“Thanks for everything. Don’t contact me again.” He slammed the car door and drove off. He didn’t look back.
Chapter Twenty One - The Final Chapter
Samantha was devastated. She didn’t know what to do. She was completely lost. Broken. She sank to her knees in the yard and pulled out her phone. Before she had time to think about it, she dialed Monica’s number and spewed out her entire crazy history with Connor Grayson through pathetic broken sobs.
“Holy fuck, Samantha,” was Monica’s flabbergasted response.
“What do I do? I can’t lose him. Not now!” Samantha was desperate. Monica had never heard her like this. Monica was Samantha’s best friend, but their conversations never went deeper than clothes, movies, work, and all the other general bullshit of life. Samantha didn’t do emotions. She didn’t do weakness.
“You seriously are in love with him, aren’t you?” Monica was completely astonished.
“I am,” Samantha sounded shattered.
“Well, you’ve fucked up pretty bad. You treated him like shit for a looooong time,” Monica drew out the word to make sure Samantha was appreciating the gravity of her fuck up.
“I know that! Damn it, Monica. I didn’t call to be told what I already know! What do I do?” Samantha was growing increasingly irritated.
“You aren’t going to like it,” Monica was dismissive.
“Just tell me! I’ll do anything at this point,” Samantha wasn’t exaggerating. If Connor asked for both of her kidneys she would hand them over gladly in exchange for a smile from him.
“Grovel. Beg. Plead,” Monica’s words were flat and honest. “Humble yourself, sweet cheeks. Preferably in public. And even that isn’t a guarantee. You’ve got a lot of ground to make up for.”
“I can do that,” to her credit, Samantha’s voice held zero doubt, but Monica didn’t believe she was capable of real contrition.
“Can you? Half-measures aren’t going to work here. You need to open yourself up, be completely honest with him, and leave it all on the floor. That isn’t exactly your strong suit.”
“I have to at least try, right?” Samantha was desperate for confirmation. She felt like she couldn’t trust her own trodden heart.
“If he is worth it, yes.”
“He is worth it,” there was no doubt in Samantha’s voice.
Samantha stayed at her mother’s for the rest of the week, despite the fact that she was desperate to run back to Connor and her mother continuously tried to convince her she would be fine alone. Samantha was thankful her mother was trying to be strong and independent, but she knew that cancer wasn’t something you let someone you loved fight alone. She split her time between developing her mother’s treatment plan and plotting how to get Connor back. After several meetings with an oncologist, she was cautiously optimistic about her mother’s chances. Thankfully, her detection had been early. The treatment plan was going to be aggressive and grueling, with a mastectomy and radiation, but her chances for survival were incredibly strong. They agreed Samantha would fly back every weekend for the first few weeks of treatment to help out. Sunday night Samantha was boarding a plane back home. She was struggling with leaving her mother, but she knew she would be back soon. She had left things with Connor long enough.
On Monday morning Samantha showed up at work in a soft pink dress she bought the day before. It twirled when she spun in circles and was the exact shade of Connor’s dress shirt. She was wearing matching soft pink lipstick. Her hair was down in gentle waves. She looked more feminine than she had since she was a little girl. She felt like she was wearing a costume. In a way she was. She was dressed as the woman Connor deserved. The second she stepped off the elevator she was drawing an alarming number of stares from her colleagues. She took a deep breath, straightened her back, and marched into battle. She went straight to Connor’s office. She was hoping that not telling anyone she was returning to work meant he would still be working out of his temporary office at Phillips, Morrissey & Tanner instead of retreating back to his office at Republic Consulting. The door was open and she could hear his voice. The hole in her chest ached, but she didn’t let her determination falter. She stood in his doorway and knocked tentatively. He looked up from his screen, still talking on the phone. His eyes started at her heels, traced up her exposed calves, took in the full skirt, her narrow hips, her flushed face, and rested his gaze on her pleading eyes. His face was unreadable. Did he know what she was trying to say? That this was all for him?
“Could you hold on one second?” Connor put his call on hold and rose from his chair. His eyes stayed locked on Samantha, but he didn’t speak a word. Samantha held her breath. Connor slowly crossed the room until he was right in front of her. She could feel his warm breath on her body. He grabbed the door and shut it in her face. She stood there in disbelief as she heard him walk back to his desk and resume his call, his voice never giving away a hint of discomfort. Samantha stormed back to her office, the taste of metal filling her mouth to keep the tears off her cheeks.
“Did you seriously think it was going to be that easy?” Monica’s cynical voice held no trace of sympathy through her office phone. “You put on a pink dress and stood in his doorway and he is supposed to forgive you for torturing him half his life?”
“You didn’t see the look on his face. It wasn’t angry. It was blank. Nothing. It’s like he didn’t even care,” Samantha sounded miserable.
“He cares. Trust me. He wouldn’t put up with you this long if he didn’t care. But, you’ve got to take it up a notch. You’ve got to show him how you feel.”
“How the hell am I supposed to do that when he won’t even talk to me!” she was shouting. She was sure Tammy could hear her, but at this point she didn’t care.
“I don’t know, tramp. But, if you want to be with him, you’ve gotta go bigger.”
