Ruined Sinner

by Becker Gray

  It was one thing to push his buttons, but it was something else to get caught practically fornicating in class. That’s the word Phin would never use. Fornicating. It was such a Mum word.

  But still, I’d done it. And I hadn’t even thought twice about it. He’d had his hands under my skirt and in my panties, and I’d felt free and alive instead of that shell-casing thing that I sometimes did where I walked and talked and looked human, but I didn’t actually feel anything but a buzzing, numb silence.

  But every time I was with Phin, I felt almost too much. Too many emotions whirled around, excitement, glee, frustration, annoyance, anger. All of them vying for equal footing.

  Some circuit in my brain tripped as I thought, Hey, if it’s good for the goose, it’s good for the gander. And the next thing I knew, I had my hand down his pants. Unzipping his trousers, sliding my hand in, pulling his cock out. His cock.

  My face flamed as I sat in the back corner of the library. I was supposed to be studying astronomy. I had an assignment to do. But oh no, I kept reliving that me-and-Phin moment. And I should have been terrified. That sort of situation, something so public… If I was so worried about what the public thought, what it would mean for my mother, the kingdom, the humiliation, I wouldn’t have done it. But the truth of it was, I hadn’t actually been thinking. When it came to Phin, all thinking ceased. Which was dangerous.

  Or thrilling.

  I ran my hands through my hair, groaning at the feel of it. I needed to wash it. And it was about time to dye it again. But I almost didn’t want to. Today was a missing-my-blond-hair kind of day. Every time I saw Phin and he played with it, I could almost picture his fingers digging into my blond locks, and I couldn’t help but miss them.

  The main overhead light in the library flickered, and I frowned, checking the time. Eleven-thirty. Jesus. I’d been here that long? My astronomy assignment was almost done, but I also needed to get a leg up on studying for a philosophy exam I had next week. If I was already here where they had the books I needed, I was not coming back and doing this again later.

  But fuck, it was late. It was so late that I was pretty sure I was the only one left in here. . There were some students who liked to come early and stay late, and since third and fourth years had lock-in and lock-out privileges, there were usually a few of us scattered about until well past nine. With the lock privileges, a student could input their student ID on the keypad to enter and leave the library even after it was closed. The system would know exactly the time you came in and exactly the time you left, so there was a record of all the comings and goings.

  When I heard a noise toward the entrance, I called out. “Is anyone still here?”

  There was no answer.

  I slowly pushed my chair out, wincing at the scrape of the legs on the wood. “Anyone?”

  I could have sworn I heard something. Footsteps. Laughter maybe?

  Maybe it was a couple of kids trying to make out. But they really ought to know better. If you had lock-in and lock-out, you knew that Headmaster Briggs routinely made the rounds through the library after hours, because he didn’t want horny kids in here with no supervision. The staff wanted to make sure we were in the library for a damn good reason.

  I flushed as I thought of all the bad reasons Phin and I could be in the library after hours for. As I imagined all the ways that Phin would devour me in these stacks. How he could spread me wide, slide his fingers inside me, and groan into my neck as he whispered how soft I was, how sleek, how wet. Oh my God, I needed to get a grip. I was losing it. Which was par for the course when it came to Phin.

  Once I had my backpack filled and slung it over my shoulder, I slid my feet into my shoes, and then I heard that scraping sound again a few stacks over.

  “Hello?” I called out, but again no one answered.

  I grabbed my phone and started to walk out beyond the corner, passing the oh-so-popular stacks that were Keaton and Iris’s first make out spot. She’d told us all about it once when we went back there looking for something for English Lit. Right there amongst the Proust and other boring tomes, she and Keaton had nearly banged. Which sounded hot at the time, but ooh, gosh… public.

  Well, clearly you have nothing to say about doing things in public.

  Fair enough. That had been me. My legs spread during the lecture. For Phin. And I would do it again. He could make me forget anything. Which was problematic, at best. A disaster waiting to happen, at worst.

