Magic & Memory Loss

by Eleanor Rousseau

  “Jay-” Avon took a step towards me.

  I moved back. “How dare you!” Tears blurred my vision.

  “Love, I’m sorry, come here,” he implored.

  “Don’t you touch me!” I was still reeling from the depths of the betrayal.

  “It was never going to be permanent,” Jay assured me, though I wasn’t sure I believed him.

  I slapped him, right across his stupid face.

  His expression turned to one of pure shock. Never before had I struck him in anger. His surprise somehow only made me angrier. He seriously thought I would just roll over and take this?

  “Love, it was all my doing, I just wanted to see you happy, I needed to see you happy.” Avon reached for me again but I furthered the distance between us.

  “You took my own son from me.”

  He blinked away what almost looked like tears. “No, I made sure he was part of your life, of our lives. I just wanted you to choose us and you did, you choose to be with us.”

  I glanced up, suddenly finding it hard to catch my breath. “But you didn’t choose to be with me.”

  “Of course I did, I always will, always,” he promised, moving closer.

  “No, instead of taking me as I was you took away who I was. You took everything from me.” My heart hurt just looking at him now, I pressed a hand to my chest.

  “Please don’t do this. I love you.” He ran a hand through his hair, looking as dismayed as ever.

  I took another step back. “Do you even know me?”

  “I’ve always known you, even when you didn’t know yourself.”

  I shook my head. “If you thought I was so insignificant that getting rid of me wouldn’t make a difference then you’ve never known me at all.”

  “You were never gone. I was always with you.”

  “I don’t think I want you with me.”

  His heart broke, I could see it in his expression. “Please, love, don’t do this.”

  “You were the one person I thought I could trust,” I said softly. “You made me want you, made me let you inside again.” I turned from him.

  “You can trust me, little one. You don’t understand, I knew how much pain you were in, I could feel your unhappiness.”

  “You think I wouldn’t have gotten over it? That I wouldn’t have made it work?”

  “It lasted for months, no matter what I did it was always overshadowed by what your father did to us.” He stared at me, eyes tortured.

  “And you thought you could fix me?” I blinked back my own tears now.

  “I just couldn’t watch you be in so much pain, it tore me apart.”

  “So you took the easy way out?”

  “It was never an easy decision, I agonised over it for weeks but after it was done you were happy.” He stepped close, with inhuman speed, and grabbed me. He pressed his lips to mine but I turned my head. “We were happy.”

  “But it was all a lie!”

  “No, little one, I only did what I had to do so you would be safe.”

  “Safe? I woke up, alone and confused, with nothing, not even my memories. Do you have any idea how that felt?”

  “I’m sorry, love, but the wolves found you, took care of you.”

  “And you think that makes up for everything you put me through? I lost everything, my life, my knowledge of magic, but at least some local shifters took pity on me!”

  “I just wanted you to have everything, without the pressure, without the guilt.”

  “It was my guilt! It should have been my choice.”

  “It can be, it is your choice. You can choose right now.”

  “No, I can’t, because you’ve been manipulating everything!”

  “Not everything. How you feel about me, that’s real, that’s everything.”

  “What if I’d wanted to be with Adam? You scared him away. You never gave him a chance.”

  His expression turned furious. “He was a Warlock.”

  I thought about it, looking back it seemed obvious, and it could only mean one thing, my father had sent me what he deemed to be an appropriate mate. No Warlock would dare come into his old territory without Misha’s consent.

  “You still took away my choice,” I said, pushing him away.

  “You are my wife, Kia! What was I to do?” He grasped my head with both hands.

  I met his gaze. “You were supposed to have faith in me. Not force me to love you.”

  He clenched his jaw. “You were with me willingly. You kissed me, made love with me, all of your own free will, you wanted it, and I know you still want me.”

  “But how do I know? Can you really expect me to trust anything that I feel when you’ve been messing around in my head?”

  “You know there’s no way I would do anything like that to you, love.”

  “Do I? Sorry, I must have forgotten that small detail,” I said, my tone harsh.

  “I love you, damn it! That should overcome everything and anything else.” He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around me.

  I shoved him away. “I hate you! Can’t you understand what you did to me?”

  “I can make it up to you.” His shoulders slumped. “I’m so sorry, I’ll do anything to make this right, literally anything.”

  “Will you leave?”

  He froze, a number of emotions at war on his face. “Please don’t ask that of me, if you ever loved me you won’t ask.”

  I reached up to touch his face, blinking back tears. “Okay... then I’ll leave.” Trip, I need you. I stepped back, away from Avon’s devastation, which was almost palpable.

  “Kia-” Jay began.

  “Don’t!” I snapped, turning on him. “I may not have all my memories back yet but now I’ve got the first ones you took from me.”

  His eyes widened. “Kia, that was a long time ago.”

  I shook my head. “Yet here you are, doing it again. How many people must you take from me?”

  He bowed his head. “I make no excuses.”

  I hear a familiar rumble and then Trip was dropping to the ground at my back. I turned to him, checking over his wounds even as I replied to Jay, “Good because there are no excuses. I’m leaving and I’m taking my son.” I glanced at Avon.

