by Ivy Smoak
“Three years is a long time. You’re only 19. That’s a big chunk of your life.”
“Yeah.” It felt like we had always been together. I leaned against the tree trunk behind me so I could look back up at the clouds. “I guess what I’m trying to figure out is how long it’ll take to get over him?”
“I think that depends on a lot of things.”
Just ask the question, Melissa. “How long did it take you to get over my dad?”
There was silence on her end and I instantly regretted asking. What if she wasn’t over him? What if she never remarried because of how much he hurt her? I didn’t want to know that answer. Sometimes I felt guilty that I was the reason her love ended. “I’m sorry, you don’t…”
“It took about 6 months,” she said.
“Oh.” That seemed fast. Especially since I broke up with Connor over a year ago. “What happened that helped you move on?”
“You were born. I suddenly had a beautiful baby girl that I loved more than anything else in the whole wide world. Love gets you over it, sweetheart. Love heals all hurts.”
The clouds blurred above me and I quickly wiped my tears away. “Thanks, Mom.”
“All you have to do is try to move forward instead of looking back. And when love shows up, don’t push it away.”
I had been trying. But a string of one night stands wasn’t exactly love. It was the filler before love. I just wasn’t sure my heart knew how to make the leap again. “I think that maybe I’ve been pushing it away.”
“You mean with Connor?”
“No, after him. I’m scared of getting hurt again.”
“When you were little, you never cried when you fell. You said, ‘I meant to do that,’ and got up and kept playing. You’re stronger than you realize.”
I slid my feet through the grass again. I was so homesick and desperately needed a hug from my mom. Talking on the phone wasn’t the same as talking in person. “I wish you were here. I need a hug.”
She laughed. “Me too. But you have all your friends there. I’m sure one of them is a good hugger.”
I may have misled my mom into thinking my acquaintances were actually super close friends. I didn’t want her to ever worry about me.
“Speaking of your friends. How's Penny?”
“She’s good. She actually recently went through a breakup too so we’ve both been a little mopey together.” Telling my mom about Penny having a crush on her professor felt like violating Penny’s trust. Although my mom would probably have great advice for her too. I’d just have to pass the advice I got on to Penny. We were in similar circumstance despite the whole sexy professor thing. Getting over two guys had to be hell though, and I didn’t envy her even a bit. Getting over one asshole was hard enough.
“Aw, you both need to get back out there.”
“Already on it. I’m forcing her to get out of the dorm tonight. There’s a party across campus that we’re going to.”
“Sounds like fun.”
“It will be. Speaking of that, I should probably go grab dinner and a shower before it gets too late. Thanks for talking me through my insanity.”
“You’re not insane,” she said with a laugh. “It’s hard to close the door on relationships. But you’ll find someone better suited for you than Connor. Trust me. And have fun tonight, sweetheart. I love you.”
“Love you too, Mom.”
I ended the call and laced my shoes. As soon as I was back on my feet I felt like I was full of energy again. One more mile can’t hurt.
Chapter 6
Thursday
I was almost completely ready and Penny hadn’t moved from her bed. Well, that wasn’t true. About half an hour ago she changed into a pair of baggy pajama bottoms and an old t-shirt. That was about the same time that I had put on the super cute outfit that I'd had picked out for tonight. Clearly we weren’t on the same page here. I thought as she saw me get ready, she’d just concede without me even having to pester her. No such luck.
But if she thought I was past begging, she didn’t realize how badly I wanted to go to this party. If I had to get down on my hands and knees to get her to go to this party with me, I would. We both needed this. Sometimes putting yourself out there was awkward and scary, but it didn’t mean she could just stay locked up in our dorm all night. That was unacceptable behavior. What happened to having our best year ever? My best year certainly didn’t involve wearing a t-shirt with holes in it on a Thursday night.
“Come on,” I said. “Time to get ready, we need to leave soon if we’re going to be fashionably late instead of just really late.”
