Hers From The Start: A Collection of First In Series Reverse Harem

by Laura Greenwood

  His mouth pulls into a tight line and she doesn’t really need to hear his words to know.

  It’s bad.

  Catastrophic.

  They’ll get through it, of course, they always do. But more humans die. More land is pillaged and scorched and decimated as they battle one threat after another. And while she knows they will fight for her, for her creation, she cannot help but wonder where it all ends.

  Ross is unable to meet her pained gaze as he focuses on the dirt and blood on his boots, but Sol doesn’t shy away. He’s the strongest, that way. Steadfast and unwavering in his duty. She offers him a sad smile, but it is him who offers the greatest comfort when he says, “Fear not, your Grace, for as long as your Spirit lives within us, we will uphold our vows.”

  I don’t wait for Ross to answer, I barge straight into his room. “What am I?” It comes out breathless, an angry whirlwind of confusion and deceit.

  “Terra,” someone other than Ross speaks, and I realize we’re not alone. The others are here. Just as I should have known they would be. Talking about me. Colluding behind my back.

  “Tell me.” I turn to face Cael. He looks gutted, regret pouring from him, but it’s too late for that. When he presses his lips together in a display of resistance, I move onto Endo. “You, you tell me.”

  “Terra.” It’s Ross this time, his voice somewhere between a plea and a demand. I hate how he does that. Knows me well enough to know how to handle me.

  “Don’t 'Terra' me.” Hands planted on my hips, chin raised, I stare at the four of them. Earth. Air. Fire. Water. Some part of me always knew they were different. Because I’m different.

  Cael with his infectious breezy personality. Endo with his larger-than-life passion and warmth. Ross. My complex, introverted, layered Ross. And Sol. He’s the glue that binds them. Steady. Grounded. He’s the foundations of whatever this is.

  “You’re wrong,” he says, pushing off the wall to come toward me. “I’m not the foundation. You are.”

  “Me? I’m just a girl.” Albeit a very strange one. He’s wrong, he has to be. I’m no one, just Terra Materson, the girl who feels the world. I’m nobody’s foundation. Least of all, the four guys staring at me like I’m their queen and this is my kingdom.

  “You feel it, don’t you?” he presses, and I want to tell him to stop. To take it back. He did something to me when he kissed me, awakened something. Unlocked something. And part of me knows there’s no going back. Sol forever changed me.

  And I hate him for it.

  “No, you don’t,” he lets out a frustrated sigh, rubbing his cleanly shaven head.

  “Get out of my head. You’re not welcome.”

  “Terra, if you’d just let us—”

  “Let you what?” I meet Endo’s fiery gaze. “Let you explain how when he”—I jab my finger at Sol feeling anger swell in my tummy—“kissed me, something happened to me. Something I didn’t ask for.”

  “You kissed her?” Cael interjects, and Sol levels him with a glare.

  “I had no choice.”

  “So much for ‘no one is to touch her’.”

  “Oh, like you haven’t all pushed the boundaries. Do you think I’m blind?” That shuts Cael up and he shrinks back into the beanbag he’s sitting on. “We’re running out of time, she needed to know—”

  “Time? Time for what? What’s happening to me?” All the frustration and anger coursing through my veins, the adrenaline I’d felt on the way over here, leaves my body in one giant whoosh and I stumble to the bed, just hitting it before I crumple.

  “Terra!” My name echoes around the room as four sets of hands reach for me, grounding me, saving me, but I lash out, knocking them away.

  “No. NO!” I shriek. “You do not get to comfort me right now. You do not get to touch me and trick me with your mind games. I need space.” My wild gaze moves over each of their faces. “You need to back up and give me some space.”

  Sol retreats first, moving to his spot over by the wall. Endo slams his hand to Cael’s shoulder, jolting him into action and they both move away, but Ross lingers. His penetrating eyes search mine for something, but he won’t find what he’s looking for, not today.

  Today, I need space.

  When he realizes I’m not going to relent, he slinks away, dropping into the desk chair, head hung low in defeat. And it hurts, the fracture in our connection, but he lied. They all did. They kept their secrets and played their games as if my feelings in the matter were just collateral damage.

