by Joyce Alec
“But you don’t want to,” Hazel replied firmly. “That’s the difference, Mama.”
“John can give your father some work, and we’ll have the food we need as payment,” her mother answered, with a slight lift of her shoulders. “When it comes time to retire, we will have the money we need to live quietly as well as be near Sophie and, hopefully, any children she might have.”
Hazel drew herself back, a little insulted. “But what about me, Mama? What about Martha? If we have children, then…?”
Much to Hazel’s surprise, her mother let out a small laugh. “My dear Hazel, I am quite sure that you and Martha will find husbands of your own soon enough. While I hope you will stay in town, I can’t be sure that you will. What if you decide to go live somewhere else? Start over somewhere new?” Reaching forward, she tucked an errant curl behind Hazel’s ear. “Your father and I have to make decisions based on what we know, not what might happen in the future,” she finished, smiling gently. “I do want you to understand, Hazel. This isn’t about who we love more.”
“I know, I know,” Hazel replied, sighing. “I’m well aware that you and Papa love us all equally. It’s just hard to think about giving up this place.”
“But you’ll have to do just that once you marry,” her mother pointed out, her smile growing. “Don’t you ever think about the future, Hazel? The home that you build won’t be here. It’ll be somewhere entirely different, somewhere with your husband. This house won’t be your home forever.”
Something like lead dropped into Hazel’s stomach. There was almost a finality in her mother’s voice, as though they’d already decided to leave. She didn’t want to face up to that reality. She wanted things to stay exactly like they were.
“You’ve already chosen to leave, haven’t you?” she whispered, blinking back a sudden flurry of tears. “I can tell, Mama. I can tell by your face.”
There was a long pause. Her mother looked back at her calmly, her expression both grave and sympathetic.
“Oh, Hazel,” she murmured, eventually. “Your father’s gone out to tell John our decision. We’ll be moving out to the ranch at the beginning of next month.”
Ice flooded through Hazel’s veins, swirling its coolness in the pit of her stomach.
“I wanted to try and talk you through it before we told you, but I guess you figured it out already,” her mother continued, patting Hazel’s hand. “Martha went with your father to John’s ranch. She seems quite excited about the whole thing.”
“We’re leaving this house?” Hazel whispered, the words almost repulsive on her tongue. “We’re going to live in a cabin?”
Her mother smiled, clearly not upset in the least. “The cabin is bigger than this house, Hazel, and John is busy getting it fixed up for us. You and Martha will have your own rooms, if you can believe it! John is such a kind man and so very good to us.”
Getting to her feet, her tea forgotten, Hazel squeezed her eyes shut, forcing her tears back.
“Hazel?” her mother asked, clearly concerned. “I know this is a shock but—”
“I need to go out for a walk,” Hazel muttered, her stomach still rolling. “Don’t wait up for me, Mama. I need to go. I’m sorry.”
4
Gasping for breath, Hazel forced one foot in front of the other, climbing the only hill near to their town. She had to get away from everyone, just to allow herself some time to think.
There was wisdom in what her mother said, that was for sure, but it was still difficult for Hazel to accept. That house was all she had ever known. It was the place where she had grown up, the place where Martha had been born, the place where she had spent so many wonderful, happy days with her family.
“You’re being ridiculous,” she muttered to herself, sitting down on the grassy hilltop, looking down over the town. Her mother was right to say that Hazel would hopefully one day leave and start a home of her own. However, that would be Hazel’s own choice. Right now, it felt as though the decision was being pushed on her without her consent. Her parents hadn’t even discussed it with her.
“That’s because they don’t need to,” she said aloud, trying to calm herself down. “It’s not your house, is it? They expect you to be married pretty soon anyway.”
Drawing in a long, deep breath, Hazel closed her eyes and gave herself a shake. She was being foolish. What she should have said to her mother was that she would support them in whatever decision they made. After all, this was the rest of their lives they were talking about, and she probably wouldn’t be a part of that for very much longer.
