by M. A. Owens
“Leave your address with Zelda on the way out in case I need to stop by. Keep your doors and windows locked, and be careful.”
“You should consider staking out the neighborhood.”
“I don’t like to give up the sleep. Makes me cranky.”
She gave me a scowl.
“Detective…”
I held up my hands as if to stop the force of her look from knocking me out of my chair.
“Alright. Alright. I’m just foolin’. It’s not a bad idea. Maybe I'll do just that.”
18
I had Zelda ring up Agatha. I needed a security pass so I could come and go as I pleased without having to pay that hound five bucks each time. Within a few hours, we got a ring back from the dog who was out front when I last visited. He let me know they’d agreed to issue me a resident’s pass that I could pick up whenever I wanted. I’d have to frame that thing in my office when all of this was over, telling folks that’s where I lived. Talk about the big times.
I headed on over there and the security dog met me at the gate.
“Mr. Trigger, welcome back. I was about to make the rounds to inform the residents of your plans to stake the place out.”
“Now why would you do a thing like that?”
“We don’t want it to alarm the residents if they see you out.”
“And if one of the residents is the burglar?”
He paused for a moment, looking down in deep thought.
“Well, yes, Mr. Trigger. I hadn’t thought about that. Yes, you’re right.” And that’s why I get paid the big bucks.
He handed me the resident’s pass, and I pocketed it.
“I’ll be around then, but probably not until tomorrow night,” I said. “Do me a favor and don’t send out a memo about it.”
It would be tonight. Only I didn’t really trust any dog or cat all that much in this whole situation. What if the perp knew the security dog, and that dog tipped him off? Not a risk I was willing to take just now.
I walked on up to Agatha’s place to make sure she didn’t rat the plan out to anybody else. According to her, she had told no one apart from the security guard. I made sure she knew to keep it that way. Once that was sorted, I scouted out the proper hiding spot. I then went home to my apartment to sneak in a quick nap, coming back when it was good and dark.
It was one of those misty moonlit nights that felt cold even though it was summer. It was the kind of night that makes a dog want to howl at the moon, only he can’t because he’ll blow his cover. It was also one of those instincts one was expected to suppress in modern, polite society. I had a full view of the whole place, from the hill on the edge of the neighborhood. I got behind a bush to make sure no one could see me from below. If anything happened, I would see it from here.
I sat there quietly for several hours. You could hear a pin drop on a night like this, even on dirt. It seemed like this would be a reasonably peaceful, uneventful night. That was until I felt something pointy jamming into the small of my back, and a dame’s voice coming from behind me. She was disguising it. A cat? Must’ve been to sneak up on me like that.
“Beautiful night, isn’t it, detective?”
I wasn’t sure what she had jammed into my back, so I didn’t turn around to find out. Things were piecing themselves together a little better now. What I was dealing with here was a real professional. Made everything look like real sloppy work, even though she could’ve left the place spotless. Smart. Fooled me good.
“So, who was it that tipped you off that I’d be here? Was it the security dog?” I asked.
“You’re a little duller than I was expecting.”
“Was it Agatha? Come on, don’t keep me here in suspense all night.”
“Oh, I wouldn’t do that. What’s the hurry? Got somewhere else you need to be?”
“Yeah, since I won't be sneaking up on you, at home, asleep in my bed.”
“Well, it’s a little late for that, isn’t it? Look, detective, I really don’t want to kill you, but I will. So, why don’t you walk away and pretend you never heard anything? I’ll come back another night, no harm no foul.”
“You know I can’t do that,” I said.
“I thought you might say as much. Good night.”
She put a precise paw chop to the side of my neck. An expert move. I was out before I hit the ground. By the time I came to, it was breaking daylight. At least the dame had the courtesy not to whack me in the head. My guess is this cat must’ve been after that statue, and everything else was an elaborate cover up with a lot of collateral damage. What a night…
19
After I collected my bearings and my hat, I headed down the hill to speak to the on-duty security guard. He was a Jack Russell Terrier, bright in the eyes and big in the mouth.
“Who are you?”
“Trigger, private detective.”
“Right, thought you wouldn't be here until tonight.”
“I changed my mind. Didn’t want anybody tipping off the perp,” I said.
“Well, you don’t have to worry about me, detective. Not at all. I’m on the straight and narrow. Live strictly inside the law.”
“If you were a criminal would you tell me?” I smirked. “To tell you the truth, I didn’t think anyone tipped her—”
“You mean the robber’s a dame!?”
“That’s right. I could tell by—”
“Get a glimpse of her? She good looking? Single?” He winked.
“You into cats, Mr…?”
“Danny, detective. Name’s Danny, and no sir.”
“Cut the wisecracks then, will you? I need to use your phone.”
I pulled out Patches’ number from my pocket and dialed his direct line.
“ACPD. How may I direct your call?”
“Need to speak to Colonel Patches. Isn’t this his direct line?”
“Colonel Patches is out looking into a case. This is dispatch. Shall I take a message or transfer you to an available officer?”
“No. No message. I’ll call back.”
