Dirty Secrets (Burning Secrets)

by Tamara Lush

  I gave Nicole a sideways glance. "And me? What can you tell about me? Do I seem like I'm good for Jessica?"

  Nicole drained her cocktail and nodded. "Yeah. You are. You want the best for her, at least. That's why I'm worried about how she'll take any big confessions from the past. I'd like you to stick around for her, even if you two have to do the long-distance thing, because I think you guys are actually great together. I've been watching you all night, helping her, looking at her, joking with her. Jacob never once lifted a finger to help Jessica with anything, and she went out of her way for everything he asked. No, you're the type of man she needs. Secure. Strong."

  "I would do the long-distance thing for her," I said quickly. "Or I'd bring her back to New Orleans. If she wanted to go with me."

  What? What was I saying? I wanted to smack myself. It was as if my brain was operating on auto-pilot. There was no future for Jessica and me. The only future for me was prison.

  Nicole nodded, not noticing my fear as I glanced out toward the ocean. "Good."

  I looked around and caught Jessica's eye from across the rooftop. She was so beautiful, yet so fragile. I didn't deserve her, but I'd practically pounced on her in the elevator and kitchen because my dick couldn't control itself. I'd even promised her sex tonight. Goddamn, how I wanted her.

  "Thanks," I said, but my smile was tight.

  Nicole squeezed my arm and drifted off.

  I was a fuck-up. Nicole didn't know the truth. She didn't know I had nightmares and migraines and a mountain of guilt about my best friend. Didn't know I was weeks away from turning myself in for setting a recruiting center on fire if the authorities didn't come for me first. No, all Nicole had picked up on was the crackling tension between Jessica and me, that emotional connection that had started years ago and continued until this moment on this rooftop.

  Something different happened as I locked eyes with Jessica, however. I felt for the first time in years I was more than just a wounded Marine. I was a man who wanted to let love into his heart and live in peace.

  I was a man who wanted a whole life, not a half-broken one.

  Chapter 34

  Bliss

  JESSICA

  ”Bye, Jess. Call me tomorrow and tell me everything."

  I giggled and hugged my friend. "Have a good flight back to New York, Catalina. I'll keep you updated about tonight." I emphasized the last word, ecstatic for what was about to happen. It was time. It was past time.

  "I want all the details, you lucky bitch."

  It was always difficult saying goodbye to Cata, but at least we'd been able to spend some quality time together. Leo had given us space as he cleaned up. Nicole was already gone, having whisked a sleepy Grace home to bed.

  Leo approached, standing near me on the rooftop. We gazed out at the starry sky over the ocean, and my heartbeat quickened.

  "Cleanup didn't take long," I murmured.

  "I had an incentive to work fast. I wanted to get back with you." He pressed his chest into me, gripping the terrace rail with his hands so I was caged within his arms. I felt his nose nestle into my hair.

  "Thank you for helping." His hands stroked my back, leaving what felt like sparkles in their wake.

  "I'll help you anytime. You know that."

  I shrugged. "I guess. It just feels really good to have someone say it. And to actually follow through."

  He moved close and embraced me. We stood for a long while, his hands in my hair. Neither of us said anything. Then, slowly and deliberately, he turned and kissed me. My mouth opened for him, wanting all that he would give. My legs trembled, and he intensified the kiss. This was more than sexual want. It was elemental need.

  I retreated from his lips when I could barely breathe. For a beat, I hesitated. I wanted him so much, but was also afraid of what would happen once I got my clothes off. Yet we'd put it off so long. Too long.

  "Wanna take this downstairs?"

  He brushed my hair back from my face. "Downstairs, as in the kitchen? Or the sofa in the lobby? Or the living room?" he joked.

  "No," I whispered. "Downstairs, as in my bedroom."

  His mouth captured mine again, but I broke away. "I'll take that as a yes?"

  "A definite yes."

  I led him to the elevator, and we kissed inside as it chugged to the first floor. He pressed me against the door of my apartment and dragged his mouth over my neck as I fumbled for the lock, my insides molten. When we got inside, I led him straight toward the bedroom, feeling as though I'd been waiting years for this moment.

