Manhunting

by Jennifer Crusie

  “This is the only way to play golf,” Kate said to Mark. “And it took me until now to discover it. I’m going to take this jerk to dinner tonight in gratitude.”

  “I don’t think he’s going to make it to dinner.” Mark watched Peter, frowning. “He’s never lost before. And he’s never turned that color before, either.”

  “He’s fine,” Kate said. “There’s only one more hole.”

  Peter choked on his swing again, and his ball disappeared into the brush. He stalked off after it, leaving his caddie in the lurch with Kate and Mark.

  The problem with men like Peter was that they always got away with their slimy little tricks. That wasn’t fair. Something had to be done about that.

  “Let’s go watch this time,” Kate said, and the three of them trailed silently after him.

  They got to the edge of the course just in time to see Peter kick his ball savagely back onto the green.

  “Why, Pete,” Kate said brightly. “That’s cheating.”

  He jerked back at the sound of her voice and stared at her in anguish, and his face went gray. “Kate,” he croaked, and then he collapsed.

  “Peter?” Kate bent over him. “Peter, it’s a dumb game. Nobody cares. Peter?”

  She went down on her knees beside him. He wasn’t breathing.

  “Call 911,” Kate ordered Mark and bent to give Peter mouth-to-mouth.

  Half an hour later, Jake stood beside her on the green and shook his head as the ambulance pulled away. “First Lance, now this,” he said.

  “We gave him CPR. He’s going to be all right,” Kate said. “The doctor said so.”

  “Dating you is like dating death,” Jake said.

  Kate looked exasperated. “Nobody has died.”

  “Not yet.”

  Kate started to say something cutting and then remembered that Jake had sent Mark to look out for her. She was used to men who said nice things to her and left her to fend for herself. A man who implied she was a menace and then took care of her was a new experience.

  “I forgive you,” Kate said. “You’re a good person.” She patted him on the arm and then strolled off in the direction of her cabin.

  “What?” Jake said, confused, but she was gone.

  “You should have been there,” Mark told him and Will later. “That woman needs protecting like Rambo needs a bodyguard.”

  “I didn’t think she’d listened to me,” Jake said. “My mistake.”

  “I don’t think she misses much,” Mark said.

  “Well, don’t tell her I sent you,” Jake said. “I don’t want her getting any ideas.”

  “Right,” Mark said, turning swiftly away. “I sure won’t. Well, gotta go.”

  “What’s wrong with him?” Jake asked as Mark ducked out the office door.

  “What’s wrong with you?” Will countered. “What do you mean, you don’t want her getting any ideas? You should be so lucky.” He shook his head. “I worry about you sometimes, bro. Kate Svenson’s a damn good-looking woman and you don’t seem to have noticed. You’re getting close to legally dead, here.”

  “I’ll be a lot closer if I get interested in her, and so will you. She’s the one who put Lance in the pool last night, remember?”

  “Good for her,” Will said.

  “Well, I don’t intend to be her next victim.”

  “I don’t know,” Will said, considering. “She’s something else. It wouldn’t be a bad way to go.”

  “Hey,” Jake said, annoyed. “You stick to Valerie. If anything happens to you, I own all of this monstrosity instead of just half.”

  “With any luck at all, Valerie will unstick herself,” Will said. “That idiot Donald Prescott who’s been telling everybody that he’s a stockbroker is really the scout for Eastern Hotels. He’s trying to get her under contract.”

  Jake raised his eyebrows. “And how did you find this out?”

  Will shook his head in disgust. “I met him at that convention in New Orleans last year. He, of course, doesn’t remember since he has the mental capacity of a gnat.”

  Jake grinned. “And it doesn’t bother you that the gnat is trying to steal your woman?”

  Will sank down into his desk chair and put his head in his hands. “I should be so lucky. Do you know what her latest harebrained idea is? To put in a new bar and drive Nancy out of business.”

  Jake snorted. “And just how does she plan to do that?”

