Big Girl Pill

by K D Williamson

  “What happened?”

  “She’s pissed at me.”

  “Why?”

  “If I knew that, I wouldn’t be standing here telling you I don’t fucking know.”

  Rachel glanced toward the entrance into the back of the shop. “Okay, I’ll check in with her when she comes back out.”

  “This is weird.” Maya said.

  “Well.” Rachel released a long breath. “The simplest explanation is usually the best. More than likely it’s something Aunt Sarah did.”

  “I don’t think so this time. She’s pissed at me.”

  “Well, instead of speculating, I’m just gonna ask.”

  “I don’t need you to do that for me. I’m not five. I have social skills.”

  “I know that, but it’ll be easier if I do it. I don’t want to add to your stress. Besides, I hear this is what friends do.” She smiled.

  “I guess, but she’s getting married. That’s what we’re here for. Nothing’s going to change that, and I don’t want to add to her stress, either.”

  “You don’t have to be all noble with me.”

  “Well, I heard that friends do that, too.”

  Rachel looked like she wanted to respond but didn’t, and they remained silent, Rachel glancing toward the back of the shop, then at her several times.

  “Would you please stop. You’re making me more stressed.”

  “I’m just—” Her eyes widened and Maya followed her gaze to see Nina emerging from the back in her wedding dress. Maya stared, breath lodged in her chest, leaving her light-headed because Nina was a vision straight out of a fashion magazine in the white mermaid-style dress. The thin lacy straps accentuated her shoulders while the front of the dress perfectly molded her breasts and showed a modest amount of cleavage, just enough to be tantalizing. The lines of the gown hugged Nina’s curves, then flared elegantly just below her hips, culminating in a mid-length train. Maya tried not to stare but completely failed.

  And, God, reality sucked so hard. This was just a taste of what was to come. Soon, she’d be watching her walk down the aisle with Drew and Nina would officially be out of Maya’s reach. She forced herself to meet Nina’s gaze, which seemed to soften for a moment, but the moment passed.

  “You look decent. I think Drew will appreciate it.” Sarah brushed her hand over the left strap of Nina’s dress.

  Maya gritted her teeth at Sarah’s words and went immediately toward the closest dressing room. One of the shop employees tried to stop her. “Miss?” She held up a bridesmaid’s dress. “Will you need some help with your—”

  Maya jerked it out of her hand and entered the dressing room, trying to keep it together, trying not to be selfish—this was Nina’s day, after all. But, damn, she was pissed, too, because she’d done nothing to make Nina angry. But underlying all of it was a layer of pain, especially at seeing Nina dressed in full bride regalia and preparing to spend her life with someone else. On some eerie autopilot, she took off her clothes and tried on the dress. It fit perfectly.

  Someone knocked on the door. Maya didn’t answer.

  “It’s me. Let me in.”

  She unlocked the door and Rachel stepped inside. “You okay?”

  Maya shrugged.

  “You survived it. More or less.”

  She felt like a balloon with a slow leak, half-deflated and dangerously close to losing the rest. Was that no-frills fuck Rachel offered still on the table? She stared at herself in the mirror. “I guess I did. Is Sarah pissed?”

  “Nope. She’s acting like nothing happened, which is weird as fuck. I’m worried about Nina, though.”

  “Why?”

  “She looks…teary.”

  Maya didn’t know how to respond to that so she kept quiet.

  There was another knock at the door.

  “Who is it?” Rachel asked.

  “Nina.”

  Maya looked at Rachel, imploring her with her gaze not to open the door. This was the last thing she expected.

  “Well, that’s interesting.” Rachel raised a brow and gave her a look.

  Maya relented and motioned for her to open the door. Shit couldn’t possibly get much worse, so why the hell not?

  “Hey there. Three’s company. C’mon in.”

  “Can I talk to Maya alone for a minute, please?”

  “Her schedule might be totally booked, but I can check.”

  Nina rolled her eyes.

