Sinners' Playground

by Caroline Peckham

  My free hand brushed against my throat at the memories of him squeezing the life out of me and I shivered before I could stop myself.

  Fox's arms closed around me and he dragged me against his bare chest, crushing me in his arms like that was the safest place in the world for me to be. And maybe a tiny piece of me wanted to believe that, but I also couldn't forget what he'd done. What they'd all done.

  "Just give me a name, hummingbird. I'll make him scream for hours for you. I'll make him truly regret what he did before you end him," he said in a low rumble that seemed to vibrate right through my chest.

  "I don't want your help with this. I don't want your help at all," I protested firmly, pushing against his solid chest until he released me then aggressively buttering my toast. "And you can't keep me locked up in here forever either. I might not have run this morning, but I will again soon. You can't just cage me like some wild animal you've decided to tame."

  The softness in Fox disappeared quicker than I could even register, and he ground out a curse as he turned and strode away towards the garage with his muscles all tense again.

  I finished buttering my toast and took a savage bite from a piece before turning around to watch as Fox returned from the garage with a sledgehammer in his grasp.

  Mutt appeared from the courtyard surrounding the pool, scurrying closer to me with a wide-eyed look that said he thought Fox was fucking crazy. Smart dog.

  "What are you doing?" I demanded, my gaze slipping to the garage door which Fox had left slightly open with the keys jammed into it.

  "Making sure you can't run off on me the same way you did last time," he snarled as he stalked out of the patio doors to the courtyard which held the pool and strode straight towards the barbecue which I'd used to climb up over the wall during my escape.

  I sucked in a gasp as Fox hefted the sledgehammer in his grip and swung it at the barbecue as hard as he could.

  Bricks shattered and the crash of crumbling masonry filled the air as a huge chunk of the barbecue was smashed off, flying into the pool with a splash that sent water flying all around before he swung the sledgehammer again.

  "What the fuck is going on?" JJ demanded as he jogged down the stairs and I tried to get over the shock of Fox losing his shit as I pointed through the glass doors and he hurried over to get a look at what was happening.

  Mutt was getting seriously freaked out by the destruction and he scurried over to me, slipping behind my legs and peeking out just as JJ jogged by.

  "What the fuck, Fox? I wanted to cook burgers later!" he yelled as another chunk of barbecue was sent crashing down on the tiles and Fox's muscles bunched and flexed in a way that was giving me serious construction worker fantasies. Come smash down my walls, builder boy and pound my…drain in? Ew, no, I’d lost it, maybe I’d let that fantasy go just as fast as it had surfaced.

  "I'm solving a problem," Fox snarled defiantly as JJ got closer to him and the two of them began arguing over whether or not the prospect of burgers for dinner was more or less important than the possibility of me using the barbecue to escape again.

  My eyes fell to the sun lounger where I'd been parked yesterday afternoon and my lips twitched as I spotted a pair of my shorts still sitting there alongside my Power Rangers cap where I'd taken them off to sunbathe.

  I silently snagged the shorts and cap, blew the guys a kiss which they couldn't see as they continued to argue then turned and ran for the garage door with Mutt on my heels.

  I grabbed Fox's keys out of the door, slipped through it and locked it again on the other side before eyeing the rack of car keys hanging there whispering my name with sweet promises of freedom.

  JJ's ride was probably the most fun to drive, but there was just something poetic in taking Fox's truck that I couldn't resist.

  I grabbed the key from the hook then grabbed all of the other keys too so that they wouldn't be able to follow me and ran down the stairs to the garage before leaping into his black pickup, tossing the other keys into the footwell beside me and waiting for Mutt to hop in too.

  The moment he made it inside, getting his little white ass comfy on the seat beside me, I turned the key in the ignition and hightailed it out of there.