“I’m going to skip tonight.”
“What? Why?”
“I don’t feel like going.” She turned the page in the book she was reading as if she hadn’t just sassed me.
“Too bad.” I walked over to her, grabbed the book from her hands, and closed it.
“Hey, I was reading that.”
“You’ll have plenty of time to read when you’re a lonely cat lady one day. But right now you have me to prevent that from happening. We’re going out.”
“I’ve been having the shittiest week, Melissa. First Austin ghosting me. Then…Professor Hunter. I just want to get lost in a good book and pretend my life isn’t such a disaster.”
I wanted to give her a hug to make her feel better. But that would mess with the tough girl act I had going on in order to get her to come. It was too late to change tactics. I was already head first in the bitchy, bossy roommate path. “Suck it up, we’re going.” Well, maybe that was too harsh. But she responded before I could say something nicer.
“I can’t just brush things off as easily as you.”
She thought I got over things quickly? As if. But again, I needed to go to the party tonight. “Do you know how I get over things so easily?”
“How?”
“By drinking too much and get groped by hot frat boys in their dirty basement.” Wow, that did not sound appealing at all.
She laughed. “I'll pass.”
I shook my head and walked over to her closet. If I could just find a good outfit, then maybe she wouldn’t be able to refuse. I pushed some ugly sweaters and stupidly long dresses to the side. “You can’t pass. I’m calling in a favor.”
“I don’t owe you a favor, Melissa.”
“Friends don’t keep track of favors, you monster. We’re going. End of story.”
“Maybe once I actually reach the end of my story.” She pointed to her book. At first I actually thought she was compromising, but her bookmark was directly in the middle of whatever huge novel she was nerding out on.
"Come on, it's Thursday night!" I pushed another hideous dress to the side of Penny’s closet. What the hell was she thinking buying that? It looked like something my mother would wear to paint in. There’s absolutely nothing good in here. I loved Penny to death but good Lord she was prude.
"Yeah, which means I have classes tomorrow.”
I turned to look at her, trying hard not to make fun of her horrifying wardrobe. My goal tonight was to get her out of our dorm for a party, not to go shopping. And I was starting to worry that I was going to lose this battle. "You were invited to the party. Which means you need to go so that I can get in."
"Just take the flyer," Penny said. "They'll let you in. It's a frat and you're a girl. That's all you need."
Damn it, she was right. But it wasn’t about that. I didn’t want to show up alone and let the hot guy I was crushing on think I was a loser. Also, she needed to be cheered up too. And what better way than to hang out with hot guys all night? "Stop moping around, Penny. Yes, Austin was a jerk. Yes, mystery coffee shop man is your professor and therefore un-datable. But you're forgetting about the third guy. It sounds like Tyler is cute and funny. A funny guy is always charming." I turned to my closet. She didn’t stand a chance with Tyler if she wore anything she owned. And she needed tonight to be a confidence booster. So it was a good thing all my clothes fit her
too. I pulled a sparkly blue miniskirt off a hanger and grabbed a low-cut white tank top from my dresser.
"I don't know, frat parties are always so sleazy," she said.
"Penny, there is nothing you can say that will get you out of going to this party. Now put this on," I tossed the outfit at her. Please.
She rolled her eyes. "Fine. You win. As always."
I tried to hide my smile. Battle won. I left her alone to change while I went to use the bathroom. There was no way in hell I’d be using the bathroom at the frat house. I wasn’t trying to sit down on a toilet seat that boys had peed all over. When I came back into the room, Penny was putting on the finishing touches to her makeup. It was a total transformation from the frumpy pajama troll I had left a few minutes ago. "Penny, you look amazing." And she did. Honestly, she looked amazing in her grandma clothes. But tonight she literally looked sparkly. The skirt practically matched the color of her eyes. Tyler was going to drool.
