by Sarah White
Abby and Kyle make their way back over to me and he has talked to them or at least texted them, because they don’t ask where he is. We sit in the row of plastic chairs in silence until we’re called for boarding. I pretend I’m not looking for Jackson, like it doesn’t matter if he is still coming with us or not. Abby and Kyle find their seats and I continue on to mine, three rows back. When I’m seated by the window, I look up and see Abby turned to face me over the seats. She puts her hand over her heart and mouths the words, “I’m sorry.” Then she slinks back down next to Kyle.
The steady stream of passengers has slowed to a trickle and the front door shuts. I look up to watch as the last passenger finds his seat. Jackson makes his way down the aisle, his eyes bloodshot, his ticket in his hand. When he reaches my row, he sits down next to me and leans his head back. I can smell alcohol on his breath and I know immediately where he’s been since he walked away.
We say nothing to each other as the plane taxis down the runway and only when we begin to take off does he put his hand on top of mine. I don’t look at him because I won’t be able to take it. I sit in my seat with his hand on mine, too weak to move. When the flight attendant comes by to take drink orders, Jackson hands her his card and orders a whiskey and cola. I surprise myself by asking for the same.
It’s only a one-hour flight to Las Vegas and we haven’t moved our hands since Jackson joined them. As we begin our descent, I turn to face him.
“Jackson, why doesn’t everyone know you’re part of the Rider family that owns the hotels?”
He nods as if he was expecting that question or gets asked it a lot. “My family looks at things differently than yours does, rookie. Hotels are what we do, not who we are. My mom has always taught me to be everything else first.”
Sadness creeps into his eyes.
He clears his throat. “Do you love Greg, Maddy?” Before I can answer, he leans closer and whispers, “Not love him like a friend, but like a lover. Does he light you up the way I can? Does he know the real you? Do you find yourself holding back like I have to when I’m around you, because every cell in my body wants to claim you? Do you?” Our faces are only inches apart now and the desire I have always felt for Jackson begins to surge through me. His touch grows warmer as he looks into my eyes, waiting for my response.
“No, I don’t love him like I love you. We broke up a month ago.” I see the surprise in his face and wait for him to say something.
“Did you… did you sleep with him? Just tell me—I have to know. It was all I could think about after seeing him kiss you at the airport that day.” I close my eyes and breathe in his scent.
“No, Jackson. Only you.” I feel his face against mine as he presses his lips to me.
His hand wraps around my head and gathers me to him. I think about pushing him away, but I can’t, and instead I open my mouth to invite him in. The kiss is tender but hot, intensified by every minute of our time apart.
The announcement is made over the speaker that we are landing, and Jackson breaks our kiss and grabs my hand, entwining our fingers together.
When I look down at our hands he says softly, “Just for this weekend, Maddy. Let me say goodbye to you forever in the few hours I have left with you.” I squeeze his hand in mine and rest my head on his shoulder as we reach our destination.
I want to forgive him for keeping something so big from me, but it’s taken time for me to climb out of the darkness and focus on putting my life together the way I want it. I’ve started looking into master’s programs and I’ve spoken with my family about my plans to travel this summer to get more experience in our business. If I get wrapped up in Jackson again, I might veer off my path.
Chapter Seventeen
My hand is surrounded by the warmth of Jackson’s as he walks beside me through the Las Vegas airport. Abby and Kyle walk in front of us as we exit into the brisk winter weather in the desert. We find a small four-door taxi, and Jackson lets my hand go for the first time since the airplane so Abby and Kyle can stay together in the back seat.
Jackson must have pulled a few strings, because when we pull up to our hotel I can see that it belongs to the Rider chain. It surprises me how similar our family hotels are, from the employees to the interior design. Once we unload our bags from the trunk, he puts his hand out for mine and I give it up easily. Abby checks us in and we take the elevator up to the floor where Jackson and I will be staying. Abby and Kyle will be in the honeymoon suite a few floors up. Jackson and I step out of the elevator and Abby hands us a room key, waving goodbye with just her fingers.
“Abby, where’s the other key?” I ask as the doors begin to close.
“Sorry, love, we only got two rooms. See you downstairs in an hour—wear the dress I’m having sent to your room!” The doors close and I look over to Jackson, but he just shrugs. These next twenty-four hours are going to be interesting.
