Hers From The Start: A Collection of First In Series Reverse Harem

by Laura Greenwood

  For the past few weeks since my milk came in, Adam and the rest of the medical staff had held off on feeding Chloe through the tube in her nose. Instead, they’d increased the size of the tubing from the supplemental system and allowed her to feed on a combination of donated breast milk and whatever I produced.

  They monitored her weight closely to ensure she received enough nutrition. When she continued to gain weight and the amount she drank from the donated milk decreased, they discussed the idea of trying to have me feed her solely with the milk I was producing. They suggested that even if we had to add the supplemental system back into the mix, this experiment would help them to know how much milk I was producing.

  I agreed—how could I not—but I wasn’t sure about the whole idea. At some point, I knew my stepmother would make a reappearance, and I wasn’t sure what her response to the situation would be. Normally, for my younger siblings, I was responsible for most of their care outside of school hours, but in front of company, my stepmother acted like a doting mother. She became extremely jealous if any of my siblings showed more affection to me than her.

  How would she feel if I were to breastfeed Chloe? What if Chloe never took a bottle? Would that mean I would have to breastfeed Chloe until she weaned onto a cup? And if those questions weren’t enough, I wondered about schooling. I wouldn’t be allowed to continue with online school, not with my parents’ views on the internet and young ladies, and I needed to graduate. It was my key to freedom.

  Closing my eyes, I rested my head on the cushion, the rhythmic pull from Chloe’s mouth nearly sending me to sleep. Earlier, when we’d first started and I fed Chloe every two to three hours, the nurses often pushed me to skip at least one feeding during the night to grab extra sleep, but now, Chloe relied on me 24/7 for food. What had seemed endless before was now a truly endless loop of caring for Chloe. I diapered, I rocked, I fed Chloe, fed myself, played with her, bathed her, and managed to squeeze in time for studying and homework.

  Even hockey made the list. I may have moved on with Adam, but Kris and Ryan were never from my mind or dreams. Not that I found much time to dream when I barely found time to sleep. But I was happy.

  Adam was my constant, my lifesaver and rock. Since our bathroom incident, we hadn’t taken things quite that far, clothing—well, at least all of mine and some of his—stayed on. Something that I was both relieved and disappointed about.

  I could feel time running out. The expiration date on our relationship, if that was what we had, was coming due. Because I knew there was no way we’d be able to stay together after I left the hospital. I was seventeen, a high school student with more baggage than most people in their late twenties, while he was older, a resident, someone who was on the path to somewhere great.

  Yet…

  Maybe we would stay together. He talked about it. About how we could still talk to each other with my cell phone. How he would find us a place to live after I graduated. Someplace close to both the university and the hospital. It was a dream I wanted to believe in.

  I wanted something safe, something stable. To have a guy love me for me and want to stay with me. I thought that I’d had it before. Kris and Ryan were supposed to be the ones who stayed. But they didn’t. They’d left and moved on. And while it still hurt, I loved them enough to wish them all the best. Above everything, I wanted them to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with me.

  Familiar sounding footsteps drew closer. My heart pitter-pattered with excitement. Adam. A sigh escaped, making me want to giggle like a little pre-teen girl seeing her celebrity crush. I was so gone for him.

  “Hey, love. I see you’re already feeding her.” He dropped a kiss onto my forehead and before he could back away, I tilted my head until my lips could brush his. “Hmmm. We should do that again,” he spoke against my lips, increasing my heart rate. He deepened the kiss slightly before pulling back while tugging on my bottom lip.

  My tongue traced the last spot he touched, tasting him again. I loved kissing him. There was something addictive about it, about him. And I needed to grab as many as I could before… my eyes smarted. I dropped them, taking time to watch Chloe’s face.

  “Where’s your orange juice? Your snack?”

  “It’s right here.” Chloe’s nurse walked up behind him, carrying my snacks.

  When his eyes returned to mine, I stuck my tongue out at him. The nurse laughed, but he didn’t. Instead his green eyes darkened and low sound like a growl came from his chest. A shiver ran through me, but it wasn’t cold I was feeling. If anything, I felt like I was on fire.

