“How do you do that?” she finally asked him one morning after he had spent fifteen minutes chatting with the guy who brought their room service about his twin daughters.
“Do what?” was Connor’s confused response.
“Treat everyone like they are the most interesting person in the world.”
“Because I think everyone is, I guess,” he said with a simple shrug. He was completely unaware of how special he was. The urge to tell him she loved him struck Samantha suddenly. She choked back the words. Instead she filled her mouth with a fork-full of pancakes and kept silent for the rest of the morning.
Tomorrow was their last full day in Japan. They were scheduled to leave on the evening flight the following day. Samantha was dreading the flight, the return to reality, to her previous life. Still, she welcomed the distance it was going to naturally give her. She was struggling to keep the walls up around her heart. Each minute she spent with Connor he was breaking them down. She wouldn’t be able to hold out much longer.
Chapter Eighteen - The Other Shoe Drops
Samantha woke up to her phone ringing on their last full day in Japan. Connor was still asleep, so she silenced it quickly without answering. Glancing at her screen, she had three missed calls from her mother. She had told her mom she was traveling to Japan for the week, but knowing she wouldn’t take the time to do the time conversion, Samantha had put a do not disturb setting on her phone to avoid the accidental three a.m. phone calls. Still, after three missed calls Samantha knew she would have to call her mom back before she went to work for the day. She had to head back to her room to pack up anyway, so she kissed Connor on the cheek, careful not to wake him, got dressed, and headed back to her own room.
She took a look around her hotel room. It was the exact same as Connor’s room, but somehow it felt foreign. She hadn’t spent more than a few hours in it the entire trip. She had practically lived out of Connor’s room, only heading back to her room to grab another set of clothes now and again. She refused to keep her suitcase in Connor’s room. It was important to her to at least pretend she had her own space despite the fact that they had practically been living together for the entire week.
They had spent every night together since he brought her to his niece’s dance. Being with Connor had been better than Samantha could have thought. She usually needed time alone, at least a few hours every day to herself to recharge her batteries. For some reason, she didn’t need space from Connor. She pushed him away when she felt like either of them was close to saying the three words that would change everything, but she never needed space from him. He felt like the other half of her. He felt like coming home. Samantha tore herself from her thoughts and took a quick shower before she listened to the voicemails from her mom.
The first message was pretty standard mom stuff. She left a quick message asking how Samantha was doing, asking her to call back, making a brief reference to a doctor’s appointment she had that day. The second call there wasn’t any message which was unlike her mother. Samantha wondered if it had been a butt dial, but the third call had been just a few minutes after that. She must have tried calling Samantha right back, hoping she answered the second time. The third message terrified Samantha, not because of what it said, but because of the sound of her mother’s voice. It was frantic, broken, overwhelmed.
“Samantha. Call me as soon as you get this, I don’t care what time it is. Please…I need to talk to you…” at the sound of that voice Samantha was seventeen years old again, standing in the hospital emergency room hearing a doctor say her father was dead. Samantha’s fingers flew over the digits as she dialed her mother’s number, terror seizing her entire body. As the phone rang, she wished Connor was sitting next to her, holding her hand. She physically shook her head to get rid of the thought. She was being ridiculous. She didn’t need him.
“Mom? It’s me. What is going on?” Samantha tried to keep her voice calm despite the panic surging in her veins. She didn’t want to feed her mom’s anxiety.
“Samantha! What am I going to do…” her mother’s voice trailed off as sobbing began to take over.
“Mom, take a breath. I need you to tell me what’s wrong.” Samantha’s mind was racing with what could be wrong. It had to be something horrible. They didn’t have any close family, so there it wasn’t likely to be a death. It could have been one of her mom’s friends, but that hardly seemed significant enough for this level of a panic attack on her mother’s part.
“I don’t know what to do, Samantha,” her mother’s sobs continued, causing frustration to mingle with the anxiety Samantha felt.
“Tell me what’s going on and we’ll figure it out together, Mom. We always do. Okay? Take a deep breath and tell me what’s wrong,” Samantha’s voice was detached and a twinge cold. Her emotions were equal and opposite of her mother’s. She had to learn quickly that the more panicked her mother became, the more rational she would have to be. It was a defense mechanism. One of them had to be responsible and it always ended up being Samantha. She heard her mother take a deep breath and hold it in. Samantha’s body tensed as she waited for response.
“I have cancer.” Samantha felt like she had been hit by a bus. She was in shock. She couldn't respond to her mother’s statement. Her mind was racing trying to process the fact. Her mother had cancer. There was a silence on the phone as neither woman spoke, each trying to accept the new reality they were living in.
“You have cancer,” it was a statement, but came out almost questioning. Samantha was hoping her mother would correct her. Hoping she had misheard her. She hadn’t.
“Breast cancer. Stage two,” her mother began to sob again at the words, as if saying them out loud, admitting them, made them finally real.