  I guess I had.

  Once in the bedroom, I lit a candle and set it on a bureau, an echo of that day long ago when we both lost our virginity. Then I turned to Leo. His lips parted when I traced his face with my hand, pausing at his beautiful, full mouth.

  He kissed my fingertips, then my palm, and his dark skin was aglow in the candlelight. For an instant, he was identical to the boy who stole my heart and soul years before, innocent and shy and sweet. But he was a man now, damaged by war and rife with hidden points of darkness. I wanted to kiss away our past and his pain and just be in the moment. With him.

  I was only nervous for a second. For the first time in what seemed forever, my body released all its tension. All the negative emotions of the past year dissolved, and I gave in and decided to revel in one night of perfect pleasure. That was my goal, and I prayed I could achieve it.

  Standing before him, I unbuttoned his shirt, running my hands over the smooth, hard muscles of his chest. Sweet Jesus, he was stunning. Within seconds, his shirt was on the floor and my hands were roaming his abs, feeling every ridge.

  He quivered at my touch, then took my face in his hands and kissed me slow.

  "You're so damn gorgeous," he whispered. "I don't deserve you, Jess."

  I shook my head, almost wanting to weep from the emotion I saw in his eyes. "No. I don't deserve you."

  He pressed his lips against mine, his hands resting on my shoulders, his thumbs hooked under the straps of my dress. "May I?"

  I nodded, and he slid the straps over my shoulders, then down my body. The dress slid to the floor at my feet.

  Feeling momentarily self-conscious, I wanted to press myself against him so he couldn't see me. I felt too exposed in my white, lacy bra and panties. But when I stepped forward, he held out his hand.

  "Stop. I just want to look at you."

  With his fingers, he swept my hair away from my face, then traced the tops of my breasts, leaving a trail of fire in their wake. Down my stomach, around my bellybutton, and over my hips—over the curves I'd come to hate so much.

  "God, Jess," he whispered, walking toward me, then kissing me softly. "I love your body. I love everything about you. Do you know how happy you make me? How much you turn me on?"

  He continued to feather soft kisses on my neck as he walked forward, which forced me to step back until I felt the backs of my legs hit the bed. Then he reached around my back where his fingers lingered on my bra strap.

  "It's in front," I murmured, and he gave a little chuckle in response. A noise of gratitude.

  He undid the clasp, and my heavy-feeling breasts were freed, and I felt another pang of self-consciousness. Then Leo groaned and pushed me to sit on the mattress, leaning over me and taking a nipple in his mouth. He licked, fierce and hungry, then bit gently. He soothed the sting with a slow circle of his tongue. He repeated this, over and over, and it was driving me crazy, sending sparks shooting everywhere though my body.

  "Leo," I gasped.

  His lips traveled over my stomach, while one hand remained on my breast, taunting and trapping my nipple between his fingers. He grazed my stomach with his lips and my muscles quivered. When his mouth was dangerously close to the elastic of my panties, I let out a little groan.

  He looked up, his thumbs hooked into the sides of my underwear. "Please, Jess?"

  How could I say no when it was the exact thing I wanted?

  Keeping my legs together so i
t was easier for him to tug the little scrap of lace down my body, I kicked off my shoes and scooted to the middle of the bed.

  "Better," he said. "Much better. Now, open your legs wide for me. Please."

  It was a command, and just hearing it made me wetter than I'd ever been in my life.

  Kneeling, he stared between my legs and bit his lip. Then he ran his hands up my thighs and spread me farther. Soon, it was my turn to beg.

  "Leo? I want, I want..." my voice trailed off when he bent his head and gave me a long, slow glide of his tongue, over and over, teasing me along the way.

  "That? Is that what you want?" Leo whispered.

  I could only whimper in response. His mouth and tongue were now directed at that perfect spot, working in tandem so successfully to bring me to the edge, I tilted my body so he could have more.