"I look like a hooker. Melissa, it's going to be cold out tonight. Shouldn't I wear a little, well, more?" She folded her arms across her chest.
"These are the last few days of summer. You have to rock that outfit while you can.” I glanced back in my closet and grabbed the perfect shoes. “These shoes," I said and handed her the pair of shimmery heels. Much to my surprise, she took them without protesting. They were at least five inches tall. And that was the one thing I was going to be willing to compromise on because she was kind of awful at walking in heels.
"I can't wait for autumn," she said as she slipped them on.
I glanced once more at the mirror. I was dressed similarly to Penny, but my skirt didn’t sparkle and it was slightly shorter. God, tonight is going to be fun. I adjusted my girls in the mirror and smacked my lips together.
We left our dorm building and walked arm in arm along the sidewalk toward Main Street. Boys whistled as they walked by us and cars honked. I loved the attention. But when I glanced at Penny there was a frown on her face.
"Do you think it's going to rain?" she asked.
"Stop worrying about everything. Let's just have fun tonight!" I let go of her arm and twirled around. The night felt electrifying. Why couldn’t she feel it? Something amazing was bound to happen on a perfect night like this.
She grabbed my arm back as we turned onto a side street. In a few minutes I could hear the music blaring. I couldn’t wait to dance all night long. The large Sigma Pi letters were nailed to the top of the house. A guy was peeing in some bushes off to the left. Here we are!
"And so we have arrived," Penny mumbled.
I was just about to tell her to cheer up when I saw him. Him him. The guy with the kind smile and smoldering eyes. What the hell were the chances? I steered us toward him so that we’d get in his line of vision. But I didn’t even have to walk that much out of our way because he turned his head and spotted me. Talk about fate.
We locked eyes across the lawn and his smile appeared. This time I didn’t look down. Or run away from the opportunity. I just gripped Penny’s arm tighter so I wouldn’t suddenly forget to walk and fall on my face in front of him.
I was pretty sure I held my breath as he approached. He was classically tall, dark, and handsome. I was swooning before he even opened his perfectly kissable lips.
"Ladies!" he said. "Welcome to Sigma Pi. Looking for anyone in particular, or just here for something new to do?" He winked at me.
Technically I had been looking for him, but I couldn’t actually say that. It felt like I was melting into the ground. He wasn’t necessarily acting like he remembered seeing me a few times around campus. But he was staring directly at me instead of Penny. So that was at least a good sign. I couldn’t think of a single thing to say. Not a single lie to cover up the fact that I had kind of been stalking him. For some reason, now that I had found him again and he was speaking to me, I had forgotten how to form a sentence. All I could think about was how I wanted him desperately. No one should look as perfect as him. It wasn’t even fair. I unwound my arm from Penny and put my hand out to him since I couldn’t find any words.
Instead of shaking it, he lifted my hand to his mouth and lightly kissed my knuckles.
Oh my God. It was hard for me to be speechless. But this boy took my breath away. I let my eyes trail down his body. Correction: man, not boy. Everything about him was hard muscle and sharp angles. I swallowed hard. On a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it be if I just kissed him now and got it over with?
"Tyler invited us," Penny said.
I turned to look at her. She looked so uncomfortable. I wanted to tell her to relax and have fun, but the stick up her butt probably wasn’t going to allow that to happen.
My handsome stranger turned around to the house. "Yo, Tyler!" He added a whistle. "Tyyyyyler!" And then in the vastest contrast to him yelling across the yard, he leaned close to me and whispered in my ear. “So what is it that makes you twirl around in circles and smile up at the sky? Because whatever it is, I want a piece of it.”
I laughed. He did remember me. Had he been thinking about me the past few days too? And why on earth did he need a reason to twirl around in a circle? He was the carefree one. But this was one game I knew how to play well. “How about you get me a drink and I’ll show you.”
His smile grew. “Come with me then.” He put his hand on the small of my back before I even had a chance to respond and started steering me away.