  “It’s okay, Rachel.”

  “It appears my client is indeed free.” She flashed Maya a snarky little grin and stepped out.

  When they were alone, Maya met Nina’s gaze. She expected her to look away, as she had before, but she didn’t.

  “Is it…” Nina hesitated. “Is it a good idea for the two of you to be dating?”

  “What the—”

  “I mean, you live in two different states and she’s leaving on Sunday and won’t be back until the end of the week. Plus, she hardly comes to visit. How would a long-distance thing work?”

  Nina had talked so fast she needed a minute to decipher everything. Nina’s words confused, infuriated. and somehow infused her with a sliver of hope. Nina’s expression earlier now made sense, but jealousy? Really? “For fuck’s sake. We’re not together. We had a fling a couple years ago, but it was only once.”

  “She was all over you.”

  “What are you even talking about? She held my hand to piss off your mom.”

  Nina crossed her arms. She didn’t seem convinced.

  “Rachel and I kinda clicked for a minute, but we’re just friends now.”

  “I saw the way she looked at you.” She put her hands on her hips and anger sparked in her eyes.

  That was news, but whatever. “We’re just friends. And why is it any of your business, anyway?”

  Nina started to respond, stopped, and ran both hands through her hair, clearly frustrated. “You’re right. Rachel’s fun, flirty, and hot. I don’t blame you for wanting her.”

  “Jesus, Nina. Just stop. I don’t want her,” Maya said. “I want you.” The words were out before she checked them, and fuck it, there was no point to holding in her feelings anymore. She didn’t want any more misunderstandings or miscommunications, and even if her confession burned them both, there was no taking it back now.

  Nina gasped and her eyes widened. Suddenly, the dressing room, big enough for four, felt much smaller.

  Maya held her breath. The burden that had been on her shoulders slid off, and now all she had to do was deal with whatever shittiness remained. And from Nina’s expression, it was going to be a lot.

  “I…” Nina backed up until she was against the door.

  “So, you have nothing to be jealous about where Rachel’s concerned.”

  “I’m not jealous. I’m getting married.” She opened the door.

  “Yeah. I know,” Maya said, the words were bitter in her mouth and the acknowledgment just added to the shit of this day.

  Their gazes met and held, and the temperature in the tiny room seemed to escalate. Then, Nina was gone.

  Maya groaned and leaned her forehead against the dressing room wall.

  Everything sucked.

  Chapter 7

  “Okay, everybody. You’re getting too loud. This is group time, not fun time. Please talk quietly with your partners.” Nina sounded shrill even to her own ears, and, of course, her class didn’t listen. They instead got louder. This unruliness wasn’t something that happened often, but on days when she didn’t put her foot down early, these kids were smart enough to take advantage.

  She huffed, aggravated, and tried turning the lights off. Her students quieted and she then clapped three times. The students calmed down.

  “If I have to do this again, can someone tell me what will happen?”

  Allie raised her hand, and Nina almost sighed at the predictability. She pointed at her, anyway. “Go ahead, Allie.”

  She stood and smiled like she was on stage. For a second, it looked l
ike Allie was going to curtsy as well. “We’ll get silent lunch.”

  “That’s correct. So, help each other avoid that. It’s your responsibility.”

  The students nodded, solemn, and Nina went around the classroom, watching as they worked.

  She rubbed her forehead, hoping that her sudden headache wouldn’t last or get worse. Maybe there was too much information running through her mind. She certainly felt short-circuited. She’d barely slept all weekend and had even told Drew she needed some time to herself. He hadn’t listened and had been calling and texting almost constantly. When she ignored him, he had threatened to come over and she had to actually beg him not to.

  Surprisingly, Rachel had done the opposite and left her alone, though she offered to listen if and when she was ready to talk. Nina wasn’t sure when that would be, however, so she kept mulling over what had happened at the dress shop and trying to sort through her own conflicted feelings after Maya’s admission.

