Men Are Frogs

by Saranna Dewylde

  “Oh! Of course.” She moved to get out.

  “I’ll have your things waiting for you at the Charming B and B. It’s that castle over yonder,” the driver pointed out. “By the way, I’m Hansel. You give me a call if you need a ride up there after the godmothers have run you ragged.” He winked at her.

  Zuri found herself smiling. Maybe it was foolish, but he immediately set her at ease. His manner was warm and genuine.

  “Do you live here, Hansel?” she asked.

  “I do. I own the lumberyard and I do most of the woodworking. Sometimes the guys from the Pick ’n’ Axe help out. We all do what we can. We take care of one another. It’s a good place to live.”

  Just then, she spied what looked like cottages, but they were shaped like fat, red-capped mushrooms.

  “Who lives there?”

  “Those are guest cottages. They’re all occupied at the moment. And, after I’m done with you, there are some things in one of them that need fixing.”

  “A Hansel of all trades, huh?”

  He grinned. “That’s me! Good luck with the interview, but I’m sure you don’t need it.”

  She paused only a moment before thanking him and exiting the car. In Chicago, she wouldn’t have left anything with a driver and trusted that her belongings would get to where they needed to go. But something about this place washed away her good sense.

  She clutched her leather messenger bag close. Inside was basically her whole life. Her laptop, her cell phone, her wallet, and her portfolio that chronicled every single wedding she’d organized.

  Zuri remembered each couple fondly, from the first to the last.

  Well, next to the last.

  And for the last, she remembered the bride fondly.

  She noticed as she walked toward the building, many of the townspeople stopped what they were doing to look at her, but after a moment’s glance, they all had a friendly wave or a greeting.

  Zuri would swear that even the woodland animals were part of the greeting committee. She saw foxes, squirrels, rabbits, and deer all lurking at the edges of the forested area. Squirrels that were in the square proper crept closer to her than she would’ve expected.

  When she stared back at them for too long, they would go back to whatever task they’d been doing. Like eating flower blossoms.

  Of course, that had to be her imagination.

  When she stepped through the front door of Fairy Godmothers, Inc., she was promptly assaulted by a burst of glitter to the face.

  “Bridge too far, you think?” a kindly voice asked on a whisper.

  “Oh, definitely, Bluebonnet.”

  “My dear, are you okay?” another kindly voice asked.

  She spluttered and spat out glitter and coughed as she tried to catch her breath.

  “Let’s get her a glass of water.”

  “Or maybe we should help her sit down. I don’t think the poor thing can see.”

  Zuri allowed herself to be led to a plush couch, and she accepted a glass of water. Gentle hands dabbed at her face, and she finally opened her eyes.

  She was surrounded by the godmothers themselves.

  They were all three wearing the same capped sleeve dress with a sweetheart neckline but all in different colors. Pink, yellow, and blue. But each of them had accessorized with a crisp, white apron tied at their ample waists and pockets stuffed with this and that.

  “You must be Zuri,” the one in the pink said. “I’m Petunia, this is Bluebonnet, and the grumpy one is Jonquil.”

  “I am not grumpy.” She tugged on her apron. “Maybe I am, just a wee smidge.”

  “Are you all right, dear?” Bluebonnet asked.

  “I think so.” Except the glitter had gotten in her mouth. “I . . .”

  “You need a rinse. Jonquil, will you show her the restroom so she can freshen up?” Petunia asked.

  “She wouldn’t need to freshen up if you hadn’t hit her with fairy dust.”

  Oh no. It was going to be in her hair. She’d just had her hair done.

  There wasn’t a curse word strong enough to encompass how she felt about that, but she allowed Jonquil to lead her to the restroom, and she was shown a closet that had been stuffed with single-use toiletries.

  “Don’t worry, we recycle.” Jonquil winked at her. “I’ll just leave you to it.”

  Zuri selected a mouthwash and rinsed her mouth three times. She didn’t see any glitter in her teeth, but she could still taste it. For some reason, it tasted like peach cobbler.

  In fact, she realized the whole shop smelled of peach cobbler, and her stomach rumbled loudly. So loudly, it startled her.

