Thirteen Hours To You

by Annie Emerson

  She nodded hesitantly, and I ground my teeth because I knew. I knew her secrets and watching her struggle had me shifting on the swing, giving it a jolt as I balled my fists and tried painfully to control the anger that simmered just below the surface.

  “Back in Adalita, I didn't have any friends. Well, there was one, but it was a friendship of convenience more than anything. On her part mainly . . . maybe mine, too. She was the only one who would be seen with me, so I called her my best friend.”

  “What do you mean, ‘Who would be seen with you?’” I asked.

  “No one was allowed to be seen with me. Everyone at my school was told that if they were seen with me, if they were kind to me, they would be made a social outcast, too. But Lucy, she seemed to get away with it, and I never understood why, but I never questioned it because I was grateful. I at least had someone.”

  I knew exactly why this Lucy got away with it, and the need to tell her the truth, so maybe she could connect the dots, had me itching in my skin. The last thing Radley needed was the complete truth, not yet anyway.

  “How did we get here?” she questioned. “Why am I telling you things you have no right knowing? We’re supposed to be talking about why you're a dick, about why you stood me up, about why . . .” She stopped, her eyes moved over my hand in curiosity and took it into hers.

  “Meekai?” Her eyes looked at me with concern as she gently ran her fingers over my bruised knuckles, flakes of dried blood peppered onto her thigh, my body heated to her delicate touch, stirring up a deep need to hold her, to know every secret, every hurt.

  “Where were you, Meekai? Why have you been missing? You missed football camp. I hear nothing from you until you decide to turn up on my doorstep looking like you've been awake for days, and now this,” she lifted my hand towards my face.

  I pulled my hand away, blinking several times before she picked up my hand again and pushed it into my chest.

  “Start talking,” she demanded. “Talk, or I’ll get Gamma to show you to your car. You don't want me to ask Gamma to show you to your fucking car, Meekai. Talk.”

  I turned to face her, my knees brushing against her bare legs, the slightest shudder felt as her body involuntarily reacted to my touch.

  “It doesn't matter, Radley.”

  “Wrong answer. Try again,” she challenged.

  “Forget about it, Radley,” I ground out, hoping she’d let it be. “You just need to know I’m sorry. That I had to leave last minute to Adalita on Wednesday night after I dropped you off, that I didn't have my phone with me and I had no way of-”

  “Last chance,” she cut in. “Why are your hands bruised and bloody? Why were you in Adalita, and why the hell do you keep pushing towards me and pushing away all at once? I don't know how to take you, Meekai. What. The. Fuck. Do. You. Want. From. Me?”

  Her hands grasped around the wooden swing beside her thighs, her grip turning her knuckles an opaque white, her glistening eyes leaving me with no choice but to say it.

  “I know what happened to you, Radley.”

  She paled, and I swear her heart stopped as she looked at me with sheer panic.

  “You know that I was-”

  “I know that Hardy made your life miserable. I know that you had no friends, not one, not even this Lucy,” I spat her name in disgust. “I know they hurt you for fun. I know it all.”

  She seemed to visibly calm after I told her that I knew about Hardy. Her shoulders relaxed, but as I met her violet gaze, a lone tear slipped down her cheek. I reached out, not giving a second thought to the physical boundaries I was well aware of.

  I wiped my thumb gently below her eye and cleaned it away, my heart pulling in a million and one directions. I could tell Radley wasn’t a crier. She was the type of girl who hid her feelings for fear of appearing weak, but also for fear of hurting the people close to her.

  She might have been hard on me, but I partially deserved it. She didn’t have the whole story. She didn’t know why I was so pushy. Only I knew why I was so in for this girl. I knew I scared her, and that scared me, but I wasn't letting her run. She could run as far away as she thought necessary, but I would follow.

  “Meekai, I need to know what happened to your hands. Please tell me,” she pleaded.

  So, I told her.

  I told her that I got a call from my father about my little sister being hospitalized for a severe asthma attack which had me running out the door and forgetting my phone. I’d realized two hours in, when I tried to call for an update on my sister, that I’d forgotten it. I told her that I’d slept in the hospital Wednesday and Thursday and that I couldn’t get ahold of Linc to get her number as cells weren’t allowed at football camp.