  More. That's what I wanted of him. No, not just more, but everything. I swore as he licked, whispering lots of dirty words, which was so unlike me. Not because I was upset or wanted to be raunchy, but because it seemed like they were the only raw, powerful things that could capture how I was feeling, stripped bare and open for him to take in any way he wanted.

  "I'm so close, Leo." My fingertips skimmed through his short hair. "Please?"

  He lifted his head, and I traced my wetness on his lips.

  "Just let go, baby. Just let go and let me take care of you."

  Only his tongue made contact with me now, a rhythmic, up-and-down motion, but it was when he plunged two fingers inside that I shattered, momentarily forgetting all about my condition as I dropped into an intense, tumbling orgasm that lasted longer than I’d dreamed possible. All I could muster was a little cry of pleasure, then silent screams with squeezed-tight eyes. Leo continued trailing his tongue over my most sensitive parts, soothing the spasms.

  He groaned, moving up my body. "God, that was so hot, you coming on my tongue."

  I nodded and smiled, unable to form a coherent sentence.

  Stretching out on his side next to me, he ran his hand over my breasts, rolling my nipples in between his fingers while I blissed out. I was happy to see my body seemed to be working just fine.

  Better than fine.

  "Mmmm," I said, opening my eyes halfway. "I want more."

  I rolled to kneeling. "Lay on your back," I commanded, and I undid his pants, sucking in a breath as I slid them off and my hand brushed against the hard length of his erection beneath his tight boxer briefs. When I pressed my hand fully against it, a little strangled moan came from his throat.

  "I want you," I whispered. "I want this."

  He removed my hand from his erection and sat up, kissing me. He eased me onto my back again, and I was perfectly fine with that, because there was something so primal about his muscular body atop my soft one. He pinned both of my hands above my head and pressed his hips down into me, and I gasped again, arching into him.

  He buried himself in my neck, thrusting his hips so his hardness ground in between my legs, the only barrier between them his underwear. I tugged it down, wanting us to magically disappear.

  Leo sat up. "Let's get these off," he said slowly, roughly. He stripped off his boxers and tossed them to the floor.

  "There are condoms in the drawer," I said, adding quickly, "I bought them for tonight."

  He turned to grab the condom box, and I admired his ass. Firm. Tight. When I reached out to squeeze it, he chuckled.

  "You're distracting me," he said, fumbling to open the box, eventually just ripping it open. "I bought some condoms today too, but they're back in my room."

  "Good. We can use both boxes." I giggled, plucking a strip out of his big hands and removing one packet, tossing the others on the nightstand.

  "Come here," I said, tearing the foil. "I think you've gotten bigger in these past five years." A momentary twinge of fear went through me, following my surge of desire. Would my body allow him inside? Would he hurt? He was huge.

  He laughed. "I don't think that's possible. But thank you."

  I stroked him a few times, and he groaned. "God, stop, you're driving me crazy. You need to put that on me so I can get inside you. Then we'll discuss how big I am."

  Obliging, I sheathed him.

  He settled between my legs, and I felt a new wave of fear. Should I tell him about my condition after all? Or should I just wait and see if my body accepts him?

  Hello, overthinking the moment...

  "Jessica."

  The way he said my name made me unravel. We stared at each other in the candlelight, his eyes so intense, I felt a rush of something new, something perfect. Something unquestionable. Something familiar.

  He was the man I was meant to be with.

  What was that expression on his face? Was it love? Because that's what I felt when I looked at him. Love, pure and clear.

  He entered me, and I gasped. He took the first thrust slow, but he was in. A jolt of awareness went through me. There was no pain. Only a gratifying fullness. Happiness.

  "This is okay, right?" he whispered.

  "This is perfect," I replied, because it was. "I've wanted this for so long."

  "So have I, babe. So have I."

  He was breathing unevenly and moved with a low, desperate growl. It suddenly hit me that neither of us had been with anyone else since our last time together, and I folded my arms and legs around him, wanting our physical connection to never end. I had none of the problems I'd had with Jacob, probably because I trusted Leo.

