Rookie in Love

by Sarah White

“Jackson, you don’t owe me an explanation. It’s fine, really.” I try to smile convincingly but all I can think about is how much it hurt to see them together. For the first time, I realize I may never fully recover from these three weeks if things with Jackson and I don’t work out.

  Jackson pulls me into a hug and says softly, “Don’t lie to me—I saw your face. You were going to run. You wouldn’t even have given me a chance to explain. Don’t ever run from me, Maddy.”

  I think I’m in too deep, too soon. I like Jackson, and the jealousy that I just experienced is an eye-opener. He takes my hand in his and we leave campus.

  In his truck on the ride home, he takes my hand. “This is new for me too,” he says. “I think it’s different than what people are used to and what people expect.”

  “What do you mean?” I ask.

  “I don’t make promises. I keep things casual. I haven’t had anyone I’d call serious since I enrolled here. I hang out with someone for a while and then move on.” He glances at me and I sense he’s trying to gauge how I’m taking it. I nod.

  “You’re different. I don’t want to move on. I want to know more about you. I want to spend more time with you and get to know what makes you tick.”

  “What makes me so different?” I ask incredulously.

  “I’ve been asking myself that since the moment I saw you that night.” He squeezes my hand and looks at me as we pause at a stop sign. Even though it’s our turn to go he stays where we are. “I’ve never felt anything like this before.” When a car behind us honks, he turns his attention back to the road and drives forward.

  I try not to smile too big as we drive closer to my place. I feel the same way about him, but I’m afraid to share my feelings. I don’t want to hurt him, but I’m still looking to find what’s best for myself and then decide if I can make that work into my family responsibilities. I tried forgetting what my brothers said at lunch the other day, but they brought up one good point. Would Jackson expect me to follow him around while he fulfils his NFL dreams? What would that mean for my plans?

  He laughs beside me. “You know,” he starts, “there are tons of words for feelings, but I don’t know if there’s one for what’s happening between us.” He’s right, our situation is too complicated to be simplified into just one word.

  When we get to my apartment, we have an hour to spare before we have to meet his mother at a local restaurant. Abby and Kyle are on the couch in our living room when we walk in. The TV is off and Abby is asleep in Kyle’s lap. Kyle is gazing at her while she sleeps, lightly running his hand along her swollen tear-streaked face, from her forehead down to her chin and back again. I stand there not moving, just watching as he caresses her with the softest of touches, soothing her in her sleep.

  “Are you taking the job?” I ask quietly, causing Jackson to look from me to Kyle and back, trying to make sense of what he’s seeing.

  Kyle never looks up and I know that he has been crying, as well. “I don’t know, Madeline. When my only family was in Florida, I had everything figured out. I would go to school here, then move back home. The only problem is, I’ve since realized that Abby is my family, too. What am I supposed to do when either decision will cause the people I love so much pain?” His voice sounds strained, but he continues to stroke her head as he searches for an answer on her face.

  “I’m sorry, Kyle. I don’t have that answer. Please do me a favor, though.” He looks up at me with pain on his face. “When you figure it out, please tell me.” Kyle looks to Jackson and gives a small nod before returning to his silent worship.

  I walk down the hall to my room with Jackson in tow and climb onto my bed as he closes the door behind us. We don’t say anything, but the weight of what we just saw feels heavy between us. Jackson toes his shoes off and climbs in behind me, wrapping his warm body around mine, cradling his front to my back. He inhales a big breath and I close my eyes and do the same.

  “Maddy,” he whispers, and I turn my head slightly so he knows I’m listening. “They’re going to make it. Sometimes the hardest decisions turn out to be the ones that make us the happiest. Kyle loves her and he’ll make the right choice for them. Once you accept how much you love someone and surrender to that, all the decisions get easier. You stop living to please everyone else and you learn to focus on making just that one person happy. He’ll figure it out. Just give him time.”