“Okay. I’m coming home.” Samantha knew that her mother wasn’t going to be able to function without her, at least not for the first few days, maybe weeks. That was how her mother worked. When crisis hit, she shut down, paralyzed. That was when Samantha had to take over, had to take care of them both, to be the parent. Samantha snapped into action, powering up her laptop and looking for the next available flight. There was one leaving in three hours. If she hurried, that was just enough time to pack up, check out, and make it to the flight. She booked it without thinking, still on the phone with her mother trying to sooth her.
“My flight is booked for a few hours from now. I should be home in about 15 hours, so early tomorrow afternoon for you. I want you to have a glass of wine, take a hot bath, and try to get some rest. When I get home we’ll figure this out together, okay?” her mother didn’t respond. “It is going to be okay. I’ll be home soon.”
“Okay. I love you, Samantha,” her mother’s voice was calmer, but still had an edge of defeat to it.
“I love you too, mom. I’ll see you soon.” Samantha hung up the phone and focused on getting home. She began grabbing items from around the room and throwing them into her suitcase haphazardly while she typed out an e-mail to Mr. Slone. She avoided any specifics, hating to share more about her personal life than she needed to. She hoped that Mr. Slone would know her well enough by now that if she said she needed to go home for a few weeks for a family emergency he would know it was serious and unavoidable. Samantha knew by leaving in the middle of the merger she was sacrificing her chance at partnership, but that couldn’t be avoided. Her mother was all she had in the world and she needed her. There wasn’t a choice, she had to go home for as long as it was going to take.
Samantha was dressed and packed within minutes. She practically sprinted past Connor’s room on her way down to the lobby. She didn’t let herself even pause in front of his room, afraid she wouldn’t be able to resist the urge to talk to him, have him hold her. She knew if he wasn’t awake yet, he would be soon. And he would be wondering where she was. She told herself she didn’t have time to tell him what was going on. She needed to get to the airport to catch her plane.
She kept herself moving, trying to keep her mind from thin
king about anything other than putting one foot in front of the other to get her home. She couldn’t think about her mother having cancer. She couldn’t think about leaving Connor. She couldn’t think about her mother dying. She couldn’t think about losing Connor. She couldn’t think about losing her partnership. She just needed to keep moving and not breakdown crying. Focus on what is in front of you. Check out of the hotel. Get a cab. Check into the flight. Get through security. Arrange a ride to your mother’s when you land in California. You can think about everything else later. Not now. Just keep moving. She kept her mind focused on tasks to avoid feeling the pain in her chest.
She was at the gate, waiting to board when she finally let herself think about Connor. She knew she needed to tell him that she was leaving. He would be waiting for her to start their work day. Tears peaked in the corner of her eyes when she thought about him knocking on her hotel room door and finding she was already gone. There was so much she wanted to tell him, so much he deserved to hear from her. All she could manage to do was type out a vague impersonal e-mail.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Subj: Family Emergency
Connor-
Took an early flight this morning. I have a family emergency. I don’t know when I will be back. Informed Mr. Slone. Please give my sincere apologies to Hiro and his team.
I’m sorry.
Sincerely,
Samantha Cane
Associate Attorney
Phillips, Morrissey & Tanner
It was less than five minutes later when her phone started ringing. She didn’t have to look to know it was Connor. She couldn’t talk to him. Hearing his voice, the concern, the disappointment, the anger would break her. She sent his call to voicemail. She did it again the next two times he called immediately after that too. Then the texts started coming in.
Connor: Where are you???
Samantha debated not answering him. Maybe he would think she was already on the plane if she didn’t reply.
Connor: What happened?
Connor: Answer me.
Connor: Please.
Connor: Samantha…I’m going crazy here.
She could almost hear the desperation through his texts. Her fingers hovered over the keys, not knowing what to say to him. Not knowing if she should say anything. It was so hard for her not to reach out to him, not to lean on him, not to need him.
Samantha: At the airport. Catching earlier flight. Family emergency. Boarding now, have to turn my phone off.
Samantha had another forty five minutes before her flight was boarding, but she turned her phone off any way.
Chapter Nineteen - The Fight
Samantha said she was turning off her phone, but Connor kept calling and texting her anyway, hoping she would answer him. She didn’t. He had no idea what her family emergency was. They had gone to bed together last night, the same as they had done every night this week, but she was gone when he woke up. He was disappointed to wake up alone, but he didn’t panic. He had thought she went back to her room to get another change of clothes. He assumed she would be back and they would have breakfast the same as always. He loved the little routine they had developed. He had let himself think they were together, really together. That he meant something to her. She refused to say the words, but he knew she cared about him. Still, he could feel her pull away every time she got scared.
It was just past eight o’clock when Connor started to worry about where Samantha was. He had gotten himself dressed and was waiting for her in his room, deciding between room service or going down to the restaurant. His stomach was grumbling, reminding him of the late hour. Finally, Connor walked over to Samantha’s room, knocking gently. There wasn’t an answer. Connor knocked a little louder. There was still no answer. That was when the panic began to rise up from the pit of his stomach. Connor tried to keep himself calm, telling himself that she must have gone down to the restaurant without him. They had a routine, but they’d never actually agreed to have breakfast every morning. It wasn’t a big deal for her to go get her own food.
