Men Are Frogs

by Saranna Dewylde

  Books by Saranna DeWylde

  Men Are Frogs

  Fairy Godmothers, Inc.

  The 10 Days Series

  How to Lose a Demon in 10 Days

  How to Marry an Angel in 10 Days

  How to Seduce a Warlock in 10 Days

  MEN aRE FROGS

  Saranna DeWylde

  ZEBRA BOOKS

  Kensington Publishing Corp.

  www.kensingtonbooks.com

  All copyrighted material within is Attributor Protected.

  Table of Contents

  Also by

  Title Page

  Copyright Page

  Dedication

  PROLOGUE

  Chapter 1

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 3

  Chapter 4

  Chapter 5

  Chapter 6

  Chapter 7

  Chapter 8

  Chapter 9

  Chapter 10

  Chapter 11

  Chapter 12

  Chapter 13

  Chapter 14

  Chapter 15

  Chapter 16

  Chapter 17

  Chapter 18

  Chapter 19

  Chapter 20

  Chapter 21

  Chapter 22

  Chapter 23

  Chapter 24

  Chapter 25

  Chapter 26

  Chapter 27

  Chapter 28

  THE FAIRY GODMOTHER ROUNDUP

  Teaser chapter

  ZEBRA BOOKS are published by

  Kensington Publishing Corp.

  119 West 40th Street

  New York, NY 10018

  Copyright © 2021 by Sara Lunsford

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any means without the prior written consent of the Publisher, excepting brief quotes used in reviews.

  This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

  To the extent that the image or images on the cover of this book depict a person or persons, such person or persons are merely models, and are not intended to portray any character or characters featured in the book.

  Zebra and the Z logo Reg. U.S. Pat. & TM Off.

  ISBN: 978-1-4201-5315-6

  ISBN-13: 978-1-4201-5318-7 (ebook)

  ISBN-10: 1-978-4201-5318-8 (ebook)

  Dedicated to Jenn LeBlanc and Amanda Gordon

  You both know why

  Love you!

  PROLOGUE

  Petunia “Petty” Blossom was currently fluttering around the boardroom of Fairy Godmothers, Inc., making quite the sparkly mess. Glittery fairy dust followed in her wake as she zipped from one project to the next like an overcaffeinated bumblebee with too many luscious blooms to choose from.

  Of course, it was Gwen’s fault for bringing them so many of her decadent espresso brownies.

  Oh, bless that child. Petty made herself a mental note to shake some fairy dust into her coffee. She needed to get things moving so Gwen and Roderick would be a done deal before Roderick’s previous MIA fairy godmother could thwart her lovely plans.

  “Petunia!” Bluebonnet’s voice startled her, and Petty dropped out of the air and landed firmly on her rounded bottom.

  She rubbed her rump. “I don’t know why they call it extra padding. I don’t feel padded at all.”

  “Never mind that, sister. I see that look in your eye. What are you up to?”

  Petunia widened her eyes and blinked slowly. “Whatever do you mean?”

  Bluebonnet squinted at her. “I’ve known you for too long. You’re wearing your meddling face.”

  “Of course I am. That’s what we do.” Except Petunia and her sisters had all agreed they’d be leaving Roderick and Gwen alone to find their way when they were ready. Petty just didn’t think she could risk Roderick’s FG messing up their plans. His FG hadn’t seen the whole thread. Actually, she hadn’t seen much of anything since she’d fallen off her broom, and with magic stores low, it had taken her several years to heal.

  Jonquil popped her head in the door. “Did I hear the sounds of meddling in the morning? I brought coffee from Bernadette’s!”

  “Oh!” Bluebonnet clapped. “Bernadette’s cappuccino always pairs well with meddling.”

  Petty spread her wings and used them to lift herself off the floor. She also zapped herself in the bottom with her wand because she wasn’t about to deal with a bruise.

  “We have a fresh batch of espresso brownies from Grammy’s Goodies. Gwen made them,” Petunia said. “Also, I need you each to eat at least one or extra hijinks may ensue. You know what it’s like when I’m on the caffeine.”