  After seeing Rachel off on Sunday, Nina had sifted through every moment she could remember with Maya, and her memories included tons of laughter, encouragement, and times Nina was sure she could do just about anything with Maya at her side. She hadn’t felt that way in a long time. She also thought about how Maya used to look at her, long and intense, like she was the most important thing in the world. Maybe that’s why Nina had felt like she could conquer anything. And then there were other instances in which Maya just seemed to be waiting.

  Now she knew that it had been for her. And what exactly was she supposed to do with that information with her wedding around the corner? What was Maya thinking?

  She rubbed her temples and went back to her desk at the front of the room.

  During college, the evidence had been there. Maya hadn’t completely hidden her feelings. Nina just hadn’t wanted to see them. Looking back, everything was so clear now. Except for the flash of jealousy she experienced in the bridal shop.

  What was that about? She had no right to Maya’s time or to dictate who she hooked up with. Why should she care that Rachel stepped in and, like, two minutes later, she had a connection with Maya? And they had sex a couple years ago? She tried not to think about that, but it didn’t work. God, was she some self-centered bitch who had to make everything be about her? Fear gripped her, just as it always did. Fear of rocking the boat, fear of things being hard, fear of losing Maya completely. Nina wasn’t that strong. And it wasn’t fair to expect that Maya would continue to wait. And it wasn’t fair that Maya had said that. What did she expect from her?

  Nothing, she thought. Maya expected nothing. That was pretty clear from her acknowledgment of the wedding.

  Nina looked up at the class at the sound of something hitting the floor. One of the students had knocked his book off his desk and he got out of his seat to pick it up. She got up to take another walk around while they worked.

  Her headache seemed to get worse but she tried to ignore it.

  How could she keep Maya in the wedding knowing that the whole thing was actively hurting her? And how could she re-establish their friendship when Maya still had feelings for her? So many damn questions and she had no answers.

  “Ms. Sterling? I’ve had my hand up for a long time.” Allie’s expression registered displeasure.

  Nina blinked. “What are the rules?” she asked tersely.

  For a few seconds, Allie stared wordlessly. “Um, to wait until you’re called on.”

  “Good. Now go move your clip to green for not following classroom rules.”

  Allie’s eyes widened and filled with tears.

  Damn it. “I’m sorry for being rude, but you still broke a rule.”

  “B-but you didn’t give me a warning.”

  Nina patted her shoulder. “Yes, I gave the whole class one earlier.”

  Allie wiped at her eyes and shuffled toward the back of the room, hopefully to do as she was told.

  Someone knocked on the door, and when she looked to see who it was, Drew waved at her through the glass. Her stomach clenched. He was the last person she wanted to see. If she could push her mood off on a child, her soon-to-be husband didn’t stand a chance. She ignored the whisper in the back of her mind that said he might deserve it. She mouthed, “Yes?” at him.

  He held up a plastic bag and motioned for her to open the door.

  She shook her head and pointed at the class.

  Drew gave her a nonchalant wave and opened the door himself. His disrespect made her bad mood even worse. She grabbed the knob and yanked before she stepped into the hallway. When Drew stumbled a bit as a result, she got some kind of weird satisfaction out of it.

  He righted himself and held up the bag. “I brought you lunch. I didn’t get to see you this morning.” He smiled and looked at her hopefully.

  Irritation now added to her mood. She had been clear about what she needed from him last night, but still, here he was. She crossed her arms. “I have class.”

  “I got you a salad. It was in the refrigerator, but I was afraid someone would steal it.”

  She clenched her teeth. Her planning period was an hour away, and he knew that because thirty minutes of it overlapped with his. But the other part of this pissed her off, too. “I don’t like salad.”

  He stared at her, confused. “What? I’ve seen you eat—”

  “Because I had to. I don’t like salad and I also don’t like paprika on my eggs.”

  He cocked his head. “What’s wrong with you?” “Nothing.” And everything. Where could she even begin?

  “Well, paprika on eggs is universal and everyone likes salad.” He tried to hand it to her.

