Five @ Fifty
Page 6
OLIVIA: Norma?
Pause.
NORMA: It’s entirely up to you.
Slow fade to black.
ACT TWO
Lights up on NORMA making herself a cup of tea as FERN, carrying her own mug, joins her.
FERN: It’s hard to be on your own after so many years.
NORMA: I’m okay.
FERN: Norma.
NORMA: It was unnecessary.
FERN: You can start visiting her soon.
NORMA: For an hour. Twice a week.
FERN: The months will fly by. We’re lucky to have gotten her in such a great facility so quickly.
NORMA: Right.
FERN: I just don’t understand how you could let it get so—
NORMA: It’s none of your business.
FERN: You’re an intelligent person. You know when something’s wrong.
NORMA: I can deal with her.
FERN: But you couldn’t keep her from attacking Tricia.
NORMA: Tricia asks for everything she gets.
FERN: Those two are always at each other.
NORMA: They’re too much alike.
FERN: Not really. They’re more opposite. It’s almost like—
NORMA: What?
FERN: Like you need both of them to make the relationship work.
NORMA: Leave the psychology to the professionals Fern.
FERN: I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m a bit.
NORMA: Forget it.
FERN: I know how hard this is for you.
Pause.
NORMA: She’s all I ever wanted.
FERN: You’ve never woken up and looked at her sleeping and thought what the fuck have I done with my life?
NORMA: No. Never. Have you?
FERN: Not maybe no okay once or twice in twenty-three years.
NORMA: That’s normal.
FERN: Then why haven’t you done it?
NORMA: Because I’m not normal. Fern you don’t have to babysit me.
FERN: Should I go? Do you want me to go? I’ll go.
NORMA: Are you okay?
FERN: No I’m just yes okay but it’s not anything big really. Really.
NORMA: What?
FERN: Do you promise not to tell anyone? You know. Doctor-patient confidentiality even though you’re not really my doctor.
NORMA: Of course. What is it?
FERN: I’ve been there’s this it’s uh I’ve been having an affair.
NORMA: With who?
FERN: Barry.
NORMA: From across the street?
FERN: Yes.
NORMA: Husband of Hoohah?
FERN: Linda. You can’t tell anyone.
NORMA: For how long?
FERN: Thirteen years.
NORMA: Thirteen years? Jesus. Most people don’t stay married that long.
FERN: I know. I just.
NORMA: Do you love him?
FERN: I love certain things about him. Like with Walt.
NORMA: Why are you spilling this now?
FERN: The stupid bastard wants us to leave our partners to be together.
NORMA: Why?
FERN: I don’t know. Men.
NORMA: You’re the one with the marriage and kids and all the stuff we’re supposed to be jealous of.
FERN: It was just so—Walt was working more and more. We didn’t talk as much. Nothing hostile or anything we just didn’t have as much to say. And then one day I needed some construction paper or something for one of Miles’s art projects and I went over and Barry was working on this silly ad for a pizza place and he’d drawn this very sexy woman that he said made him think of me and I laughed and said I don’t look like that and he said you do to me and then all of a sudden it’s like—I don’t know—we’re kissing and we’re like two drowning people trying to suck the last bit of air from the other’s lungs and it just just just happened. Hard and fast and wonderful on the floor of his studio.
NORMA: Yow.
FERN: When it was over he gave me a clean painting cloth to wipe myself with and our hands touched and I said we can never do this again.
NORMA: But you did.
FERN: Twice a week. Always in his studio. Always in the afternoon. I kept telling myself I wouldn’t go back.
NORMA: Why did you?
FERN: For the way he smelled.
NORMA: Really?
FERN: I can’t describe it. It was just this faint trace of very specific male B.O. that drove me crazy.
NORMA: And?
FERN: Walt has a lovely penis but Barry’s—it’s not that big or anything—it’s just the way it’s shaped and the way we both fit together so perfectly. Like a—a key in a lock. He opens me up. It gives me great pleasure. I have no control—you know?
NORMA: Penises aren’t really my aisle.
FERN: You mean you’ve never.
NORMA: I am a lesbian.
FERN: Right. Of course. I just never really. Sorry. Of course. What was I thinking? But wow. Really? Sorry.
NORMA: What are you going to do?
FERN: I have no idea. Please don’t tell anyone. I shouldn’t’ve even told you. I just—I’m so scared. I love my life. I love my children. I don’t want it to change. But Barry’s so—he’s gotten more intense since his kids went away to school and Linda got that promotion.
NORMA: And you’re sure Walt has no idea?
FERN: He’s never given me the slightest indication of any suspicion.
NORMA: How would he react?
FERN: He could go through the roof he could not care he could cry—I have no idea and that really really bothers me too.
NORMA: Do either of these men make you happy?