  I trusted him to do the right thing with my body and soul. I trusted him not to make the same mistake he had so many years ago. I trusted him to be the man of my dreams and my forever.

  He moved in and out of with a maddening rhythm, and when I groaned, he asked if I was uncomfortable.

  "Not even a little." I was getting wetter by the second—wetter than I'd thought possible. He plunged into me, and the friction brought me back to the edge of orgasm. I rocked my body into his, needing to take him all in.

  His cock was harder and bigger than I remembered, and combined with the sweetness of how he moved, I fell deeper under his spell with each stroke. I was free of all muscle spasms and tension, of shame and doubt. Of anything but unending bliss.

  Leo stilled for a moment, filling me entirely. "I love you," he said in my ear, his tone soft as velvet.

  "I love you." Then I clasped him close, tears pricking my eyes.

  He whispered, "Jess, Jess, Jess," into my ear as he came, and the shield around my heart lifted.

  Chapter 35

  The Fight

  JESSICA

  I sighed contentedly the next morning when Leo kissed me, slow and deep.

  "Stay here while I get breakfast on for the guests. Then we can head to the beach for the sand sculpture announcement," he whispered.

  I nestled into the covers, barely able to handle the surge of happiness running through my body. How was it possible I wasn't tired? We'd barely slept. Instead, we'd consumed each other. His stamina had been incredible. But I wanted more.

  "Aren't there other things we need to do first, before going to the beach?" I whispered, running a finger down his bare, muscular chest and pausing at the soft trail of hair near his bellybutton. "And we both know I'm going to win the contest."

  Playfully biting my shoulder, he let out a little growl. "We'll see about that. But I agree, I have a few things to take care of before I let you out of bed." He paused. "Do you know what day it is?"

  Still half-asleep, half in a sated haze, I shook my head.

  "Valentine's Day, baby," he said in a growly voice. He was so romantic, even at six in the morning.

  I grabbed him playfully and hugged him tight, pulling his bulk on top of me.

  "I'll think up a few new ways to celebrate." His hand cupped my breast and stroked. "Get some rest."

  He left, and I allowed my eyes to flutter shut, barely noticing the bright sunshine that streamed through the windows because I was so content.

  How long woul
d it be until he returned? I missed him already. Our first night together after so many years had been more incredible than I could have anticipated. More intimate, more pleasurable, more intense than anything I'd ever experienced. Despite our desperation for each other, Leo was an unhurried lover, and more than once, he'd pleaded with me to slow down because he wanted the night to last longer. Which had of course only made me want him more.

  After dozing a bit, I showered and slipped on a red, silky kimono robe, then plopped back onto the bed. I grabbed one of my mother's notebooks off the nightstand, deciding to pass some time by reading until Leo returned. Today, I turned to the entries of the time when Leo and I first met, wanting to see if my mother had detected the deep connection we'd shared before the whole pregnancy debacle went down. I idly wondered how my mother would have felt about me falling for the son of her ex-boyfriend.

  DEC. 23: Adam and his son, Leo, arrived today. Adam looks more handsome than ever. This is the first time since becoming a mother I've wished I had an afternoon without family obligations, because all I wanted when I looked into his eyes was to make love to him. I was once again reminded how different my feelings for him are compared to the girls' father. Brendan never made me feel so whole, so complete. My feelings for Adam are complex, all-consuming, ravenous. He's my soul mate. He always has been.

  I sighed. I knew those feelings well, though I wished Mom could have found happiness with Adam while they were still in college.

  I read on, savoring each word in my mother's careful, loopy cursive.

  What I wasn't prepared for was Jessica. And Leo. The minute they saw each other, their eyes lit up. It was as if there was an instant spark. It kind of reminded me of how Adam and I were when we first met, scary in its intensity. I don't think they even noticed that I noticed. Ha! I'm going to ask Adam if he saw it.

  I grinned. I was pleased it had been obvious to my mother that Leo and I were so suited. Of course we'd fallen in love almost instantly.