You Don't Know What Love Is

by Tymber Dalton

  Opening the bag, he withdrew a chainmaille necklace. “It’s stainless steel,” he said as he fastened it around Colton’s neck. “I ordered them from the woman who sells her designs at the club. She makes custom collars and jewelry. I know you can’t always wear your ring, so you can put it on that when you need to. And it’s your day collar. I want you to be able to remember you’re never alone.”

  He then pulled out a bracelet that matched the necklace and handed it to Colton, then held out his own left wrist. “And that I’m always with you in spirit, even if we’re not together physically. Because you might be my slave, but I already belong to you every bit as much as you belong to me.”

  Colton’s hands trembled as he fumbled the clasp before finally getting it fastened around Rom’s wrist. He pulled Rom’s wrist to his mouth and pressed a long kiss there before looking up at him. “You’re mine. Only mine.”

  Rom smiled and leaned in for a kiss. “I’m yours. Only yours.” He nuzzled Colton’s nose. “And I’ll give you the other things later tonight, once we’re home and legally married.”

  Chapter Ten

  They took their time getting ready. They were wearing matching khaki shorts and casual button-up short-sleeved shirts with palm trees and flamingos on them—a callback to Colton’s Grammy, who’d loved all things tropical and “Floridian.”

  Rom didn’t care what they wore, as long as they returned home that evening hitched.

  The only thing Rom had felt a little uncomfortable about was that Kent had hired not just a car, but an actual limousine to drive them to and from his house for the wedding. His rationale being that they could safely enjoy a wedding toast if they wanted without worrying about it.

  And when Kent had learned that Colton had never ridden in a limo before, Kent had playfully suggested to Rom that the ride home be a…memorable one.

  The more Rom thought about it, the more he decided yeah, he would go with that. Why not? This was their wedding day. It wasn’t like they were taking a honeymoon trip immediately.

  They were ready when the driver texted Rom he was there, parked behind the store, where he and Colton and Aunt Roberta parked behind the building.

  Rom was careful to watch Colton’s face when he opened the downstairs door and revealed the surprise. This was one detail he’d made sure got held back from his boy.

  “A limo?”

  Rom grinned. “Present from Kent.” He leaned in for a kiss and dropped his voice so the driver couldn’t hear from where he stood waiting at the limo’s back door. “Just wait until the ride home.” He locked the door behind them and carried the messenger bag with their paperwork, phone, wallets…and a little special something for him to use on Colton later.

  The day would be totally vanilla. Rom suspected another reason for Kent’s “suggestion” about what to do during the limo ride was because he knew there’d be practically zero opportunity to fool around with all the guests in attendance. The final total of guests who’d RSVP’d was seventy-eight, not counting them or Kent and his boys.

  Once they were settled inside—and Rom poured them glasses of champagne from the chilled bottle that had awaited them—Rom smiled at Colton. “To us, and fuck anyone who isn’t happy for us.”

  He’d kill for the beaming smile Colton wore as they hooked arms to carefully sip from their glasses. “To us,” Colton echoed.

  * * * *

  Colton wasn’t a huge drinker, but today was the only day he was ever getting married, and he wanted to enjoy every second of it guilt-free.

  “Oh,” Rom said, holding his left hand out. “You need to take that, so you can put it back on me in a little bit.”

  Colton slipped it off his hand and offered his to Rom to do the same. Other than when he was working on something and had to take it off, he’d worn it ever since that day they’d exchanged rings.

  As far as he knew, Rom hadn’t taken his off at all.

  Rom kissed him. “Don’t worry. They’ll be going back where they rightfully belong very soon.”

  “I hope so, Sir.”

  Rom reached up and touched Colton’s necklace. “You’re still wearing your day collar. Think of that as your alternate ring.”

