The Road Trip At The End Box Set

by J N Wood

  ‘Whiskey or vodka?’ she asked me.

  ‘Erm…whiskey,’ I replied.

  Shannon smiled. ‘Good choice.’

  Michael started laying out plastic sheets on one of the seats, while Shannon emptied her bags. I sat on the other side of the bus. She took out two bottles. One was vodka and one whiskey. I expected her to hand me one, but she placed them both on the floor. Next out was a little plastic container with a red label. She twisted the cap off and shook a couple of tablets into her hand.

  ‘Here, take two of these,’ she said, handing them to me. ‘Actually, make it three.’

  ‘Do I get any whiskey?’ I asked.

  ‘No, that’s for me when I’ve finished,’ she replied. ‘Now lie down here.’ She was pointing at the plastic covered seat. ‘We can clean up the blood on your face while the painkillers take effect.’

  I laid down on my back.

  ‘Jack, you hold the flashlight,’ Shannon said. ‘Keep it on Chris’s face at all times.’

  Jack immediately shone his torch into my eyes, almost blinding me.

  ‘Fuck’s sake Jack. Just give me a couple of seconds warning.’

  ‘Michael, you disinfect these with the vodka,’ she said. ‘Just soak them in a clean cup and leave it down here.’

  I tried to open my eyes but the light was too bright.

  ‘What are you disinfecting?’ I asked. ‘Tweezers?’

  ‘Yes,’ Shannon replied. ‘And the razor blades.’

  I lifted my hand to block the torch light, and looked at Shannon. ‘What?’ I asked her.

  Jack moved the torch so the light was back in my eyes, making me quickly close them again.

  ‘Jack,’ I yelled. ‘For fuck’s sake.’

  ‘Shannon told me,’ Jack said.

  ‘Twat,’ I replied.

  ‘Quiet Chris,’ Shannon softly said, gently laying a hand on my shoulder. ‘I thought I might have to shave some of your beard, but it looks like it’s just around your eye.’

  ‘Oh right, that’s okay then,’ I said.

  ‘Also, I might have to make the holes in your face a bit bigger, so I can get the bones, I mean shrapnel, out.’

  ‘Fuck’s sake,’ I said. ‘By the way, you can say bones. There are human fucking bones in my face.’

  We all heard two vehicles pulling up outside the bus.

  ‘Hey, your friends are here Chris,’ Michael called out, before I heard him exit the bus.

  ‘Okay Chris,’ Shannon said. ‘I’m just going to get rid of the blood to start with. No cutting just yet.’

  Shannon very gently started to wipe my face. It felt like she was using damp cotton pads. Sharp stinging pains shot through me every time she rubbed it over one of the wounds.

  At some point during the painful cleaning process, the bus moved slightly as someone climbed the steps.

  ‘I told them to wait for us outside,’ Michael said. ‘They seem okay.’

  ‘How many of them are there?’ I asked. ‘Do they all look Hispanic?’

  ‘Yeah I think so,’ Michael replied. ‘Six adults. The two women and the old guy from Costco were there, and three other guys, they looked like brothers. I think there were some kids but I couldn’t really see them in the back of the second car.’

  ‘Three young boys, one blond?’ I asked.

  ‘Sorry, couldn’t tell,’ Michael said. ‘I can go and have another look.’

  ‘No it’s okay. Looks like they never found Sandra’s husband and daughter.’

  ‘Hey Michael,’ Shannon said. ‘Make sure Gee is–.'

  ‘It’s okay. Gee is already keeping an eye on them. You know he doesn’t trust anybody.’

  ‘Good,’ she answered.

  I could barely open my eyes, so I squinted through the bright light to see what was happening.

  Shannon twisted her baseball cap around so it was on backwards. ‘So Chris, I’m going to try it with the tweezers first. Hopefully I won’t have to do any cutting.’

  ‘Yeah, go for it,’ I said, sighing and closing my eyes. ‘Although I don’t think those painkillers have done anything.’

  ‘I don’t think they’ll do a great deal,’ Shannon said. ‘They might take the edge off slightly.’

  ‘Great,’ I said flatly.

  She started prodding my face with her fingers, slowly moving around all the wounds.