I hung up the phone.
“Hey, Danny, anyone report a break in last night?”
“Not yet, and I didn’t hear any commotion,” he replied.
Just then I spotted a few dogs in uniform coming down the road toward the gate. I recognized one of them. So this was the case Patches was working.
“Nice of you to show up, Colonel.”
“Trigger.” He nodded. “I heard the residents here had hired a private detective to take care of the burglary problem, so I thought I’d come by and see for myself.”
“Looks like it’s more the other way around. Believe it or not, I just tried to call you.”
“Oh, you did, did you? Finally growing out of some of that stubbornness?”
“I guess you can say that.”
“Let me introduce you to the officers I’ve assigned to this case. This is Lieutenant Petey and Lieutenant Buddy.”
“Alright. Here’s what I know. Last Sunday there was a break in down the street here. Lady named Autumn’s house. It was while she was out Sunday afternoon running errands. Looked like a real amateur job. Real sloppy, but that was just a ruse. No, now don’t look at me like that. It’ll make sense in a minute. So, the second one was the next day at this other dog’s, Rover’s, house. Also made to look real amateur. Now, here’s the kicker. The third day our burglar visits Agatha’s house, the one who hired me. When she gave me her insurance list for the items that were missing, there were a couple of unique items on the list. One, in particular, was this statue. A golden turkey.
“Now, I was thinking at first that this must’ve been a small statue. Either way, it’s made of gold, right? Well, now I’m thinking maybe it’s a little bigger than that. See, I met our burglar last night when I was staking the place out. The broad snuck up right behind me when I hid in some bushes on the hill up there. It was quiet last night. I’m a real cautious dog to boot, and I’ve got good ears. Stuck something in my b
ack and told me not to turn around. She gabbed at me for a couple of minutes, put a clean shot with her paw to my neck and knocked me full out. She also had the sense to not go through with what she was planning last night. This fit the profile of any current suspects?”
Patches looked puzzled. “To tell you the truth, we suspected Rico might be a possibility when we first heard it was this neighborhood. Then we heard they made a mess, so we thought it was just some punk kid fooling around. Now you’re telling us it’s likely a professional after all, but someone new. That really throws a spin on it.”
“So, I take it you boys don’t have any leads on a lady cat burglar around these parts?” I asked.
Patches shook his head. “The problem isn’t that we don’t have one. The problem is that we have too many.”
I scratched my head when a thought crossed my mind. “Say, Colonel, what if this dame didn’t abandon her target last night? What if she wasn’t here to rob a place? What if she was here to meet someone and just happened to notice me?”
Lieutenant Buddy nodded and spoke up before Patches had the chance. “You know, I was actually just thinking the same thing. Otherwise, how would this dame know about that statue you were talking about in the first place?”
I pointed at him, a grin on my face. “Exactly! Alright boys, if you’ll be so kind as to humor me, here’s what I think we should do. You boys just stick to the routine for now. Interview, document, report, etc. I’ll do a little more digging into the value of this statue, and where it might've come from. That’ll give us a better idea of who we're dealing with. Oh, and let me give you my card. Call me if you hear anything, and I’ll do the same.”
I headed back to the office for the day without telling anyone else what happened. Best if I let them do their job without getting in the way. Besides, I had plenty on my plate already.
20
I went back to my apartment to snag a quick nap before heading back to the office. As usual, Zelda greeted me with cheer when I walked inside, but this time she had a letter in her paw.
“Someone left this in our mailbox this morning. It has your name on it. No return address. I thought it was strange, so I didn’t open it.”
Was this what I thought it was? “Thanks. You were right not to open it. At least, if it’s what I think it is.” I took it to my office and put on a pair of gloves. I opened it as carefully as I could, slid the letter out of the envelope, and read the handwritten note aloud.
Trigger,
You’re a smart dog, so no doubt you already knew who this letter was from the moment you saw it. I noticed you had a head injury when we last met, so consider that my one good deed, targeting your neck instead. You’re welcome.
I wanted to do you the courtesy of informing you that I won’t be hitting anything else in that neighborhood since I already got what I came for. But I’m sure you’ve figured that part out.
Stop by and see me in the Adria District. Let’s make a game of it, detective. See if you can catch me.
Bad Kitty
Bad Kitty, eh? Bad Kitty suits her; though, I think she gave me a little more credit than I deserved. Based on what I knew, I wasn’t even close to having enough to find her. Or did I? She seemed to think I might. Maybe I missed something, or maybe she’s just making wisecracks. At any rate, now the collar was probably long gone. I wasn’t surprised that the statue would wind up somewhere in Adria District, but what about all the common jewelry, the radio - things like that? They’d laugh at all that in Adria. Maybe even toss it in a dumpster. No, she probably got rid of the small stuff quick here before leaving. Low risk and no chance of identifying it. The collar was different, though. It wasn’t as expensive as the statue. Not by a long shot. Maybe just enough to make it into Adria.