  They finished the bottle of champagne by the time the driver pulled into Kent’s driveway and through the gate. Today, the gate stood open so they wouldn’t have to buzz people in. He couldn’t believe all the cars parked outside, probably over fifty, easily. And when the limo pulled up to the front door, Kent and his boys stood at the front of the crowd, flanked by Aunt Roberta, Uncle Mike, Chad, Ina, and the grannies.

  The driver opened the door for them and they stepped out to cheers from everyone. It wasn’t just the champagne hitting him that nearly overwhelmed him. It was seeing all of them together in one place like that, supporting them—embracing them and their love.

  Accepting them.

  Fuck you, Mom and Dad.

  Kent stepped forward first to hug both of them, dropping Colton a wink. “Come on, you lovebirds. The aroma from the barbecue is making everyone hungry. Let’s get the two of you hitched.”

  Kent had even hired a photographer to take pictures.

  They were holding the ceremony out in the backyard, under a simple gazebo surrounded by azalea bushes and shaded by gorgeous old oaks draped with moss. They weren’t having an official matron of honor or best men, but they were going to have Aunt Roberta and Kent sign the marriage license as their official witnesses. Loren waited until everyone was gathered around to start the ceremony.

  “We’re all gathered here today to witness this union. Our generous host has told me to say, and I quote, ‘If anyone has a problem with it, you can get the fuck out right now.’”

  “Fuckin’ A, they can!” Lucy piped up through the laughter. “I wanna see these boys get hitched!”

  Kent reached over and gave the octogenarian a gentle fist bump. The two of them had pretty much become partners in crime over the last several weeks.

  The next part, however, was a surprise to Colton. “But first, Colton’s aunt, Roberta, has something she’d like to read.”

  He exchanged a glance with Rom, who looked a little puzzled, too. This wasn’t part of the plan, obviously.

  But Aunt Roberta stepped forward with a teary smile and an envelope in her hand.

  “Roz didn’t tell you, but she left something with her attorney to give to me. Something she wanted read at your wedding, if she wasn’t around to read it herself. I don’t know what it says, because my orders were to open it and read it here, today.”

  She was already sniffling back tears as she slipped her finger under the flap and gently eased the envelope open.

  Colton processed that Rom was now holding both his hands and squeezing, trying to help him focus.

  Aunt Roberta’s gaze quickly scanned the letter. She let out a sad little laugh before she took a deep breath and started reading, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue as she did.

  “My sweet, beautiful Colton,

  I wish I could be standing here today with you both to give you my personal blessing. My greatest hope for you has always been for you to find someone to love you, because as of when I’m writing this, you don’t know what love is.

  You don’t know what it’s like to breathe in and think of that person who’s grabbed your heart and ridden away with it, and breathe out with their name imprinted on your soul. You don’t know what it’s like to feel comfort and relief in their smile, or to know that their every spare waking thought is centered on making you smile.

  You don’t know what love is yet, my precious child. You don’t know the love I felt for you holding you when you were born, or the love I felt watching you explore your art and seeing the joy in your eyes when you realized it was your passion. You don’t know the love I felt for you when I made the choice to gather you in my arms and turn my back on the woman I gave birth to.

  I thought I knew love before then. Somehow, I must have failed as a mother, that she did that
to you. I vowed I would never turn my back on you, that I would always be there for you. That I would do my best to keep you safe and surround you with those who’d love you and appreciate you for the wonderful soul you are.

  I knew love when I married Lou. Your grandfather and I set the world on fire with our passion, and that is the kind of love I want you to have in your marriage. It nearly killed me when I lost him. Maybe in my grief I neglected to give your mother something she needed, I don’t know. But I hope that, today, you can celebrate the love you have found.

  You don’t know what love is yet, my sweet Colton, but I want you to. I want the two of you to dance and laugh when you’re caught in the rain, and I want you to embrace your friends and the family who cherish you. I want you to find the joy in every day and spread it wide. I want you to know that I am happy for you, and if I can from wherever I am, I’m watching you right now and crying happy tears for your wedding.