  The grin on my face quickly became all out laughter as I sped up the ramp, opened the garage door with his snazzy little button and headed out along the drive. Fox’s boys who were parked up on guard at the gate recognised his truck and because the douchebag had blacked out windows, they even opened the gate for me, assuming I was him. Fuckturds. I pumped the gas and sped out onto the street in Fox's fancy truck and I imagined his face going all red and that sledgehammer finding a hole in the fucking wall when he realised that I was gone again.

  Mutt yipped excitedly and I had to agree with him - it did look like it was going to be a beautiful day in Sunset Cove.

  I drove quickly, knowing full well that Fox would have his gang of miscreants on the hunt for me soon enough and they'd be looking out for his truck too, so I set a course for the water and took advantage of the early hour as I sped through quiet streets.

  I made it to the road that ran along the beach and turned left along the boardwalk known as The Mile, the pier in the distance catching my eye and bringing back all kinds of memories as I looked at it. That had been our favourite place in the world once. This abandoned little paradise where five kids who wanted to escape from reality made time to live the way we wanted to even if it never lasted as long as we would have liked.

  I made my decision without even thinking about it and drove towards it at full speed, the Ferris wheel catching the rays of the rising sun and seeming to call me home.

  I pulled the truck up in the middle of the street a few blocks away from the pier and quickly gave it a sweep, finding a handgun in the glovebox alongside a pack of gum.

  I shimmied out of JJ's sweatpants and into my shorts sans panties before tying a knot in his shirt so that I looked somewhat respectable. Well, not respectable but like, not totally as if I was wearing a dude’s clothes and hadn’t had a chance to shower this morning. Then I took a stick of gum to counter the lack of tooth brushing that had taken place this morning, fixed my hair in the mirror as best I could before hiding it beneath the hat and decided to leave the gun where it was. I didn't really have anywhere to hide it and aside from my overdue visit to see Shawn, I didn't have anyone to use it on either. Though as I thought about Shawn, I considered just turning and driving away again. I could do what I'd said, roll up on him and open fire. Assuming none of his men saw me coming. And none of them noticed the truck of a well known rival gang leader cruising into their turf.

  On second thoughts that was probably another death sentence. Besides, I'd already made my decision about Shawn. I was going to get what I'd come here for first then swing by his place to put a bullet between his eyes right before I ran off to start my new life somewhere far, far away. Simple. And it wasn't worth fucking with that plan now no matter how tempting it might have been to lay that motherfucker out for what he'd tried to do to me.

  I hopped out of Fox's truck, ignoring the fact that I had no shoes on and whistled for Mutt to follow me as I headed across the street and hopped the low wall that bordered the beach.

  The feeling of the golden sand between my toes made me sigh with happiness and I set a track straight for the waves, walking until they were racing up and over my toes and then turning left towards the pier where my childhood would forever reside in my memories.

  My gaze fell on the long wooden structure which ran out into the water and I couldn't help but wonder how long it had been since this place had been open to the general public. It had been firmly locked up and chained off ever since I'd been a kid and the amusement park really wasn't in great shape. But at some point it must have been somewhere that all kinds of people had loved to hang out, full of life and laughter instead of nesting gulls and delinquents.

  It didn't take me too long to walk to the pier we’d christened Sinners’ Playground
with Mutt charging in and out of the waves happily beside me and the sun steadily increasing the temperature as I went.

  By the time I made it to the pier, my gut was tightening and a nervous kind of energy was prickling beneath my skin. I didn't know why I was feeling so strange about coming back to our old haunt, but something told me my heart might break all over again if I got up there and found the place ruined.

  I drew in a deep breath and forced away my hesitation as I headed up the beach. I made it to the wooden support beam where the guys had carved hand holds all those years ago so that we could climb up there easily. It meant we didn’t have to try and climb over the heavy metal gates which had been chained shut and rusted over years before we'd ever come here.

  "Wait here, boy," I instructed, reaching down to scruff Mutt's head and he licked my hand before he dove into the shade beneath the pier and started chasing his tail.