  “Terra, it’s not like that and you know it.” It’s Cael again. The rawness in his voice touches some part deep inside me. And I almost feel guilty for making him feel bad. But then I remember his lingering kiss, all the small touches and compliments.

  “It was all real, Terra.” He holds me in his gaze, refusing to let me go. “Everything you felt, it was real.”

  “And you?” I challenge. “What you felt, was that real? Or was it all just part of the plan to fuck with my head?”

  “I—” the words die on his lips and my stomach sinks. Drops away like a waterfall.

  “What you feel,” Sol speaks up, “Is your connection to us. All of us.”

  “So it’s not real? I thought Cael just said it was real.” A reel of images rush into my mind. Every moment spent with them. Getting to them know. Letting them in. All tainted by their betrayal.

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “If someone would just tell me what I am, then maybe I can decide what’s simple or not.”

  “Sol, not like—”

  But Cael’s protests roll off Sol's broad shoulders as he squares himself in front of me. “Not what, Terra. Who.”

  Who?

  And then he says the two words that will change everything.

  “You’re Gaia.”

  18.

  Gaia.

  I’m Gaia.

  Mother Earth herself.

  It’s preposterous. Utterly impossible. And yet, I know it to be true. Which, when you think about it, is the problem.

  After storming into Ross’ dorm room and confronting the four of them, I demanded more space. Ever since Sol kissed me, unlocking my memories; my power, being around them is overwhelming. The flow of energy between us, the bonds tethering us.

  It’s too much.

  But now, in the quiet of my room, the energy subsides to a gentle hum underneath my skin, and I’m able to focus on the task at hand. Retrieving the smudge stick from my desk drawer, I light the tip with the lighter I’d purchased from the campus store and waft it around the room until the earthy scent fills my lungs. Lowering myself onto my bed, I sit crossed legged, hands resting loosely on my knees. I draw in a deep breath, centering myself ready to start when something hits my window. With an irritated sigh, I pad over to the door and slip on the balcony.

  “Ross?” I snap the second my eyes find him amongst the shadows. “What the hell are you doing?”

  “Can I come up?”

  “Which part of ‘I need space’ do you not understand?”

  He rakes a hand through his hair and I can almost feel his regret. It’s in the wind, swirling around the balcony, brushing up against me. Begging for forgiveness. “You shouldn’t be alone right now.”

  “Why?”

  I feel fine. Annoyed, sure, but I feel strong. Powerful.

  “You’re unstable. I can ground you, Terra. Let me ground you.” His eyes smolder in the shadows, vivid flashes of blue and silver.

  It’s on the tip of my tongue to tell him no; to go back inside, lock my door and all thoughts of Ross and his stormy eyes out. But instead I say, “How would you even get up here?” My room is at least twenty feet off the ground.

  “Stand aside.” He takes a run at one of the trees outside my room, a gust of wind sweeping him up. In a move that seems to defy gravity, he catches a thick branch with his hand, and uses his feet to propel him further into the air. He flips himself off the trunk and over the railing, landing safely on the bal
cony.

  “I—” My mouth snaps shut as I try form words. “Can I do that?”

  His mouth curves. “I can teach you.”

  Why does that excite me? Damn traitorous foolish thrill-seeking heart.

  “Thanks.” The moment vanishes, and we’re left with the awkward tension that had filled his dorm room. “For letting me up.”

  “Yeah, well, you make an excellent case.” I move aside to let him in, following behind.

  “Sage?” his asks the second he’s inside my room.

  “Yes. I was about to meditate. I thought a little clarity might help me right about now.”

  “You don’t need to meditate to find answers, Terra. You just need to ask.” He looks up at me through strands of jet black hair. Sometimes he’s so sure, so confident, I forget that underneath he’s like me. Uncertain. Wary.

  Hurt.

  Ross harbors pain, my own suffering recognizes it inside of him.

  We hover awkwardly until I move to the bed and hop up on it, patting the space beside me.