  “Some families have strong roots, Jackson. No matter how far out the branches reach, they can’t survive without the roots. I hope you’re right.” Jackson pulls me tighter against him and kisses the back of my head.

  “I need to be right,” he answers.

  We lie in the silence for a while and I can feel his heart beating against my back.

  His phone chimes with a message and he retrieves it from his pocket. “It’s my mom. She’s on the way to the restaurant from her hotel.” His voice sounds lighter.

  I close my eyes and think about my own mother. I would give anything to be meeting her for dinner.

  “Let me freshen up a bit. I’ll be right back.” In the bathroom I reapply some makeup and run a brush through my hair. I put on a little perfume and then head back out into the bedroom. Jackson is sitting on the edge of the bed waiting for me and I push aside any sad feelings so I can focus on being with him and his mom. With Jackson’s hand in mine, we make our way past Kyle, who is still in silent meditation. He’s so wrapped up in his thoughts I am sure he has completely missed us leaving.

  *

  Greg will be back in a week and a half. I swallow down the dread that starts to rise in my throat and roll down my passenger-side window for some fresh air. I don’t know how I’m going to tell him I want to try to make things work with Jackson.

  “Rookie, stop worrying so much. Forget about everything and just let it play out the way it’s meant to. Let’s just see where this takes us.”

  I smile at Jackson.

  After we pull up to the restaurant and park, he comes around to my door and opens it. Blocking the way for me to get out, he reaches up and kisses my lips gently. The dread slips away as my heart fills with warmth for him. I love the way he can read me and how he notices when I’m overthinking.

  “Well, Mr. Quarterback, are we going to do this or what?” I shimmy to the edge of the seat and he effortlessly lifts me out of the truck. “Any hints or anything, things past girlfriends have messed up, topics I should stay away from?”

  A grin stretches across his face and he plants a kiss on my forehead before taking my hand in his and walking us to the restaurant. “I’m afraid I have none of those things to offer. You’ll just have to figure it out for yourself. You’re the first girl I’ve introduced to my mother since starting college.”

  I pull back on his hand as the shock paralyzes my legs. How could it be that he has never introduced another girl to his mother in four years?

  With a chuckle he tugs at my arm. “You’ve got this, rookie. Knees up.” He playfully slaps my ass and I roll my eyes.

  “I don’t know why you’re so worried—my mother is going to love you.” We enter the restaurant and almost immediately a small woman runs up and throws her arms around Jackson. I try to let go of his hand so he can hug her properly with both arms, but he keeps his grip on my hand and wraps his other arm around his mother. When she pulls back from him her eyes dart to mine, and I smile as warmly as I can manage while the butterflies take flight in my stomach.

  “Mom, this is Madeline.”

  Jackson’s mother wraps her arms around me before I can even say hello. She’s warm and soft and gentle as she kisses my cheek. “It is so nice to meet you. You can call me Peggy. I’m so glad you could come to dinner with us tonight. I had to meet the girl I have been hearing so much about.”

  A thrill races through me and I look to Jackson, who shrugs and smiles. I haven’t been talking about Jackson to my family, but maybe they would get used to the idea. If I keep him separate from my life with them, he’ll never truly be an
option. I want Jackson to be an option, he deserves a chance.

  The conversation throughout dinner is easy. Peggy tells me about her daughter and about how much she loves volunteering at the library in their hometown.

  “It’s so nice to finally be able to step away from the family business, now that the board is running it so efficiently. I’d much rather be spending my time surrounded by stories and fellow booklovers.”

  “Oh!” I look quizzically at Jackson. “I didn’t realize your family ran a company. Jackson has never mentioned it. My family lives for our business and sometimes I wonder if my brothers even go home at night.” Maybe he would understand my world. I never considered that he might have something in common with me.

  “Mom,” Jackson gives his mother a warning glance. “You and I agreed we wouldn’t talk about the business tonight, remember? We’re here so you two can get to know each other.”