  The instant I started climbing, it was like I'd been transported back in time, my muscles remembering this climb like it was an old friend, my hands and feet finding the handholds without me even needing to look for them.

  When I reached the top, I caught hold of the chain we'd left hanging over the side of the pier for this very purpose and used it to haul myself up and over the edge.

  I grinned to myself as I made it, scrambling upright and drawing in a slow breath as the ghosts of my past surrounded me.

  The pier had been laid out with an amusement arcade and an assortment of fairground rides, little huts meant to sell ice cream and cotton candy lining the boardwalk with brightly coloured facades which had long since faded beneath the heat of the sun.

  I moved between them with déjà vu prickling at my skin and so many memories that I could hardly even breathe with them all pressing in on me.

  I glanced back over my shoulder at the heavily chained and boarded up gates, smiling as I saw the spray paint still there from the day the five of us had claimed this place as our own. Our own piece of turf in a town carved up by gangs. Sinners' Playground. The words were still clear, the paint seeming vivid amongst everything else, our initials all marking the board to the right of the bold words, trapped inside a heart I'd painted around them myself. Because back then I'd believed my love for those boys could never falter and we'd all be together forever.

  I turned my back on the sign and started walking, heading for our favourite places at the far end of the pier like I just couldn't help myself.

  This pier held so many good memories that it was somehow harder to be here than it was to be anywhere else in the cove. But I pressed on regardless, my eyes on the top of the Ferris wheel that I could see above the arcade which barred my way on.

  I slipped inside the arcade, enjoying the silence in the shadows and remembering the nights we'd all camped out in here, sleeping between the Pac-Man and Space Invaders consoles and laughing our asses off the whole damn time.

  I crossed through the silent space quickly and moved out on the boardwalk again to my favourite part of the pier where the old rides lay dormant and waiting.

  My gaze slid over the teacups, the carousel, the bumper cars, all of them holding a host of laughter and joy in my past and I almost smiled at the memories, but it was too hard. They hurt too much in the light of what had followed them, and I wasn't sure I'd ever truly be able to take joy in any of them again.

  "Are you looking for me or just haunting somewhere new?" Chase's voice made me flinch and I sucked in a breath as I looked up and found him sitting in one of the Ferris wheel carriages. He was about a quarter of the way around to the right of where I was standing, looking down at me over the baby blue door and arching a brow like I was pissing him off just by existing.

  "Shouldn't you be out looking for me?" I replied, glancing behind me and wondering if I should try to run. "I assumed Fox would have set all of his guard dogs on the hunt by now."

  Chase grinned like a shark but the deadly look in his eyes promised me there was no joy in it.

  "I did wonder why my phone was blowing up. I just hadn't gotten around to checking it yet," he replied with a shrug. "Besides, I'm not in the mood to chase your ass around town. In my opinion, if you don't wanna stay locked up in our house then that's fine by me. I never asked you to come back anyway."

  His words stung a little, but they were also kind of a relief. Somehow I found the fact that Chase didn't want me here easier to deal with than the other guys trying to force me back into the fold after everything that had happened. At least with Chase it was simple. Hate I could do. I'd been hating the Harlequin boys for a damn long time. It was the bullshit the other two kept trying to feed me and lure me in with that was too much of a mind fuck.

  They wanted to open their arms, hug it out and just pretend that nothing had changed in the last ten years. Well, news flash, assholes, a whole lot had changed. The innocent girl they once knew had to figure her shit out without four boys at her back and soon came to realise that most people in this world only valued you based on what they could take from you.

  I'd been used and learned how to use people. I'd sold everything from my morals to my soul and only managed not to sell my body out of pure determination. That was one line I wouldn't cross. Not after Axel. But that wasn't to say I'd exactly been treated like a princess in the bedroom. I'd just rather be used on my own terms than in return for dollar bills.

  "Move over, asshole. I'm coming up to bum a smoke." I approached the Ferris wheel and quickly grabbed the familiar hand holds as I began to climb the framework.