  Bluebonnet and Jonquil were quick to come to her aid and each grabbed several brownies from the pretty red box.

  “Is that why you’re such a firecracker this morning?” Bluebonnet asked.

  “Mmm.” Petty nodded after taking a sip of the coffee.

  “Oh, wait. Then perhaps you shouldn’t be drinking the magic-bean juice?” Jonquil dared to ask.

  Petty growled at her and clutched the coffee close to her chest.

  Jonquil held up her hands in surrender. “Calm yourself. I swear, you’re acting like Grammy on a full moon.”

  “Sorry.” Petty slouched. “It’s just we have so much to accomplish.” She glanced skyward, then over both shoulders. “Not that I’m complaining. It’s a blessing to be so busy. Ever After is flourishing, as are our charges, and our wedding planning business. But it is a lot of balls to keep in the air.”

  Bluebonnet snorted her coffee and spewed it out of her nose like a geyser. “Balls!”

  The three of them cackled, and with a wave of Bluebonnet’s wand, she cleaned up the mess as if it had never happened.

  “You’re worse than me, I swear.” Petunia took the opportunity to swipe the last brownie, which her sisters had so lovingly left for her.

  “Can this be right?” Bluebonnet nodded to the seven different columns on the far wall, where each column had been allocated for a different wedding. Then she turned her head to the opposite wall, which had been plastered with their ideas for the spring carnival.

  “We have a lot of work ahead of us,” Jonquil said. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled that after Ransom and Lucky’s debacle we’ve gotten so many bookings. The magic wells in town are full, and we’re able to begin exporting. I just don’t know how we can keep up this pace.”

  Bluebonnet squealed so loudly that Petty’s spectacles cracked.

  Petty sniffed and wiggled her nose, trying to get the glasses to move without touching them with her fingers.

  “Sorry,” Bluebonnet apologized. “I’m so excited. Zuri will be here tomorrow.”

  Jonquil zapped Petty’s spectacles, mending them instantly before she said, “I’m afraid she’s going to be a project as well. More so than any help to us.”

  “She’s a modern woman.” Petty gave up and adjusted her glasses with her fingers. “She can do both.”

  “Hmm. But should she have to?” Bluebonnet asked.

  The three of them turned to look at the growing wall of projects laid out before them. The sisters then looked at one another and said, “Yes!”

  “I have been noodling on this,” Jonquil said. “First, we shall start her testing the wedding favors and services from the local vendors. That way she gets to meet everyone, she knows what we have to offer clients, and I think it especially important we get her set up with one of those wish favors.”

  Petty clapped gleefully. “Oh, you’re brilliant. Just brilliant.”


  “But there’s more,” Jonquil teased in a singsong voice.

  “For an additional twenty-nine ninety-five?” Bluebonnet asked.

  “For free.” She tapped her wand on the long table. “Listen. We put her on the Petrovsky-Markhoff wedding. It’s important.”

  Petunia narrowed her eyes. “Are we sure that’s what we should do? I mean, the last wedding she worked on, the bride took her dress off in front of everyone and lit it on fire. Fire, Jonquil.”

  “Hmm. Quite.” Jonquil nodded. “Don’t tell me that you’d have done any less if you’d discovered your groom had been having an affair with the wedding planner. Actually, that’s really rather mild in comparison.”

  “Oh yes!” Bluebonnet agreed. “The bride was quite reasonable. After all, it’s not like she turned a prince into a frog. Forever.”

  Petunia rolled her eyes and flopped back in her chair. “Oh my gods. Will you two give it a rest? I have apologized profusely to Charming. And really, he hasn’t yet apologized to us, Bon-Bon. I mean, he’s sorry. I made him sorry.” Petty narrowed her eyes at the memory. “But the actual apology, being sorry for his actions because they were wrong, he hasn’t owned that.”

  Jonquil shrugged. “His problem, I suppose. Maybe that’s why none of the kisses have worked to free him from his green hell?”

  “Hmm,” Petty mused.

  “Hmm,” Bon-Bon agreed.