The next time Samantha saw Connor was at the daily merger meeting. Before she would stand in the back of the room and scowl at Connor. Now, she was early to the meeting and found a seat next to where she knew Connor would sit. He arrived late and stood in the back of the room, as far away from Samantha as he could physically get. He was incredibly talented at being evasive. At the end of the meeting, he turned to leave immediately. Samantha tried to make her way through the crowded conference room to get to him. He was already halfway across the office by the time she made it to the conference room door. She called out to him. Half the office turned to face her. She knew he heard her, but he didn’t stop. He didn’t even slow down. He kept his same quick pace until he was in his office and then he shut the door. The entire office was staring at the caricature that used to be Samantha Cane. Everyone saw him ignore her. She was seconds from storming into his office and making a scene that would go down in office legend until she realized pushing her way into Connor’s life wasn’t going to win him back.
Connor kept his office door closed for the next two hours, avoiding Samantha completely. It wasn’t until the one o’clock video teleconference with Japan that Samantha saw him again. They were in the conference room, sitting at the head of the table on either side of Mr. Slone with the rest of the merger team sitting around the table. Samantha could feel the anger radiating off of him.
“I wanted to discuss the proposal for integrating the billing structures,” Samantha recognized Hiro’s voice coming through the speakers. “It seems unnecessarily complex.”
“In our discussions here we have considered several possible options, including leaving the current billing structures in place for each region…” Samantha began her explanation only to be cut off by Connor.
“That was ruled out as a non-starter,” Connor’s voice was stern as he cut her off without bothering to look at her. The entire room shifted awkwardly in their seats at the tension.
“The complexity of each market combined with the fluctuation in the different currencies…” Samantha started again calmly to try to explain her point.
“Complexity isn’t t
he issue. Mergers are always complex. It’s about making the commitment and putting in the hard work to push through the issues,” Connor stared forward at the screen, refusing to look at Samantha as his words dismissed her.
“I appreciate the sentiment Connor, but the issues…” Connor cut her off for a third time. Samantha let out an exasperated sigh.
“It’s not sentimentality, it practicality. This can’t be one sided. It can’t be half-measures. You keep each other at a distance, the merger fails, and both companies are ruined,” Connor’s words were bitter and indignant.
“Perhaps we should continue our internal discussions and re-attack the issue later,” Mr. Slone chimed in trying to diffuse the situation. Samantha and Connor ignored him.
“I’m not saying it’s not worth the effort. Some companies are just more open to change than others. These restrictions were put in place years ago because the senior partners were worried about losing the core of the firm’s identity.” Samantha lost sight of the rest of the people in the conference room, staring intently at Connor, only able to see his profile as he stayed stubbornly pointed toward the screen while arguing with her.
“And you think Keiretsu doesn’t have the same concerns? They are making the same sacrifices, taking the same risks!” Connor was livid.
“I’m not saying they aren’t. I’m saying they might need to be patient as we make adjustments.”
“I think I have shown more than enough patience,” his words were thick with meaning. “There are no guarantees. At some point, you just have to believe and jump in with both feet. If you aren’t capable of doing that, than you are just wasting my time with this charade!”
“Charade!” Samantha pushed back from the table, livid. “This isn’t a charade. I’m trying…”
“Doesn’t look like it from where I’m sitting,” there was no longer anger in his voice. Connor was dismissive and cold.
“Connor I hardly think that is appropriate. We should all take a minute…” Mr. Slone was still trying to regain control of the meeting while everyone stared at Connor and Samantha in sheer amazement.
“I can’t do this anymore. You win, Connor.” Samantha stood up and turned to Mr. Slone. “I need to be removed from the merger team.”
“Samantha, this is hardly the place. We can discuss this…” Mr. Slone’s words were a warning. Samantha was making a scene. She didn’t care. She cut him off.
“Mr. Slone, I’m in love with Connor Grayson,” she blurted out in front of everyone. Half a dozen audible gasps, including Connor’s, simultaneously cut through the tension in the room. His entire body shifted in his chair as he snapped his head around and finally looked at her. Her eyes convinced him of the sincerity of her words. “And I have let it impact my work on this merger. We have a complicated history that I should have disclosed upfront. I think the best think for the company and the team is for me to step away.”
“What are you doing?” Connor was confused. He was still trying to process her words.
“You are more experienced and better equipped to manage the team…” Samantha’s voice was calm and detached.
“No. Why are you doing this? Here. Now.” Connor stood up and leaned in toward her. She was giving up the merger. She was giving up the partnership. She was in love with him. It was all too much for Connor to process. In the span of a few minutes everything he thought he knew about Samantha Cane had suddenly changed.
“Because I should have done it eleven years ago,” her voice didn’t falter despite the tears slowly rolling down her cheeks. She didn’t try to stop them. She didn’t brush them away. She just stared into Connor’s eyes, completely oblivious to the rest of the people in the conference room. Connor had only seen Samantha cry twice. The first time was for her father. This time, it was for him.
“You aren’t leaving the team.” Connor’s eyes never left Samantha.
“Yes I am.” Even her surrender had to be an argument.