  His gaze pinned me. I couldn’t move. Between his kisses, the sound he made, and my own imagination, I was so ready to give in to my hormones. He’d already had my top off once, so why not again?

  “Her latch looks strong. She’s come such a long way. I’ve no fears about Chloe not graduating before the end of the week. You’ve done such a great job with her, Kayla. I don’t think Chloe would have survived without you.”

  The nurse’s comments dumped icy cold water all over my flames, dousing them instantly. “Um, ah, thanks. But I really didn’t do much.” I shrugged my shoulders. Chloe was family. This is what you did for family. Maybe not always in mine, but I was sure that any other family would have done what I did

  The glass of juice contained a straw that hung over the edge, poking me in the mouth. “Open up.”

  I followed Adam’s command, knowing he still felt guilty over the episode over a week ago. It had been the first time the staff had had me feed Chloe knowing they would not be adding any extra breast milk into the tube in her nose. She fed perfectly well. And after I laid her asleep back in her bassinet, I took a step toward the bathroom. That was the last thing I remembered until I found myself in Adam’s arms with his worried face looking down at me. Chloe’s elderly attending doctor’s worried face hung over Adam’s shoulder.

  I guess I’d fainted. Probably from lack of food—turned out my blood results revealed extremely low blood sugar—and the stress of knowing that Chloe had only me to provide for her. It wasn’t as if it had changed much from the week prior as they’d only been giving her small amounts through her nose tube during the day. But it was the idea that I’d be responsible for all her feeds, including the nighttime ones, that scared me.

  So, I didn’t really blame Adam for worrying. If anything, today was even worse. It was my body, doing something that rarely happened to women who’d never given birth, that was going to be responsible for providing enough nutrition to feed a growing baby. There were no backups unless Chloe showed signs of distress.

  Dutifully, I swallowed. The rush of sugar felt wonderful and lifted the tiny amount of fogginess I felt.

  “I was right. You needed it. Wasn’t I?” Adam couldn’t keep the smirk from his face or the mirth from his voice.

  I rolled my eyes, but refused to allow myself to be baited any further.

  He chuckled while pulling the table within reach of my arm. “Now, finish your snacks, or…” The beep, beep of his pager drew his eyes away from mine. “Sorry, love. Have to run.” He dropped an absent minded kiss onto my forehead before heading off into another area of the NICU.

  Lifting Chloe to my shoulder to burp, I chewed on my bottom lip. Adam never kissed me by rote unless his brain was split between myself and an emergency. I didn’t think he realized that I knew the difference. He denied it every time I asked. I knew he did it to protect me, to keep me from worrying about the potential hazards Chloe had faced, but still I knew. And I knew that without him telling me, wherever he’d rushed off to, a tiny baby was in danger.

  My heart went out to the family, even in the midst of my own worries about leaving this place. NICUs invoked a love-hate relationship. I loved the care and security this place gave me, but I hated the sickness, the despair, and the death that occurred within these walls.

  Chloe burped with gusto, lifting my mood. While others may have been starting their journey, I was relieved Chloe had made it. She
was ready to go home.

  I latched her onto my second breast. Breastfeeding no longer hurt my nipples. In that, the head nurse had been correct. Breast milk did wonders for healing. So did Chloe’s more mature latch. But it didn’t stop the ache or fullness in my breasts.

  According to the nurses, I was one of the lucky and unlucky ones. I’d been able to produce milk without having been pregnant which was rare, but not only did I produce enough, I produced an abundance. The supplemental feeding system stood as backup, but no one believed we would need it again.

  But on the unlucky side, I had problems with letdown. And with emptying my breasts. I needed Chloe to suck to stimulate let down. Pumping or using my hands to manually express my milk just didn’t seem to work. So with each feeding, my boobs continued to retain milk.

  And it hurt.

  Like a bitch.