  “The poor dear is hungry,” she heard a whisper from outside the door.

  “Let’s get Gwen to bring over some treats,” another voice said.

  “You know very well Gwen is upset with us.”

  A tittering of what might’ve been giggles greeted her next.

  Zuri had to admit, despite the glitter bomb to the face, she already adored the godmothers. She could be happy working here.

  Except for the damn glitter in her hair.

  Although, on closer inspection, it wasn’t that bad. There was a sparkle here, a sparkle there. Almost as if each individual sparkle had been artfully placed.

  Too bad it wouldn’t last. Perhaps working for a place called Fairy Godmothers, Inc., warranted a little sparkle.

  Zuri met her own eyes in the mirror, and while she didn’t completely recognize herself, she didn’t dislike what she saw.

  New adventure, she mouthed to herself.

  Her stomach rumbled again, almost as if it were answering her.

  She’d been too nervous to eat breakfast, and she was definitely paying for it now.

  Zuri squared her shoulders, lifted her chin, and dusted some glitter off her shoulders and went back out to meet with, hopefully, her new employers.

  The women gathered around her and led her back to the couch, making a general fuss.

  “I’m okay. I promise,” she reassured them.

  “But are you?” Bluebonnet asked.

  There was something about her, just the way there’d been something about Hansel. Zuri found herself wanting to spill her guts all over the place, much like the glitter bomb. She wanted to tell Bluebonnet everything. Her hopes, her fears, and she just had the sense that somehow, Bluebonnet could make it all better.

  Only, she knew well enough that no one could make it all better. Zuri had to give herself time and the space to heal.

  Suddenly, Bluebonnet took her hand. “You can tell us.”

  For a moment, Zuri panicked. She didn’t know how she could be so wrong. They wanted the nitty-gritty details on the wedding that wasn’t. Except as soon as she had the thought, it rang false.

  Petunia took her other hand. “Go on, dear. Unburden yourself.”

  “We’re your godmothers now,” Jonquil reassured her.

  This was insane, but somehow just what she needed. Only, she didn’t know where to start.

  Petunia seemed to understand. She nodded knowingly. “Dearie, you’ll soon find that while my name is Petunia, people in Ever After call me Petty. It’s not just a nickname. A man once tried to court Bluebonnet and me at the same time. His perfidy did not go unpunished.”

  “We’ve all been there,” Bluebonnet reassured her.

  “It’s like Lizzo says. Why are men great until they gotta be great?” Jonquil added.

  This made Zuri snort-cackle. Her imagination was pleased to present her with images of the three older ladies bopping around their kitchen, shaking it out to current music and singing along. She’d bet her last dollar that whatever she imagined wasn’t as great as the real thing.

  Suddenly, it took the wind out of her sails. She deflated.

  If even in this magical place, with these magical women, and they still got done dirty by a man . . . nowhere was safe.

  Was she really doing anyone any favors by being a wedding planner? Wouldn’t it be better if she
got out of the love business completely?

  Bluebonnet squeezed her hand as if she knew the exact direction of Zuri’s thoughts. “Come now.”

  Zuri found herself talking. Her mouth moving when she hadn’t given it permission to do so, but that wasn’t really anything new. “I don’t know why I still want to be a wedding planner.”

  Well, now she’d done it. She’d shat in her own cornflakes and just cost herself the one job with the one company that was even willing to interview her.

  Petunia took Zuri’s bag from her and with gentle hands, pulled out Zuri’s portfolio. She opened it to a page in the middle. “Because I bet you can tell me whose wedding this is. What the meal was, and the song that was played. I bet you sent them an anniversary card this year. And I bet that their wedding wouldn’t have been what it was without you.”

  “The Mellenchamp wedding. The flowers she wanted were crocuses. They had a vegan menu. Their song was ‘Take My Breath Away,’ and this year was their fifth anniversary,” she recited.

  Zuri remembered how beautiful the bride looked, how radiant. How when she walked down the aisle to meet the groom, he had tears in his eyes. They were a wonderful, happy couple who had just had their first child. They were perhaps the best example of the work she’d done.