  “Oh, she wants to build a real country bar,” Will said, shaking his head. “Can you imagine anything so dumb? Nancy’s has been a real country bar for more than thirty years. So Valerie wants us to build a fake country bar to drive her out of business. Even assuming I’d go along with it, which she must have known I wouldn’t, this is a dumb idea.”

  “So what did she say when you said no?”

  “She got that look,” Will said. “The old ‘We’ll see’ look she gets every time I don’t agree with her.”

  “I hate that look,” Jake said.

  “You know, I really appreciate what Valerie’s done for this place—”

  “I don’t.”

  “But she’s really been getting to me lately.” Will hesitated. “I started to pay more attention after I talked to you yesterday, and I think you’re right. I think she wants to get married.” He looked at Jake in bafflement. “Can you believe it?”

  Jake closed his eyes in disgust. “Of course, I can believe it. You’ve lived with her for three years. What did you think she wanted?”

  “To build the biggest resort in the Midwest,” Will said. “That’s all she ever talks about. If she’d been making noises about kids or something, I’d have caught on sooner. But all she ever talked about was the resort, which was fine by me.” He looked up at Jake. “She’s talking about expanding my suite—which, by the way, she calls our suite—into the one next door. So we’d have two bedrooms. I said, why? It’s not like we don’t have any place to put guests, and she said, ‘I’m not talking about guests.’” He put his head in his hands. “I think she means kids,” he said hollowly. “How did I get into this mess?”

  “Not that I’m in favor of you marrying Valerie,” Jake said, “but you have been sleeping with her for quite some time now.”

  Will looked at him blankly. “So?”

  “So I don’t think all she thinks about is the resort,” Jake said. “I thought you were supposed to be the quick one in the family.”

  “I am,” Will said. “What’s your point?”

  Jake closed his eyes. “Never mind. Just pray that Donald what’s-his-name gets her out of here before she realizes that you’re never going to marry her, and she decides to kill you.”

  “Valerie wouldn’t do anything that emotional,” Will said. “You’re getting her confused with Kate.”

  “I will never confuse Kate with Valerie,” Jake said. “They’re completely different.”

  Kate went back to the cabin and tried to feel ashamed of what she’d done. It didn’t work.

  Maybe she wasn’t meant to be married. A woman who truly wanted to get married would have let Peter win. She shook her head. She’d never want to get married that much.

  On the other hand, the afternoon was hardly a sign that she should give up. Lance and Peter were jerks. That didn’t mean the rest of the men here were. In fact, the law of averages said that she had to do better next time.

  Maybe she should focus her plan better. What she wanted was somebody distinguished and successful who was also caring and honest. Sort of a cross between her father and Jake. She tried to imagine what that cross would look like and couldn’t. It was like trying to cross a shark with a teddy bear. She gave up and was heading for the shower when the phone rang.

  “Kate?” Jessie said. “Are you engaged yet?”

  “Of course not,” Kate said. “Why are you calling?”

  “You’ve been there twenty-four hours,” Jessie said. “I wanted to know if it was time to start baking the wedding cake.”

 
“Very funny,” Kate said.

  “I have the perfect design,” Jessie said. “A tasteful stack of staggered sheet cakes decorated to look like government bonds, artfully garnished with roses made from folded hundred-dollar bills.”

  “Listen, if all I was after was money, I’d have stuck to the first two men I met here,” Kate said.

  “Oh, good. Tell me everything.”

  “No. It was depressing. What have you been doing?”

  “Coating two ring cakes with edible gold powder for the Dershowitzes’ fiftieth anniversary. You should see the cherubs I’ve made to go on top. They look just like the Dershowitzes. Even I’m impressed with how incredible I am.”

  Kate bit her lip. “Jessie, do you ever have doubts about what you want? You know, about your goals?”

  “What goals?” Jessie said. “Goals are for fascists. Are you having doubts about your goals? Because, if so, it’s about time.”

  “Well, not really...”

  “Let me guess. You’ve met some distinguished, rich guys, and they’re not much fun, and you’ve seen the error of your ways.”

  “No.” Kate hesitated. “Well, I’ve had two dates that were...well...mistakes, I guess.”

