by E. C. Land
Honestly, I didn’t know how to explain what I was feeling at the moment. Conflicted by wanting to go home but at the same time wanting to hide and not wanting the filth covering me to touch any of the people I care about.
Knowing he’s probably upset, I decide to give him an answer.
Me: I’m fine. Talk to you tomorrow or whenever.
Hitting send, I start to freak out all over again.
Damnit.
The air in the room becomes stifling and I throw my phone on the bed, getting up off the bed. Leaving my room, I head for the backdoor of Rage and Cleo’s house. Once outside, I sit on the wooden steps facing the darkened back yard.
Staring into the darkness, I contemplate my life.
I have a choice.
Let those monsters win by calling defeat now and running away. Or I fight the demons in my head, find a way to beat them back and make the filth finally wash away.
Making choices shouldn’t be this difficult but I know what my decision should be. It’s only now a matter of gaining the courage to do it.
Chapter Six
Nerd
“I don’t know about you all but I’m thinking us single brothers should head out to DP for some real fun,” I mutter, shoving my phone back in my pocket as I stand up. I’d been holding it in my hand all night worried about Cara and that shit she just sent me was fucked up.
Excuse me if I wanted to make sure she was good after her session today. For the past two months we’d been texting every day.
“I’m down with that,” Whip chuckles, getting to his feet from where he’d been sitting at the same table as me.
“Shit, might as well,” Shadow grumbles. He’s been in a sour mood since we got here and even more so as he watched the women, especially Luna, dancing.
“What’s up, Doll?” Stoney asks his ol’ lady, Rachel, as all the women got close enough to hear us. Each of them with worried expressions on their faces.
What the hell’s going on?
“Luna wasn’t in the bathroom,” Rachel states.
“What?” Shadow snarls his demand. This I should find interesting, but I know he’s got a thing for Luna and is merely fighting himself from taking what he wants.
“You don’t think someone took her, do you?” Tinsley asks, quietly as she steps into Coyote’s embrace. Damnit that’s the kinda shit I wanna have with Cara.
“I don’t know, Luce Mia. We’ll find out though,” Coyote says reassuringly to his woman.
“I’m going to go find out what those bitches were talking about,” Victoria declares, her gaze focused on a couple women who were standing over by the bar. Women, I might add, trying to approach a couple of us as we hit the bar a bit ago and got the brush off.
“You talkin’ about those three at the bar?” Shadow asks Victoria, as he turns to follow her gaze.
“Yep. Those are the ones who came out of the hallway earlier cackling like a bunch of hyenas as they looked at all of us,” she hisses. Victoria can be one unpredictable woman when she wants to be and right now, I don’t know what she’s planning in that head of hers.
Possibly dismemberment of the bitches she’s glaring daggers at.
“Let’s worry about that later and find out where Luna is.” Stoney’s voice booms leaving no room for argument.
“I’ll go speak with security,” I state. I’m sure I’ll find something on their cameras. Something that will help us locate Luna.
“I’ll come with you,” Shadow declares, grumbling.
Nodding I take off toward the hallway where the offices are. I know this club always has someone sitting in their security room watching the feeds and reporting to the bouncers if they spot anything.
If there’s one thing about this club that I respect, the owners keep a lock on the security in the building; however, right now, I’m thinking someone’s fucked up in not spotting Luna.
“You got to be fuckin’ kidding me. How stupid could she be? Walking out the back exit the way she did,” Shadow snarls while we go through the security feed. Thankfully the security team didn’t have a problem with us coming in and taking a look when I explained the issue. Didn’t take me long to find what I was looking for and now my brother is fuckin’ pissed.
Beyond pissed from the looks of it.
“Look at the expression on her face,” I growl letting my own frustrations out as I rewind the footage again and point to the screen. “The feed’s somewhat grainy but you can definitely see she’s upset and the way she looks in the direction back to the main room to the back exit you can easily see she was contemplating coming back.”
Why Luna didn’t just come back to where we were sitting, is well above my comprehension.
