Keep Me Safe

by Maya Banks

  THE steady beep of the heart monitor reassured Caleb that Ramie’s heart still beat. In his darker moments, he’d feared that he had been too late and that she’d die of blood loss from all the knife wounds to her body. Cuts he’d inflicted. He still couldn’t look at her without his stomach knotting viciously.

  He’d been her constant shadow in the days following her rescue. She hadn’t yet regained consciousness but the doctor had told Caleb that she had a lot of healing to do and it was best done while sleeping. It was the body’s natural way of ensuring its recovery.

  Only by the grace of God was Caleb not in jail at this very moment. The two lieutenants who’d witnessed Ramie’s psychic abilities had gone to the D.A. and at least stalled any action until Ramie could herself be questioned about the incident.

  Caleb stood by her bed, stroking his knuckle down the still-bruised skin of her face. He touched her loose curls, twining one around his finger and then letting go, it jiggling like a Slinky down the stairs.

  He wasn’t in any hurry for her to wake up because when she did, she’d look at him with the knowledge of his betrayal in her eyes. Until such time, he was content to stand here and watch over her while she slept so peacefully.

  As it was, it happened when he wasn’t the least bit prepared for it.

  The fingers of her right and his left hand were laced together and rested on the bed next to her side. He was sitting in a chair next to the head of the bed and he’d leaned over, resting his cheek against the reassuring pitter-patter of her chest.

  He’d drifted to sleep, into sweet forgetfulness, when he felt her stir and then stiffen. He lifted his head, expecting the worst and yet still gutted when fear chased the color from her face.

  A panicked whimper slipped from trembling lips.

  He stared at her a long moment and then simply backed away from the bed, his hands up where she could see them.

  “I just wanted to make sure you were really okay,” he whispered, his heart breaking wide open. “I’ll go now. Eliza or Dane will be in to take over.”

  He lifted one tiny hand and brought it to his lips, pressing a gentle kiss to the palm.

  “I love you, Ramie. I’ll always love you.”

  And then he turned and walked away, closing her door carefully behind him.

  THIRTY-EIGHT

  RAMIE stared at the opposing wall of her hospital room and once again practiced making her mind go completely blank. She was getting more adept at the skill, which gave her hope that her future would be nothing like her past.

  So much pain and devastation. Lives wrecked, ruined. It didn’t make any sense to her why people like Charles Bloomberg were even born. The sole legacy he’d left behind was one of pain and misery, not only for her and Caleb, but for so many other victims.

  She was overcome with sadness, the weight becoming heavier and heavier with each passing day. She was sliding helplessly into a void she might never get out of. She couldn’t muster the energy to care.

  Caleb hadn’t been back to see her since the day she woke up and he’d kissed her goodbye. Even after she’d absolved him of the horrific charge he was facing with the police, he hadn’t returned.

  Warm, salty tears burned her eyelids and she sucked them back, taking several deep, steadying breaths so she didn’t cry. Again. So far everyone who’d come to see her had been cried all over by her.

  Especially Tori, Quinn and Beau Devereaux. She’d cried so hard that they’d instantly retreated, apologizing for traumatizing her.

  She wearily closed her eyes, uncaring that all she did these days was sleep. The doctor had asked her if she was ready to go home and she’d merely shrugged. She didn’t have a home so it didn’t really matter if she stayed or went.

  A soft knock sounded at her door. As with all her other visitors, they didn’t wait for her to offer a summons. Eliza barged in a few seconds later, her eyes bright and cheerful, her sunny demeanor making Ramie want to hold her down and choke her with her own hair.

  How could anyone be that friggin’ happy? Especially when Ramie was so friggin’ miserable.

  She glowered darkly at Eliza, but Eliza didn’t look like the happy, chipper Eliza Ramie had been subjected to for the last week. She’d lost count of the days she’d spent recovering in the hospital. Just as she’d lost count of the stitches they’d had to give her. She was a veritable Frankenstein’s Monster these days.

  “I need to talk to you, Ramie,” Eliza said firmly. “And since I know you can’t go anywhere, I’m taking advantage of you being a captive audience.”

  Ramie raised one eyebrow, wondering what had gotten up Eliza’s behind.

  “Can you not bring yourself to forgive Caleb? Or at the very least offer some understanding? I’d think you of all people would know what it felt like to be at the mercy of someone else and their bidding. For God’s sake, Caleb killed him in cold blood . . . for you. So you’d never be linked to him or anyone else again.”