  “When you have time, dears, you should really look at their threads. They’re all tangled up like a cat in a basket of knitting,” Jonquil advised.

  “I should start brewing headache powder now, shouldn’t I?” Petty asked.

  Bluebonnet waved her off. “Oh, hush. You know this is your favorite part.”

  Petty grinned. “It really is.”

  “Seven weddings. I can’t believe it. I didn’t think this crazy scheme of yours was going to work.” Jonquil shook her head.

  A knock sounded on the door before Gwen Borders stuck her head inside. She was new to Ever After, and their godchild Lucky’s best friend. Who Petty definitely wanted to marry Roderick, Ransom’s best friend. It was too perfect.

  “My loves! How did you like the espresso brownies?” Gwen asked.

  “We loved them. Petty ate most of them, but she needed the power boost,” Jonquil said.

  “Where are the little monsters this morning?” Petunia asked, looking for Gwen’s children, Brittany and Steven.

  “Grammy and Red took them out to the farm so they could help put in the garden.”

  Everyone in the room knew that Brittany and Steven wouldn’t be putting in the garden, it would be more like getting covered in mud and playing with worms. Just as little children ought to do.

  “Did we tell you we’re hiring an assistant?” Bluebonnet asked her.

  “You told me you were interviewing.” Gwen pulled out another red box from behind her back and dropped it casually on the table. “You must keep your strength up.”

  “You’re the best. Just the best,” Jonquil said.

  This time, the box contained lemon bars with a candied ginger topping.

  “So have you decided on someone?” Gwen prompted.

  “Mmm,” Petty said around a mouth full of lemon bar. “She’s coming for the interview tomorrow. We’re counting on you to help her get settled in.”

  “Absolutely.”

  Petty enjoyed how Gwen didn’t question how they knew they were going to hire her before the interview. Gwen accepted magic was real fairly easily and had integrated into their little world without a bit of trouble.

  “Oh! I’ve heard from Lucky. She and Ransom are going to try to make it back for the spring carnival, but they’re still enjoying their honeymoon.”

  Petty waved her hand. “Those two will be on their honeymoon for the rest of their lives.”

  Bluebonnet and Jonquil sighed in unison.

  “Isn’t it great?” Jonquil asked.

  Gwen, who was recently divorced, smiled and said, “It really is.”

  Petty looked at her sisters knowingly. Gwen had earned their help, not only by being Lucky’s best friend but also by not being jaded. By not hating love even though her own story hadn’t turned out the way she’d planned.

  Fine, Jonquil mouthed.

  Gwen picked up on the undercurrent. “What was that?”

  “What was what, dear?” Petty asked her.

  “You know very well what. Behave yourself, or I won’t bring you any more treats.”

  Jonquil clutched her chest. “The betrayal. It burns. I can’t believe she’d threaten us with such torture.”

  Gwen laughed. “You’re all awful. I have to get back to work and get the kitchen clean before the monsters get home and mess it up again. They want to try their hands at soufflé.”

  Petty waved her wand and snapped it at Gwen. “There. It’s clean. Go home and take a nice long bath.”

  Bluebonnet popped up out of her chair. “I almost forgot. I made this cherry masque for you.” She pulled a small jar out of her apron pocket and handed it to Gwen.

  “Thanks! It’s kind of nice having fairy godmothers. Happy meddling!” she said on her way out the door.

  Bluebonnet’s grin turned sly. “Don’t you just know that the mushroom cottages are going to have a plumbing problem today?”

  “Roderick is going to have to play rescue. Delightful.” Jonquil nodded along.

  “Ha!” Petty pointed her wand at each of her sisters. “I knew you couldn’t leave them alone any more than I could.”

  Bluebonnet swatted her hand away. “Don’t point that thing at me.”

  Petty pocketed her wand. “Sorry. But really.”

  Bon-Bon shrugged. “I can’t help it.”

  Jonquil grinned at them. “We’re awful. Absolutely wretched. If we didn’t use our powers for good, we’d be wicked witches.”

  “Evil queens.” Petty giggled.

