Sunset Over Misty Lake

by Margaret Standafer

  Joe pulled his hands away. “What are you trying to tell me?”

  His words were clipped and the fear she’d heard earlier disappeared. In its place was barely contained anger tinged with the beginnings of a broken heart.

  It became impossible for Karen to meet Joe’s eyes. Instead, she stared at the sheet she’d pulled and twisted around her fist. “I woke up the next morning wearing some kind of skimpy nightgown, alone, but with no idea how I’d gotten there or what happened. I’m so sorry, Joe.”

  “You brought someone back to your room and you’re telling me, expecting me to believe, you don’t remember anything about it? Oh, my God, Karen.”

  Joe jumped from the bed. He paced from one end of the room to the other, then stopped and pulled on sweat pants and a t-shirt.

  “That’s what’s been going on with you for the last year? You let me worry about every possible scenario, you let me ask you countless times what was wrong, you let me talk to your friends, your doctor, anyone who would listen, because you’ve been afraid to tell me about your…your…I don’t even know what to call it! How could you do that? Of all the possibilities I considered, never once did I consider you cheating. Not once in all the years we’ve been together did I ever consider it. That’s not us, Karen. Or, at least it wasn’t us.”

  “I’d never cheat. Never knowingly cheat. You have to believe me. I swear to you I have no memory of what happened or didn’t happen but…but there was a note. And there were pictures.”

  “What!” Joe roared.

  “Shhh, Joe, please don’t wake the kids.”

  From the look on his face, Karen guessed worrying about waking the kids was pretty far down on his list of concerns, but Joe lowered his voice.

  “What do you mean, pictures?”

  “After I got home, I got a text with a picture. He demanded money to keep things quiet.”

  Joe stared for several moments as if trying to make some sort of sense out of a situation that made no sense whatsoever.

  “What kind of picture?”

  “Of me. Lying on the bed in that nightgown.”

  “Oh, God.” He blew out a shaky breath. “And you paid him?”

  “I did.”

  “With what? How much? Where did you get the money? Seems like I would have noticed a check made out to The Guy from Vegas.”

  Sarcasm wasn’t something Karen heard often from Joe and hearing it now hurt like a knife to the heart.

  “I paid him with the money I got when Grandpa Pete died.”

  Joe snorted. “That was the money we set aside for an emergency. I guess this qualified?”

  Karen closed her eyes and shook her head. “I know, Joe, I know. I tried to make it go away. I didn’t want to hurt you.”

  “You didn’t want to hurt me. Huh. So, for a year you lied to me every time I asked you what was wrong? You didn’t think that would hurt me?”

  “I don’t know what else to say. I’m sorry, for everything.”

  “Somehow that doesn’t make it better.”

  “I know.”

  “You know, one of the scenarios I considered, one that scared me the most aside from the one in which you were dying, was that you were going to leave me. I was so afraid of that, that you were tired of our life, that you were bored, that I wasn’t exciting enough, that you wanted more. But even when I worried myself sick thinking that’s what was going on, I never considered this was the underlying reason. Never, Karen. I never considered this.”

  He sounded so sad and so betrayed, what was left of her heart shattered into a billion pieces. She’d thrown away her perfect life, and she was scared to death she’d never get it back. If only she knew what to say.

  “I have so many questions, but I’m afraid of the answers.”

  “I’ll answer whatever I can.”

  “And expect me to believe you?”

  “I hope you do. I won’t lie to you, Joe, I won’t lie to you ever again.”

  “I never thought I’d say this, but I feel like I don’t know you, like you’re a stranger.”

  “But I’m not. I’m still me. I know I hurt you and I know you’re angry, but I love you, Joe, I’ve always loved you. That hasn’t changed. That will never change. Please, can’t you try to understand?”

  “I don’t know what you expect me to understand. That you had some guy in your room, but that you don’t remember? That you thought it would be best if I didn’t know about it? If you just lied to me for over a year? That ever since—”

  Joe stopped, his mouth open with his unfinished thought. As Karen watched, he slowly started to shake his head. She saw him mouth the words before she heard them.