  I told her that I ended up at Hardy’s eighteenth birthday party by obligation. I heard him mention Radley’s name when he wondered out loud to his harem of mindless fucks as to where she could be. I didn’t want to repeat what he’d said, but her eyes told me that she needed to know.

  “Where the fuck is the loose bitch? Haven’t seen Boo with you for a couple of weeks, Lucy. What? She finally choke on some random cock?”

  She flinched at that and turned away. I noticed her shoulders begin to shake, but I continued on, “As soon as those last words left his mouth, I jumped him. I dragged him by his neck and laid him out in front of all his friends. I punched him until he fell silent and his face was a fucking mess. No one came to help him, and I wouldn’t have let them if they tried.”

  My breaths felt labored as I told her, as I relived the screams and the shouts, the stops and the don’ts. All of their words had melded into a noise that resembled buzzing. I wanted to finish him off. Stopping was one of the hardest things I’d ever had to do. The rage was red, raw and like nothing I’d ever felt. No one would ever speak about her like that again.

  “Lucy,” she whispered. “She was there?”

  Her tears fell in a rush, her sobs silent. I couldn’t tell her. I couldn’t tell her that her best friend had laughed with that fucker. I couldn’t tell her that Lucy was working from the inside the entire time she paraded as her friend.

  What I could do was help her have everything she missed in Adalita growing up, here in Everlee Falls. She needed true friends. She needed to know what a genuine laugh looked like, felt like. She needed to know what it felt like to be invited to a party with pure intentions, she just . . . needed.

  My heart was conflicted, but I couldn’t tell her the truth. She’d believed that she at least had Lucy. Fuck if I’d tell her anything different right now.

  “Yeah,” I said with as calm a tone as possible.

  “I heard her name, anyway. Couldn’t pick her out of a lineup.” Lie.

  “I never saw her so I couldn’t be sure.” Lie.

  “I saw and heard nothing once Hardy opened his filthy mouth.” Truth.

  “Why did you get so upset over me? About what Hardy said? Did you believe him, Meekai?”

  “That’s a lot of questions, Violet.” I’d do anything for you.

  Her stare was intent on not letting me go until I told her.

  “I got upset because I see the way you flinch and doubt and look scared. You look worried and confused half the time. I got upset because Hardy’s a pig and he deserved more than he got.” I began to fume, the familiar tinge of anger creeping up my chest, clawing and climbing, relentless at giving me reprieve from the taunts I’d heard; the disregard for a girl who just wanted a fucking friend.

  “I know the creepy fuck has had his dick in more holes than a badger. I know he’s dark and fucked up. I know he’s hurt you so deep that you don’t believe you’re worth it. But Violet, all I see when I look at you is light. You blind me with all those pieces that you think are battered, broken and useless. You’re not useless or unwanted, Radley. I know you use your words as weapons, and I know you try to push me away because you’re afraid I’ll eventually give up on you. I can see past it all, Violet. Hurt recognizes hurt.”

  “You’re hurt
?” she asked with beautiful curiosity.

  “Yeah, Violet, I’m hurt. But aren’t we all?” I want all your hurt. “Tell me a truth, Radley. Tell me something that’s all yours.” I knew it was pushing it, but I could see a part of her that wanted to let something go, she just didn’t know how.

  “So much was stolen from me, Meekai. I could never tell you to your face what that was, but just let me get away with that being enough. Can you do that?”

  I reached out for her hand and drew lazy slow circles across the top of her soft skin. I smiled with nothing less than an I’d say yes to anything that helped make you feel safe.

  “Yeah, Violet, I can do that. I want you to know something, though.”

  She raised a brow that asked me what that could possibly be. What did I want her to know?

  “You’re enough, Boo Radley Cooper. You’re enough.”

  “What if I can’t give you what you expect?” Her nerves bled through and shook her fears into a ramble. “I just, I’m not . . . I don’t know what to do.”

