simply because they make us feel happy. It’s the good old American Puritan streak telling us that suffering is beneficial for the soul. I think that this is balderdash.

  Seeing Thea floating away on a cloud of pure joy and squeezing George’s hand in an outpouring of self-fulfilled affection, I was reminded how much connecting to what we love, and what loves us, is indispensable to the Spirit. It’s essential to our self-love and well-being.

  This was brought home to me several years ago when a woman from Omaha whom I’d never met called me to ask for a reading. She introduced herself and told me that she had stage IV breast cancer and was very near dying.

  “I’m realistic, Sonia,” she said. “I’m not looking for a miracle cure. I know that I don’t have much longer to live. But maybe I am still looking for a miracle. I just want to die in peace and can’t seem to find my way to it, because I forgot to live my life—the one I would have loved to live. Instead I lived “their” life—the life those around me approved of.

  “I was exemplary in every way: I was a top Girl Scout. I was a model wife, PTA member, and soccer mom. I was block-party rep and a wonderful grandmother and neighbor. You name it—whatever brought me approval from others, I did it. And they did, and do, all approve of me. It’s just that I don’t approve of me. In fact, I can hardly stand myself because I feel like such a fraud. I never got around to doing what I wanted to do, what I loved, like going to Rome, or trying oil painting, or biking across Iowa.

  “I missed my life by pleasing others, and now it’s too late! I can’t even get out of bed now. What can I possibly do now so I can die in peace? Can you tell me?”

  Whoa! Her breaking heart and tragic words hit me hard. I was quiet and prayed. Then I asked my higher self and heavenly helpers for direction. How can this woman find self-love at this stage of the game? I wondered. What must she know . . . what must we all know?

  In a moment the answer came through. I was guided to tell her to express her Spirit out loud and devote her remaining time and energy only to conversations about what she loved.

  “Every day,” I said, “tell those around you what you love. Tell them what brings you happiness, what you enjoy, the foods you like to eat, which perfumes are your favorite, what flowers touch your heart, and what movies make you happy. Tell them about everything that gives your Spirit pleasure. In doing so, you’ll come back to your authentic self and find the peace and love for you. You’ll find what you’re looking for.”

  She was silent, and I could tell that she was thinking about what I’d just said. “That I can do,” she finally answered. “In fact, I’d love to do that.” And then she let out what sounded to me like a sigh of relief and hung up.

  After this call, I realized that sp
eaking to her was my gift for the day. She made me aware of how much I still did for the sake of approval and how much I gave priority to things that made others happy over what I truly loved to do. I realized how easy it was to let seeking approval become so routine that I could actually ignore what I loved and end up in the same boat as she was in.

  Taking the gift from her, I decided to start attending to my Spirit more, even with the craziness of my life, and begin to at least talk about what I love more often as well. My good advice for her was good advice for me, too.

  I invited my family and friends to join me in centering our dinner conversations around what we—all of us—loved. Happily, everyone liked the idea, and so a new tradition was founded. We started sharing our love of travel, shopping, bike trips, family gatherings, boats, movies, nature, jokes, people, Patrick’s cooking, special occasions, and whatever else our collective Spirit loved.

  The first thing I noticed from our experiment was how satisfying and fulfilling our dinners became. I looked forward to them and made certain that I was there. The next thing I observed was how much love I felt for myself at the end of the meal. I left the table feeling full, not just with dinner, but with my own joyful Spirit. It showed me how simply acknowledging what I love feeds and fills me with a sense of self-love!

  Another thing I noticed was how this tradition subtly shifted direction from speaking about what we loved in general to what we loved that day. Even more exciting was how our behavior started changing as well. More and more we were following our Spirit toward what we loved, and our days began to be different.

  For example, my daughter Sonia adores singing. Soon after our “love fest” tradition got under way, she could be heard belting out her favorite songs at the top of her lungs throughout the house all the time, something she hadn’t done before.

  Patrick, who loves to cook, subtly shifted from considering making dinner a chore to putting more thought and creativity into our meals, whipping up some masterpieces and actually looking forward to serving us his latest creation.

  Sabrina, who loves fashion and design, began experimenting with her outfits, showing up for dinner in more and more elaborate ensembles and really turning heads (well, ours, at least).

  Even I shifted. I love rock and roll, the ’80s, and dance parties. Soon after the new tradition began, I introduced these things to my workshops and in no time had the world (or at least my world) dancing with me. Work suddenly got a lot more fun!

  This shift was subtle and simple. To love yourself—your authentic Spirit—simply remember, and announce, what you love. Talk about it often, to yourself and with others. Doing so effects a course correction, bringing you back to the real you. It feeds you. It fuels you. And it instills joy in you, which is one of the most self-loving things there is.

  There are other simple ways you can reconnect with what your Spirit loves. One is to make a list of what you cherish. I often do this now before I go to bed and when I’m on a long airplane flight. I write mental lists when I’m waiting in line at the grocery store or post office. I even got a special notebook and designated it as my “What I Love” book.

  You can take this effort a step further: Get a small tape recorder and make recordings of what you love. A great astrologer, Erica Trojan, once told me that nothing is more powerful for you than the sound of your own voice—I believe her. Several years ago I had a subliminal recording made with my own voice through a company called Holosync (holosync.com). I was feeling insecure about speaking to large audiences, so I made a recording that said: “I love speaking to large audiences.” Apparently it worked because I do love speaking to large audiences now—almost as much as I love dancing with large audiences, which I manage to do every time I’m in front of one.