I rang up Lieutenant Buddy and had him come by to pick up the letter to lift any prints and check it for any hidden clues. I remembered one case where the type of paper used ended up busting the guy. You never know with this kind of stuff. I didn’t have my hopes up.
After that, I rang Lily up to give her the bad news about the collar. I could hear the heartbreak in her voice, but she took it pretty well. I told her I had business that might soon come up in Adria, so I’d keep my eye out for it there. She didn’t exactly sound hopeful. She thanked me for all the work I’d put into finding it. It’s a shame I wouldn’t have an excuse to see her again soon. I was getting used to seeing her face here in the office from time to time. It was a face that was pretty easy to get used to.
I went back down to Rose Garden and talked to Agatha. I only got another hundred bucks out of her for the job, on account of not being able to recover any of the stolen items. Was a real shame, although I did find out more about that turkey statue. She called it the Grand Gobbler. Should’ve named it the Twenty-Grand Gobbler, cause that’s about what it was worth according to her. She said she’d kept it a secret on account of it standing out, even in a luxurious place like this. She joked that it was hard to afford the insurance premium on it, but she was glad she paid it. I bet.
I left my card for her to pass on to the insurance investigator who would come by. I figured they would send a real mean one. You don’t pay out a policy like that without trying to discover any foul play.
21
I really enjoyed the peace and quiet that filled the next few weeks. I did a lot of sitting back with my feet on my desk, listening to the radio. Gave my skull a chance to heal too. I got that Rose Garden Estates residential pass framed like I planned. Stuck it right up on the wall in my office. Made for a good icebreaker.
Nothing ever came back on Bad Kitty’s letter. They kept it on file in case they compared handwriting down the road. Bad Kitty wasn’t the only master thief I’d met in my career, or recently, who liked to play these games. But her game would have to wait. I would once again be tangled up with another master thief by the name of Rico.
I picked up the paper and didn’t even have to open it up. I knew immediately I was looking at the one I’d been waiting for, right there on the front-page headline. The largest movie theater in Adria had been temporarily closed to investigate a major incident. The article said a whole lot of nothing about what happened with the incident, which, as I’ve learned, means that what happened was probably very inconvenient for Mr. B. I took the story as my cue to hit the road.
Sure enough, I received a visitor the next day.
“Mr. Trigger, there’s a gentleman here to see you,” Zelda said.
“Send him in.”
A well-fed-looking pooch walked into my office. I feared for the safety of my chair but asked him to take a seat anyway. He was a bulldog, broad as he was tall, but had a look of health and strength about him. Perhaps it was the expensive three-piece suit he was wearing; still, he managed to look both nervous and confident at the same time. He had his head held high with his chest out but also clenched his teeth fiercely. Where had I seen him before?
“What can I do for you?” I asked.
“You read the papers, detective?”
“I do.”
“Then you have no doubt read about what transpired in my theater in Adria,” he blubbered.
“Your theater?”
“Yes, the Starlight Theater. I’m the owner.”
I knew a big shot like this had to be playing ball with Mr. B. Like everyone else in this city, he’s in it for himself.
“So you’re looking to hire a private detective to look into it?”
“That’s right.”
“Someone recommend me to you?”
“Not in particular. Your name just kept coming up, and you see, this is a very sensitive matter of which I would rather not involve the police.”
“I think I know what you mean, Mr...”
“Brutus. Name’s Brutus. Sorry for not introducing myself when I came in, but you understand I have a lot on my mind.”
“Yes, I would imagine you do. How can I fit into all this?”
“As I said, I would like to hire y
ou. I’d be willing to pay you double your usual rate,” Brutus offered.
“Well, there really is no usual rate, Brutus. That all depends on the nature of the case - how convoluted, and how hazardous for my health the case happens to be. So how about you start by telling me what actually happened?”
“Alright, but I need your word this conversation will remain confidential. I don’t want any of this getting to the police or the independent press.”
“We always keep things confidential here. You don’t need to worry about that,” I said.
“I’ll start with the main event and tell you what I know from there. As we discussed, what you saw in the paper is only a half-truth at best. See, we had planned to play a movie we had produced ourselves. It painted Mr. B in a very positive light. We hoped it would keep things running smoothly, keep business good for everybody. It’s not that Mr. B is my favorite kind of character, detective, rather it’s that you can’t be on his bad side if you want to do business in Adria. However, a different movie played when we ran the reels on Thursday. Now keep in mind that, while all this was going on, we had filled the seats with some of Mr. B’s top cats and dogs. All watching with bated breath.”
He wiped the sweat from his brow with a handkerchief from his jacket pocket.
“You alright, Mr. Brutus?”
He nodded, taking a deep breath before continuing.
“What emerged from the speakers was a voice that identified Mr. B as a scourge to both the district and the city. It didn’t pull any punches. I tried to signal to the employee standing at the reel to shut it off, but he couldn’t hear in that room. I ended up having to run upstairs myself and turn it off, but by then everyone was good and riled. We hadn’t disclosed what our film would be about or what the message would be. Of course, they thought we were trying to make some kind of stand, some kind of big statement. Only we weren’t!”