  “See? Look at the groom’s face in this picture. He would never treat her the way Alec treated you and Jenn. She would never do that to him. They’re still so in love. You got to be part of that, Zuri. How beautiful is that?” Petunia said.

  Even Jonquil, the supposed grumpy one, was nodding along. “Beautiful.”

  “We know your little heart is broken, and your faith is wavering,” Bluebonnet said.

  “How could it not?” Petunia asked kindly.

  Zuri swallowed. “I don’t understand why you wanted to interview me if you know all this.”

  “I told you, we’re your godmothers now,” Bluebonnet replied.

  Zuri laughed. “You know who I think deserves a fairy godmother? It’s Jenn. The former bride.”

  “Why is that?” Jonquil asked.

  “Because she deserves good things to happen to her. If you three were actually fairy godmothers, I’d ask you to give her wishes, or whatever.”

  “Do tell us more,” Petunia urged, with something bright sparkling in her eyes.

  “I think she already got quite the gift,” Bluebonnet said.

  “You saved her from marrying someone who didn’t deserve her.”

  “I still feel guilty,” Zuri confessed.

  “Why? You didn’t do anything wrong. You didn’t know,” Jonquil insisted.

  “That’s the patriarchy keeping you down,” Petunia said. “It’s this expectation that women are responsible for men’s actions. Especially when men betray their partners.”

  This was absolutely not what she expected when she’d walked through the door.

  Of course, she hadn’t expected to get hit in the face with a glitter bomb, either, but here she was.

  “If he wants to act like an alley cat—” Petunia began.

  “No! No!” Bluebonnet said, grabbing Petunia’s arm. “Remember what we talked about?”

  Petunia sank bank down. “Oh, fine.”

  “Who else would you give wishes to?” Jonquil asked.

  “How many do I get?” she asked.

  Petunia raised a brow, but then said, “I don’t know. Go nuts.”

  “St. Marigold’s Orphanage. Every single child there,” she said without hesitation. “And of course, my sister. But I think her wishes would be pretty close to mine.”

  “Indeed, I think they would,” Bluebonnet said. “She works at the orphanage, right?”

  Zuri nodded. “After seeing Ever After, it would be wonderful if they could come. Even if you don’t hire me, I would love to connect you with Zeva and see if you can’t work something out.”

  “Of course we’re going to hire you. As if we weren’t.” Jonquil rolled her eyes.

  “Even after I said I don’t know why I still want to be a wedding planner?”

  “I just said—” Jonquil began.

  “What she means to say is yes. We have a lot of work, and while we’re glad to have it, there’s only so much time in a day,” Bluebonnet said.

  “Quite,” Jonquil agreed.

  “You’ll start off as our assistant. Then you don’t have to call yourself a wedding planner. You’re a wedding administrator,” Petunia offered.

  Bluebonnet clapped. “Or office manager. Really, whatever title you’d like.”

  “Assistant to fairy godmothers? That sounds pretty great,” Zuri admitted.

  “Of course, you’ll have paid time off, vacation, but for the love of fey, please don’t take it in the spring or summer. We’re pleased to include lodging at the B and B. The castle has been totally remodeled. You’ll have a suite, of course, and Phillip can go over the kitchen access and so forth when you get to the castle tonight.”

  “Tonight?” Zuri asked.

  “We’d like you to start right away,” Jonquil said.

  “As in now,” Bluebonnet added.

  The door to the shop opened, and in stepped a woman carrying a large red box. “Godmothers, I brought you cupcakes. Even though you don’t deserve them.”

  Bluebonnet tittered. “Yes, we do.”

  “Oh, hello.” The woman flashed her a warm smile. “I’m Gwen.”

  “Zuri Davis. Newly minted assistant to the godmothers.”

  “This is perfect!” Petunia said. “Gwen, do you have time to take Zuri around to gather favor samples?”

  “The first job we’d like for you to tackle is testing these wedding favors,” Jonquil said.

  Bluebonnet handed her a coin. “This is a wish coin. There’s a mermaid fountain on the path to the B and B. Make a wish and toss it in.”