  “But you behaved beautifully,” Jessie said with obvious disgust. “Even though they were boring and shallow, you smiled and were the perfect lady.”

  “No. I pushed one in the pool and gave the other one a heart attack on the golf course.”

  “What?”

  “He reminded me a lot of the men I was engaged to.”

  “A heart attack?”

  “Do you think that’s why I tried to kill Peter today on the golf course?”

  “Wait a minute. Are we talking actual death, here?”

  “No. Jake showed up and helped me give him mouth-to-mouth and then the paramedics came.”

  “Who’s Jake?”

  “Nobody. Anyway, Peter’s fine now.”

  “So, let me get this straight. You tried to kill this guy because he reminded you of the three stooges you were engaged to? This vacation was really a very good idea.”

  “Well, I didn’t actually try to kill him. I just beat him at golf.”

  “If he’s like the stooges, that would do it.”

  “He is. It did. He deserved it. He cheated.”

  “And you caught him. Good girl.”

  “Well, Jake told me he would. And then—”

  “Who’s Jake?”

  “Nobody. And then when I cheated, too—”

  “You cheated? You?”

  “It seemed fair. He was.”

  “Excuse me. You are Kate Svenson, right?”

  “You know, perhaps it was all the beer I had this morning.”

  “You drank beer in the morning?”

  “It was all Jake packed, and I was stuck in the middle of the lake in this decaying rowboat—”

  “Who’s Jake?”

  “Forget Jake. He’s not interesting.”

  “The hell he isn’t. I’m interested.”

  “He’s some kind of handyman.” Kate stopped to think. “You know, I’m not sure what he does.”

  There was a long silence on the other end of the phone.

  “Jessie?”

  “You spent the morning drinking beer on a lake in a rowboat with a man, and you’re not sure what he does but you think he’s a handyman.”

  “Right.”

  “Maybe I’d better drive down,” Jessie said. “This is not like you.”

  “I’m fine,” Kate said. “In fact, since my last two dates were so awful, things can only get better.”

  “Bad deduction,” Jessie said. “If that were true, I’d be dating Harrison Ford by now.”

  “I’m still not giving up,” Kate said. “I’m just modifying my plan slightly.”

  “Modify all you want,” Jessie said. “The more changes you make in that plan, the better. Just don’t do anything drastic without checking in with me.”

  “Because you know so much about men? You forget I know all about your pathetic love life,” Kate said.

  “At least I occasionally have one,” Jessie said. “You’re still planning the perfect business merger. A little more love would do you a world of good. Why don’t you forget that plan and just fall in love?”

  “Right,” Kate sneered. “And then I’d end up with some loser like...”

  “Like?”

  “Forget it.”

  “Tell me more about Jake,” Jessie said.

  “Forget Jake. He’s not a possibility. There are some others who are. This could still work out.” There was Donald what’s-his-name. And Eric. And Rick was very nice. “Jessie?” Kate added, after a pause.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks for sending me down here. I think I’m having a good time.”

  “Yeah, well, call me when you’re sure,” Jessie said. “You’re behaving very strangely.”

  “I think that’s why I’m having a good time,” Kate said.

  Kate found Penny at the pool later that afternoon, barely dressed in a lime-green bikini and surrounded by men. She stretched out next to her on a lounge chair and surveyed the scene with contentment Mark had the bar set up again, and people drifted by, socializing in the lazy Sunday afternoon, smelling of suntan lotion, chlorine, and booze. They were the same people who had annoyed Kate so the day before, but she smiled at them now as they went past, and they smiled back.

  Jake and Will sat at the end of the bar, arguing over some papers. Jake was in torn jeans and a white T-shirt with the label sticking up in back. He did nice things for a plain old T-shirt, not to mention the jeans, and she felt a moment’s regret that he didn’t fit her plan. Will looked cool and distinguished in tailored slacks and a well-cut shirt; no wonder Valerie was doing everything she could to hold on to him. Strange men to be friends, so different, although now that she studied them, they did sort of look alike.