  “You’re sure?” If it were Cael or Endo, they would climb on up here in a heartbeat, in case I changed my mind. But not Ross.

  “Just get over here before I change my mind.”

  He kicks off tatty, worn Chucks and comes to lie beside me, shoulder-to-shoulder. “How are you feeling?”

  “Confused,” I admit. “Scared and hurt. But I also feel relieved. I’ve always known I was different, I just didn’t know how. My childhood wasn’t a fun place to be.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “It’s not your fault.” I brush my shoulder against his, peeking over at him but his eyes are fixed on the ceiling.

  “No, it isn’t. But it doesn’t change the fact, I would have tried to prevent it if I could have.”

  “Ross,” I whisper unsure of how to ask my next question.

  “It’s okay,” he says, his fingers graze my hand and then he’s threading them with my own. “You can ask me whatever you want.”

  “What am I?”

  “Gaia. You’re Gaia, Terra.”

  “Yes, I got that part. But who exactly is Gaia? A goddess? A spirit? I’m not exactly well-versed on this.”

  “There are many interpretations. Greek mythology defines Gaia as the personification of Earth, one of the primordial deities. But in—”

  “Wait a second.” My hand slices through the air as I digest Ross’s words. “I’m an Olympian Goddess?” Because no matter how many times someone said it, or I thought it, it didn’t change the fact it was impossible.

  Ross’s quiet laughter fills my room and I can’t resist rolling onto my side to watch him. He’s usually so solemn. Always lost in thought or himself. The sound is rare, and it only makes me want to hear it all the more.

  “What?” I ask after a few seconds.

  “History has many interpretations, Terra. In fact, the Romans called you Terra Mater.”

  “Shut up,” I gasp. “They did not.”

  He nods, and my mouth hangs open. “I don’t know if you thought it would be amusing to be called Terra on earth or whether it’s mad coincidence. But I like it. It suits you.”

  “What do you mean, if I thought it would be amusing?”

  “Our home isn’t Earth, Terra. Our realm is much older.”

  “We don’t live on Mount Olympus, do we?” This is too much. Too implausible and yet, we’re discussing it as if it’s completely normal.

  “Not quite. Our home is called Elysia, and it’s beautiful.” His eyes flash with something and he looks away, slipping his hand from mine. I feel the sting of his rejection.

  “Ross, what is it?” I reach out for him, my fingers lingering above his cheek. I want so badly to touch him, to offer him comfort the way he has for me before, but I’m frozen. Too overwhelmed by the day’s revelations.

  When he finally slides his gaze back to mine, I suck in a sharp breath at what I see. “Talk to me, please?” I beg, suddenly overcome with the need to fix whatever pain he’s feeling. My fingers graze his skin, but he catches my wrist, moving it away from him.

  “There are still things you need to know.”

  “Okay.” It comes out small. “How do you figure in all of this? I know you’re connected to me, but how? What are you?”

  “You know the answer Terra, it’s right there, inside of you. All you have to do is look.” His eyes hold mine, urging me toward the answers I so desperately seek.

  “You’re here to protect me, aren’t you?”

  “And...”

  “And we’re linked. The five of us.”

  “Because...”

  “Because...” the remaining pieces of the puzzle are right there but every time I grasp for them they skip further out of reach. “Ugh,” I groan. “I can’t do it. I can’t join the dots.”

  “You can,” he says. “Do you have a piece of paper?”

  I nod, and his eyes widen in a ‘well, then’ expression. Padding over to my desk, I grab a notebook and pen and return to the bed. “Here.” I thrust them out to him. Ross shuffles up against the headboard and starts drawing. When he’s done, I stare at the picture. “It’s a pentagram.”

  “Yes, but look closer.” I lean in and notice he’s written a word at each point. “Earth, air, fire, water, spirit. Spirit?” My eyes lift to his face. “I’m spirit? But I thought I was Gaia?”

  He rolls his eyes clearly losing patience with me. “You are, Terra. But it’s more than that. How can I explain this...?” He scratches his jaw. “Earth is your child. It’s why you feel connected to the trees, the plants. It's why you feel their pain and distress. Why they call to you. And your spirit, is why we feel connected to you, and you to us. You live in us all.”