  “Please, my love, not Jem,” Avon begged softly.

  “I’ll keep in touch, but only for his sake.”

  Trip nuzzled my cheek, which was now damp with tears and I was relieved to see that a few deep scratches seemed to be the worst of the damage.

  Forcing myself to turn back to them, I watched as Avon dropped to his knees. “I’ll wait for you, as long as it takes.”

  I pulled the chain from the neck and made the ring on the end of the chain break into two pieces in my palm, using my magic. Then I dropped it in front of him, “You shouldn’t,” I said softly. “I gave you everything, Avon, despite what everyone said, despite what you were and you betrayed me.”

  “It was never my intention, you know that.”

  “Nonetheless, that’s what you resorted too.” I turned, so they wouldn’t see the dampness that blurred my vision.

  Michael sat close by, looking completely bewildered. “Tell the wolves I’ll be home soon, but I won’t be staying.”

  Though he probably didn’t understand half of the little drama playing out before him, he nodded.

  Trip nudged me towards his back, he’d grown large enough that he insisted he could hold my weight. Though I was worried about his injuries, he didn’t relax until I climbed onto the space between his shoulders. His head came back to nuzzle me as I settled between his shoulder blades.

  I’ve got you, he said, sensing my trepidation.

  Thank you. I closed my eyes, rubbing my cheek against his scales. His comforting warmth spread through me. Then, in one powerful bound, he took to the skies.

  Epilogue

  Getting my memories back wasn’t easy and it wasn’t fast. Personality traits I’d lost returned almost instantly but my memories were like a stormy ocean co
nfined to my head. They kept threatening to escape but if I let them all at once they’d likely kill me.

  In the past couple of years, it hadn’t escaped my notice that I had an eidetic memory, which had always seemed ironic. That meant almost twenty years worth of memories were just pressing to get out. I had every moment of my life shut behind a locked door and I had to be careful how much I let out.

  “Did you know I once killed a zombie?” I asked Wilson.

  “You’ve been resembling a zombie lately,” he told me.

  We were curled up together in the old deep-set couch. “I can’t do anything until I filter out more of my memories. It’s too much.”

  “I don’t understand, how does that work?”

  “At the moment most of my memories are locked away but sometimes, when they come back I don’t just remember, I experience it.”

  He stared blankly at the TV for a moment. “It must be hard, I don’t know how you stand it.”

  “There isn’t really any other option. The spell wasn’t meant to be broken, I wasn’t supposed to remember. They didn’t want me to ever remember.”

  Pulling me closer to his side, he rested a hand against my hair. “Are you glad you remembered?”

  For a moment, I couldn’t answer because I didn’t know myself. “It’s all too fresh, too raw. Making me forget, it took everything away; my magic, my family, my friends...” I swallowed heavily, closing my eyes, “my anger, my pain, my guilt.”

  “So, it wasn’t all bad. You understand why he did it?”

  “I may understand, but I can’t forgive,” I said firmly. “I have a child, Wilson, I felt him grow in my belly and gave birth to him, and Avon made me forget that. Can you even imagine what that’s like?”

  He watched me steadily. “But you remember now, giving birth?”

  “Not exactly, I had a dream about it once, which was enough to put me off of remembering any more. I don’t know how the human body can do such a thing. I remember...” I broke off, glancing down at my hands.

  “Remembered what?” he gently prodded.

  “In the weeks after giving birth, Avon would use his magic to ease the pain and help me heal.”

  “He loves you very much,” he said reluctantly.

  “He’s a Daemon, he might not even know how to love,” I said bitterly, though I knew it wasn’t true.

  “You’re just mad, don’t say anything you don’t mean,” he said, rubbing his chin against my hair.

  “I’ll say what I want,” I said grumpily.

  He gave a wolfish chuckle and tugged playfully at my hair. “As of now, all you’ve lost is time. You can do what you want, be who you want, be with who you want.”

  Suddenly, I was struck by the intimacy of our position. I bit my lip and glanced up at him.

  Before I could decipher his meaning, or say anything, Murray stepped into the room, his gaze quickly finding me. His eyes were guarded, his jaw tense and gold flecks sparked in his eyes.

  I climbed to my feet, my movements slow. I knew better than to startle a predator who was on edge. He obviously knew what had happened, the real question was whether he was like this because he hadn’t wanted me to get my memory back, or because he was mad at those who had taken it in the first place.

  We stood watching each other for a few minutes before I realised it would be up to me to break the silence. “Tell me you had no part in this, even if it’s a lie,” I said softly.

  The werewolf stood there for a long moment, his expression unreadable. Then he nodded slightly. “I had no part in this.”

  Though it had turned out that many people had been deceiving me for years, I actually believed him. But it hadn’t escaped my notice that he’d said I. Maybe it was just the first word that came to his lips, or maybe it wasn’t.

  I knew that Beth was standing in the doorway but I didn’t look, I didn’t want to see her pitying expression and I couldn’t bear to see guilt there either.

  “Thank you for rescuing Trip,” I said, glancing between the two wolves. Wilson had explained that they’d found him caught in a net, trapped and bruised but relatively unharmed. They were able to chew him loose.