  “And report back?” Zuri was doubtful.

  The godmothers all nodded eagerly.

  “Okay, what else?” Zuri tucked the coin into her messenger bag.

  “Here’s a list,” Petunia handed the small pink square of paper to Zuri. “But first, cupcakes.”

  “Definitely cupcakes,” Gwen said. “I baked them fresh this morning. Red velvet. Cream cheese frosting.”

  “Those are my favorite!” Zuri said.

  “Well, maybe I baked them for you instead of the godmothers,” Gwen said. “I knew someone needed cupcakes.”

  “We were actually about to call you for some cookies,” Jonquil said.

  “I’ll have Brittany bring them over.”

  “You two run along now,” Bluebonnet said as she shooed them toward the door.

  “What about the cupcakes?” Zuri said as her stomach growled again.

  “It’s on the list. You’ll need to go try the lunch at Pick ’n’ Axe. Take a cupcake with you, of course,” Bluebonnet said.

  “Or two.”

  Zuri decided not to be shy. She grabbed a cupcake and shoved it in her mouth.

  As soon as it touched her tongue, flavor exploded. The cake itself really did have a texture like velvet. It was the best thing she’d ever eaten.

  “Well,” she said, after she’d finished, “I can say for sure we’re going to be great friends.”

  Gwen laughed. “I’d like that.”

  “Yes, yes. Do all your getting-to-know-yous. But can you do it while you gather samples? We have much to accomplish today.”

  “Like fixing the plumbing in my cottage?” Gwen demanded.

  The godmothers looked at one another and blinked. “We don’t know what you mean.” Petty began shuffling papers.

  “I hope you don’t buy that innocent act. They’re up to something,” Gwen said.

  “She’s new here, Gwen. Don’t go telling stories,” Bluebonnet said.

  Something passed between them, but Zuri wasn’t sure exactly what.

  “Oh, I see. Well, you’re in for one hell of a ride.” Then she turned back to the godmothers. “But I mean it. Stop it.”

  The god
mothers were suddenly very, very busy. But that didn’t stop Gwen from fixing each of them, in turn, with a hard look.

  “Uh-huh. Well, we better get going. We’ll stop at Bernadette’s for some coffees to wash down those cupcakes.”

  “It’s on the list!” Bluebonnet chirped.

  Zuri handed the list to Gwen, and the other woman smiled. “It looks like most of today is eating.”

  Zuri followed Gwen out the door, and the other woman laughed again. “They want you to taste-test the sunflower seeds they’ll throw instead of rice? To make sure the birds will like it? Oh no.”

  Zuri arched a brow. “I . . . really?”

  “How are you to know if the birds will like it?”

  “I suppose we could try feeding it to them in the park and see if they like it?”

  “I don’t know if you’re ready for the Ever After wildlife just yet.”

  “They all seem pretty tame,” Zuri said.

  “Some of them are, for sure.” Gwen shook her head.

  “Earlier, when you told the godmothers to fix your plumbing, what did you mean?” Zuri studied her. “I mean, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s okay, too. Just tell me to mind my business.”

  “Oh. That. Well, once you’ve been here long enough, you’ll know about all their plans for everyone. I’m sure they’ll get you in on their well-intentioned meddling, too. So I’m sure you know about the fake wedding.”

  Zuri nodded. “It was part of what made me want to work for FGI.”

  “Really? Why?”

  “I figured if their godchildren loved them enough to get married to help them, they must be really wonderful people.”

  Gwen’s expression softened. “Yeah. They really are, and they have the best intentions. So, the bride, Lucky? She’s my best friend. The groom, Ransom . . . well, he has a best friend, too, if you see where this is going.”

  “They’re trying to matchmake?”

  “I’ve heard they’re really good at it, but Roderick is so not my type. Plus, I just got divorced, and I don’t need another complication.”

  “I am in touch with that. One hundred percent.”

  “What are you going to wish for with your wish coin, if you don’t mind me asking?”

  “It’s not real anyway. I don’t know. A million dollars.” She shrugged. It was dumb anyway.