  ‘Okay,’ she said. ‘I’m going in.’

  I’m not going to lie, it was fucking painful.

  After rummaging around for what felt like an absolute fucking age, she pulled the tweezers out, triumphantly stating, ‘Got it. One down, eight to go.’

  ‘Fucking hell,’ I softly muttered.

  She quickly moved onto the next one. It only took a few seconds of stabbing with the tweezers, before she told me she was going to have to cut.

  ‘On three. One…two…three,’ Shannon said.

  I felt the blade slice through my skin. It wasn’t as painful as the tweezer rummaging.

  I realised once she’d stopped cutting, Shannon had been talking to me. ‘Sorry, you’re gonna have to repeat all of that,’ I said, through gritted teeth. ‘Didn’t get a single word.’

  ‘I said…’ She paused to pick up the tweezers to continue with the rummaging. ‘You know these people. What should we do? I’m assuming they’re heading north. Do you want to ask them to join us? Yes! Two down.’

  I’d been holding my breath, releasing it when I felt part of another person being plucked from my face. ‘Ow!’ I exclaimed, and then tried to compose myself. ‘I think they’re nice people. Most of them hated me and Jack–.’

  ‘They hated you,’ Jack interrupted.

  ‘They hated us because they were just trying to protect their family,’ I said. ‘I think you should definitely ask, but they’ll probably say no.’

  ‘Not in the bus though?’ Jack asked. ‘Do you mean in a convoy.’

  ‘Yes of course,’ Shannon replied. ‘We’d all fit in here but it’d be safer to have a few vehicles.’

  Shannon continued with her attempt at school bus surgery. I was desperate for it to end, and beginning to wish she would do more slicing, just to speed the process up.

  There was only one bit of the dead woman left to remove when Gee started talking to somebody outside. I could only hear Gee’s side of the conversation.

  ‘No,’ he said.

  Silence.

  ‘Have weapon?’

  Silence.

  ‘Okay,’ he said.

  A few seconds later, Ali called out, ‘Hello, coming aboard.’

  It doesn’t take much to get past Gee then.

  ‘Hello,’ Jack said. ‘Come in and see Chris’s face getting cut open. It’s delightful viewing.’

  ‘Hi Jack,’ Ali said. ‘You look…different.’

  ‘Oh yeah, Chris threw me into a dumpster.’

  ‘He’d already fucked his eye up before I threw him into the dumpster,’ I quickly said.

  ‘Oh fuck,’ Ali exclaimed.

  I’m guessing she just saw me.

  ‘Hi Chris,’ Ali said. ‘Are you two competing for the most fucked up face awards?’

  ‘So much cursing,’ Shannon said.

  ‘Yep,’ I replied. ‘And I think I just took the lead. Ali, this is Shannon. Shannon, this is Ali.’

  They greeted each other before Shannon introduced Ali to Michael. ‘The guy with his head between his legs over there is my husband, Michael. He’s just feeling a bit queasy.’

  ‘Hello,’ Michael wearily said. ‘Sorry, I shouldn’t have watched.’

  ‘You’ve been in here for a long time, and the big guy outside was staring at us,’ Ali said. ‘You know the one. He just killed two people in Costco. He’s really freaking the kids out.’

  ‘I killed one of them, sorry,’ Michael said. It sounded like his head was still between his legs.

  ‘That’s Gee,’ Jack said. ‘And don’t worry about him. He’s just looking after us.’

  ‘We barely knew those pe
ople really,’ Ali said. ‘But that doesn’t mean any of us wanted to witness what just happened.’

  ‘Last one is out,’ Shannon said, probably in an effort to diffuse the awkward moment. ‘Well done Chris. Just need to get you cleaned up.’

  ‘Thank fuck for that,’ I whispered. ‘How big are these holes? You’re not planning on stitching me up are you?’

  ‘No, they’re only small.’

  ‘Really?’ I asked. ‘It felt like you were cutting half my face off.’

  I lifted my hand to feel my face. Shannon slapped my hand away.

  ‘No!’ she scolded me. ‘No touching with your dirty hands. Infections Chris, we don’t want infections.’

  ‘What you said back there, about not catching the virus from bites. Is that true?’ Ali asked.

