*
The counselor struck me as troubled, in doubt, or possibly constipated? Nevertheless, the vibe was as if she was about to reveal some cataclysmic information. (Like tunnel vision, or the road disaster we are unable to simply repave.) Sitting at her desk, the counselor peered into her computer. After taking a deep breath, she let it out and started to fidget with her pen. She cleared her voice and scooted her coffee cup to the side with a distasteful expression.
"Fisher, we have contacted your parents in this matter."
"My parents?" I interjected.
"What do they have to do with this?" I asked, appalled.
"Well, we understand that school pressure can sometimes be overwhelming. You're not the first person to experience this. I have spoken with each of your professors and checked your grades from each of your classes. Your parents and I believe that it's best for you to take this semester off and maybe consider moving home for a period of time. At least until you get back on track." The sound of her voice struck me like a tone-deaf karaoke singer. I felt my blood beginning to boil.
"You're kidding me right? This is my only option?" I asked, unaware that I was raising my voice.
"Okay, I know I haven't been to class consistently, but come on, I'm not crazy." I tried to sound reassuring as the counselor stood out of her chair and expressed a look of compassion.
"No one thinks you're crazy Fisher." a caring tone to her voice while looking at a confused expression on her face.
"We just think that it is best for you to be in a more controlled environment." I had already shut down; I heard not one word. I looked at her puffy hair and caked on Avon make up. In her two-piece pink suit, with her pretty nails and pearl necklace draped from her neck. She would never understand. I wanted to go off as I glared at her. I wanted to but chose not to entertain that energy, the beast within. I simply smiled.
"Do you have children?" I asked. She was appalled that I had asked such an intimate question.
"Yes I do," she quipped, clinching her jaws, tightening her lips, and possessing a cold stare.
"That is not the matter at hand Fisher. My children are no concern of yours and have nothing to do with this." She corrected her relaxed posture.
"Yes, I know they don't." I smiled as I weighed my next words with care.
"I pray that your kids are nothing less than perfect. Because for you that would be miserable, am I wrong? True help is most often listening, not standing on the sidelines preaching or condemning those that do not share your ideals." My eyes swelled with tears as I turned and walked towards the door.
"I'm sorry counselor, you are the last thing on my mind and to be truthfully honest, I don't really care."
"Fisher, I am only trying to help you." She somewhat upset.
"Good day, Fisher." She said in a huff as I exited her office. Door-slam, as everyone stared. Embarrassed, I took a deep breath trying to calm my nerves and began walking toward my car, numb to any emotion.
As I felt my phone vibrate. I retrieved it from the front pocket of my jeans and looked at the ID which read, 'Mom work.' Knowing a lecture was headed my way, I regrettably answered.
"Fisher, is everything alright?" I heard before I could say hello.
"Yes Mother, exuberant," I replied in a sarcastic tone.
"Are you doing drugs?" she asked, (the obvious alternative).
"No Mom, are you?" I countered becoming increasingly annoyed.
"Well, you haven't been acting like yourself. Not-to-mention you have been somewhat distant. I mean, when was the last time you called? You haven't come home to visit, and this morning I got a call from your school counselor stating that your grades were poor and your behavior disruptive. How do you explain yourself?" I felt upset at the prospect of unveiling my guarded emotion, and my eyes began to swell.
"I wish I could tell you Mom, I really do. It's complicated. I'm sorry, but I cant. I have to go. I love you," and closed my phone, for a moment hearing my Mom still speaking on the other end. Having stopped, I stood as students from all walks of life blew by from every direction, face after face. I felt the world spinning all around me, but I stood still. I felt lost, alone, and plagued with questions. Why? Why was I being singled out? For what cause? To what extent? Having truly never lived with a burden like this, I felt the weight. Soon after, looking around the campus, I wished I could be anyone else but me. Or be anywhere else but there. I then walked toward my car and began the drive home.
Upon arrival, I headed upstairs to my apartment; I sat in the corner of my room and cried. I cried for several reasons. I was tired of being tired. I felt sick to my stomach. My family thought I was on drugs, the school had kicked me out, and Comfort felt distant. I knew deep down that the best thing to do would be to let her go. Comfort deserved a life without a crazy boyfriend that saw ghosts or demons. I felt lost, displaced, and more alone than ever. I felt as an elderly person whom resides in a nursing home must feel, left to spend the rest of their days in a dormant facility, their family too proud or busy to visit or call. With my emotions running haywire I curled up into a fetal position and cried until I couldn't produce any more tears. Time passed with me dwelling in sorrow. I heard movement and looked up as Tribulation had materialized in the center of my room. I squinted and felt my eyelids weigh heavily. After drying my eyes, in a mean demeanor I yelled,
"What do you want from me?"