  “No. No, no, no.” He flew to the bed and dropped in front of her, grabbing her by the arms and giving her a shake. “You tell me right now. Evan and Julia…”

  His voice broke on a gasping sob and he couldn’t finish his sentence. She was so tempted to lie, to tell him everything was fine, then pray that she’d be able to back up her words, but she couldn’t.

  “I’m not one hundred percent certain, but Evan looks just like Dylan did and Julia looks a lot like Shauna’s baby pictures with a few of my features.”

  He shoved away from the bed and kept his back to her. He raked his hands up over his face and through his hair, so roughly Karen expected to see clumps of hair come loose in his fingers.

  “But you don’t know.”

  “No, but I think I’d know, in my heart, if…if…something was different.”

  “I’m supposed to be okay with what you know in your heart? Sorry, that’s not going to cut it. I want to know. I deserve to know.”

  “You do, of course you do. And if that’s what you want, then we’ll find out. I’d like to ask you to give it a little time before you make that decision, though. Be sure it’s what you want.”

  “Of course, it’s what I want. I want to know if they’re my children.”

  “They’re your children, Joe. You can’t tell me that whatever we might find out would change that.”

  Joe didn’t answer. He stood in front of the window, staring at the black, moonless night, and keeping his back to her. She left him alone with his thoughts as long as she could.

  “This has been horrible, I know, and I’ll tell you again that I’m so, so sorry. Maybe we should try to get some sleep and we can talk more in the morning. The kids will be awake before we know it.”

  “Why now?”

  “What?”

  Joe continued looking out the window. “Why now? Why did you tell me now, after all this time?”

  “A couple of weeks ago, I went to Cort and asked for help. He’s in Vegas right now talking to someone he knows who might be able to help. I don’t know what I’ll find out, but good or bad, I wanted to tell you first.”

  Joe whirled around. “Cort? You went to Cort?” His voice boomed so loudly Karen swore the windows shook.

  “Please, Joe.”

  “What the hell, Karen? You can talk to him, but not to me? You ask him for help instead of your husband? And now what? Everyone knows? That’s why you finally told me?”

  Karen heard the first whimpers through the baby monitor. Joe didn’t react.

  “No, of course not. He promised he’d keep it to himself. I went to him because he has so many connections, he knows people all over, I thought there was a chance he could find this guy and we could come to some sort of resolution.”

  “Unbelievable. Somehow, I didn’t think this night could get any worse, but you’ve outdone yourself.”

  Joe grabbed a sweatshirt and his phone, then stomped out of the bedroom. Karen jumped up and followed him. The whimpers had turned to howls.

  “Joe?”

  “Take care of your kids,” Joe said as he shoved his way out the door and slammed it behind him.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  JOE NEEDED TO drive. He didn’t know where to, just knew he needed to put some distance between himself and the woman he’d loved for over half his l
ife. The woman he felt as though he no longer knew.

  For a long time, he just drove. He didn’t think, he didn’t grieve, he didn’t do anything but stare into the night. When his wandering took him through town, past the high school, back out of town and eventually back to the lake, he stopped and parked. He did so with his car facing the water, the water that in the moonless night was nothing but a black void. A void that mirrored the void in his heart.

  He’d never felt more alone. For so many years, Karen had been the one he’d turned to when he needed advice or comfort. Now, he didn’t know where to turn. Two of his brothers lived within a few miles of where he sat, and he knew no matter the hour, they’d rub the sleep from their eyes, put on a pot of coffee, listen, and help in any way they could. They’d be surprised, no shocked, he corrected himself, since the whole bunch of them liked to joke that he and Karen were the perfect couple, never arguing, never disagreeing. Still, they’d help.

  The problem was, he didn’t want them to know. Once Karen’s story was out, there’d be no way to take it back, and however the situation resolved itself, his family would always know. He didn’t want that for Karen, that doubt, that second-guessing, that feeling of always wondering what they were thinking of her.