  Frank, rounder than usual in bright red shorts and a tank top, was attempting to pick up two college girls sunning on the other side of the pool. They politely ignored him, although Kate noticed that one, a trim little brunette, kept an eye on Jake and Will. She’d better settle for Jake. Valerie would not be amused if someone moved in on her future. The idea of Jake and the college girl was annoying for some reason, but before she could pursue it further, one of Penny’s men, a tall blond she remembered vaguely from the night before, attached himself to her.

  “Calvin Klein’s resort collection.” He surveyed her outfit with approval.

  She studied him over her sunglasses. He wore horn-rimmed glasses, which made him endearingly attractive. His blond hair was beautifully cut. His tan slacks were impeccably tailored. He was keeping his hands to himself. And best of all, so far he hadn’t challenged her to anything.

  She held out her hand. “Kate Svenson.”

  “I’m Donald Prescott.” He took her hand and smiled into her eyes. “We met yesterday at the luau. You look marvelous. It can’t be easy to look that cool and collected at a country pool. You really have presence.”

  “Thank you, Donald.” Presence. She’d rather have sex appeal. She glanced over at Penny in her string bikini. Penny had no presence at all. Penny had fun.

  Penny waved at her. “I’m so glad you’re here,” she said and Kate was taken aback for a moment at the sincerity in her voice. Penny was a truly good, warm person. Her values were a little whacked out, but her heart was sound. She should be nicer to Penny. In fact, she should be more like Penny.

  Donald caught her attention briefly by telling her about a Donna Karan outlet only a few hours from the hotel. Given the savings, he insisted, the drive was an economically sound choice. “She really does make the best suits for women,” he said. “But of course you know that.”

  “Of course,” Kate said, distracted by the little brunette who was moving with purpose toward the bar.

  Donald claimed her attention again, and he told her about prices in the city and the best place to buy jewe
lry.

  Donald’s very nice, she thought, and very good-looking, and I should concentrate on what I came here for. What is that brunette doing?

  Kate watched while Will poured the girl a soda, smiling at her before he went back to Jake and the paperwork. The girl dawdled on her way back to her chair. Neither Jake nor Will noticed. Good. They were too old for her, anyway.

  Jake leaned on the bar and talked to Will, pointing something out in the papers in front of them. Their heads were close, their hair the same dark, dark brown.

  “Jake looks a lot like Will,” she said to Penny. “They could be brothers.”

  “They are,” Penny said. “I wish I had a hat.”

  Kate looked back at Jake, confused. “Jake works as a handyman in his brother’s hotel?”

  “Jake’s an accountant. He just helps around here every now and then because Will owns the hotel. I think Will lets him live in the last cabin for free.”

  Kate frowned. “Jake’s an accountant?”

  “He used to be some kind of tax lawyer in Boston. Then he came home, and now he helps Will with the hotel and does everybody else’s taxes. Isn’t his cowboy hat the coolest?”

  “Jake was a tax attorney?”

  “I think he made a lot of money and retired or something.” Penny pulled a mirror from her bag and checked her makeup. “Let’s go to that bar tonight that Valerie was talking about. Nancy’s.”

  “It’s Sunday. It’s not open.” Kate stared at Jake. “Jake was a tax attorney?”

  “What difference does it make? He’s not anymore.” Penny took out her lipstick and carefully darkened her beautiful lips. “Maybe we can go to the bar tomorrow night. I think somebody should warn Nancy that Valerie is trying to run her out of business.”

  “I don’t know, Penny,” Kate said, still watching Jake. “It might be better not to get in the middle of that.”

  “Well, let’s just go and see,” Penny said. “I want to meet Nancy anyway. Everybody says she’s really nice. Will you come with me?”

  “Sure,” Kate said absently. Jake and Will were nodding at each other and then Will went down the length of the bar to serve another guest. Jake went back to the papers, making notes on a separate page while he studied the figures in front of him. For a moment, Kate could see him as he must have been before—focused, alert, intelligent, and professional. Then Jake seemed to catch himself. He looked down at his notes, shook his head, and crumpled up the paper, closed the ledger. When Will returned, he shoved the rest of the paperwork back to him with one finger as if it were unclean.