"Kid, tough break, I'm sorry. I really am. But seriously, don't stress the small stuff. This is nothing in the big picture."
"What do you want from me?" I yelled, feeling my throat growing sore.
"You want to torment me some more? Is that why you are here?" I responded as my eyes filled with tears.
"Please, just leave me alone! I'm not this hero or warrior you're seeking."
"Oh, that reminds me. I invited a couple of friends over to your place last night. Did you get a chance to meet them? I do hope you were hospitable." In his sarcastic tone, Tribulation smiled,
"Yes. They were very well mannered. It was truly my pleasure." I said mirroring his tone as he bent down in front of me. He extended his arm with his hand fully spread and reached toward my face, wiping my cheek as a single tear fell. Upon contact with his hand I heard a sizzling sound, much like water hitting a hot skillet, and watched steam begin to rise from his finger.
"Are you ready to reconsider? Oh, where are my manners? Before I forget, your friend Order sends her blessings," he said, releasing a devilish grin. I stood, angered and now face-to-face with him.
"I will never work with you or for you. In fact, you should leave before you really piss me off and I . . ."
"And you what?" he interrupted.
"You are nothing," he continued.
"You are miniscule, and one day you will be doomed as will your Light Worker friends. Fisher, I don't think you realize what you are up against friend. I'm trying to help you and you mock me. Well, this will be our last encounter, I assure you. You will now be plagued all of your days. I am giving a green light for your destruction. You are one, I am many." he scowled, and turned to walk away. Quickly, I reached into my pocket and pulled out the marble. With his back turned I thought to myself, 'destroy Tribulation.' as the marble began to levitate from my palm. Seconds later Tribulation turned back around. At that moment I witnessed his eyes turn red as he transformed before my eyes into a hologram figure of himself. He then jumped from across the room, heading straight for me,
"You will never be as strong as I you incompetent fool!" he yelled as he shot out of the room in a flash of light, disappearing from sight as the marble descended softly to my palm. I collapsed to the floor, feeling overwhelmed with the fact that I was in over my head with everything and everyone. Realizing how exhausted I was, I walked over to my bed and fell headfirst into my blankets.
Staring into the blue sky I questioned, what shoul
d I do? As time passed I heard Comfort calling out my name. I turned and saw Comfort standing at my door. After a thorough examination, I realized it was the real Comfort with her white aura. Excited, I tossed aside the blankets and jumped out of bed. I ran toward the door and grabbed her tightly around her waist while lifting and swinging her around the room. She smiled radiantly.
"What's this about? You're in a good mood all of a sudden."
"I'm just glad to see you. I apologize for acting weird lately. I'm just experiencing some things and I'm not really sure how to handle them." She smiled, accepting my apology and planted a kiss. She was freshly showered with her hair still wet and smelling amazing. A true breath of fresh air. I continued to swing her around the room as I stared into her deep blue eyes. It was a moment where I forgot about everything around me, and about the world I had recently learned of. I could only see and hear her as the sound of an orchestra accompanied by a choir of angels filled my mind. I needed her and had truly missed her.
Upon seeing her I had instantly found a solace that allowed me to discover my old-self, despite all the negative things that had been happening. It didn't matter. Nothing else mattered. I felt energized, revived and full of life.
"Can you hang out today? I need to grab a shower. I'll be quick. Then we can go grab a bite to eat, cool? Tonight is you and I, no one or anything else, fair?" I asked, as she smiled. I wore a look of contentment as I headed for the bathroom. I quickly showered and started to get dressed while humming the melody by Toro Y Moi - blessa.
"How did you sleep?" she yelled
"You don't want to know." I replied, opening the door. With a grin she showed a look of puzzlement.
"Oh, peep this. I'm kicked out of school now as well." Looking even more puzzled and concerned she replied,
"What? Are you serious? Are being for real right now? Why?"
"It's best for someone like me, so they say. I think they think I'm on drugs, or crazy. Actually, probably both," I laughed. Comfort just looked at me with a blank expression on her face.
"Well that's horrible news, why are you in such a good mood?" she asked.
"Oh, that's not horrible," as I grinned.
"That's nothing." Comfort shook her head in disbelief.
"Well, if you say so, but what are you going to do now?" she asked.
"Enjoy the time we have together," I replied with a charismatic grin. She cleared her throat and began to fidget, then looked at me with a blank expression. I read in her eyes that something wasn't right.
"What's that look about?" I asked as my grin faded.
"Well, I need to talk to you." As I grabbed a seat next to her on the bed,
"What's up?" I asked, as she smiled.