  It was one of the few times I wanted to swear. This morning, I’d nearly dropped to the floor of the shower just from the spray hitting my breasts. Something needed to be done, but I didn’t know what.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  “Let me do that. You, hurry and jump into a warm shower. Try again to express. Maybe this time it will work while your let down is still in effect?” The nurse pushed my hands away from Chloe as soon as I placed her in the bassinet. She reached for a new diaper and supplies. “Go.” She shooed me with her foot and a choked off giggle. Her eyes were filled with compassion.

  Realizing she spoke truth, a giant sigh escaped me. “Night, Chloe,” I called over my shoulder. I wrapped my arm around my chest, holding my rock hard boobs tight as I followed her command to hurry.

  The warm water felt wonderful on my back and neck. That was one thing I loved about the hospital. For some reason, it installed the best shower heads and the water pressure was amazing. But it didn’t take the place of Adam’s magical hands. I prayed he’d have some time to stop by during his shift to give me a massage. Well, maybe some kissing, too.

  I spun under the stream, but quickly turned back around. The pressure, which was so great on my neck and shoulders, felt like shards of glass forcibly cutting into my breasts.

  Dropping my head, I took some slow, deep breaths. They’d said that it might help to envision Chloe on my breasts. How it felt when her mouth tugged on my nipples? How she smelled in my arms? Even her tiny sounds might help to trigger my let down and make expressing easier.

  My hands cupped the warm skin of my breasts. Taking another deep breath, I followed their step-by-step instructions, ensuring my thumb and index finger grasped my areola instead of the nipple. After multiple pulls with nothing happening, I adjusted my finger positions. When nothing happened again, I bit my lip. I felt like such a failure. What breastfeeding woman couldn’t express her milk?

  Giving up, I quickly washed my body and rinsed.

  The towel rubbed across the skin on my boobs like sandpaper on wood. I couldn’t keep from whimpering at the pain.

  “Kayla, love, are you okay?” Adam’s voice called through the partially closed bathroom door.

  “Um, yeah, I’m fine.” My teeth clenched and my eyes slammed shut. Wrapping the towel—I’d forgotten my sleepwear, not expecting him to arrive so soon—around my chest ranked right up there with listening to water drip when you were already doing the pee dance waiting for the bathroom. Torturous and painful but not crippling.

  I stepped through the door. My arm held the towel to my chest and lent the support I needed while moving.

  Adam stood leaning against the wall. His feet crossed at the ankles while his eyes examined me from head to toe. Pushing off the wall, he stalked his way across the room to stand in front of me. His eyes continued to roam over my body but this time they were dark with desire. A spark of female pride grew. I did this. I drew this response from him. I’d never been this undressed before him, but I knew what his half naked body did to me and it appeared like mine drew the same response from him.

  I licked my lips, remembering what we’d done the last time one of us was only partially dressed.

  But this time the stakes were higher. We were a couple. We’d done things. None of that had been the case before. Now, we knew what it felt like. Had had a taste of the forbidden fruit.

  Just thinking about it had me wanting to fan my overheated body despite the cool nip in the room.

  The side of his smooth finger lifted my chin. “Don’t lie. You’re not all right. But I can help.” A hint of vulnerability pushed through the lust. “If you trust me, that is?”

  Of course I trusted him. Didn’t he know that by now? Besides, I didn’t think I would care what he did so long as he was able to alleviate some of the pain.

  His grip changed until his hand cradled my cheek.

  “I trust you.” How did he make me do that? Have my words come out so breathy and wistful. So needy.

  “Are you sure?” His breath fanned over my face. My heart raced. My body burned. There was nothing I wanted more so long as it included his mouth, his hands on me.

  My chin barely moved to give ascent when his lips took mine. Yes, took. Not covered, not slid, not touched. But took. As in claimed. Owned. Possessed.

  His tongue darted in with a thrust. It made me think of how his groin had met mine over and over again until I’d climaxed that one time in the bathroom. What would it feel like to have that tongue, his fingers, or even his cock moving like that in other areas?

  The towel fell from my fingers, but his chest held it in place. I couldn’t stop the wince as his chest hit mine.