Connor was standing in the hotel restaurant, frantically looking around for a glimpse of Samantha. She wasn’t there. When he pulled out his phone to call her he saw her e-mail. A family emergency? She was leaving! She hadn’t said a word to him and she was already gone. Connor fell back against the wall as the feeling of abandonment washed over him in painful waves. She walked away from him again. Without a word to him this time.
Connor dialed her number without thinking. She didn’t answer. Was she already on the plane? He called her again. Voicemail again. Connor felt himself losing his mind. He needed to know if she was running to something or just away from him. If her phone was still on, she wasn’t answering his calls. He tried texting, desperately staring at his phone, willing her to answer.
Samantha: At the airport. Catching earlier flight. Family emergency. Boarding now, have to turn my phone off.
That was her only response. That was all the response she thought he warranted. He kept texting, imploring her to tell him what was really going on. She didn’t respond. Connor was officially late to his morning meeting at Keiretsu Holdings. Connor tried to put thoughts of Samantha out of his head as he dialed Hiro’s office number and hailed a taxi out front of the hotel. She may have run away, but he still had a job to do.
When he got to the office, Connor made his apologies to Hiro and his team for Samantha’s absence. He was frustrated when they asked questions about her “family emergency”, offering their hopes it was nothing serious. Connor had no idea how to reply. He had no idea if it was serious. He had no idea if there even was an emergency. He struggled to focus throughout the day. Luckily they had already done most of the work for the week. Today was his last day in Japan. He had a flight out tomorrow afternoon, one he had planned on taking with Samantha. Instead he would be spending the entire flight silently brooding over her and why she left. He finally stopped texting her every hour, realizing she had to be on the plane by now. Even if she wasn’t, her lack of response was enough to get the message. Whatever she was going through, she didn’t want to talk to him.
Hiro offered to take Connor out to dinner for his last night in Japan. Connor usually would have accepted just on principle. Social dinners were a key part of building relationships. Still, Connor couldn’t bring himself to go out. He didn’t trust himself to keep up the fake enthusiasm that had exhausted him the entire day at work. Instead he went back to his hotel room that now seemed so large and empty without sharing it with Samantha. Before heading to bed, Connor sent Slone and Rebecca an e-mail summarizing his trip. He gave Samantha a substantial amount of praise. Despite how he felt about her, he couldn’t deny that she was more than brilliant during this trip. In addition to her normal business expertise, it seemed like she was trying to be more personable. Connor had thought she was opening up. He closed his e-mail with a note that he was going to be taking a few days off. He said he wanted to recover from jet lag and had to attend to some personal issues before returning to work. It wasn’t entirely a lie. He just didn’t mention the personal business was Samantha Cane. In the morning, Connor sent one more text to Samantha.
Connor: Changed my flight. I’m coming to see you.
Samantha: Please don’t.
It was the first time Samantha had responded to Connor since she left Japan. It didn’t matter. He was already in the air on his way to her. Even if he had seen her text, it wouldn’t have stopped him. He let her walk away once before, he wasn’t going to let her get away again. Not without an explanation. He deserved to know what was going on.
Connor showed up on the doorstep of Samantha’s childhood home about twelve hours later. Samantha was half expecting him after his text, but the sight of him when she opened the door still shocked her. For a split second she debated closing the door in his face and pretending he wasn’t there. She had her hands full in the past twenty four hour
s with her mother. She didn’t have the energy to deal with Connor Grayson right now. Still, he was here, standing on her front porch.
“What are you doing here?” the words came out sharp and accusatory. Samantha wasn’t trying to hide the fact that she was annoyed he had come.
“What do you mean what am I doing here?” Connor was just as annoyed that she had deserted him in Japan and then refused to answer any of his calls or texts. He had gotten her last one, asking him not to come after he had landed at the airport. It almost made him turn around and go home. Then he reminded himself that she at least owed him an explanation. He wasn’t going to leave until he got one. “You disappeared on me, didn’t answer my phone calls, and are ignoring my texts. What do you think I’m doing here!” Connor was trying to control the anger that was creeping into his voice.
“I have been a little busy! I told you, I have a family emergency…” she trailed off, avoiding giving any more detail. The repetition of the same vague excuse was infuriating. Connor pushed past her into the house. He had been in her house countless times, but it occurred to him that this was the first time he hadn’t been invited and the first time he had used the front door. He smirked at the irony before his eyes met hers and his annoyance returned. She was staring at him with anger. What right did she have to be angry? He was the one who had been abandoned and ignored.
“Yeah, I got the e-mail. Thanks for that,” his voice was thick with antagonistic sarcasm. “And what exactly is this family emergency?”
Lucky Charm Page 15