  I work with a musician named Mark Welch (www.musicbymarkwelch.com) who, among other things, creates individualized CDs for people to focus on what they love using their own voices. He overlays the recordings with customized music to make them more deeply personal. Creating your own CD, or simply making a recording of what you love using a small tape recorder, is a fantastic way to remember what brings you joy and correct your course to follow your authentic Spirit. Many of my clients have found great success in reconnecting with their Spirit by using this simple tool and listening to it every day.

  I listen to my recordings often. What I find is that in the span of about 30 seconds, no matter what kind of lousy mood I might be in, I instantly enter a brighter, happier, more joyful state of being. I start feeling good in my own skin and experience great love for myself. The most important part of naming what you love, whether by writing lists, making recordings, sharing with friends and family, or all of the above, is that you return to self. You develop the habit of remembering your Spirit, and you stay more true to it. That’s the most loving thing you can do for yourself and for those in your life.

  By the way, the daughter of the woman dying of cancer called me four months after her mother and I spoke. She told me, “I don’t know what you said, but it had a miraculous effect on my mom. She completely changed, and started sharing things I never knew about her—things I loved discovering. Although she was very sick, she lightened up. She relaxed. She laughed more. She seemed to stop struggling. And, to the surprise of all of us, when she died, she was peaceful. And so were we.”

  Simple Practice: Laugh

  Laughter is the voice of the Spirit. When you laugh, your Spirit is singing. To do so is to align with Heaven. Laughter frees you completely from all ego-mind connections and showers every cell in your body with God’s light. It literally lightens you up energetically.

  In Western culture, laughter isn’t something we associate with being spiritual. We’ve been inundated with images of Christ suffering and dying on the cross, and not with the resurrected Christ ascending to new life. Misery and pain are profound, and, therefore, at a premium in our spiritual worldview. Laughter is frivolous and wasteful and often dismissed as irreverent and disrespectful.

  As I write this, I recall moments as a child in Catholic school when I accidentally laughed at one of my nun teachers, only to be marched to the corner of the classroom to hang my head in shame. Of all the misdeeds one could commit in the classroom I attended, laughter was by far the worst.

  In fact, Bobby, the class clown in third grade who made everyone laugh out loud, was eventually expelled from school for his antics. Now I understand that the teachers had their jobs to do, but to believe that we learn best in humorless, fear-filled surroundings is absurd. I remember Bobby’s jokes and antics to this day, and they still make me laugh—however, I can’t remember much of anything I learned from my humorless, angry teachers that year. Frankly, I prefer to forget.

  In other cultures, humor is far more integrated into the sacred landscape as an important, even essential, element of spiritual health. We have the laughing Buddha, for example; or Hanuman, the Hindu monkey god full of tricks and delight. Quan Yin, the Eastern Divine mother, is usually depicted smiling; and the Native American tradition recognizes and appreciates the playfulness of the otter. There’s even a sect of yoga called Laughter Yoga devoted exclusively to laughter as a way to Nirvana, which thankfully is catching on in the U.S. (www.laughteryoga.org).

  Laughter is not only good for our Spirit, but it’s our Spirit being good to us. Divine mind is joyful, happy, lighthearted mind. Laughter brings light to the heart and cells of the body, which creates healing.

  There are now thousands and thousands of people worldwide who have followed the example of Norman Cousins—a prominent political journalist who cured himself of cancer many years ago by immersing himself in a steady flow of funny movies, joke books, and humorous stories—and have gotten the same results. They insist that humor cured them of countless diseases and physical and emotional ailments. So the verdict is in: Laughter heals.

  To lose your sense of humor is to lose contact with your Spirit. To keep it no matter what is the greatest victory of Spirit over matter. In fact, I
can’t help but be struck by the brilliant sense of humor most survivors of trauma display. My own mother suffered so much loss as a young child in World War II that it would break my heart if I let it all in. War left her cut off from her entire family at the age of 12 when she was imprisoned in a POW camp; later, due to a case of rheumatic fever and a fall off a horse, she became deaf. Yet she has the most brilliant sense of humor of anyone I’ve ever known. It saved her.

  When any form of drama and trauma presented itself in our family home, the jokes followed in short order. My mother’s motto in life was, and remains to this day: The situation is critical, but never serious. Given all that she navigated in life, I believe her. It’s a motto I’ve now adopted as my own.

  To adopt a policy of laughter in life takes some practice and discipline. After all, as I said, it’s not something that society will naturally encourage you to do. Just like any other, your laughing muscles need a regular workout. So it’s best to be proactive when it comes to having as strong a sense of humor as possible.

  Start by laughing at yourself. By that I mean at your overly serious, thin-skinned, self-important ego. Step back and observe its desperate attempts to try to control the world and its obvious effort to recruit others to join its cause. Notice the various antics and maneuvers your ego uses as it presses its agenda forward. One that mine uses, for example, is to get loud and indignant. My daughter Sonia’s ego maneuver is to get flustered and dramatic and walk out. Patrick becomes stoic and suffers in silence. Sabrina goes ballistic, scaring us all into submission.

  We each have our own way of using drama, theater, posturing, manipulation, and suffering to get life to do what we want—or at least to try to. If you take a step back and observe these antics from the perspective of Divine mind, you must admit that they’re quite funny. Have a good laugh—it clears the vibration and lightens the mood with love.