FERN: Happy? I don’t know. They make things—alright. How did this happen? I’m sorry. I had no right to dump this on you. Especially now.
NORMA: It’s a relief to talk about someone else actually.
Pause.
FERN: Do you need anything before I go?
NORMA: I’m fine. Thank you.
FERN: You’re welcome.
FERN gives NORMA a hug.
Things will get better. You’ll see.
NORMA: Sure.
A light rises on TRICIA and LORENE in a waiting room.
LORENE: Should this be taking so long?
TRICIA: She has to do her exit interview.
Pause.
Did you ever hear from your father after he left?
LORENE: Never. Why?
TRICIA: You don’t talk about your family.
LORENE: My mother had no heart and my father had no soul. The end.
TRICIA: Grandparents?
LORENE: That I knew? On my mother’s side. Holocaust survivors who hated everyone and everything. Who could blame them? But not exactly fun city for a kid right. Why?
TRICIA: It just occurred to me that after all these years there’s still a lot I don’t know about you.
LORENE: It’s the here and now that matters.
TRICIA: Amen.
FERN enters.
LORENE: Where were you?
FERN: I had to drop Donnie off at football practice then Miles needed a ride to work and Blake had to go to a friend’s. I swear I have done nothing but fucking drive kids around for eighteen years.
TRICIA: And yoga.
FERN: I’d be bugshit crazy otherwise. Where’s Olivia?
LORENE: Still waiting?
TRICIA: Who are we gonna get when she walks out of those doors?
FERN: It’s been so long since I thought of her as anything but a sad drunk.
A buzzer sounds.
LORENE: Omigod.
OLIVIA enters carrying a suitcase. Pause.
TRICIA: Hi.
OLIVIA: Did I ever tell you how wonderful you were as Ophelia?
TRICIA: Never.
OLIVIA: I really can’t thank you enough for what you were willing to do to help me.
TRICIA: Really?
OLIVIA: It took real love to do what you did.
OLIVIA goes to
TRICIA and hugs her tightly.
Thank you. All of you.
LORENE and FERN join in the hug. Lights rise on NORMA setting food on the table.
NORMA: Waldorf salad with a creamy blue cheese dressing. Prime rib medium rare. Baked potato sour cream bacon bits butter creamed corn white bread milk. Perfect. Absolutely perfect.
OLIVIA enters with luggage.
OLIVIA: I’m home.
Pause.
NORMA: Hello.
OLIVIA: Hello.
Pause.
The girls decided not to come up.
NORMA: I made dinner.
OLIVIA: Smells wonderful.
NORMA: Are you—
OLIVIA: I really—
They rush into one another’s arms and kiss, holding one another very tight.
Norma.
NORMA: I missed you so much.
OLIVIA: I thought about you every day.
NORMA: Every minute.
They kiss again. NORMA pulls away.
I wanted to have all your favourites perfectly made when you came home.
OLIVIA: Thank you.
NORMA: Milk?
OLIVIA: Water please.
NORMA: Water?
OLIVIA: Please.
NORMA gets OLIVIA a glass of water as they speak.
NORMA: You look wonderful.
OLIVIA: You too.
NORMA: Please. I haven’t had a good night’s sleep in months. I’m hideous.
OLIVIA: You’re not. Thank you.
NORMA: Your skin looks so different.
OLIVIA: I can’t tell you how different I feel.
NORMA sits.
NORMA: Of course I’ve spoken to your counsellor.
OLIVIA: I don’t want to drink anymore Norma.
NORMA: I understand.
OLIVIA: I’m going to use AA to stay clean.
NORMA: Good.
OLIVIA: I’m hoping you might come to a few meetings with me. Just so you know what’s going on.
NORMA: Sure. Right.
OLIVIA: It’ll seem strange at first.
NORMA: No doubt.
OLIVIA: It’ll take time for us to get to know each other sober.
NORMA: Naturally.
OLIVIA: But it really works.
NORMA: Whatever you need.
OLIVIA: Thank you.
Pause.
NORMA: You should eat.
OLIVIA: I’ll have some salad.
NORMA: Prime rib. Medium rare. Just the way you like it.
OLIVIA: It looks divine.
NORMA: What?
OLIVIA: Nothing it’s just—at the centre—we were kept on a pretty strict diet—no sugar no fat—
NORMA: You said you thought you were going to die.
OLIVIA: I had the worst headaches and stomach cramps for nearly a month.
NORMA: The sour cream will fix that.
OLIVIA: But then it wasn’t so bad and I guess I kind of got used to the food.
NORMA: Really?
OLIVIA: Certain ingredients—I’m sure they’re a trigger for me.
NORMA: So let me know what those things are and I’ll learn to cook around them.
OLIVIA: I’ve got a whole list in a box with my affirmations—
NORMA: Affirmations?