Not if things with Christopher continued to go as well as they were.
Leaning back, Hazel lifted her face to the sky and saw the streaks of red and orange beginning to spread their long fingers across it. The beauty of it brought a peace to her soul, calming her fractious mind.
“Hazel?”
Starting, Hazel sat up at once—only to see Christopher climbing up the hill after her, his face filled with concern.
“Christopher!” she exclaimed, astonished to see him. “Whatever are you doing here?”
“I was out for an evening’s ride when I saw you racing up here as though the coyotes were after you,” he said, his eyes wide as he came closer. “Is everything all right?”
Hazel nodded and got to her feet, going into his arms without hesitation. “I’m fine, really. I was just a bit upset.” If she was honest, she still felt that pain, still felt that ache burning in her heart, but Hazel knew she had to just let that go.
“You’re upset?” Christopher asked, cupping her chin. “About what?”
“About Mama and Papa moving to John’s ranch,” she replied, leaning back to look into his face as something painful stabbed at her heart. “I spoke to Mama today, and she admitted that they’ve made the decision. It’s all happening next month.”
Christopher nodded slowly, his eyes searching hers. “You don’t want to move to John’s ranch?”
“No, I don’t’,” Hazel admitted, stepping back so she could sit down where she’d been. “But now, I guess I see it from my mama’s perspective. She’s right when she says I ain’t always going to be around and they’ve got to think of the future. I just wish that didn’t mean having to give up a place I love so much, a place that has so many memories.”
Christopher came to sit beside her, one hand around her waist as he tugged her into him. Hazel leaned her head on his shoulder, drawing strength and comfort from him.
“I’m glad you’re here,” she murmured quietly. “I thought I wanted to be alone, but I guess I was wrong.”
Turning his head towards her, Christopher’s gaze darted to her lips and, without waiting, Hazel lifted her face to his. Their kiss wasn’t as brief or as hesitant as it had been before, and within a few moments, she felt her passion rising.
“I—I think I’d best get going home,” she managed to say, tearing her mouth from his as she heard his ragged breathing. “It ain’t right, just the two of us up here. Not alone.”
Christopher didn’t move, his hand tightening around her waist. “Stay.”
Hazel laughed softly, shaking her head playfully. “I don’t think that’s a good idea, Christopher.”
“Just for a few more minutes,” he begged, his eyes filled with something she couldn’t quite make out. “Watch the sunset with me.”
It was beautiful, Hazel had to admit. Besides, so long as their kisses didn’t lead to anything more, she’d be all right to stay here for a bit longer.
“Just until it goes below the horizon,” she murmured, the ache in her heart slowly lessening as they sat together, her head resting back on his shoulder. “Then I need to get back to Mama. She’ll be worried about me.”
They sat for a long time in complete silence. Hazel couldn’t help but sigh, feeling both sadness and acceptance in her soul. At least she didn’t have to worry about Christopher. It wasn’t as though he was going to turn her world upsides down any time soon.
�
�Are we still going to go on that picnic?” she asked softly, as the sun disappeared completely. “I’ve been really looking forward to it.”
Christopher didn’t answer, his eyes roving all over her as she sat looking back at him. There was heat in his gaze, something that set her blood on fire.
“Hazel,” he whispered, his mouth close to hers, as he leaned forward, slowly pushing her back down onto the grass.
His mouth was hot and sweet, but as Hazel clung to him, he began to move a little further over, practically lying on top of her.
“Christopher,” Hazel breathed, as he began to press kisses to her cheek and neck. “Christopher, stop.”
He did not listen.
“Christopher!” Hazel exclaimed, now trying to push him away from her. “Stop, Christopher.”
Lifting his head from the curve of her throat, Christopher caught her hands in his and pressed them to the earth on either side of her head. His lips had flattened into a firm line, his eyes burning her with their gaze.