  Ramie went utterly still, her pulse pounding like a freight train in her head.

  “What?” she croaked. “What did you say?”

  “He’s dead!” Eliza snapped. Then her eyes widened and her mouth dropped open. “Oh shit, no one told you, did they? They were probably all tiptoeing around you and not wanting to take you back to a place so painful.”

  “No one told me what?” Ramie asked impatiently.

  “Charles Bloomberg is dead,” Eliza said quietly. “Caleb shot him. He knew that unless Charles died, you’d still have a connection to him. And likely so would Caleb.”

  It was automatic for Ramie to seek out the mental pathway that she’d lived with for over a year. Something she’d avoided ever since she’d been rescued, but now she opened her mind, seeking the very evil responsible for putting her here. She felt . . . nothing. Just a blank void as if he’d never existed. He truly was dead!

  Ramie closed her eyes as sweet relief billowed over her body. This time her tears were ones of relief. Staggering, overwhelming relief.

  She was free.

  Caleb was free.

  “I’m free,” Ramie whispered.

  “Yes, hon, you’re free,” Eliza said, patting her hand. “Now about Caleb.”

  “Where is he?” Ramie demanded. “I need to see him here right now.”

  Eliza’s expression became somber, sadness glittering in her eyes. “He’s gone.”

  Ramie couldn’t help the stab of pain that speared her heart. He’d just left her?

  “Why?” she croaked out.

  Eliza’s eyes dimmed with sympathy and she moved to sit on the bed next to Ramie, taking her hand and squeezing.

  “He didn’t think you wanted him here or to see him,” she said gently. “After what happened . . . He thinks you blame him for what he did. He’s not in good shape, Ramie. He’s gutted by what he was forced to do to you.”

  “Do you know where he went?” Ramie asked desperately. “I have to find him. Make him understand. I don’t hate him. I love him.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that,” Eliza said with a smile.

  “Where is he?” Ramie asked in frustration. “And when can I get out of this place?”

  “Whoa, you aren’t going anywhere for a couple more days. You nearly died. Caleb will wait and he likely needs time to sort out his own feelings of guilt.”

  Ramie closed her eyes, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I did this to him,” she said painfully. “I was afraid of him when I first woke up. I didn’t understand everything. It was all too muddled and all I could remember was him c-cutting me,” she choked out. “And I was trying to protect him. I didn’t know the killer was dead. And I guess I was trying to protect myself because I didn’t know if he still had a link to Caleb and could compel Caleb to do his bidding. I should have trusted him more.”

  Eliza leaned over and gently hugged Ramie, mindful of her injuries.

  “Your reaction was perfectly justified. But now that you know everything you can make things righ
t with Caleb. After you’re discharged from the hospital,” she said firmly.

  THIRTY-NINE

  THEY kept Ramie in the hospital another frustratingly long week before they finally released her with strict instructions to take it easy and not to overtax herself. She had no intention of heeding their instructions.

  Surprisingly it wasn’t Dane or Eliza who collected her from the hospital. Beau, Quinn and Tori all showed up and drove her to a house they were renting in the Woodlands. As soon as she got inside the house she shrugged off their demands that she go immediately to bed and faced them, having no intention of backing down until she got the information she wanted from them.

  “Where is he?” she demanded.

  “I don’t know if it’s a good idea for you to know,” Beau hedged. “He’d have our asses if you went after him. He’s not in a good place right now.”

  “I don’t blame him for what happened,” Ramie said softly. “I love him and I can’t make things right with him if I don’t know where he is.”

  Beau and Quinn exchanged uneasy glances but it was Tori who spoke up.

  “He’s in Colorado. At the cabin where he first found you. He’s like a wounded bear. I think you’re exactly what he needs.”

  “Damn it, Tori,” Beau growled. “The very last thing she needs is to make that trip in her condition. Caleb will come around. We just have to be patient.”

  “I don’t have to be anything,” Ramie argued. “I have no home. Nowhere to go. Caleb is the only home I have if he still wants me.”

  Quinn looked at her in shock. “Surely you don’t think we’re going to put you out on the streets. Ramie, you’re free to stay with us as long as you need.”

  She shook her head. “I appreciate what you—all of you—have done for me and I’m sorry for all the turmoil I’ve put your family through. If I could go back and undo it all I would. I would have never called Caleb for help if I’d had any idea the consequences of my request.”