“Find me before you leave,” I called to Penny over my shoulder. The look on her face made it seem like she was going to bolt. But for just tonight, I needed to focus on myself for a change. Or more accurately, the guy next to me. Penny could live without me for a few hours. I glanced once more over my shoulder to see her staring longingly back toward Main Street. Please stay, Penny.
“Penny!” someone yelled and I saw a guy with blonde hair and blue eyes rush past me. Close call. That must have been Tyler. Penny was right, he was cute. But not drop dead sexy like my crush. I left the front lawn and all thoughts of Penny behind as I was escorted inside.
Chapter 7
Thursday
I followed him down the stairs toward the basement. With each step, the music got louder. It felt like it was reverberating through me. I couldn’t wait to dance. My hips were already swaying to the music as he led me toward the makeshift bar in the corner.
“Oh, you’re giving me the good stuff?” I asked when he pulled a bottle out from the bottom of the bar.
“You’re worth it.” He winked at me and poured the tequila into two shot glasses. “To a fun night.” He held up his glass.
I grabbed the other shot glass and tapped it against his. “To a crazy night.”
He laughed and we both downed our shots.
“So you’ve been watching me,” I said and leaned against the bar counter.
He leaned on the other side, bringing our faces dangerously close. “You’re hard to miss.”
“Because of the twirling?”
He laughed. “That. And the fact that you’re beautiful.”
I was glad the basement was dark so he couldn’t see me blush. “You’re not so bad yourself.” Which was a lie. He was perfection in male form. It was hard to even glance at him without drooling.
“Not so bad? Is that why you’ve made a habit of watching me too?” He flashed me a charming smile that made my heart feel like it was beating unevenly.
So he didn’t just remember me twirling around on the green. He saw me gawking at him while he played basketball too. Screw me. I was really hoping he hadn’t seen me. “If you’re referring to the basketball game you were playing outside my dorm…I’m just a fan of the game.”
“What’s your favorite team?”
Amateur. As if I didn’t know about local sports. “The Sixers.”
“Who’s their point guard?”
Crap. What the hell was a point guard? “Allen Iverson.” He was the first player that came to me.
“He retired a while ago.”
> “Oh, really? I must have missed that.”
He looked so amused. “It’s okay, you know. You can just admit you were checking me out. I already admitted I thought you were beautiful.”
Again with the blushing. I wasn’t a blusher. What was happening to my body? It was like I had lost all control. “You’re really fishing for compliments. What did you want me to say exactly? That you have a body of a Greek God? I wouldn’t know…I haven’t seen you without any clothes.”
His gaze was smoldering. Fucking smoldering.
I was pretty sure he was five seconds away from inviting me to undress him myself. But the game was half the fun. And I was enjoying myself far too much for it to be over. “Keep it in your pants, stranger. I don’t even know your name.”
He laughed. “The name's Josh.” He reached his hand across the bar for me to shake.
Josh. I sighed. It suited him. And I could already picture myself screaming his name in his bedroom. I slid my hand into his but we didn’t really end up shaking hands. Instead our hands settled into the middle of the bar. He’s holding my hand. This didn’t feel at all casual. But it also felt amazing. I couldn’t even remember the last time someone held my hand. I looked from our intertwined fingers back up to his face.
“You didn’t tell me your name,” he said. “It’s part of the exchange.” He gestured toward where our hands had settled.
“But isn’t the mystery of it half the fun?”
“Then I’m keeping your hand. You basically broke a bargain.”
“Fine. You can have it,” I said with a laugh. “There’s plenty I can do with one hand.” I grabbed the bottle of tequila and poured us each another shot. “See. I’m good.” I downed it.
He laughed. I was pretty sure it was absentminded, but when he laughed he squeezed my hand harder. And it made me squeeze his back. Not because I was afraid he’d let go. He was supposed to let go. Just as soon as he banged my brains out. So why didn’t I want him to let go?