  ‘Yes, it was me that was bitten,’ Shannon said, very openly. ‘I’m fine. It was a few days ago.’

  Ali initial response was very similar to mine, silence.

  While Shannon was applying the final touches to my messed up face, we discussed both of our group’s future plans. We turned out to share exactly the same plans. Ali said they’d be happy to follow us in their vehicles. While waiting for us outside, her family had apparently been talking about the advantages of following a bus with a snow plough all the way up to Canada.

  Along with the gauze taped to my face, I also had nine circular plasters, or band aids as Shannon called them, dotted around the right side of my face.

  ‘Yep, you’re winning,’ Jack said, pointing at me, and then at his bandaged eye. ‘I thought I was ahead still, but you look fucking ridiculous.’

  Gee was back in the driver’s seat. Ali had gone back to her family, who were following us in two identical looking black Dodge Caravans.

  The Intersate-90 took us around the few towns and cities north of Yakima, so the roads were soon surrounded by trees. It was a shame it was dark, because we might have been able to see Mount Rainier during the day.

  ‘The black expanse of nothingness on our left is Keechelus Lake,’ Michael said, after looking up from the map.

  We all looked out through the windows, and saw darkness.

  ‘Thanks Tour Guide Michael,’ I said. ‘Gee, I think it might be poo o’clock.’

  ‘What the fuck is this?’ Gee replied.

  ‘Poo o’clock,’ I said. ‘You know? Time for a Poo.’

  ‘You need shit?’ he asked.

  ‘Yeah, I need a shit.’

  ‘Why not just say this?’

  ‘Because that annoys Shannon, and she’s already shouted at me enough today,’ I replied.

  ‘Please don’t make me the mother figure in this group,’ Shannon exclaimed.

  ‘Anyway Gee, yeah, I need a shit,’ I said. ‘Could you pull over please?’

  After we’d stopped, I stood in the open doorway, pointing my torch into the edge of the dark and very foreboding tree line. The torch light bouncing off the leaves made everything look like it was moving.

  ‘What is going on?’ a voice hissed from behind the bus.

  I poked my head out and looked to my right. My torch lit up a squinting Steve, one of Ali’s cousins.

  ‘Hi Steve,’ I said, in a hushed tone. I was genuinely happy to see him again. ‘How are you doing? I’m just going for a shit.’

  He spun around, mumbling something inaudible. I just about heard him telling the rest of his family we’d stopped for a bathroom break.

  He still hates me then.

  ‘Do you want me to come?’ Gee asked.

  ‘No, obviously not, I’m going for a shit,’ I quickly responded.

  ‘Hey, there will probably be bears coming out of hibernation around about now,’ Jack said. ‘So you better keep an eye out for them.’

  ‘Not this close to the road though,’ I replied.

  ‘It’s the apocalypse Chris,’ Jack said. ‘All the humans have died.’

  ‘Very true. But there won’t be any bears around. Not while I’m here.’ I stepped off the bus, and into the woods.

  Armed with a torch, a roll of toilet tissues, and some hand sanitiser, I looked for a suitable place to have a much needed shit.

  Fuck, I’m breaking the promise to myself to only shit somewhere with walls and a ceiling. Forgot about that. Probably a very good rule.

  After I felt I’d gone far enough, I pulled my jeans down and squatted. Before I could relax and let go, I heard voices and saw torch lights, much too close to me. It sounded like the Rodriguez brothers.

  Fuck’s sake.

  I pulled my jeans back up and walked further into the woods.

  It turned out to be a textbook turd, very little wiping was required. Ideal in this particular situation. I took the little plastic bottle of sanitiser out of my pocket, and squeezed some into my hand. The smell was strong, like pure alcohol.

  I could just about see the headlights of the bus through the thick underbrush, directly in front of me. A low rumbling noise made me point my torch to the left, but all I could see were more trees.

  It sounded like Gee’s fucking snoring.

  After finally convincing myself that nothing was going to jump out and attack me, I started walking back to the road. I only got two paces when the low rumbling noise started again. It soon turned into loud heavy grunts, the sound of snapping branches joined them, filling the woods and terrifying me. I tracked my torch upwards across a large dark mass, about nine or ten feet in front of me. I stopped when the beam of light reached a bear’s open snout. It towered over me. The torch light illuminated the bear’s hot and misty breath.

