by M. A. Owens
This looked like a house you’d see on those checkout line magazine covers. The ones for dames to get and then show their husbands. It let him know what kind of home she’d like to move into someday. Just a lot of big dreams. I never was a fan of selling people on the big dreams like that. Some people get a house like that, but the vast majority of people in this city will never lay eyes on one in person.
I knocked on the door.
A Doberman in a black uniform answered. “Yes?”
“I’m here to see Agatha. She in?”
“Yes.”
I stared at her for a moment, waiting for an invitation inside. All she did was stare back. After a few seconds, I gave up on the uncomfortable silence.
“Can I see her? I need to ask her some questions.”
“Are you soliciting?”
“No, I’m a private detective.”
This dame’s stare was like getting a cold bucket of ice water dumped on your head. It chilled you to the bone.
“You should know the Madam has very little patience for uninvited guests, sir.”
“Could you let her know Trigger is here to see her? I’ll keep it brief.”
“One moment.”
She stepped inside, and I waited at the door for a few minutes. I sat on the steps and looked around to amuse myself. Never saw the appeal in a place like this. Seemed like a great place for folks who thoroughly enjoyed being bored out of their minds. No pups or kittens playing in the yard, no bars or movie theaters nearby. Just other elderly dogs who also don’t like visitors. When I get old, I want to keep doing what I was doing, just maybe a little slower and with more notes. If I managed to get old, that is.
“Mr. Trigger, please come in.”
I walked in, and she took my coat and hat. After hanging them up, she motioned for me to follow her into the next room. It was like you’d imagine the living room of a wealthy old dog to look. Fancy paintings, rugs, glass tables. Nothing was out of place. Not a speck of dust to be seen anywhere. The silverware was probably real silver. Fine china was on display in dark wood cabinets. It was like no one actually lived here, this was just a model house for those magazine covers.
“Have you had your coffee this morning, sir?” The voice of an elderly dog coming from a chair on the other side of the room startled me. The back of the chair was facing me.
“I have, ma’am, thank you. I’d be happy to have another,” I replied.
“Lady, please pour our guest a cup of coffee,” the elderly dog said.
“Cream or sugar, sir?” Lady asked.
“Black. I like it black.”
“As do I, sir. Now, I assume you are here to take care of my little problem?” Agatha asked.
I walked past the table, sitting in the chair across from her. She was an old Chihuahua, who was white and looked strikingly similar to Lily. They were definitely family.
“Ma’am?”
“The ad in the paper which referred to the break-ins that have been happening around here recently.”
A dog should never think or speak too quickly when faced with such an opportunity. On the one hand, this would give me an easy excuse to come back here. I could talk to the neighbors and tally a list of the things the thief had taken. If the collar was here, the thief might've encountered it. If they knew what they were doing, they swiped the collar too. If it’s just some kid angry at the world and wanting to make trouble for the wealthy residents here, then it’s just some easy money. And a dog could always use easy money.
On the other hand, if this was all unrelated, it would bog me down, making it so I couldn’t get directly to the point or bring up the collar for a while. Unless…
“Yes, ma’am. I saw the ad this morning as a matter of fact. I’ve got a lot of experience with this sort of thing. Investigated several burglaries when I was on the force. Had an excellent track record too, if I may say so.”
The Doberman stared at me with an uncomfortable amount of skepticism. Or maybe she didn’t like me and it had nothing to do with skepticism. Or perhaps this is just how she looked at everyone all the time. She’s lucky she had such a pretty face, otherwise that kind of staring could make a dog real uncomfortable. On second thought, maybe it makes it worse.
“Yes, I remember seeing an advertisement for your services some time ago. Why did you stop advertising?”
“Had to, as a measure to reduce the volume of clients, ma’am.” I smiled my most convincing smile. I even showed a few teeth. Lady wasn’t impressed.
“If you’ve such a volume of clients, then why did you make your way here?”
“I’ll be frank with you, ma’am. Not all work is worth the same if you catch my meaning? I prefer to limit myself to cases where my caliber of services is required, and where the compensation aligns with that. We all got bills to pay, we all got to eat.”
“Ha, isn’t that the truth. I appreciate your candor, Mr…”
“Call me Trigger.”
“Alright, Mr. Trigger. Let me get you up to speed on what happened. Then we’ll talk about your fee.”
15
“It started about a week ago at Ms. Autumn’s house down the street. She was out for a walk on Sunday afternoon and came home to a dreadful mess. Many of her valuables were missing. You’ll want to talk to her to get a complete list. The next day it was Mr. Rover’s house. It was a mess again and the valuables were once again missing.
“Then, just two days ago, they burglarized my house while Lady and I were out shopping. They left a mess and valuables were missing. The neighbors and I are prepared to pool together a small fund for you, sir. Perhaps five hundred?”
These dogs probably blow five hundred on a fancy tea set, but with me they keep their wallets sealed up so tight you couldn’t blow it open with a stick of dynamite.