  As far as I could tell, no one else was in here.

  But then I heard that sound again. The sound of shuffling and walking. I turned around.

  “Okay, come on, if someone is in here, just speak up. I’m about to lock out, so if you want to leave too, now is your chance.”

  Still, there was no answer.

  A chill ran up my spine, and I frowned, turning back around and picking up my pace. At the far end of the library, I heard a thud. Like a book falling, maybe.

  But this was not the kind of horror movie I wanted a role in. I wasn’t going to investigate. Hell, no. If Serafina had taught me anything, it was that I should ignore the instinct that cute young white girls have to go toward a mysterious sound, wondering, ‘Oh, what is that?’

  Nope, not me.

  I was practically jogging and heading straight for the door. Then I could hear the footsteps, like running, coming toward me.

  Well, lucky for me, I ran cross-country. I kicked it up another notch, fully running now, my breath puffing out of me, my legs working harder than I thought they could. When I reached the keypad, my fingers fumbled. The door just buzzed, blinking red at me.

  Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  I tried again. It was my student ID, the code I used to get into my dorm hall, a code I’d known by heart for four years. Six, six, seven, eight, four. But again, red flashes and beeping. And from the far end of the library, all the way upstairs, I could have sworn someone said my name. An almost familiar voice.

  I heard it again. “Aurora.” It was low, menacing, and it made my blood run cold. My palms started to sweat, and I tried to remember to calm my breathing. Just like the therapist had said.

  With my heart beating fast and my head spinning, I forced myself to take a breath. In through my nose and counting the beats out slowly, even though my brain knew that someone was out there. Someone was coming for me. Someone was calling my name.

  And finally, I managed to press, six, six, seven, eight, six, four.

  Green.

  I yanked the door open, and as I scuffled through, I turned to see who was following me, but all I saw was a shadow on the upper stacks. And the ice, the fear, that reptilian part of my brain that told me this is danger, run for your life took over, and I sprinted out of the library, heading through the main doors, not looking back. I didn’t bother with another deep breath, but just shoved open the heavy oak doors to the outside that led to the quad. The streetlamps were blazing and there were kids still strewn about, chatting in a couple of small pockets, some rushing back to their dorms before lights out. And there, standing impassively at the quad, was a member of my security team, watching me as I came toward him.

  I was safe.

  I turned back toward the library, but I could see nothing moving in its tall windows now, the upper stacks almost entirely hidden from this angle. But I knew that I had seen someone; I had seen that shadow in the stacks. It had looked like a boy. Or a man. Was it a teacher? Had I overreacted? My brain said no.

  I had just escaped. Except I had no idea what I’d been running from.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Aurora

  Our annual art installation project was finally on display. It had taken nearly a year to work on. Since Pembroke had quite a few artists as alumni, we put on a gallery show at the end of every year. And this one had to go off without a hitch. As always, my mother had donated. That was for me, I supposed. But I think she’d actually enjoyed it last year when she came. For a princess, she loved the ordinary mum things, like
coming to school events.

  Strong arms wrapped around me, and I sighed, wanting to be annoyed at Phin, but there was something so comforting about his hold. Something that made me feel safe and cherished.

  I knew I shouldn’t get attached, and I kept reminding myself that getting too comfortable with Phin was a bad idea. But he made it so damn easy. And his arms felt so good around me.

  Last night, after the library incident, I’d found him outside my dorm door waiting for me. Apparently, I hadn’t answered my text about wanting to hang out with everyone. Then the texts had gotten increasingly dirty. He’d taken one look at my face and grown deadly serious. And I knew, I knew that he would annihilate anyone who hurt me.

  God, what was it about him?

  “All right, so what’s the plan? How long do we have to attend this thing before we can skip out, and you and I can get some alone time?”

  I laughed. “And by alone time you mean half naked, right? You finally going to let me give you a blowie?”