“Why do you keep stopping me?” he asked, his voice low and gravelly. “I know you want this, Hazel.”
“No, I don’t,” Hazel cried, beginning to grow a little frightened as he leaned down to kiss the curve of her throat again. “Christopher, stop!”
Panic swelled within her as she began to try and fight him off in earnest, suddenly terrified with what it was he was trying to do. This wasn’t the Christopher she knew! He wasn’t listening to her and was holding her hands with a tight grip as he moved his head lower, making her almost sick with fright.
She didn’t know what was happening. She didn’t know what he was doing, or why. All she knew was that she had to get away from him before he took something she could never get back.
When he finally let go of her hands to begin pulling at the bottom of her dress, Hazel reacted. Trying to sit up, she pushed him, hard, struggling to kick her legs so that she could try and unbalance him. With a scream, she shoved at him again and again, until finally, he rolled off her body and into the dust.
Scrambling to her feet, Hazel tried to run away from him, desperate to get back home, only for him to catch her arm, his face contorted with anger.
“What are you doing, Hazel?” he shouted, grabbing her shoulders so that she was forced to look at him. “Why don’t you want this?”
Tears dripped down her cheeks. “I ain’t giving myself to you without a wedding ring on my finger,” she cried, twisting away from him. “Don’t you come near me again, Christopher!”
His hand was still on her arm, still trying to keep her next to him as she pulled and pulled to get away.
“We’re meant to be together,” he exclaimed, his fingers tightening on her arm. “Come on, Hazel! I’ve spent enough time with you for this to be the next step.”
Hazel’s mouth fell open, her mind screaming at her to get away. “Time? You think this is about how much time we spend together, Christopher?”
“Of course, it is,” he said firmly, pulling her back towards him and using his strength against her. “Why else would I say I wanted to court you?”
Something died in Hazel’s heart, her fists thundering on his chest as he tried to pull her tightly again him. “I cared about you, Christopher,” she replied, sagging against him for just a moment as she tried to regain her strength. “I thought this was about finding a future together. About love.” She looked up at him, realizing just how foolish she’d been. “That’s not what you want.”
He shrugged, a small smile on his face. “Maybe in the future, but right now I’m all for just exploring things. More than just kisses. Haven’t you worked that out yet?”
A fierce, hot anger burst through her and, throwing herself away from him, she managed to break his hold on her arms. Picking up her heels, Hazel ran as hard as she could towards his horse.
Somehow, she managed to scramble up into the saddle, pulling on the reins, hard.
“Hazel!” he shouted, standing directly in front of the horse in an attempt to catch the horse’s bridle. “Stop!”
She ignored him completely, her eyes burning with hot, stinging tears as she turned the horse around. Kicking her heels into its side, she rode hard down the trails.
The town blurred in front of her as she tried not to cry. Her skin burned from where he had kissed her, her arms painful from where he’d tried to hold her still. A deep-seated fear began to creep over her as she dashed her tears away, glancing over her shoulder as though Christopher would have somehow found another horse and come riding after her.
The sight of her parents’ home made her want to scream out loud for her mama, but clamping her mouth closed, Hazel swung her leg down from the horse. She threw the reins over a post, ran inside, and slammed the door.
Her mama, papa, sisters, and brother-in-law all looked up at her, surprise on each one of their faces.
“Hazel!” her mother exclaimed, rising from her chair almost at once. “Goodness, child, what’s happened to you? You’re covered in dirt! Did you fall?”
Hazel couldn’t find the words to say, tears beginning to stream down her cheeks. Covering her face with her hands, she felt a blanket of shame wrap itself around her, as though she was to blame in some way for what Christopher had done.
Her sisters came to stand by her, clearly distressed at how upset she was.
“I’m so sorry,” Hazel whispered, as her mother rocked her gently back and forth. “I believed him. I should never have believed him.”
“There’s a horse outside,” Martha interrupted, as Hazel’s father and brother-in-law rose from the table to look.