  “Bullshit,” Beau swore. “You aren’t responsible for that bastard’s actions. You did exactly what you should have done and came to Caleb for help. I once told you that we all owed you an apology, an apology you never got. But I’m offering mine now. We owe you far more than you will ever owe us. You saved our sister at great cost to yourself.”

  “I owe you an apology too,” Tori said in a stricken voice. “I was awful to you, Ramie.”

  Tears filled Tori’s eyes. “I owe my life to you and what I gave you in return, the way I acted toward you is unforgiveable. I can only hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me—us—for the way we treated you.”

  “I’m sorry too,” Quinn said in a somber voice. “Caleb loves you and that you love him is all that matters to us. He’s been alone for so long, shouldering the responsibility of this family on his own.”

  “Then you can make it up to me by booking me a flight to Colorado and arranging a rental car because I’m going with or without your blessing and I’m bringing Caleb home.”

  Not a single member of Caleb’s family argued further after her passionate, determined declaration.

  Ramie drove the winding, bumpy road to the cabin she’d stayed in all those months ago, the irony not lost on her that Caleb had made a similar trip to track her down. Only this time she was doing the hunting and she was going to be every bit as forceful as he’d been when it came to demanding he see her.

  She parked beside his SUV and sat a moment gathering her courage for the impending confrontation. What if Caleb refused to see her? What if she’d waited too long, her irrational desperation to feel safe overriding all else? When she thought back to her reaction when she’d awakened from the grasp of a nightmare to see the very man who’d starred in the terrible memory there, in front of her, she cringed all over again. It had been a rejection. A cold one at that.

  She was more afraid than she’d ever been before. Even when she’d awakened that horrible night with Caleb above her, slicing through her skin. She closed her eyes, banishing the disturbing image from her mind.

  Those memories had no place in the here and now. The man who’d done so much damage to so many people was finally dead and she and Caleb could be at peace. Finally at peace.

  Wiping her damp palms down the legs of her jeans she carefully got out of the Jeep Beau had rented for her. She was still in a lot of pain and had to move slowly, but determination got her to the door where she knocked with every bit of the force Caleb had once knocked on this same door.

  It opened within seconds and Caleb stood there, brows furrowed, fury glinting in his eyes.

  “What the fuck are you doing out of the hospital? Are you out of your goddamn mind? Do you even know how close you came to dying? That I tried my damnedest to kill you?” he asked hoarsely.

  “I was released two days ago,” she said lightly.

  “Then you need to be in bed, not traipsing across the country to some godforsaken cabin in the middle of fucking nowhere!”

  Then he seemed to realize that she was here and not where he’d ranted that she should be. Confusion clouded his eyes and his features went rigid, as though preparing himself for more hurt. Hurt she’d unwittingly caused him.

  They’d hurt each other over the course of their short but volatile time together. It was time to move past that. To look ahead and forget all that was behind them. Looking back did neither of them any good. If either one of them refused to shake the grip their past held on them, they had no chance at all. Their relationship was well and truly doomed. It was up to her to make him put it all behind them both.

  “What are you doing here, Ramie? Haven’t I hurt you enough?”

  “Are you going to invite me in or let me freeze to death out here?” she asked pointedly.

  Her words galvanized him to action and he quickly ushered her in and sat her down in front of the fireplace, his touches so gentle that her chest ached. It was obvious he was working hard not to touch her at all and yet still ensuring her absolute comfort.

  But as his hands slid away, his fingertip brushed over one of the stitches on her arm barely peeking out from the long-sleeve shirt she wore.

  Sorrow swamped his face as he brushed his thumb upward, pushing the sleeve to bare even more of the twelve-inch slice he’d inflicted down the length of her arm. And then as if realizing what he was doing—inspecting the injury he’d caused—he yanked his hand back as if burned.

  “Eliza said you killed him,” she said casually to take his focus off his obvious self-loathing.

  Sorrow shone in Caleb’s eyes and he looked away as though he were unable to bear it if she condemned him for what he’d done.

  “He’s dead,” Caleb said flatly. “I don’t regret killing him.”

  She wondered if he even heard the defensiveness in his voice. Did he think she would condemn him?

  “Good,” she said savagely. “Do you realize we’re truly free now?”

  His brow arched and furrowed in obvious confusion. He nodded as if not trusting himself to speak. Or perhaps he simply didn’t know what to say. He looked as though he were afraid to say anything at all because he was still trying to sort out why she’d come all this way to tell him something he already knew.