  He growled low. “I’ll take you up on that one of these days. But I actually do want to hang. I figured maybe we could get food or something. Unless you have some pieces here.”

  I shook my head. “I displayed some watercolors last year. I don’t know. I just wasn’t inspired this time. I started something in December, but I just—I don’t know. I didn’t love it.”

  “Uh-huh.” He watched me carefully but said nothing. Unlike the others, who had been desperately trying to get me to say something and tell them about what had happened, he waited patiently for me to open up. But how was I supposed to tell him anything when I still struggled to put it into words myself?

  But again, he didn’t push. He didn’t press. He just let me be.

  When he pulled me in for a quick kiss to the temple, I didn’t stiffen. I just let it happen. And he smiled down at me. It was one of his genuine smiles. Not the one he used when he was trying to charm the pants off of someone. Not the one he used when someone unfamiliar was trying to talk to him. Someone who was only interested in the Yates money or what he could do for them. No. This smile, the one he gave me, was his happy one. Truly happy.

  I still found it wild that I knew all those things about him. Specifically, what he needed, what his smiles meant.

  You are starting to freefall. You probably should tell the shrink about this. About your obsession with him.

  Oh yeah, she’d have a field day. She kept asking me if I felt in control of my feelings and fully present in my body, whatever that meant. And with Phin, I felt so present in my body that my skin was singing with it.

  “Well, well, don’t you two look cozy?”

  I frowned and then turned toward the voice, and I suddenly winced. “Oh, it’s you.”

  Phin frowned, looking between me and the tall, sandy-haired Croft Wells student who’d just appeared. “Do we know each other?”

  “I’m Brantley Nichols,” Brantley said with a jerk of his chin. “Of the Nichols family? Seems you came in and scooped Aurora right from under my nose.”

  Phin laughed. “Or is it that you wanted to bone my girlfriend?”

  Brantley’s brows rose by degrees. As if he couldn’t believe someone was so blatantly going up against him.

  “Honestly, I’m confused,” Phin said, in that deceptively easy tone of his. “How is it that you attempted to blackmail her mom? That’s really ballsy, dude.”

  Brantley frowned. “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “Other than you tried to go near something that was mine, I don’t give a fuck about who you are. You’re lucky you’re still standing.”

  Brantley raised a brow but chose to ignore Phin’s words. Or at least that’s what it seemed like, because instead he said, “You know, Aurora, I did my research on you. I was very surprised to hear you had a boyfriend.”

  Phin glowered at him. I didn’t think that Brantley had any idea what fire he was playing with right now.

  “I mean, I’ve been paying attention to your social media, who kept showing up with you at events, and not once did I see this idiot. So, tell me, idiot, how is she yours again?”

  “The best part about Aurora is that she doesn’t try and put a stamp on me,” Phin said coolly. “She’s mine, I’m hers, and that’s that.”

  Brantley laughed. “Or this shit isn’t real. Aurora, you literally will do anything to keep from going out with me.”

  Next to me, Phin straightened. “It’s time for you to go, Brantley.”

  “Why do you get to have an opinion on this?”

  “I get to have an opinion because I’m her boyfriend. Or do you even understand what that word means? Next time you upset my girlfriend, I’ll put you on the ground.”

  There was a low menace to his voice, and I knew he meant every word. His protective instinct had been triggered, and he was in no mood for fuckery. It was time for me to defuse the situation. “Okay, that’s enough. Brantley, you’re dismissed. And believe me, that’s to your benefit.”

  Brantley stared me up and down. “You’re really telling me you’re choosing someone like him over me?”

  “Why is it so hard for you to understand that?” Phineas said, his words like knives as he stepped closer to Brantley. “Can you not see? You said you’ve been watching her, but did you not see how we were with each other? Or are you really that stupid? You don’t know anything about Aurora. You don’t know how beautiful and strong and determined she is. How goddamn magical. All you see is the crown, and you think you can have it? How dare you? I’ll tell you what you won’t do. You won’t hit on my girlfriend. And then you’re going to apologize to her for acting like she doesn’t have the brainpower to know what she wants.”