  More irritation crawled up from the pit of her stomach. “Except me.” Nina pushed it back toward him. “And show me where it’s written that paprika is universal.”

  His eyes widened even more.

  “I really have to get back to class.”

  His face flushed. “Fine. I’ll see you at lunch.”

  Nina started to agree then stopped. He and her mother expected her to drop everything for them, to do whatever they told her to do, whenever they wanted. “No, I have an errand to run.”

  “What errand?” he demanded.

  She opened her classroom door. “I need to go talk to a friend. I’ll see you at my place later this afternoon.”

  “You only have an hour. What if you’re not back at school in time?”

  Instead of responding, she stepped back into her classroom and closed the door.

  **

  Fifteen minutes was a long time to sit in the driveway and stare at the home she used to frequent. It was already too long, and she had called the principal and invented a personal emergency. No doubt Drew would be texting and calling any minute now, but she didn’t care.

  She gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white. She had cycled through several scenarios regarding Maya, some successful and some not so much but, ultimately, there was no way to know how things were going to turn out if she just sat here. This relationship wasn’t going to repair itself. She got out of the car and walked past Maya’s SUV and onto the porch. Her heart raced with dread and anticipation.

  She knocked, then thought she should ring the bell like a civilized person, but the door opened before she could, revealing Maya’s brother Terrance, dressed in a loose T-shirt and shorts. He looked down at the small metallic box in his hand and then back up at her, eyes bloodshot.

  “Hi,” Nina said. “I know it’s been a long—”

  He shut the door in her face and she stared at it, disbelieving. Of all the things she had thought would happen, this definitely wasn’t it. Movement at the window caught her eye. Terrance had pulled the curtain aside. Their gazes met briefly. His eyes widened, and then he disappeared again.

  The door opened again and he looked at her, apologetic. “Sorry. I wasn’t sure if you were…real.”

  “As opposed to what? A cartoon character?”

  He laughed. “Something like that. Anyway, it’
s been a while. Are there cameramen hiding in the bushes recording this for some TV show?”

  “No, um, I’m here to see Maya.”

  “Oh, and here I thought you wanted to visit me. We only hung out dozens of times while we were in college,” he said, and she couldn’t tell if he was teasing. “I get it, though. When you quit Maya, you had to kick me to the curb, too.”

  Nina cringed. “I didn’t quit anybody, and I’m sorry that you felt—feel that way.” She held his gaze, needing him to see that she was sincere, but the knowing glint in his eyes tripped her up a little. “Oh, my God, you know.”

  He nodded.

  “How much?”

  “Everything.”

  “Even Saturday?”

  “Everything. You were on my shitlist before Saturday, but now you’re near the top. So, if you’re here to hurt her again…” He glared at her, and though he was built like Drew, thin and wiry and generally not intimidating, she had no doubt that he would do everything in his power to protect Maya.

  “I haven’t done anything on purpose. I just want to talk to her. I didn’t come here to hurt her.”

  He looked at her, skeptical. “You can bet your ass she wasn’t expecting you to pop up.”

  “I know, and I guess that’s why I’m here, to show her that things…we don’t have to be this way.”

  “Oh, please. You know what way she wants it.”

  She hung her head. “I do.”

  “And you can’t or won’t give that to her.”

  She looked up again. “I know, but I don’t think we’re ready to say goodbye. We can’t leave things like this. Please let me talk to her. Please.”

  His expression softened. “Okay, fine. Get in here. Consider this a dry run, but you know she tells me everything.” He stepped aside and waved her inside.

  The smell of marijuana made her nose burn. She coughed a little and glanced at him and he shrugged.

  “Well, I guess I now get why you thought I wasn’t real,” she said, waving her hand in front of her nose.

  “I never said that. You did. But, okay, I thought I was hallucinating.”

  She raised her eyebrows. “That’s—”

  “Some good shit I’ve got. I know, but maybe I need to cut back.”