  “I’m so sorry,” he murmured as his lips crawled across my cheek. “I’ll make you feel better. I promise.” His teeth nipped at my ear lobe.

  A shudder ran through me. And suddenly the pain didn’t seem quite so bad.

  My fingers teased their way through his slightly damp hair. He must have taken a shower before coming to see me. I kissed down his neck. My tongue traced the little hollow at the base. Yup. He tasted of Adam, of spicy citrus with a hint of salt from his skin.

  His fingers brushed my skin above the towel. His lips followed. Between his chin and his fingers, my towel loosened. He pulled his chest back and suddenly, I stood naked before him.

  Oh my gosh! My muscles tensed, and I could feel the burn of shame spread over my skin.

  “You look gorgeous.” His lips brushed my ear. “Trust me.”

  Somehow I knew his statement didn’t have anything to do with the compliment he paid me. No, he didn’t need words to prove his point there. The feel of his large, hard cock—there was no other word to use—and the way he touched me reassured me about his vision of me.

  He was wanting to ensure that I trusted him. And I could understand why. Trust wasn’t my strong suit. I had lots of reasons to justify it, but I didn’t feel that way with him. I trusted him completely. Yet that little voice inside my head kept reminding me how I trusted Kris and Ryan. How it had felt the same. But in the end, like all others, they too had broken my trust.

  His hands palmed my breasts. Thoughts flew from my brain. I couldn’t think, only feel. I bit my lip to stifle my cry. Was it from pain or pleasure, I didn’t know. Both warred through my system while he massaged both globes in his warm hands.

  Goosebumps broke across me. I needed something… more. Something he’d already shown me.

  “A-Adam.”

  He spun me around. Pulling my back in tight to his t-shirt clad chest. His erection poked into the small of my back. “Lean back, love. Let me support you.”

  I wrapped my arms around his neck. His lips traveled a well worn path from ear to mouth to collarbone to shoulder and back. I didn’t think I would ever tire of it.

  While one hand continued to knead my breast, the other hand slid down my body. My stomach muscles tightened and rippled under his movement. His fingers traced around my bellybutton while the other hand traced around my areola. Two very different sensations, and yet somehow disturbingly the same, brought a moan to my lips.

  My fingers
dug into his hair, gripping it tightly. I needed something to hang on to.

  His index finger and thumb gripped me in a hold I was familiar with. It was the exact same as what I’d attempted on myself, without any affect, in the shower. I tensed, knowing what was coming next. But before he pressed in and pulled toward my nipple, his other hand distracted me.

  It slid lower…through the light hair I had between my legs.

  “You’re so wet.”

  My eyes slammed shut and my head fell back onto his shoulder. A position I could hit because he crouched slightly behind me.

  His hand pushed through, widening my stance. And then two fingers parted me. A third slid through, grazing that little spot which had brought me so much pleasure before.

  And then…

  I jumped…or maybe it was just my heart.

  His finger slid inside, breaching that untouched spot. The intrusion felt different, felt big. But my mind was brought up short when his other hand pulled toward my nipple.

  He did it again and again. Each thrust inside me matched perfectly to a pull on my breast. Pleasure with pain. And I didn’t want it to stop. When he took a mere second to change breasts, I begged for him to continue. What we’d done in the bathroom had been nothing short of amazing but still it paled in comparison.

  “That’s it. You’re beautiful.” His words teased across the sensitized skin on my neck.

  “More… Adam… I need.” I couldn’t form a coherent sentence. It was that same build-up I’d felt before, only stronger. I tried to squirm in his hold, to see if I could find whatever the elusive thing was, but he held me securely. His hand between my legs pinned my lower body to him.

  The cotton t-shirt he wore rubbed across my back. Every nerve ending on my body was in a heightened state of awareness. His hair brushed my arm. I tried to open my eyes, but couldn’t. I was too lost in the storm he created inside me.

  Hands twisted. A low moan began in my depths. I struggled in his arms. My hips moving as much as they could. Searching, reaching, all for that release. The one that would make my muscles liquefy.