“So, she fuckin’ left the club without telling a fuckin’ soul she left. Where the fuck did she go?” Shadow sneers.
My phone buzzes in my pocket and thinking it was Cara, I pull it out to find it’s not her but rather an alert to one of the security systems. Unlocking my phone, I pull up the app to see what’s going on. “According to the alert I just received, she’s home,” I state, seeing it’s from her address. Clicking on the security feed camera we’d installed with the system, I immediately feel empathy for the woman. “Oh fuck.”
“What?” Shadow demands.
“Brother, she’s not good,” I murmur, turning my phone toward him to see for himself.
Taking my phone from me, Shadow glances down, stares at the screen for a moment before throwing my phone at me. “I’m going over there. Don’t tell the girls what you just saw. I’ll deal with her. Just tell them she’s home.” he states.
“Yeah, you finally gonna claim the girl,” I grin, letting him know, I know.
Shadow flips me off as he leaves the security room. Getting up from the chair, I follow him back out to the main room and head toward Stoney as Shadow moves for the door.
“What’s going on?” Stoney demands.
“Luna’s at her place. She’s not good, but Shadow’s gonna go handle it,” I state, shrugging my shoulders as I grin.
“About fuckin’ time. He’s only been ignoring her for as long as she’s been under our protection,” Stoney chuckles.
Yeah. I know what he means.
With us all knowing where Luna is, we head out of the club.
“We still hitting up DP?” Whip asks, slinging an arm over my shoulder.
“Naw, you know what, I think I’m gonna go for a ride,” I mutter shaking my head.
“You good, brother?” Venom asks.
Between Whip, Venom, Tracker, and Shadow, they all know my feelings for Cara. Thankfully they’ve kept a lock on that shit. I don’t need Coyote knowing my intentions until after Cara agrees to come home.
“Nope, but I will be soon,” I state as I meet his gaze.
“You headin’ down to your girl?” Venom presses.
“Yeah, I think it’s time I bring my girl home where she belongs. She’s had enough time to be in her head. Now she needs to learn to heal with me showing her the way.” With this I straddle my bike, bring her to life, back out of my spot, and point in the direction heading for the highway. It’ll be a long ride in the dark; however, it will give me time to come up with my game plan in winning my girl over.
Chapter Seven
Cara
“Babygirl, wake up.” God, I don’t want to wake up. Please don’t make me. I love hearing that voice in my dreams. The raspy gravelly tone of his voice, it does something to me every time I hear it.
Even with it only subconsciously.
“Come on, Cara, wake up for me,” he murmurs again, and I shake my head muttering “Don’t wanna. Not when you won’t be there when I’m awake.”
Chuckles filter through my dreams as I’m being surrounded by heat as I float through the air.
Wait. No that’s not just heat floating in the air. I’m being lifted up into someone’s arms.
My eyes pop open and I stare up to realize I wasn’t merely dreaming of Nerd. He is here,
his gaze locked on me.
“Nick,” I call out his name, pressing my hand to his chest. “What are you doing here?”
The grin that crosses Nerd’s face causes butterflies to tremble throughout my body.
“Should be asking you why you’re sleeping outside on the steps of Rage’s house?” he mutters sitting on the steps with me still in his arms.
“Answer mine and I’ll return the favor,” I murmur.
“Not how it works, babygirl, and you know it. You sleeping outside is dangerous and besides, I’ve been up all night ridin’ to get here because you wouldn’t talk to me. When you did text me, it was fucked up and I won’t wait any longer.” Oh boy, did he just say that?
“Nick,” I stammer nervously.
“Cara, babygirl, it’s not even daylight yet and I need at least a couple hours of sleep so let’s get you to bed.”
Uh, okay.
Unable to find my voice, I nod my head in agreement. I’ll go to my room and freak out in there while he passes out on the couch. I’m sure Rage knows he’s here already.
Without releasing his hold on me, Nerd carries me bridal style through the threshold of the house. He closes the door and turns the lock before heading directly to my room. Once inside he closes the door behind us.