OLIVIA: Little prayers I say every day to help stay sober.
NORMA: Right.
OLIVIA: Actually I thought—if you’re alright with it—I might take over some of the cooking sometime.
Pause.
NORMA: You?
OLIVIA: I’ve got some recipes—
NORMA: In your affirmation box.
OLIVIA: That’s right. Salmon chicken breast tofu.
NORMA: Did you just say tofu?
OLIVIA: Yeah can you believe it?
NORMA: I thought you were joking.
OLIVIA: You okay?
NORMA: Sure.
OLIVIA: It’s just that—well you’re a doctor—I don’t have to tell you about all the horrible things they’re discovering about meat-based diets. Cholesterol cancer all of that.
NORMA: Are you a vegetarian?
OLIVIA: Of course not.
Pause.
NORMA: I guess I can clear these dishes then.
OLIVIA: I’m just going to step outside for a minute.
NORMA: Why?
OLIVIA: I’m going to—smoke a cigarette.
NORMA: What?
OLIVIA: I just have a few a day.
NORMA: Cigarettes?
OLIVIA: At least I’m not drinking myself to death anymore right? Everyone at the centre smoked. Don’t worry. It’s temporary.
OLIVIA exits.
NORMA: Right.
NORMA clears the table as a light rises on LORENE dressing to go out.
LORENE: The thing is I almost immediately slept a lot better. Clifford was a lovely guy and it was so great to cuddle with him but I always had this nagging fear that he’d wake and see how ugly I am when I’m unconscious. Isn’t that weird? I wonder if most love results from being fucking sleep deprived.
Lights rise on NORMA and TRICIA in a corner of the church basement eating doughnuts and drinking coffee. TRICIA is seated.
TRICIA: This doughnut has a very odd texture.
NORMA: Like sawdust with sugar.
TRICIA: Sugar?
NORMA: The coffee’s terrible. How much longer do we have to stay?
TRICIA: Until Olivia gets tired of introducing Lorene and Fern to her fellow drunks.
NORMA: Why aren’t you out there?
TRICIA: Had to sit down.
NORMA: Back pain?
TRICIA: How are you?
NORMA: Tired and bitchy thanx for asking.
TRICIA: It was important to Olivia we help her celebrate this three month milestone.
NORMA: So they throw her a party for achieving something the general populace does without a second thought.
TRICIA: Tell me you’re not this cynical and negative around her.
NORMA: Around her I’m as positive and supportive as a dyke my size and age can possibly be.
TRICIA: But?
NORMA: I’m not convinced this god loving replacing of a negative addiction with a positive one is the best course of action for everyone.
TRICIA: Have you got a better alternative?
NORMA: No and that’s why I keep my mouth shut. But I still distrust the whole George Romero vibe of this place.
TRICIA: When was the last time you saw her this excited about anything?
NORMA: She starts everything with great enthusiasm.
TRICIA: Why don’t you and I go to dinner soon—just the two of us? Take cabs. Gossip about people we don’t like. Drink a bit.
NORMA: You could have at least consulted me.
TRICIA: You would’ve sabotaged it.
NORMA: Why would I do that?
TRICIA: Because—because sometimes I think you like her better when she’s drunk.
NORMA: That’s ridiculous.
TRICIA: It makes her—easier to control.
NORMA: Fuck you.
LORENE enters.
LORENE: Hey—tension.
NORMA: It’s late.
FERN enters.
FERN: This reminds me of church for people who are even more messed up than the people who go to church. Everything alright?
NORMA: It’s time to go.
LORENE: Apparently.
OLIVIA enters.
OLIVIA: Wasn’t this fun? I’m so glad you were all here. It means so much to me. I got my ninety day chip. Look.
TRICIA: That is so great.
OLIVIA goes to NORMA and hugs her.
OLIVIA: And you cranky pants—I know how much you didn’t want to do this. It’s why I love you.
NORMA pulls away from OLIVIA.
NORMA: Great.
OLIVIA: And quit looking so gloomy. Right now. Smile.
NORMA smiles.
Everyone smile.
They all smile.
That’s better. Th
is is the beginning of my new life and I owe it all to you four.
FERN: Our pleasure.
LORENE: Oh wow.
NORMA: What?
LORENE: Shalimar.
TRICIA: What?
LORENE: Can’t you smell it? It’s so strong. Someone really—
OLIVIA: Shalimar?
LORENE’s communication device sounds.
TRICIA: Do you smell it?
LORENE: Hello.
FERN: I haven’t even heard someone even say Shalimar in like decades.
LORENE: What?
TRICIA: I can smell a great many things but not—
LORENE: Are you serious—
NORMA: Shalimar. No. Cigarette stench and B.O. Yes.
FERN: These people all reek of cigarettes.