  “We’re not talking business, Jackson, we’re talking about how life is too short to be stuck inside an office all day. Madeline, our family learned quickly that all the money you make is no good to you if you don’t have time to spend it. It’s people that are important.”

  “I’m a people person too,” I agree. “That’s why I chose a degree in marketing. I like interacting with people and learning what makes them tick. I think it’ll help when it’s time for me to get in the driver’s seat of our marketing campaign.” Peggy’s eyes shoot over to Jackson’s.

  “Well, I’m sure you made the right choice.” She shakes her head. “I just can’t believe how much you two already have in common.”

  As our meals are delivered, Jackson quickly changes the subject to how intense the past few weeks have been, trying to finish up the requirements for his business degree.

  As we ate our meal, Jackson’s mom mentions proudly, “He’s following in his father’s footsteps. Although, I think it’s just as important that he’s taking this time to follow his dream of being a professional football player. I’ve always told him there is plenty of time to take over the business. He should explore what he’s good at and what he loves.” He smiles gratefully at her, looking genuinely at peace with that plan. The conversation quiets as we finish our meals.

  When the waiter takes our plates and offers us the dessert menus, Jackson takes the opportunity to put his hand on my leg under the table. I become aware at once that he doesn’t care who sees him touching me. It’s so different with him.

  “Let me guess, rookie, you’re going to get the chocolate cake.” My cheeks flush and I shoot a look in his mother’s direction, but her face is hidden behind her menu.

  “Oh, I love chocolate cake, too,” she enthuses.

  When I glance back at Jackson he scrunches up his nose at the visual he must be imagining and I can’t help but giggle. When the waiter takes our order, Jackson puts his arm around my shoulder, pulling me against him in the booth. I’m worried his mother won’t approve, but she smiles at us warmly. I love the way her eyes light up when she sees Jackson smile.

  After dinner, we walk Peggy to her rental car and Jackson opens her door for her. During dessert, I learned she’s here to see a few of her old sorority sisters for a small reunion. I had wondered why Jackson wasn’t choosing to spend more time with her while she was in town, but she told me she likes to give him his space, and still needs her girl time. His mother kisses his cheek and gives him a big hug before moving on to me. When she pulls me in, I shut my eyes at the tenderness and immediately remember the way it felt to be engulfed in my mother’s embrace.

  “Take good care of my boy,” she says, kissing my cheek. “I’m trusting you to make sure he minds his manners. I didn’t spend all those years teaching him only to have him forget it all when he crossed the state line.” She sends Jackson a warning look but then quickly blows him a kiss. We watch as she gets in the car and drives away.

  Our walk to his truck is silent as I process how wonderful it feels to remember how it had felt to hug my mother. When we get into the truck and on the road, I mindlessly slide the star necklace back and forth across its chain. It’s been tucked into my shirt during dinner but now my fingers feel drawn to it.

  Jackson looks over from his side of the truck and studies my movements. “You never told me what you were running from the night you found that.” He peers in my direction, then moves his eyes back to the road.

  “My brothers aren’t just friends with Greg, they also work with him. They were worried I was going to hurt him and maybe mess things up for myself if I chose you. In my family’s circle, marriages are more about being a good team, with love coming second. Greg’s a respectable man with a great job and a promising future. To my brothers, he seems like the obvious answer. They trust him. Our breakup will be hard on everyone. Our families are so close now and it would be incredibly painful to watch that fall away.”

  “Breakups are hard. There is no way to get out of a relationship without experiencing some pain. But that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t do it. I’ll take these three weeks if that’s all I get, but it kills me to think that you’ll marry him and live your life unhappily just to spare everyone the mess of a breakup.”

  “That’s the problem, Jackson. I don’t know what makes a good marriage. I do love him and I care about his happiness. I just don’t feel drawn to him like I do to you. I don’t get butterflies when he’s around. I know it sounds crazy, but when you’re with me it’s like the air around us becomes charged. Nothing that feels this good can last forever.” I let go of the star and let it fall beneath my collar again.