  And to the one who has captured my Colton’s heart, I speak to you: You don’t know what love is, either. You don’t know how it killed me, his tears, comforting him after his parents threw him out. You don’t know how close I came to wanting to end the life of the woman I gave birth to for rejecting his perfect soul. You don’t know how I would literally fight for him, die for him, if need be. He’s my light, and my joy, and please understand how precious he is. Please don’t take him for granted. Please know that the love he gives you is delicate and something to be treasured.

  Please take care of my baby for me. Please help him find his joy and happiness and don’t marry him if you can’t promise him forever.

  Because while you don’t know what love is yet, I can promise you that allowing Colton into your life and heart, you will learn what love is. He IS love, he IS beauty, he IS pure, sweet spirit. Don’t break it, or him.

  I wish the two of you happiness and joy, and hope that Robbie and the grannies gave you a kick-ass shindig, like I asked them to. I wanted to throw you a party with rainbows and laughter and damn good food.

  And a Publix cake. Lord, please tell me they got you a Publix cake.”

  Aunt Roberta had to pause to wipe away tears as she and the entire crowd started laughing.

  “It’s Publix,” Kent confirmed with a smile.

  Once she’d composed herself, Aunt Roberta continued reading.

  “I don’t know how long it’s been since I’ve been gone, but know this will remain constant—I am so proud of you, my darling boy. I’m so proud of you, and I want you to be happy, because I love you. You deserve the best, truest love. You deserve happiness. You deserve success and joy. May you find all of that and more today and in the future. I want you to enjoy today, laugh, make the start of a lifetime of memories. And to all my friends who can hear this letter being read—you have my permission to kick the guy’s ass if he breaks Colton’s heart. Tell the cops my angry spirit possessed you or something.”

  Another round of laughter later, Aunt Roberta continued.

  “Blessings to you both, Colton. I love you now, and I’ll love you always.

  Grammy.”

  Aunt Roberta hugged both of them, and the crowd’s laughter quieted into sniffles. Kent’s boy, Paul, leaned in and handed Colton and Rom tissues to dab at their eyes before they joined hands again.

  “Well, I don’t know how I’m going to top that,” Loren joked, prompting another round of laughter. “Although it’s not the first time I’ve seen orders given from the hereafter at a wedding.” She opened a small journal she held in her hands. “Since I personally love Publix cake, and I don’t wish to anger Grammy’s ghost, let’s move this along, shall we?”

  Colton and Rom both laughed, as did the audience.

  * * * *

  Rom had not known that was coming, and it was taking everything he had to hold it together and not dissolve into a sobbing mess right now.

  And he was only holding it together because of Colton.

  “Dearly beloved,” Loren continued, “we’re gathered here today to celebrate the union of Colton and Rom. They’ve written their own vows for today. Colton?”

  Rom stared up into his boy’s eyes and blinked back tears. Grammy’s letter had thrown both of them for a loop, but absolutely would he follow her advice. She was right that he had not known what love was—romantic love—before he met Colton.

  “There were times in my life I felt sorry for myself,” Colton started. “I felt angry. I felt unworthy. I felt worthless. Grammy worked her butt off to try to convince me otherwise. She always told me that, somewhere, there was someone for me, who’d love me the way I truly deserved. Who’d be my white knight and my partner in crime. Someone who, when I looked into their eyes, I’d see my soul reflected back to me and know they were meant for me.

  “And she was right. I didn’t think she was right, though. I thought love at first sight was bullshit. And thank you, Kent,” he said, glancing the man’s way. “Because I might never have met Rom if he hadn’t introduced us. And doubly thank you for today, and everything you’ve done for us.”

  Kent wore a wide, pleased smile. “You’re very welcome.”

  “Rom, when we first met, you told me not to tell you I love you if I didn’t mean it for life. That you’d be happy to leave things status quo, that you wouldn’t ask for more than I could give. But that if I did tell you I loved you, that I needed to mean it. That they weren’t casual words to toss around loosely. That you’d personally seen the bad side of love and what it could do. That love could wound and kill.