  She was waiting no longer. They’d suffered long enough. Suffered too long a separation even if it only had been two weeks.

  She reached her hand out to him, praying he wouldn’t reject her. He stared at it for a long moment until something shriveled and died inside her. She started to lower it, already bracing herself for his rejection and then to her profound relief, he caught her hand before it rested on her lap and slid his fingers over hers, lacing them together.

  She pulled desperately at him, wanting him near her, close, touching her. He stumbled forward, a deep frown on his face. She reached up to him with her other hand, practically climbing him in her effort to pull him all the way down to where she sat on the couch.

  “Hold me,” she whispered. “Please, Caleb. I need you to hold me.
Banish the painful memories and replace them with new ones.”

  The absolute lack of hope in his eyes gutted her. Had she done this to him? She’d been afraid before, not wanting to place Caleb in the untenable position of having to ever hurt her again. But now, they were free. There was no threat. No one to control either of them ever again.

  “Come here,” she choked out, holding up her arms to him.

  With a tortured sound of agony, he enfolded her in his embrace, wrapping his arms so tightly around her that she couldn’t breathe. She didn’t want to breathe. Not another breath unless she shared it with him.

  “I’m so sorry, Ramie,” Caleb said brokenly. “I’m so damn sorry.”

  “Shhh, Caleb,” she soothed, clutching his head to her breasts where his cheek rested. “Never be sorry for killing that son of a bitch.”

  “I’m not sorry I killed him,” Caleb said coldly. “I’m sorry for what I did to you.”

  “I’m sorry for what he did to us,” Ramie gently corrected.

  She pulled him closer to her, resting her cheek atop his hair as she stroked his face with her hand.

  “I love you,” she said tenderly.

  He went rigid against her and would have bolted back up, but she caught him and held him tightly to her.

  He found her wrists with his hands and carefully pulled himself away from her, holding her wrists on either side of her. His eyes glittered and his jaw was pulled tight as he stared down at her.

  “Don’t say something you don’t mean,” he said hoarsely.

  She smiled, allowing the full light of her love to shine. So he could see it. Feel it.

  “I’m not in the habit of telling guys I love them,” she said wryly. “And I have to say I don’t like it much. So if you could just say I love you back then I’d feel much better.”

  He stared at her in absolute befuddlement.

  “Do you forget what I did to you? That I took a knife to you and cut you to ribbons? That I could have killed you?”

  Tears glittered brightly in his eyes and he didn’t even make an attempt to call them back. They trickled down the hard line of his jaw. There was so much grief and regret in his eyes that she wondered if he’d truly ever heal after such a grievous injury to his soul.

  No, she wouldn’t think like that. Love could heal all things. She had to believe that.

  “You didn’t hurt me,” she corrected firmly. “It took me longer than I’d have liked to figure that out. But given that I know well what it’s like to be controlled by another, I could hardly blame you for the same thing that has happened to me.”

  He looked stunned. “You knew it wasn’t me controlling my actions before . . . before we got to you?”

  She nodded, her smile a little quivery. Her chin wobbled as she herself was precariously close to tears.

  “When I came to and that monster was gloating about you handing me over to him, I knew you would have never willingly done that. You love me,” she said simply.

  He hauled her into his arms, his chest heaving and body trembling from head to toe.

  “God yes, I love you,” he said. “Desperately, hopelessly, absolutely in love with you until the day I die.”

  She reached up to cup his face when he finally pulled back, his gaze raking over her as though he was having to convince himself that this was all not some cruel joke being played on him.

  “I like that notion,” she said in a loving voice. “But what do you say we save ‘until the day I die’ for a hundred or so years from now?”

  He hugged her again, his hand buried in her unruly hair, his arms like steel bands around her body. She smiled, marveling at the fact that she and Caleb had weathered a storm no other couple would ever have to endure.

  “Don’t think for a minute any of this counts as an actual proposal,” she huffed. “I expect bended knee, the ring . . . everything.”

  Caleb threw back his head and laughed, the sound joyous and carefree.

  Then he sobered and dropped to his knees in front of where she sat on the couch. He took both her hands in his and looked at her with such love that she melted on the spot.

  “Will you marry me, Ramie? Spend the rest of your life with me? Have my children and grow old together? I swear to you that no one will ever love you