  Of course, Karen had gone to Cort and Joe didn’t know what to expect from Cort. Would he keep the details from Shauna? He seemed like the type of person who would do what he said he’d do, but part of Joe hoped he would tell Shauna. More than ever, Joe felt secrets between partners were never a good thing.

  Maybe he should call Cort. Joe glanced at the clock on the dashboard. The middle of the night. He decided he didn’t care in the least if he woke Cort. But then what? Chew him out for trying to help Karen? Demand Cort tell him everything he’d learned? Neither seemed like a particularly good idea.

  Leaning forward, Joe banged his head against the steering wheel. While he had no idea what his next step should be, he did know he needed to make sense of his emotions. He was devastated, no doubt. But about what? What was it that bothered him the most?

  He ran over in his mind everything Karen had told him and realized what hurt more than anything was the fact that she’d kept from him something that was slowly eating her alive. Instead of turning to him, confident that he’d understand and that together they’d figure things out, she’d suffered alone and let it erode their relationship for over a year.

  Then there was the fact that something had happened in Vegas. Did he believe her when she said she couldn’t remember anything? With a little time to think and a little distance separating them, he could admit to himself that he did. Of course, he did. He knew his wife. Removed from the heat of the moment, he didn’t doubt Karen’s love or her faithfulness.

  Minutes turned into hours as Joe stared into the dark and tried to look at only the facts, leaving emotion out of the equation. Hadn’t he just spent a session with his AP students discussing empirical evidence? Hadn’t he just explained to them that the only way to prove or disprove any hypothesis was to gather evidence and results through experimentation and then analyze those results to arrive at a conclusion based on the observations made during that experimentation? If he treated his situation with Karen that way, he had years-worth of evidence on which to base his conclusion.

  Fact: Karen had never lied to him before. He knew this to be true because his wife didn’t lie about anything to anyone. Many times, when a little white lie would have been a simple way out, and in the long run, wouldn’t have hurt anyone, she’d still opted for the truth. Often, he’d wished she’d tell the little lie.

  He felt the first tugs of a smile at his mouth when he remembered a particular New Year’s Eve, his mom and Shauna out of town visiting a sick relative, his dad working as it was all-hands-on-deck for New Year’s Eve, and he and his brothers with the idea to throw a party. They’d been told, in no uncertain terms not to, but they’d convinced themselves they’d keep it small and they’d get away with it. They didn’t. On either account.

  With Jake a senior, Joe a junior, and Frank and Riley freshmen, they knew most of the school and most of the school showed up. So did their dad. It was the first time he’d broken up a party at his own home. It was also the last. When the dust settled and the house cleared out except for Joe, his brothers, and Karen, Sean outlined his expectations for cleaning up and began brainstorming ideas for punishments. It hadn’t been pleasant. But then Sean remembered Karen and told Joe to get her home since he knew her curfew was eleven-thirty. Joe was certain he’d hit the jackpot, but a moment later, his hopes were dashed.

  ‘Actually, Mr. McCabe, my parents extended my curfew tonight to twelve-thirty. Joe and I don’t have to leave yet.’

  His dad had been impressed with Karen’s maturity and honesty, his brothers had laughed themselves stupid, and Joe had started picking up garbage, wiping up spills, and righting furniture.

  Fact: Karen loved him. Joe had always known he was the one who’d ‘married up’ in their relationship. Back in high school, when they’d first started dating, Joe’d been certain Karen would change her mind. Karen had been one of the most popular girls in the school; drop-dead gorgeous, smart, funny, nice to everyone, and a star on the track team. It had taken him months to get up the courage to ask her out even though he’d heard from more than one of her friends she was hoping he’d do just that. Once they’d had their first date, Karen had politely, but firmly, turned down invitations from anyone else who’d asked. During their college years when they’d been apart, she’d never dated anyone else. When he’d finally asked her to marry him, her response had been, ‘What took you so long? I would have said yes when I was sixteen.’