“Nick,” I murmur as he sets me on my feet by my bed and steps back enough to remove his cut. He proceeds to put it on the top of my dresser then bends at the waist to untie his boots and toe them off. “What are you doing?”
“Getting ready to get in bed with my girl and take a nap,” Nerd declares as he stands back to his full height and empties his pockets onto my dresser as well.
Oh boy. He. . . He can’t get into my bed. I’ll rub the filth on him.
I come unfrozen as Nerd steps into my space and wraps an arm around my waist. “Come on babygirl, let’s get some rest. I’m wiped and not up for arguing with you, which I see you working yourself up to doing. In the morning we’ll talk. Right now, I just need to hold you. Okay?” Something about the way he asks, causes me to suck in a breath as I nod, giving him what he needed.
Why? I don’t know other than I’m insane enough to torture myself by allowing this. But I trust him more than anyone else. Not saying I don’t trust my brother’s club, only that Nerd holds my heart and with that my soul.
Guiding me into bed, Nerd pulls me into his arms so that I’m resting on his chest. “Go to sleep,” Nerd mutters squeezing me to him when I tense.
Yeah, right, that’s not going to happen. I mean seriously my heart feels as if it were about to beat straight out of my chest.
The two of us lay in the bed, neither of us speaking. I merely soaked in all that was this man, thinking that this is the only time I’ll allow myself to enjoy it. When morning comes, I’ll do what I have to in order to push him away. Nerd doesn’t deserve to be tainted by me.
Closing my eyes, I sigh as I relax into Nerd’s body and drift back off to sleep, this time savoring every bit of this man.
A light touch running along my cheek draws me out of my amazing dream, one where I was laying with Nerd.
“Wake up, babygirl.” Oh God it wasn’t a dream. Opening my eyes, to meet Nerd’s staring down at me while bracing his body up on his forearm. “Time to talk, babe, and you’re gonna listen,” he enunciates.
“Um.” I don’t get to say anything else due to Nerd placing a finger over my lips.
“Cara, babe, we got a lot to get through. Tons of hurdles ahead of us but I’m not going to let you fight me on this. I know you’ve got shit fuckin’ with your head right now. I intend to help you every way I can. Starting now. I’m not about to let you slip through my fingers. I had planned on letting you get through school before I made my approach, babygirl. But I don’t want to wait anymore. Not when it comes to us.”
Oh boy. How do I explain to him, I’m not good enough to be with him? Not anymore.
“Today we’re going to pack your shit and get you home.” At this news, I stiffen and begin to panic. Nerd sees this and immediately goes about putting me at ease. “Not to the clubhouse, Cara.” Only to cause me to panic once again. “I’m taking you home to our house.”
Our house?
He can’t be serious.
“Nick,” I murmur, ready to protest but Nerd shakes his head.
“Let me finish, Cara,” he states.
Nodding, I rest my head on the pillow and stare at him as I wait for him to finish. Then I’ll let him down gently.
“Know it’s not going to be easy for you at first. But let me ask you a question, babygirl, during the three hours we slept in this bed together, did you have any nightmares?” I grow still at this question because I didn’t. I felt safe enough in Nerd’s arms, I was able to sleep soundly. “That’s what I thought. We do this together, Cara. You and me. Give this to me and I’ll pull you through. Swear it on my life, same as I swore to you in the hospital, no one would ever harm you again.”
A strange note filters through his voice as he finishes and my throat tightens.
Meeting Nerd’s gaze head on, I take a long moment to see nothing but admiration and determination filling his. No pity, nothing along the lines of sadness for me.
Nerd wasn’t going to take no for an answer on this one. So, I only had one choice to make in this matter, and that was choosing him.
Sucking in a deep breath, I nod my head as I give him his answer. “Okay.”
“Good choice, babygirl. Now let’s go tell Rage and Cleo. Then we’ll pack your shit up, what doesn’t fit in a backpack we’ll ship to the house. You wanna let Coyote know you’re coming home?” Nerd asks.