  I kept running circles on her hand. She went to pull away, but I gently pulled her back.

  “No, Violet. You don’t need to know or do anything. In fact, I have a proposition.”

  “Yeah, okay, Meekai. I know the type of propositions boys that look like you make,” she said with an exasperated laugh.

  “Boys like me, huh? Does that mean you think I’m hot? Do you wanna do more than slap me?”

  Her face flushed as she let out the most genuine laugh I’d heard. She tried to pull away from my grasp again, but I wasn’t letting her go. She needed to get used to my hand holding hers.

  “You’re a manwhore, Meekai.” Her words held no bite. I could tell she didn’t entirely believe that, no matter what she’d heard about my past.

  The truth was, I had been. I had nailed anything with tits and an ass, but she wasn’t tits and an ass. She was . . . mine.

  I could almost hear my mama now. “Never give up on your purple-eyed girl. She needs you, Meekai. Fight for her. I wouldn’t be your mama if I didn’t at least remind you to fight.”

  I’d been dreaming of a purple-eyed girl since I was four. When it was generally little girls dressing up their dolls and marrying them off, telling their mamas that one day they’d marry the richest, most beautiful boy, I was telling my mama I was gonna marry the purple-eyed girl.

  My first memory was when I was six years old, and Tommy Roaker told me I was a pussy for talking about the purple-eyed girl. That was how Tommy Roaker lost his first front tooth. I’d knocked it right outta his freckled face. It might’ve been loose, but it still gave me satisfaction watching it fly across the playground and land in a pile of dog shit.

  I’d sworn black and blue to anyone that’d listen about her, but they all just laughed. The day I’d punched out Tommy Roaker’s tooth, that was the day I stopped talking about my purple-eyed girl and kept her to myself. Mama had told me I first mentioned her when I woke up from a nightmare screaming.

  “Shhh, Kai, shhh, you’re safe. What happened, baby boy? What got you so upset?”

  “She left, Mama. She ranned aways and never came back.” My small body shook, helplessness and the fear of never seeing her again consumed me. “Why did she runned away? She was so mad.”

  “Who left you, baby?” She gently stroked my hair as her other hand wrapped around my waist, gently rocking me back and forth, soothing me as only Mama could.

  “The purple-eyed girl, Mama. I’m gonna marry her. She’s mine.”

  “She’s yours, huh?” I could hear the smile in her voice; could feel it in the warmth of her breath as she left a kiss on my chubby cheek.

  “Yeah, Mama. She was made just for me, God said.” A sinking sadness hit my chest and I began to cry again. Mama rocked me, trying to stop the tears, but they wouldn’t. “She ranned. She told me she hated me . . . never wanted to see me.”

  “It’s okay, baby boy. It was just a dream. No one would ever leave you on purpose. No one could ever hate you.”

  “It wasn’t just a dream, Mama. She has purple eyes and God says she’s mine. I won’t never stop lookin for her, Mama, never. I’m the bestest at hide and go seek, and I won’t stop until I find out where she’s hidin.”

  “Well, my baby boy, you know what you do?” I shook my head against her chest as I sniffled, trying to calm myself and listen. “You fight, Meekai. No matter what anyone tells you, fight for her. Never stop looking. Thing is, little one, if she’s meant to be yours, this purple-eyed girl, you won’t have to look for her. You’ll find one another.”

  She drew back, grabbed my shoulders and turned me to face her. Determination sparkled in her eyes; whatever she was about to say meant everything, and she needed me to hear it.

  “If she gets mad at you, fight. If she tells you to leave, stay and fight. If she tells you to walk away, follow and fight. You don’t give up until you’ve fought with everything in you, little man. Do you get what Mama’s saying?”

  I nodded, not really knowing, just guessing I shouldn’t give up on her no matter what.

  “Good.” She smiled as she drew me back in for a hug. “I can’t wait until I get to meet this purple-eyed girl of yours. I hope you’re as happy as me and your Daddy.”

  Every time I’d thought about her, it left my heart running slower, weaker. You did leave on purpose, Mama, and my father fucking hates me. I hope you’re right about her, because she's right in front of me. I found her. Help me keep her. It’s the least you could do after leaving me behind.