  Fact: Karen would never hurt him, or anyone, intentionally. She’d spent her life helping others and going out of her way to ease their burdens. Her choice to go into nursing hadn’t come as a surprise to anyone. It was, quite simply, who she was.

  Fact: So-called date rape drugs were easy to come by, were easy to administer, and rendered a woman helpless.

  Fact: He loved his wife and his children. Nothing else mattered.

  Guilt seeped into his mind and gnawed at his gut as he analyzed the facts. He knew what his conclusion was, but it wasn’t easy to accept. Karen had kept her secret, choosing to suffer in silence, to protect him. While he’d accused her of hurting him, she’d been trying to do exactly the opposite. He may not think much of her methods, and there was no denying he was hurt, but he also couldn’t deny that once again, she’d put him before herself.

  And she’d very likely been drugged.

  In that moment, he knew what he needed to do. There was no doubt in his mind and his only regret was that it had taken him so long to figure it out.

  Joe used his key to go through the front door. On the off chance that Karen was sleeping, he didn’t want the garage door to wake her.

  The house was silent, at least it was until he stood outside their partially closed bedroom door. He heard her muffled sobs and through those sobs, heard her broken heart. Hers hurt him far more than his own did.

  “Karen?” He kept his voice low, but she still jumped.

  “Joe.” He watched her use her forearm to wipe the tears from her face. “What—”

  “Karen.” He went to the bed and took her in his arms. She resisted at first, tensing at his touch, so he held on all the tighter. Gradually, she relaxed and melted into him, the occasional sob still jarring her body and making him hold her closer.

  He wanted to reassure, he had dozens of questions, but he didn’t know where to start. Finally, he just started at the beginning. Their beginning. “I love you.”

  Before dawn, Joe was at the kitchen table with Karen, drinking coffee and still searching for the right words. He’d scrapped any ideas of talking the night before. Karen hadn’t moved from his arms, eventually falling asleep, but crying off and on throughout what remained of the night until, in the predawn hours, they’d both decided they weren’t going to get any more sleep and had
started the coffee.

  He’d always believed problems were more easily solved in the daylight, or close-to-daylight, anyway. He looked at Karen over the rim of his coffee cup. Her eyes were red and swollen, but he saw a hope in them he hadn’t seen in months.

  “Karen, I need you to know that I believe you. I believe you didn’t do anything, and I believe you don’t remember anything. And, although it took a while for me to get there, I need you to know that I understand why you kept it all from me. I know you were trying to protect me. More than you were afraid of how it would affect you, you put me and my feelings before you and your feelings. I wish—oh, I really, really wish—you’d have come to me right away, but I understand why you didn’t.”

  “I was wrong. What I did hurt you more than if I’d told you the truth from the beginning. I’m sorry I didn’t see that sooner. I’m just so sorry.”

  “Okay, first off, I need you to stop apologizing. You’re sorry. I know. We need to move past that and on to what we’re going to do.”

  “But I hurt you, Joe. I hurt you so much and I don’t know if I can get past that. I don’t know how you can.”

  Joe set down his coffee cup and reached for his wife’s hand. “Because I love you. It’s as simple as that. Part of love is forgiveness, don’t you think?”

  Karen sort of shrugged and nodded at the same time. Joe continued. “It is. We’ve had it pretty easy up to now. I remember when we got married and the priest talked about how there will be tough days, bumpy roads, times when maybe you question why you got married in the first place. I remember thinking maybe that applied to other people, but it sure didn’t apply to us. He also talked about remembering how we felt right at that moment, standing in front of our family and friends and promising to love one another for the rest of our lives. I know how I felt, and I know I meant every word of what I said. I know you did too. In my mind, that means we just need to work a little harder for a while to figure out this problem. It doesn’t mean we quit.”

  “You’re sure? You’re sure you can get past this? It won’t always be this thing between us?”