“No. You aren’t.”
“Connor…”
“Samantha,” he cut her off just to make her stop speaking.
“Perhaps this is a good time for a quick break,” Hiro’s voice rang through the small conference room, temporarily drawing everyone’s attention back to the screen at the front of the room. Suddenly snapping back to reality and the scene she had just made, Samantha’s cheeks flashed bright red as she left the room at a near sprint back to her office.
“Show is over everyone.” Slone’s commanding voice sent everyone else out of the room. Everyone except Connor, who was still too stunned to get out of his chair. “Connor, why don’t you go and figure out what the hell that was about,” it was an order and an accusation. As much as Slone liked Connor, he had been at least half responsible for the profoundly unprofessional outburst that just ruined Slone’s afternoon.
“Let me know how that goes,” Hiro’s laugh echoed through the conference room speakers. Connor leapt out of his chair and sprinted after Samantha.
“What happened?” Connor asked, curiosity taking over the other emotions swirling around him as he closed the door to Samantha’s office behind him.
“What do you mean?” Samantha wasn’t trying to be obtuse. She was honestly confused. Did he not know she had loved him forever? Did he not know she was trying to give him everything he deserved?
“What do I mean? You come here, dressed like the flower girl in a wedding, are suddenly in love with me, and ask to leave the team? What the hell happened?” he sounded exasperated. This wasn’t the happy ending Samantha had planned. She was losing her patience. She had just given him everything she had to give. Still, he was distant. He was cold and detached.
“You happened! Did you even hear us in there? I can’t do this every day. You can finish the merger better without me. And for the record, I am dressed like a flower girl for you. And, I have always loved you!” Samantha was shouting at him without thinking about it. His face was pure shock. He stood staring at her from across her office. There was no turning back now. She had to get the rest of it out. Time to grovel, beg, and plead.
“I fell in love with you when I was seventeen. I loved you so much it scared the hell out of me! I just kept thinking what if I lost you? So, I let you go. Or, chased you away I guess. I did it again when my mom told me she had cancer. It’s not because I don’t love you. I do. I always have.” Her eyes met his, brimming with a plea to be forgiven. He just stood staring at her in amazement, his face completely blank. Samantha kept going, eleven years worth of apologizing spilling out of her uncontrollably.
“I don’t want to need you. I didn’t think I was strong enough. I didn't want to be like my Mom after my Dad died. So, I just told myself over and over again not to love you. Not to need you. And I thought it would work. Then, last week after we fought in my mother’s kitchen I realized I don’t just love you. I love who I am with you. You make me happy. You make me whole. I asked you to come over that night to tell you I love you. But, you thought I was just using you. Hearing you tell me you deserve better was excruciating. Don’t contact me again. It was unbearable.”
“Samantha,” his voice was softer. He stared at her, his mouth dropped open in astonishment.
“I deserved every word. I know. It was long overdue.” A small honest laugh escaped Samantha’s lips. “I am so sorry. For everything. I love you, Connor.” Samantha had tears running down her face again. Ever cell in her body was focused on Connor, searching for signs of forgiveness.
Slowly, his face began to show signs of recognition as her words began to settle in his mind. His lips held a hint of a smile. She did love him. As much as he loved her and she always had. The thought sent warm waves of joy throughout his body melting his resentment.
“Talking yourself out of being in love? That is quite simply the stupidest thing I have ever heard.” The smirk was wide across his face now. He couldn’t help himself. The feeling of the room shifted, tension changed to longing. He was crossing the room to her, closing the d
istance between them. Heat built in the shrinking space between them.
“Excuse me?” Samantha said with a mockingly indignant tone. “I’m pouring my heart out here jerk!” she playfully slapped his chest when he was finally standing in front of her. She let her hand rest on his warm chest just above his heart. She could feel it was racing under her fingertips.
“Say it again,” his voice was soft as he wrapped his arms around her waist.
“I am sorry,” she whispered against his lips as he drew her to him. He laughed at her apology. The sound spread warmth across Samantha’s body even though the laugh was at her expense.
“Those aren’t the three words I was talking about.” He leaned down into her, his forehead resting on hers.
“Oh.” She melted into him. “Connor Grayson, I love you.”
“One more time.” He squeezed her into him, kissing her left cheek, tasting the trail of salty tears.
“I love you,” she said with a soft moan.
“Again.” He trailed his lips across hers and kissed her other cheek.
“I love you,” she said as his lips gently found their way on top of hers.
“I love you, too,” he said with a kiss. He kissed her as if he had been waiting his entire life to feel her lips on his. Samantha wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him closer. She kissed him like she was dying and he was the only cure.
“Ms. Cane, I'm so sorry, but Mr. Slone is asking for you,” Tammy stuttered, barging in without knocking. Despite the sudden audience, Samantha didn't pull away from Connor. Tammy stared at the two embracing lovers with envy and admiration, like a little girl at the end of Disney movie. Her misty doe eyes left no doubt for Samantha that she had overheard them.
“Tell Mr. Slone I will be with him in a minute,” Samantha skipped the standard knocking lecture. “And Tammy, call me Samantha.”
Lucky Charm Page 17