  I looked at Radley as I told her the truth. “I might’ve been a manwhore once upon a time, but then I finally won that game of hide and go seek I’ve been playing since I was four. I found what I was looking for.” I couldn’t help but smile at her curiosity as she tried to understand what I could possibly mean. She tilted her head, thoroughly confused and fucking adorable. “Don’t worry, Violet. All you need to do is promise me you’ll try. Give me a chance.”

  “But I . . .” she muttered before I caught her words with my own.

  “You don’t have to worry, Violet. I have a plan.”

  “You got a plan, is that right?” Her smirk was full of distrust again.

  “Yep. This is how it’s gonna play out, and I need you to listen. Do you promise you’ll listen before you butt in and cut me off?”

  “Fine, but you never said I couldn’t mace you in your closing argument.”

  A laugh came from behind us as the wooden door to the farmhouse shut, Gamma no doubt listening this whole time. Radley just shook her head and laughed.

  “She really wants me to mace someone. I was hoping you might help out. I’ll listen, I promise, but if I hate it, whatever this proposition is, I get to take you down like a nine-hundred-pound rhino. Deal?”

  I chuckled, my heart given up to her completely. “Fine, you get to blind me. Take a picture and upload it to all social media platforms, stating that you finally blinded the fuckboy. Happy?”

  “Perfectly satisfied actually. You may proceed.”

  “No butting in. Nothing, got it?” She nodded. I finally let go of her hand and turned completely to face her.

  “The only way I see this happening, this thing between you and me, is if we’re friends first.” She smiled. She liked that. “For the next two weeks, starting tonight, we’re gonna stop talking. You’re only allowed to text me. No talking at school, but you gotta sit with me at lunch, which will probably include Linc and no doubt Becca. But no talking.” I held my finger up and zipped my lip.

  “We can talk about anything. Nothing's off limits unless you tell me otherwise. If I offend you or make you uncomfortable, type the safe sentence ‘I wanna mace you’. This will let me know I need to back off.”

  She was trying desperately not to laugh at my unprepared speech, and I had to respect her for keeping a straight face after hearing the safe sentence. She was dying to mace me.

  “Me? You can ask me anything. There’s no safe word. Got it?�
�� She nodded, smiling the sweetest smile, her pouty lips dying to be kissed crazy. Fuck! The more I looked at her, the deeper the need grew.

  “This will continue for two weeks. On the first Saturday of week one, I’ll call you and we can talk for real, but only on that Saturday and for as long as you want.” Another nod. She still liked where I was going with this. Good. Help me fight, Violet.

  “You can smile, you can wink, but you can’t look at my butt or attempt to kiss me. My lips and ass are completely off limits.”

  This had her throw her head back, desperately trying to keep the sound of her laughter locked down, but a note of that precious sound managed to find its way out. Her laugh, man her laugh . . .

  “In conclusion, vocal isolation will end on the second Saturday of the second week, the day I’ll be picking you up for our first date. Be ready at three p.m. Do you agree to these terms and conditions?”

  She nodded, and I fell just a little bit harder.

  “You can talk,” I instructed her, pretending to unzip my lip and breathe like I hadn’t taken a breath in hours. She shook her head and finally released a small chuckle, but questions brewed beneath her lashes and flamed from behind the purple that captivated me.

  “What’s the purpose of all this, Meekai?” She genuinely meant it. She truly wanted to know why I would do all of this. There was only one answer.

  “I want to be your friend. I want to be your best friend. I want you to learn to trust me. I want you to know there’s nothing you could tell me that would make me turn you away. I want to know everything you allow me to know; to take it and keep it in my heart as ours. Before anything, I just want to be your best friend.”

  11

  Radley

  He wanted to be my best friend? My heart was beating a mile a minute. What was he doing to me and how did he do it so effortlessly?

  Safe. That’s how I felt with him. How could the day start with a slogan shirt with an f-bomb dedicated to him end with me feeling safe? He wasn’t like them. He wasn’t him.