  “I do?”

  “You have watched the earth change and adapt and almost destroy itself more times than I care to remember. It’s our duty as your Chosen to restore balance. To keep the threats that seek to destroy Earth at bay. When a threat reveals itself, you send us to deal with it. To protect the only thing you care about: your creation.”

  I want to tell him he’s wrong, that it’s not the only thing I care about, but I’m stuck on the part where he just referred to Earth as my creation.

  “You mean God’s creation?”

  “Terra, you created Earth, built her in your image. God, or Eros as we call him, was responsible for humans.”

  “Oh.”

  “Listen, this is a lot to take in, and I thought coming here... well, I thought I could help, but maybe you need some time. Sol unlocked your memories when he...” Ross almost chokes on the word and guilt coils around my heart.

  “About that,” I say unsure of how to broach this. He’s clearly uncomfortable talking about this, but I need to know. “What did he do to me?”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, hmm, Cael…”

  “Cael kissed you.” It isn’t a question and the air in the room seems to disappear as a heavy pause follows.

  “Yes... No…” I rush out feeling like I can’t breathe. “Kind of. But nothing happened. He didn’t unlock anything.” Except a whole heap of unfamiliar feelings and sensations, but I can’t tell Ross that.

  “Sol is strong, Terra. He has excellent control over his powers.”

  “And you don’t?” I interrupt because this is what I’ve wanted—to know about them, about who they really are and what they can do.

  “Yes… and no.” He lets out a resigned sigh. “Some of us wear our emotions more than others. It comes with our element.”

  “Cael is Air. Chaotic and sociable. He’s like a fun-loving whirlwind,” I say around a weak smile. “And Endo has a fiery personality. I get the impression he deals with some anger issues.”

  “You’re more aware than we gave you credit for.” Silence settles between us again and I wait, wondering if he’ll ask me what I’ve worked out about him. When he doesn’t, I fill the heavy pause.

  “And you’re water. Layered… deep… spiritual. But
there’s so much more I haven’t uncovered about you, isn’t there?”

  It’s a brave move. Usually when I push, Ross retreats. But when he inhales sharply, I think he’s going to react. To finally let me in. It never comes though, and I’m left feeling disappointed.

  When he finally speaks again, he’s moved on. “Sol is Earth. Grounded. Disciplined. He can root the energy around him,” he explains. “When he kissed you he grounded Gaia’s memories, her Spirit, to Terra’s. Now the human part of you is aligned with Gaia’s you should be able to access your memories and knowledge. Things will be hazy at first, but it’s all there. You have to dig deep and find it.”

  “Memories. Dig deep. Got it.” I force a smile trying to shut out the part where he said Sol only kissed me because it was a means to an end, because he needed a conduit to ground the two halves of me.

  Not that I’m particularly surprised. Sol has kept me at arm’s length at every turn.

  “It has, you know.” I smile at him. “Your being here has helped. Thank you.”

  Ross nods, his jaw clenched in a way that looks painful, and then he gets up. But his intense gaze doesn’t leave mine and I can’t help myself. I leap off the bed and run to him. He catches me, wrapping strong arms around me, tucking me into his chest.

  “It’s going to be okay,” he whispers against my hair and I’m sure I feel the lingering touch of his lips. “You have my number, if you need anything.”

  And then I remember. “It was you, wasn’t it?” I gasp, clutching his t-shirt between my fingers.

  “Me?”

  “When I fainted, you did something to me. I remember now. We were in your room, you wanted me to show you what happened when I meditated.” Moving out of his embrace, I meet his conflicted gaze. “What did you do?”

  “Later, we’ll talk about everything later, when you’ve had some rest.”

  I want to argue, to demand he tell me now, but I am tired. My bones feel heavy underneath my skin. Ross gets his shoes and moves to the door leading to the balcony. It’s on the tip of my tongue to ask him to stay, to tell me more. But I swallow the words unsure if my mind can handle more surprises right now.