  “There are many ways to love someone. You’ve been together for a while. But if you were in love with him, you wouldn’t be here with me now. Maddy, I don’t know if this feeling lasts forever. All I know is that I feel it, too. I don’t know how you’re going to walk away from this at the end of our time, because the thought of you leaving causes panic in me.”

  “My feelings about you have changed things. It’s almost as if I was going through my life unaware of what I was missing, and then someone shined a light down another path as if to say, ‘Don’t miss this part over here.’ I always saw my future clearly. I’d get my degree, start working, and then get married. If I hadn’t met Greg, I might not have even considered settling down at all, but he’s a good guy. It works between us. Maybe it’s not super exciting all the time, but there’s security in knowing you have the same goals and want what’s best for each other. There’s security in knowing where my life path is going.”

  Jackson pulls into my parking lot and shuts the engine off. He runs his fingers through his hair and thinks for a minute. “Maddy, no one knows what’s at the end of any path. My mother married my father when they were just out of high school. He was dead before I turned five. Do you think she would change her decision if she knew where the path with him was going to end? Do you think your father would have chosen differently knowing that his path with your mother would end so soon? It is never about the end—it’s about the time you spend together on the way to it. I can’t tell you where our path would end because no one honestly can, but I can tell you that I want to walk beside you every day.”

  “It may seem like I’m just following what my family tells me, but I promise you I’m not. They’re a big part of me, so I will pay attention to how my decisions affect their lives, but I’m also thinking about what will make me happy in the long run. I have to tease out what my goals are and what theirs are. I have feelings for you, Jackson, but I need to make sure this is what I really want.”

  It’s quiet for a minute inside the truck and then Jackson opens his door and walks around to my side to let me out. “Good night, rookie,” he says softly, and then lifts the corners of his mouth in a small smile that falls instantly. He turns and walks away, each step taking a small piece of my heart.

  “Jackson,” I say, loud enough that he stops his retreat and turns back to me. “I’d like to spend more time with you. Just the two of us so I can learn more about you. Would
you stay the night?”

  Chapter Twelve

  My creepy new hobby is watching Jackson as he sleeps. I love drifting off with his warmth all around me, but in the morning I wiggle out of his arms so I can watch him; the peaceful look on his face puts my heart at ease. I want to choose him. Every day when I wake up, I reach for him and each night before I go to sleep he’s the last thing I think about. He consumes me, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

  Tonight is the last home game of the season, and the first football game I’ll ever attend. Jackson has arranged special seats for Abby, Kyle, and me. I’m hoping Abby and Kyle can forget their troubles and enjoy the evening. Leaving my bedroom each morning is like walking into a funeral—the mood is so heavy and the overwhelming need to break down is almost contagious. Abby and I haven’t spoken about Kyle’s job opportunity yet, but today we plan to skip our classes and have a girls’ day before the big game.

  I trace a line across Jackson’s brow and down his cheek because I just need to touch him. His eyes flutter open and he smiles when he sees my face. He tucks his arm under me and pulls me to him so my head is resting on his chest. I feel completely at peace.

  “What are your big plans for today, rookie?” he asks, his voice heavy with sleep.

  “Abby and I are getting our nails done and then we are going to grab some lunch. What time do we need to be at the stadium?”

  “The kickoff is at five, so be there before four thirty to make sure you can get to your seats in time. Remember to go to the special gate I showed you yesterday so that you can get into the section I saved for you.”

  I nod against his chest and wrap my arm around him.

  Abby is no longer surprised when Jackson emerges from my room in the mornings. It happens more days than it doesn’t. He has blended well into our morning routine, making coffee for everyone and clicking on the sports news for himself and Kyle. Kyle is here now more than ever. Abby and Kyle have been together for three years and there’s a possibility that they won’t be able to come to an agreement and stay together.