  Brantley stared at him. “Who the fuck do you think you are? What did you say your name is again?”

  Phin laughed then, a dark laugh that sent goose bumps rippling up even my arms. “Phineas Yates. Does that ring any bells?”

  Suddenly it dawned on Brantley, and his eyes went wide. “Yates? Shit.”

  Phin nodded slowly. “Yup.”

  Brantley’s gaze went from Phin to me and back again. “I met your parents at the engagement party for Aurora’s cousin. You know, our families could be very close.”

  Phin’s eyes flashed. “Yeah, I’m not impressed.”

  If an entire body could wince, that’s what Brantley’s body was doing right now. “Look, we got off on the wrong foot,” Brantley rushed out. I was mistaken about Aurora.“

  Phin shook his head. “No, you weren’t. Or, you were, but that part where you told me you’ve been stalking her, that was interesting. Food for thought, actually. It’s something I want her security team to look into.”

  “Look,” Brantley said, trying for a smile, “maybe we can just have a chat one day.”

  Phin shook his head. “No. First of all, she’s in charge. Second of all, I can’t think of a single reason for us to have a talk about anything. Not after all your family did to Aurora’s.”

  With that, Phineas took my hand in his, gave me a soft peck on the lips, and tugged me through the crowd. He’d saved me. I hadn’t thought I was going to get much out of our arrangement, but instead what I got was a Phineas I could believe in.

  A Phineas I wanted to believe when he said that I was magical.

  I was falling for him again, like a fool. But my heart, though I should have known better, couldn’t fight this. I didn’t have the right kind of defenses. He was already winding his way through my soul.

  And it was going to be very hard to go back to the way it was before.

  Chapter Fourteen

  Aurora

  One Week Later

  This felt real.

  An absolute freaking reality, Phin and me. And I was loving it. Neither one of us had said anything about it being more than an arrangement though, so I knew better than to get my hopes up. But God, the way he looked at me during this last week, the way he touched me, the way he made me feel… I couldn’t let it go.


  And the way he made me laugh, I loved every moment of it. It was easy, and I felt normal.

  I could almost hear the therapist asking me what the fuck normal was. Well, normal for me, anyway. But I felt like I could just be me and not have to pretend to be anyone else. Whether I was the princess or not, I just got to relax. Breathe.

  Everyone was waiting out on the quad to head down to the bonfire party in the woods. Phin brushed his thumb over my knuckles. “I’ve got the blanket all ready, but why don’t you grab another jacket just in case? And you should double-check if you have your lip balm.”

  I blinked at him. “What?”

  “Lip balm.” He said it slowly, as if I was mentally deficient. “Do you have it?”

  “Um, I think so. But why are you asking?”

  “Because I know you’ll need it.”

  I laughed. “You don’t know what I need.”

  “Oh yes, I do. You’re addicted to that stuff. And you know, consequently, so am I. The cherry stuff you wear when you’re not wearing lipstick. I don’t think you realize it, but you apply it seventy-two times a day.”

  “So what?”

  “Well, make sure you have it. If you don’t, I’ll wait. Or if you want, I can go upstairs and get it for you.”

  “Who’s to say I’d even allow you inside my room alone?” I asked, smiling up at him.

  “You’re right. If I go get it, there’s going to be sniffing.”

  I gave him a look. “There will not be any such thing.”

  “Oh yes, there will. And then you’ll have to come up there, see what I have gotten into, and then… Well, we’re never going to make it to the bonfire.”

  I laughed. “I see you’ve got this all planned out.”

  “Yes, I have a nefarious plan. You might as well get used to it.”

  “You’re ridiculous.”

  “Come on, go get it. And don’t dawdle, because if I come and get you, well, like I said, we’re not going to get to the party.”

  Sera nodded at me from the fountain. “You want me to come with you?”