  “Damn,” Jonquil swore. “I almost forgot. Those lemon bars were too delicious, and they made me forget. Our own evil queen, Ravenna, is going to be a problem.”

  “On purpose?” Bluebonnet wrinkled her nose. “I mean, she’s always a problem, but is she going to try to thwart us, because we already lived that story, and I’m not about to tolerate any of her nonsense again. If she’s not careful, why . . . I’ll . . .”

  “You’ll what? Make her more miserable than she already is? She’s not ready for love. It would be particularly unkind to give her what she’s always wanted before she’s ready for it,” Petty said.

  Bluebonnet crossed her arms over her chest. “I am feeling unkind. She thwarts us at every turn.”

  “Love is a gift, not a punishment, Bon-Bon.”

  Bluebonnet harrumphed. “I know. She just irks me.”

  “It seems she’ll be at the center of the tangle.” Jonquil gestured to the wall. “Of all of our threads.”

  “This calls for more fortification,” Petty declared.

  “Loose the dogs of war!” Bluebonnet cried, shaking her fist. “Um, no. I was going to suggest we eat the rest of the lemon bars,” Petty said.

  “I seem to recall someone telling me I simply needed more sugar,” Jonquil offered soothingly. “And I did, and it all worked out just lovely for Ransom and Lucky.”

  “I suppose. Perhaps an ice cream soda to wash it down?” Bluebonnet replied softly.

  “That’s the spirit,” Jonquil said.

  “Wait, so what about the Petrovsky-Markhoff wedding is so important for our new assistant?” Petty brought them back to the subject at hand.

  “Closure, as far as the threads of fate seem to be concerned.”

  Bluebonnet shook her head. “That doesn’t bode well. Weddings are about beginnings, not endings.”

  “We’ll all find out soon enough,” Jonquil promised.

  This definitely called for ice cream sodas all around. Perhaps the kind that could only be had at the pub.

  “I say we take a break with a more adult kind of fortification at Pick ’n’
Axe,” Petty suggested.

  “Why, Petty, it’s not even noon.” Bluebonnet pretended to be scandalized.

  “It’s brunch somewhere, dearies!” Jonquil said. “They have those delightful shakes. The ones with the mango ice cream and the rum.”

  “Sugar is always the answer.” Petunia nodded. “If it can’t be fixed with a brownie, try an ice cream soda. If that doesn’t work, well, we go to the sugarcane spirits.”

  Bon-Bon giggled. “That’s what I’m going to call it from now on. We’re consulting the spirits.”

  Jonquil cackled. “Let’s go consult the spirits.”

  Petty linked arms with her sisters. “I wonder if they’ll have any answers for us.”

  As they headed out the door to make the short walk to Pick ’n’ Axe, Petty saw a geyser of water shooting out from one of the mushroom-capped cottages beyond the square.

  “Right on time,” Bluebonnet said. “Roderick should be running to her rescue in five, four, three, two . . .”

  Petty squinted through her spectacles, and they enhanced her view just enough so that she could see the door to Roderick’s cottage as it opened and he sprinted to Gwen’s.

  She grinned. “A decent round of meddling before brunch.”

  “Quite.” Jonquil said, obviously pleased with their efforts.

  Even if the shrieking from mushroom cottage number two said rather the opposite.

  Chapter 1

  The bride had lit her dress on fire.

  When Zuri Davis, wedding planner extraordinaire, had realized the man who had been wooing her for the past three months was also the groom in her client’s wedding, it had come as a complete and utterly devastating surprise.

  The groom, one celebrated surgeon Alec Marsh, hadn’t been present for any of the usual things. He’d had medical conferences, emergency surgeries, and it had been just the perfect storm that kept them from crossing paths until the day of the wedding.

  When the bride, Jenn, realized that her Alec was Zuri’s Xander, she hadn’t turned on Zuri. No. She’d taken a single moment to compose herself, directed her maid of honor to unzip her dress, and she’d stepped out of that Vera Wang original and stood there in her silk slip while she lit her wedding dress on fire with an altar candle.