  "You're absolutely not invited to join me, you know?" Chase muttered, but he shifted over all the same.

  "I never wait around for invitations," I replied dismissively. "I don't make many guest lists. It's been suggested I’m lacking decorum."

  Chase snorted what could have been a laugh as I reached his car and he opened the slightly rusting door before offering me a hand.

  I took it and he hauled me inside, making the thing rock wildly and I stumbled onto one knee, half falling into his lap.

  "If you came to suck me off you coulda just said that," he joked but there wasn't really any humour in it and I shoved myself back to sit on the bench opposite his before reaching out to pluck the smoke from his lips.

  I took a long toke on it, turning and hanging my legs over the edge of the carriage through the bars.

  "So we're just hanging out are we?" he asked scathingly.

  "Looks like it. You wanna tell me why you’re scowling up here, like an angry crow or..."

  "You know why," he growled, reaching over and making a move to steal the cigarette from me but I plucked it from my lips then held it out away from him.

  Unperturbed, Chase dropped his hand to my bare thigh instead and brushed his fingers over the tattoo I had there of a skull with pink roses.

  "Why the skull?" he asked, shifting his hand so his fingers slid around my thigh and I huffed as I batted him off.

  "Because I'm dead inside," I murmured which sadly, really was the reason I'd gotten it.

  "Since when?"

  "You know the answer to that," I said, looking out over the sea and releasing the smoke from my lungs as I passed the cigarette back to him.

  Chase took a minute to think on that and I just looked down at the water, smiling slightly as I watched a few surfers out catching waves. I was desperate to get back out on the water. That tiny little go I'd had surfing with Di's board was nothing, especially as I'd had the dreaded Badger watching me and had been too distracted to really enjoy it, let alone take my time.

  I wanted to buy my own board, get up at dawn and just lose myself in the surf like I used to. I wanted to immerse myself in the sea every morning and taste salt on my lips while eating breakfast on the beach the way we had done too many times to count when we were kids.

  "Were you by the sea where you were living before you came here?" Chase asked, noticing what my attention was on.

  "No," I said, the sadness sneaking into my voice on that single word.
/>
  I glanced at him and noticed the little green box he had shoved beside his thigh as if he was trying to hide it. My gaze caught on his arm next and the way he was sitting at just such an angle to try and hide it from me. I knew that behaviour all too well from the times he used to show up with new bruises his dad had given them and try not to let us see them. I guessed old habits died hard.

  “Let me see it,” I said, pointing at his arm and he narrowed his eyes at me.

  “It’s nothing,” he muttered.

  “Nothing doesn’t require a first aid kit,” I pointed out. “Stop being a little bitch and let me see.”

  Chase stole his smoke back as I moved towards him, rolling his eyes as he let me see the cut on the side of his bicep while taking a drag.

  “I can do it myself,” he said as I picked up an antibacterial wipe and swiped it over the deep wound. He flinched the tiniest bit at the burn and I smirked at his pain like a grade A cock sucker. That said, I liked to think I knew my way around a cock with my mouth, so maybe that was exactly what I was.

  “Yeah, but then I wouldn’t get to enjoy causing you pain,” I replied with a dark smile. “What was this anyway? Looks too thick to be a blade-”

  “Bullet skimmed me. Stings a bit, but I’ve had worse.”

  I reached up to touch the site of the bullet scar on his shoulder through his shirt which he’d shown me before they’d headed out last night. Chase stilled as he met my gaze with his blue eyes and for a moment I was sure he could see how glad I was that he hadn’t died. I didn’t want him to think I cared and I didn’t really, I just…didn’t want him dead. That was it.

  We fell silent as I cleaned up the wound, checked it for dirt and shit then patched him up with a waterproof dressing and some antibacterial ointment.

  “I hope you’re not expecting me to thank you,” Chase muttered as I hesitated with my hand on his elbow, my skin prickling at the contact.