  Panicking, I lifted my arms up and frantically waved them, trying to make myself look as big as possible. The bear dropped down onto all four legs and turned away from me.

  Yes! The making yourself look big thing actually works.

  The bear must have decided that technique didn’t work, because it suddenly directed its attention back to me.

  Fuck.

  I very briefly considered pulling the axe out from my belt. Instead, I threw the toilet roll at the bear’s head, spun around and ran in the opposite direction, as quickly as I could.

  Why didn’t I bring my gun?

  Branches and twigs thwacked into my aching face and body. The fear coursing through me meant only running directly into a tree trunk was gonna slow me down. I could hear the big animal bounding through the trees behind me.

  The whipping branches abruptly ended and I was out in the open.

  Shite. Bears are supposed to be really fast runners, definitely faster than me.

  There was some kind farm of building not far from me in the field, just visible in the moonlight. I quickly changed direction and headed for it. I didn’t want to look, but I assumed the bear was still chasing me.

  A group of about twenty zombies were sleeping by the building.

  Zombies or bear?

  Definitely zombies.

  I started screaming as loudly as I could. ‘Wake up zombies! Wake the fuck up!’

  They certainly did wake up. Within a couple of seconds they were all sprinting towards me. I decided to risk a quick glance behind.

  My heart rate jumped to a ridiculous speed, almost taking what little breath I had left away from me. The bear was really fucking close. I somehow found an extra gear within me, and started running directly for the zombies.

  Please let this work.

  The sound of the bear’s breathing was so close I thought I could almost smell its breath. I started shouting, not for any practical reason, just through utter terror.

  I took a sharp right turn when I was about six feet from the zombies. I could almost feel the air being moved by the huge animal as it passed close behind me. The sound of undead bodies slamming into the meaty body of the bear reverberated around the enclosed field. Then followed a loud roar, and the sound of flesh being torn apart.

  The black wall of the tree line was ahead of me. I ran towards it, desperately hoping the bear wouldn’t change its mind, and go for some f
resher meat. I had a very quick glance behind me. The bear looked like it was tearing the zombies to pieces. They didn’t seem to be concerned with me at all, and just clambered over the hungry animal.

  I couldn’t hold back the laughter. It almost erupted out of me. It really didn’t help, because I was struggling to breathe from the exertion.

  I had no idea where the bus would be, but I figured I’d hit the road at some point. I slowed slightly before entering the woods. Now the panic had eased a bit, I realised I didn’t want to impale myself on a sharp and pointy branch. My face was really beginning to hurt and I wasn’t looking forward to running through the underbrush again.

  Twenty seconds later, with a stinging face, I snagged my foot on something, lost my balance, and fell down onto tarmac. I heard my name being shouted and looked in the direction of the voices. Multiple beams of light were being pointed into the trees.

  After getting back to my feet, I called to them and started running. The beams of light turned to point at me, making me cover my eyes with my hand.

  When I was almost there, I shouted to everyone to get back into the vehicles. I was surprised to see everyone immediately turn, either to climb back aboard the bus or run back to the two Dodge’s behind.

  I jumped up the stairs, and Gee pressed the button to close the doors. My breathing was really laboured and sweat poured down my face.

  ‘Good shit?’ Jack asked.

  Between deep breaths I managed to say, ‘Bear, and zombies.’

  The bus started to move forwards.

  ‘Bollocks,’ Jack said, seemingly not believing me. Although I noted a slight uncertainty in his voice.

  The state I was in made it obvious something had happened.

  ‘What happened?’ Shannon asked.

  I sat on one of the seats and tried to calm down. I was just about to answer, when I noticed Gilberto, Ali, Sandra and two of the kids sat at the back of the bus.

  Shannon noticed me looking. ‘One of their vehicles was running low on gas, so we decided it was safer to leave it behind.’

  ‘What happened in the woods?’ Jack asked impatiently.

  It was still hard to breathe, but I managed to say, ‘Honestly. Chased by bear. Zombies saved me. They distracted the bear. I legged it.’