  “And I knew you were right, because I’d seen not to the extent you did, but that love can absolutely wound. When I nearly lost you, I’d just told you that morning that I loved you. Because I knew that you were not only the answer to my aching soul, but you were a man Grammy would have welcomed into our family with open arms and a smile. Because of all that, and more, I am proud and eager to stand here and ask to be your husband, to take my vows to love, honor, and obey you, and to spend the rest of my life with you.”

  Loren smiled as she nodded. “Rom, your vows?”

  Rom had to take a couple of deep breaths, because it felt like he’d been nut-punched. In a good way, though. His clever boy had slipped in a slight hat-tip to their M/s dynamic after all.

  “I lost my parents when I was a kid. I was lucky enough to have an older brother and sister-in-law who stepped in to raise me like their own. I was never lacking for love or affection or support. But I was afraid. Not because of them or anything they did. Because once I was old enough to learn the truth behind what happened to our parents, I realized that love can hurt and wound and sometimes even kill. I’d also taken control of my life in ways that maybe weren’t totally healthy, but that helped me cope. I needed control, because my life spiraled out of control when I was a kid, and it terrified me.

  “I warned you when I met you that I was a control freak, and you loved me anyway, or maybe because of it. When I was afraid, you were sure. When I tested you, you simply smiled and let me be me and loved me even more for it.

  “I told you I needed love to be shown to me, because I knew that words were meaningless, and you showed me love. I always had an idea in my head of what love would look like, but you showed me a better, sweeter love, one that far surpassed my hopes and dreams. You came into my life and quieted my soul. You became my home and restored my faith and trust.

  “I promise that I will spend the rest of our lives together showing you I don’t take any of that lightly. That I will never stop trying to be a better man for you, that I will spend every day with you trying to make you proud of me, and that I will always take care of you and cherish you and show you how much I love you. That I will honor my vows to you and honor you as my husband by putting you first in my life, all my life, for the rest of my life.”

  Colton squeezed his hands hard, his teary smile filling Rom’s heart with joy.

  Because in this moment, his boy was happy.

  “Colton, the ring,” Loren said.

&nb
sp; Colton released Rom’s hands so he could get the ring off his right pinky, where he’d kept it.

  “Repeat after me…”

  Colton stared into Rom’s eyes. “I, Colton Darren Oakes, take thee, Romeo Allen Quinn, to be my lawfully wedded husband from this day forward.”

  He slipped it onto Rom’s left ring finger when she indicated. “With this ring,” Colton said, repeating after her, “I thee wed. It is a symbol of my love for and promise to you, never-ending, forever and ever.”

  “Rom,” Loren said.

  “I, Romeo Allen Quinn, take thee, Colton Darren Oakes, to be my lawfully wedded husband from this day forward.” His vision blurred as he slipped the ring onto Colton’s finger and listened to Loren tell him what to say. “With this ring, I thee wed. It is a symbol of my love for and promise to you, never-ending, forever and ever.”

  “With these two men standing before us today,” Loren said, “and having taken their vows in front of all of you, and having declared their love to each other before us, it is my joyful honor to witness their union. By the powers vested in me by the state of Florida, I declare them married. May you have a lifetime of joy and love together. You may kiss your husband.”

  As the audience erupted into cheers, Colton pulled Rom into his arms and laid one on him. “Love you, boy,” he whispered.

  Colton’s sweet, beaming smile silenced every echo of fear Rom had ever felt in his life. “Love you, too, Sir.”

  * * * *

  They were both more than a little tipsy by the time they climbed into the limo for the ride home several hours later. Rom had sent Colton into the bathroom before they left with the present from his messenger bag—a remote-controlled vibrating butt plug.

  And Rom had the remote in his pocket.

  It meant getting through the good-byes a little faster, because every time Colton would get sidetracked by someone, Rom would bump the controller to remind him to stay on task and focus him on getting out the door.