"Fisher, as you know I live with my brother while he finishes school." Her eyes began to tear up.
"Yes . . ." I smiled.
"Well, he has been offered an internship position in California that if he accepts, would start next week."
"That's bomb. Tell him congradgumundo! So maybe you can move in with me?" I said, as I stood excitedly.
"I will work more of course, but that's cool because I don't have school anymore." Pacing the room, Comfort began to shake her head no as a tear raced down her cheek. Looking up at me she broke the news.
"I'm moving with him." She reached for my hand and continued.
"I'm going to pursue my music career." My stomach dropped, and all of a sudden an intense feeling hit me like I had just been plowed over by dump truck with a full load of gravel that was traveling well over the speed limit.
"What? I mean, when did you decide this?" I asked, feeling devastated as shock spread like venom through my veins.
"Fisher, please don't make this any harder than it already is. I'm so sorry, but I have to go now or I may never get to." My body began to go numb and I felt a feeling of hurt sweep over me. I felt abandoned. My eyes instantly filled with tears and the butterflies fluttering in my stomach felt as if they were beginning to die. My heart throbbed and my world crumbled all around me. I looked at Comfort who was now crying and sat down beside her on the bed. I leaned over and gave her a hug. With my arms wrapped around her I held her for a few moments, and neither of us spoke. I felt her heart beat against my chest, as a tidal wave of emotions flooded my nervous system.
"I wish you nothing but the best, I really do." I said, rubbing the small of her back, breaking the silence.
"If anyone deserves it, it's you." We looked one another in the eyes and held hands. She let go and grabbed my face with both hands,
"Fisher, I love you, and I always will. I just have to do some soul searching of my own. I know deep down you're destined for bigger and better things." As I swallowed and wiped my nose that had started to run, I stared down at the floor and swung my feet. I wished I was in a dream and waited to wake up, but didn't. I saw her very real reality run out of the room to her apartment and bury her face into the pillows of her bed.
In a daze I sat in my room, motionless and speechless, for most of the day. I occasionally walked around, but felt dizzy doing so. I felt like giving up and moving home. As night fell I became plagued with an onslaught of Dark Siders. More than ever, some scarier than others, but I was no longer scared. Nothing scared me. In an unrelenting state of confusion, I sat in my room oblivious to them as they tried to torment me. I watched each of the Dark Siders come and go. Some in groups, others alone, all threatened my life and tried to scare me but couldn't. For the first time in my life I contemplated suicide. In the darkest hour of my life, the ideas ran across my mind of ways I could kill myself. I had never felt that feeling, or possessed such thoughts. The life I knew was no longer. I felt like I had no reason to live. I missed my family, but could not go back to my old ways. Perhaps Tribulation was right. I had been deserted, and now more than ever, was alone. I slowly stood up and my feet felt as heavy as concrete blocks, my body weak and sore. Walking towards the door, I reached up and began to turn the doorknob, but something wasn't right. Entering the barren hallway, I was unable to walk forthright. I fell from one side of the hall to the other, and slid my way toward the stairwell. Concentration was not easy, as everything seemed blurred and out of focus. I stepped down from the second floor of my building's staircase and held tightly to the railing. Discombobulated, I lost my grasp of the railing and stumbled down a couple of stairs and fell. Tumbling and unable to slow the speed I had gained coming off the stairs, I hit the front door hard. In a struggle to lift my head, I felt a throbbing pain as I looked through the glass door. I saw a gathering of Dark Siders, numbering well into the hundreds in front of my building. Straining from pain, I stood and grabbed the handle of the door and slowly opened it and continued outside. Staggering down the middle of the road and feeling drowsy, cars passed and honked aloud. In a daze, emotionless to the point of being reckless, the irony of my life began to unravel. Everything felt irrelevant as I looked around, finding comfort in the blanket of black. In every direction Dark Siders gathered, cheered and taunted me. As I staggered down the middle of the street I felt paralyzed as if under a spell. For the first time in my life I felt that death held the only key to my escape. I didn't want to die, but now welcomed death. With the Dark Siders eyes glowing a piercing red, I wanted to find peace. I wanted to disappear, to unexist.
Standing in the middle of the street while looking through fog, a pair of headlights emerged. Torn between my head and my heart, I opened my arms to embrace the oncoming lights. I tilted my head to the sky and closed my eyes. Drowning out the noise from the Dark Siders, I could hear a car getting closer by the second. My motto had always been ride or die. I could no longer ride. I heard the squealing of tires against the pavement and a horn violently scream at me. Seeing my idea of peace, I took one last breath.
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