“I don’t know, ma’am. As you can see, I’m already roughed up from handling a similar case. This occupation can get hazardous. A cornered thief will often use deadly force to escape. I’m sorry, ma’am, but about twice that amount would be more appropriate.”
“Mr. Trigger, that seems excessive. All of our stolen valuables scarcely total that amount.”
Yeah, right.
“I’m afraid that it would have to be at least seven-fifty, but good work requires fair pay.”
She sighed, as though experiencing a significant defeat.
“I think I can convince the neighbors to increase their contributions. What do you require of an advance?”
“Three hundred, ma’am. I will also need a precise list from everyone so I can take an inventory of all the items missing. Your insurance will also ask for this, so you may already have one prepared.”
“I’ll prepare you a separate one. There are a few belongings I’d prefer to keep… private.”
“Fair enough, ma’am, but do make sure I have the complete list. It’s critically important that I have a complete inventory. The more confirmations I have of the thief’s identity, the more likely we are to get an arrest and a conviction in court.”
She paused, somewhat nervously, and looked at Lady.
“I understand.”
She went into another room of the house and came back with a piece of paper. She handed it over and I scanned its contents eagerly. It wasn’t an unusually long list; the sign of a somewhat slick burglar.
One pair of diamond earrings, one carat diamond set in fourteen karat white gold
One silver teapot
Eight hundred dollars in cash
About twenty pieces of silver cutlery
One diamond ring, one and one half carat diamond set in fourteen karat white gold
One ruby-encrusted collar
Three fourteen karat yellow gold necklaces
One electric radio
One golden turkey statue, one-of-a-kind
There it was, right before my very eyes. It was almost too easy. Except now, the problem was still finding the thing. Still, it’s probably better it worked out this way since the dame wo
uldn’t have let me have the collar even if I caught her red-handed. Lady, the muscle here, would’ve prevented me from getting it if I’d tried to swipe it myself.
“I bet that turkey statue fetches a high price, ma’am. And it’s a unique piece?”
“Yes sir, you would be correct. It’s by far the most expensive item on the list.”
“It’ll also be the easiest to identify. We catch someone carrying around a turkey statue, then we know we have our thief.”
“So, when can you start?” Agatha asked.
“I intend to start right now.”
“Splendid. Lady, show our detective to the door and pay him the advance.”
“Thank you for the hospitality and the coffee, ma’am,” I said as I reached out to shake her hand.
I followed Lady to the door where she collected my coat, hat, and my fee after disappearing briefly. This case was becoming a lot more of a tangled mess than I'd hoped for, but at least the money was turning out to be good. Can’t complain about the good old two-for-one. Wasn't sure if it would thrill Lily or make her furious, but I wasn’t eager to find out just yet. It’s a shame the dame can’t trust her aunt any more than she could trust her maid. Sometimes a dog’s family ain’t what it should be. You can choose your friends and your maid, but you can’t choose your family.
16
After leaving Agatha’s house, I made my way down the street to the first victim’s home. This place was as high-class as any other house on the block. I walked up to the door and knocked. No answer. I waited for a moment before turning to walk away, then I heard the door open behind me.
“Can I help you?”
Wow, this lady was even older than Agatha. She looked like she was ready to kick the bucket at any moment, real frail looking. She was a Dachshund with a sagging back, a slow step, and a muzzle of snow white against her reddish coat. Not sure why she would even worry about getting her stuff back. Grandkids, maybe.
“Yes, ma’am. Agatha hired me to look into the burglaries recently,” I said.
“Oh! Oh, please come in.”
I followed her inside and hung my hat up on the hanger. What a mess. Unlike Agatha’s house, her house was still littered with overturned furniture and items scattered all over the floor.
“Looks like you got hit pretty hard, ma’am.”
“Oh yes, detective. It was just awful. I was out last Sunday afternoon and returned to find this terrible mess here in my very own home. What a shame you can’t feel safe even in a neighborhood like this.”
“Yes ma’am, I completely agree. Say, have any of you contacted the police yet?”
“Oh, yes. They say they’ll be here in about a week.” She grinned, but it was one of those grins someone gives you when they don’t really want to grin. They want to ball up their fist and punch something. “You know, to fill out a report and refer me to the insurance company.”
“Yes ma’am, I know how that show goes. Can you show me where the break-in happened?”
“Sure thing, detective. Right this way. What was your name?”
“Trigger, ma’am.”
She took me around to the back of her house, and it was immediately obvious where the break-in happened. There was still a large open area where the glass was broken on her large sliding glass door. She had taken plastic and covered it. Poor dame. Did she not have anyone to help her clean this mess up?
“I see. That's some real nasty work on your door. Do you have a list made of what they took?”
“Yes. I’ve already made one for the insurance company. Please wait in the living room while I go fetch it for you. Oh, I apologize for being a poor host. Have you had your coffee yet today?” she asked.
“Yes, ma’am. I’m afraid if I had more it wouldn’t be good for me. Thank you. You’ve been a perfectly fine host under the circumstances.”