“That would be Christopher’s horse,” John said slowly, looking at Hazel who hid her face against her mother’s shoulder.
There was a moment of stunned silence, and as Hazel continued to sob, she felt her mother’s arms tighten around her waist.
“Did he manage to…?” her mother whispered in her ear, her voice shaking. “Tell me he didn’t.”
Sniffing, Hazel wiped her eyes and shook her head, feeling everyone’s eyes on her. “I got away,” she managed to say, her legs beginning to tremble. “I don’t know where he is.”
Her father’s eyes darkened, as he helped her sit down at the kitchen table, his jaw clenched.
“I’ll be back later,” he muttered, throwing a look towards his wife. “You all stay here.”
Sophie, Hazel’s oldest sister, looked up at her husband with a slightly stricken expression, as though afraid their father would do something they’d all come to regret.
“I’ll go with him,” John said at once, seeing his wife’s expression. “Will you all be okay here?”
Hazel’s mother continued to rub Hazel’s back, nodding up at John. “We’ll be just fine. You go on now. Teach that boy a lesson.”
5
Two weeks later and Hazel still felt as though she were dragging her cold, lifeless heart around with her everywhere she went. Everything was cold and gray, with no beauty anywhere.
She hadn’t left the house since that night with Christopher. She couldn’t face going outside, knowing that most of the town knew what had happened. Her father and brother-in-law had made sure that he’d never come near her again, but in a small town, word traveled fast.
Not that any of this was her fault, or so she kept being told. None of this was to do with her. Despite the excuses that Christopher made, she’d never once led him on. He’d said to her father that she’d wanted him to make advances, that she’d wanted him to take things further, and that he’d gotten angry when she’d changed her mind. Much to Hazel’s relief, her father hadn’t believed a word of it.
Apparently, Christopher’s own parents were outraged by what their son had done, even though he was of age to be responsible for himself. John had reported that they’d threatened to throw them out of their home should he do any such thing again, and since Christopher had nowhere else to go, he’d done nothing but work during the day and go home at night. Until he built a place for
himself or found a good woman to marry, he was under his parents’ authority.
But none of that could get Hazel to leave the house. She didn’t want the pitying looks of the townsfolk, or to hear the sympathetic whispered words as she passed. Her shame was too great.
Running her hand along the kitchen table, Hazel found a cloth and began to carefully wipe off the table, trying to take her mind off what had happened. She’d been so foolish, believing that Christopher had really wanted to court her, really wanted to think about a future for them, only to realize that he wasn’t after her heart. His shy nature had been a front, a way to get her to approach him when she might not have noticed him otherwise. Oh, she had thought him so handsome, when underneath it all, he had hoped to take something from her she was not willing to give.
Sitting down at the kitchen table, Hazel let out a long breath and tried to keep the flurry of tears at bay. She felt trapped, held captive by the four walls of the family home. Perhaps it would be good to move to the ranch. There she could start over, start again.
Idly, she picked up her father’s newspaper from the table, knowing she would need to put it away. He’d obviously finished reading it over breakfast but hadn’t managed to fold it up and tidy it away. With a half-smile, Hazel opened it and let her eyes drift down the page, finding very little to occupy her thoughts.
Her heart slammed into her chest, as her eyes caught on one large advertisement, followed by a few smaller ones underneath.
“Mail Order Bride wanted,” she read aloud, a sudden trembling hitting her soul. Lying the paper on the table, she spread it out so that she could read it all carefully.
Hazel had always known that there were gentlemen who put advertisements in papers looking for wives, but she hadn’t ever paid it much attention. She’d always thought she’d end up marrying a man from nearby, thinking that he’d be able to provide her with the home and family she wanted whilst staying close to her parents. After all, it was what most people did. Then again, circumstances had changed for her recently. This was almost an answer to her prayers, a way to let go of the agony that tied itself around her soul.