  “We would have returned to help but we couldn’t cover the distance in time,” Murray explained.

  “I know you would have if you could...” I gazed down at my hands. “I’m leaving,” I told the wolves.

  “Yes, I figured.” He nodded, though his expression seemed stricken. “We’ll miss you,” he added, voice barely above a whisper.

  “I’ll miss you too.” I glanced down at my hands. I wasn’t good with goodbyes, especially not meaningful ones.

  “Where will you go?”

  “I don’t know. I just need to... get some space, clear my head a little.”

  “I’ll tell the others,” he told me and I heard what was unsaid. You don’t have to see the others, don’t have to ask the same question.

  He did pause, giving me the opportunity to object, to say I’d do it myself. But, though it may have been cowardly, I accepted the silent offer, and I just nodded. “Thanks.”

  Striding forward, he pulled me into his arms, holding me close and breathing in my scent.

  Wilson stepped up too, doing the same. “You have a place to go?”

  “With my memories back, there are a lot of places I can go,” I told him.

  “You should call, once you’re settled,” he said hesitantly.

  I nodded. “I will.”

  “You’ll always be part of the pack, little Witch,” Murray said softly. Then, both of them stepped back a little in unison.

  I kissed his cheek, then I turned to brush my cheek against Wilson’s in a wolfish gesture that I knew he’d appreciate.

  Trip, it’s time to go, I thought, reaching for the magic tether that connected me to the Dragon.

  Is it alright if I keep my new pet for a while?

  The big scaly creature had his body wrapped around the toddler, who was currently enthralled by the sway of his tail.

  I smiled, amused at his phrasing. Yes, we get to keep him for a little while.

  I’d been a lot of things in my life; a Witch, a mercenary, a victim, a waitress. Now it was time for me to try out being a mother.

  My steps faulted as I approached the creature, and the Dragon. Large light brown eyes looked up at me, warm and trusting. Would he be okay? By nightfall, would he be crying, afraid of this woman he barely knew who had taken him from his father?

  I sank to my knees on the grass next to the pair of them. Trip nudged me, and I realised he had something held between his teeth. As I reached up, he dropped it into my palm.

  Where had he gotten a necklace?

  I looked closer and realised it wasn’t just a necklace. It was a charm, and one I recognised. My sister, Tia, was a blabbermouth. Growing up, she couldn’t keep a secret to keep her life.

  So, our Aunt Jackie began to make her these charms. She called them Secret Keepers. With one of these, even if you tried to blurt out the secret, you’d end up saying something else.

  How would Trip get one? Unless...

  I glanced at the child who was now trying to clamber over one of the Dragon’s legs. He was too young to have secrets of his own.

  As if feeling my gaze, he looked up at me. He reached out his arms to me and a smile brightened his face. “Mama.”

  Oh.

  My heart swelled until I thought it might choke me, then I burst into tears.

  Keep reading for a preview of Grimmer Legacy 4: Fangs and Forgiveness

  (Coming 2019)

  Prologue

  “Where’s mama, Jem?” I asked, careful to keep my expression pleasant.

  Jem smiled. “Mama’s at home,” he told me.

  I sighed softly. “Where is your ma’s home?” I eyed the young child but there was nothing in his expression to give away what I needed to know.

  He reached up to pat my chin. She could have spelled him to prevent him from giving me a location, her broth
er had done the same spell on me years ago. I still couldn’t name the location of the library, even though I could easily walk there.

  “Don be sad, papa,” he told me gently.

  “I’m okay, Jem, I just miss your mother.” I rubbed my chin against his head.

  “Mama miss you too.”

  I gave a small smile. “Really?” My chest ached just thinking of her.

  He nodded. “Yes, papa.”

  That made me feel a little better. Most of the time I missed her so much it hurt, it had been so long and she still refused to forgive me.

  “Have... have you seen her with any- any men?” I shouldn’t have asked, I may as well have held a dagger to my chest and asked him to push. I guess I was a glutton for punishment.

  “Yes, with Anthony.”

  I blinked. That damn human? I’d tear his damn throat out. Why should he know where she was when she had kept hidden from me for over a year? At least this meant I could find him and demand her her location. I forced myself to calm down when the edges of my vision became tinged with red. Trip would be coming for Jem soon, once he was safely away I would find the human and discover my wifes location, even if I had to beat it out of him.

  “I know what you’re thinking and he won't know where she is,” said Grant as he walked into the room.

  “Clearly he does,” I growled.

  “She’s a smart girl, you’ve tried everything, tracking chips, location spells. Even her family doesn’t knows where she is. He might have met with her but it wouldn’t have been where she was staying and even if it was she could have spelled him not to talk.”

  I set Jem down before striding into the next room. “I can’t take it, Grant! Not knowing what she’s doing, how she is and who she’s seeing! For a while we were so happy. I should have known it wouldn’t last.”

  “I saw you two from the start, she fell in love with you, twice. I’m still shocked it happened the first time but it did. You just had to go and screw it up. I always felt like you rushed into it too soon, she’s a great girl but she was only eighteen when you married her,” he reminded me.