“Um, can I get settled first?” I ask nervously.
“Cara, babe, not tryin’ to upset you but you gotta know, Coyote has been stressed to the fuckin’ max about you and it’s takin’ a toll on him. Tinsley does the best she can but she’s pregnant as well as caring for their son Cody . . .”
“Okay, I’ll tell him,” I mutter interrupting Nerd before he could go on with his guilt trip. “But can I do it tomorrow after we get there?” I don’t want to tell my brother over the phone and if I’m going to stay at Nerd’s place then I will have to tell him face to face.
It also might be good if Nerd wasn’t around when I did tell him. Considering the way Coyote acted when he’d stormed into the room Josh and I were in at a frat party, I don’t want to go through that again.
This time Coyote will respect my decision and get over his big brother tendencies otherwise he’ll start a conflict that will not be pretty.
“Yeah, you can do that, and so you know, we’ll do this by inviting him to the house with Tinsley and Cody. This way you can finally meet your nephew and get everything done in one sweep. I’m sure Coyote is gonna flip his shit, but he’s got to know that we’re together.”
Oh my God. Nerd voicing it makes the words that much more real and I don’t know if I can handle it. Let’s hope I haven’t jumped into a fire that isn’t only going to burn me but turn me to ashes.
Chapter Eight
Nerd
After spending the morning packing up the little bit of stuff Cara had accumulated over the past two months, we finally headed out after lunch.
As we were about to load up and head out, Rage pulled me aside to talk with me.
“You sure you know what you’re doing?” he asks.
“Never been surer about anything in my life,” I shared without missing a beat.
Nodding, Rage held my gaze as he watches me for a brief moment while deciding the true depth of what I just said.
“Good luck, brother,” he grins holding his hand out for me to take. “Been where you are and know what it’s like; however, you got one battle I didn’t have. Let’s hope Coyote doesn’t put a bullet in your ass when he finds out you’ve claimed his little sister. Happy for you though.” Taking Rage’s hand, we give each other a bro hug, patting each other’s back before parting.
“It’ll be okay,” I mutter, running a
hand along the back of my neck. “Well, it will be once he calms the fuck down after finding out the news.” Rage throws his head back in laughter at this remark. “Not funny, brother.”
“Brother, it’s fuckin’ hilarious.” The fucker had the nerve to continue chuckling with a shit eating grin. “Now get the fuck out of here.”
Shaking my head, I can’t help but begin to laugh along with him as we head for my bike. Rage stops next to Cleo and picks his daughter up and holds her to him as I straddle my bike. I hold a hand out to Cara to help her climb on behind me. However, my girl swats my hand away and places hers on my shoulder as she swings a leg over and situates herself for the ride. Wrapping her arms around me she gives me a squeeze when she’s ready.
I start my bike, lift the kickstand, and hit the throttle. Time to get my girl home and start sorting our shit.
“I forgot how much fun it could be riding,” Cara says as I shut my bike down and unwraps her arms from around my waist.
“Well anytime you wanna go for a ride, babygirl, just let me know. I’ll take you out,” I chuckle while Cara slides off. We stopped only for fuel on the way here and now I’m fuckin’ starved with no food in the house. I should have probably sent a prospect out to get some stuff for me but I didn’t want anyone inside my house. Not before Cara at least. Shit I’ve barely been myself.
I’d seen it come up for sale one day and knew it was the house for us when I finally was able to have Cara as mine. A two-story open plan downstairs with four bedrooms, three baths, garage, and an inground pool in the back yard. It was perfect. Only thing I bought so far for the house is a bed set and TV for the master bedroom.
Pulling the keys out of my pocket, I figure once we get inside, I could text a prospect to swing into the Mexican restaurant in town for us.
With my free hand I take Cara’s and guide her up the stairs. Neither of us speak as I unlock and open the door. Right inside the entrance, I put the security code in to turn the alarm off.