I walked back into the living room and sat on the couch. It wasn’t long before she returned with the list. She handed it over and I scanned it with haste. Nothing particularly eye-catching, just a few pieces of assorted jewelry here and there. Since this was the perp’s first haul out of the neighborhood, he must’ve been a little nervous and in a hurry. Only nabbed what he could grab fast and make it out quick with.
“And you never laid eyes on the perp. Is that right?”
“That’s right. The fiend was in and out before I made it back home. I wish he’d taken some time to set the place back up before he left,” she said, with that same I-want-to-punch-something grin. She might be feistier than I gave her credit for.
“Alright, that should be about all I need. I’ll be back in touch when I find something. Say, Ms. Autumn. Before I go, would you like some help putting this place back together?”
“Oh, I couldn’t bother you with something like that. I’m sure someone will come by in the next few days to take care of it.”
“Do you have any kids or grandkids coming by, Ms. Autumn?”
“No, all of them have moved out of Black District. Thankfully.”
“So it’s just you here?”
“You make it sound something awful. I quite like it though. I have this nice place in this nice neighborhood where I can just relax.”
“You put it that way, and it actually sounds pretty nice. Alright, I’m not due to meet Mr. Rover for at least another couple of hours. I may as well help you straighten this place up. Better than just walking around with my hands in my pockets waiting.”
I had no appointments. I just didn’t want to admit that I was putting off my paycheck to help an old lady clean her house. That kind of thing might damage my reputation as a tough-as-nails private detective. Couldn’t let that get out.
17
I knocked on the door. A dog that didn’t look a lot older than me answered. I assumed it was one of his employees.
“Is Mr. Rover in?”
“You’re looking at him.”
“You’re Mr. Rover?” I asked, squinting.
“Did I stutter?”
“You look a little younger than what I was expecting. Wasn’t expecting to see a young pup like yourself already in a big fancy neighborhood like this. Anyway, I’ve been hired to investigate the burglaries that have taken place here recently. I’ve already been to Agatha’s house and Autumn’s. I wondered if I might come in and ask you a few questions.”
“No, you may not. This is my only day off. I’d rather not spend it gabbing with some rent-a-cop. Not everyone in this neighborhood is retired, you know. Some of us still owe the bank money for the roof over our head.”
I shook off the cop comment with ease. Real original. Not like it was the first time I’d heard that one.
“Sure, I understand. Could you at least give me a list of what they stole from your place? Or do you want to play hardball about that too?”
His eyes lit up a little. “There’s some fire in you after all. Sure. Let me go get it.”
He went back inside the house, then came out a few moments later with a piece of paper. He handed it to me, wished me luck, and slammed the door in my face. A real piece of work, this guy. I looked the list over. I was correct that the perp improved with his second hit. He got some cash from Mr. Rover, and a small safe he found in one of his closets. Looked like he also got some of the wife’s jewelry. Nothing particularly noteworthy though. Seemed the turkey statue and the collar would be my best lead.
I made my way back to the office. I greeted Zelda when I came into the door. I asked her to ring up Lily to come by for an update. While I waited, I went back into my office to make notes and review the evidence of the burglary case. The intercom buzzed on my desk a couple of hours later.
“Trigger, Lily’s here to see you.”
“Send her in.”
She walked in and sat down, a lot more calmly than I was expecting.
“I’ve heard you’ve been busy, detective.”
“You heard, huh? I was in your neck of the woods today.”
“I also found out that my aunt
has hired you to look into the burglaries there.”
“She has. You kept your mouth shut about me working for you when she mentioned it, I’d hope.”
“Yes. I’m not quite that foolish. I trust you enough that I assumed you had your reasons.”
I nodded.
“Well…” She stared at me blankly.
“Yes?”
“What are your reasons?”
“Just that. My reasons.”
“Not if I’m paying you,” she snapped back.
“Promise you can keep your head about you if I explain?”
“I’m not one to lose my temper.”
“Alright.” I slid the missing item list across the table to her. “Have a look.”
She held it up in front of her and glanced over it before putting it back down on the table. She sighed and closed her eyes, rubbing her forehead with her paw.
“Good thinking. Except now we’re back to square one.”
“We’re back to square one, that’s true. But at least this extra work won't cost you any extra money. Your aunt will pay me to take it from here.”
“I’m now afraid that I may never see it again.”
“I won’t lie to you. That’s a real possibility. The collar may have already changed hands three times by now. It may already be out of Black District. It could still be in the thief's possession and they're too nervous to sell easily identifiable items. Just no way to know how it’ll play out. I’ll tell you, though, that I do still have hope in finding it.”
“Good, that makes me feel better. If you think there’s a chance, I’ll accept that. Thank you, detective. Anything else?”
“Not at the moment. I’ll keep you updated. Do your best to make sure your aunt doesn’t find out I’m working for you.”
“I should be able to manage that. So long.”