Jackson picks up my bags and we find our room number. He opens the door to a beautiful suite that overlooks the strip. There’s a living area and a bedroom, which houses a sunken Jacuzzi tub and a king-size four-poster bed.
Jackson chuckles. “I can sleep on the couch, rookie.” He puts our bags down and comes to stand before me.
“Even through all of the shit that has happened in the past few weeks, you still look beautiful.” He tucks my hair behind my ear and then grabs my waist and pulls me close to him.
I tip my head up and let my mouth meet his. It feels so good to be with him again that I get lost in the moment, forgetting the sorrow I’ve been carrying.
He backs me up until my calves are resting against the bed and then he lifts me up onto the coverlet. I slide back, inviting him to join me. His mouth trails kisses down my neck and I wrap my legs around him as he lays his body on mine. I can feel his need as mine builds.
It takes a few seconds to become aware of a knocking at the door, and Jackson curses and jumps off of me, taking in deep breaths. I’m in better shape to answer the knock, so I open the door to find a hotel attendant with two garment bags. I suspect that my flushed face and heavy breathing are giving me away, but he pretends not to notice as he carries the items into the room.
Abby has picked out a short black sequined cocktail dress with thin straps and an amazing pair of black heels for me to wear. I’m very impressed with how quickly she and Kyle have put this together. As much as I want to push Jackson back onto the bed, I realize it’s time to get ready, so I hang my dress on a hook in the bathroom and start unpacking my makeup bag. Jackson follows me into the bathroom and puts his toiletry bag down next to mine.
I stand in front of the mirror next to Jackson, putting my makeup on as he lathers his face and shaves. It feels so domesticated and comfortable it’s easy to forget we’re not together. When Jackson leaves the bathroom to get dressed, I lock the door and slink into the beautiful dress. It fits like a glove. I twist some of my hair and pin it up, letting the rest fall down my back. I take a few minutes to apply some lip gloss and a little perfume before stepping back out into the room.
Jackson takes my breath away as he stands in front of the mirror, fumbling with his tie. Abby has chosen a contemporary tuxedo for him—a black three-piece suit with a silver necktie. The end of the tie should rest right inside the low-cut vest, but Jackson is having trouble getting it right. He abandons the effort as I make my way over to him, slowly looking me over from my head down to my shoes. He leans in and touches his mouth to my shoulder with a small kiss and an intake of air.
“You look amazing, Maddy. You smell amazing. Tonight is going to kill me.” His eyes are on me as I knot his tie for him.
When I’m finished, I brush off the front of his jacket and step back to look at him. “Jackson, that tux looks incredible on you.”
He smiles at me and reaches for my hand. He slips the key into his back pocket and opens the door for me, and we make our way to the elevator. There’s an older couple in the elevator with us and the woman smiles at me and tells us we are
a very handsome couple.
Jackson lets go of my hand and wraps his arm around my back. “I’m a lucky man,” he says, as we step out into the lobby.
*
The sight of Abby brings tears to my eyes. Her dress is an elegant floor-length off-white satin that hugs her curves. The bodice is lightly beaded with pearls and crystals and wraps around her neck in a halter style. She has spent the past hour getting tugged on and dolled up at the salon downstairs, and whatever pain she went through was worth it, because she’s the most beautiful bride I have ever seen.
It is starting to grow darker outside when we climb into the limo that is waiting for us out front. The first stop is a lengthy one at the courthouse as we wait in line with all of the other couples wanting to tie the knot. This is Vegas, after all. When we finally get back into the limo, Kyle pops open a bottle of champagne and passes us each a glass.
“To a happy future for Abby and me, with lots of love and practice making babies!” Abby slaps his arm and giggles as she clinks her glass against mine and downs it in one gulp. We all follow suit and soon the glasses are filled again.
This time Abby makes a toast. “To finally realizing that love can’t be left behind, no matter what our heads tell us.”
Jackson and I exchange glances and he takes my hand in his. I force myself to hold back the tears burning the backs of my eyes.
I could not be more proud to stand beside Abby and Kyle as they take their vows at the little chapel, and I can’t help but share a smile with Jackson as Kyle is told he can kiss the bride. My best friend finally has the forever she’s always wanted.
On the way back to our hotel, Kyle and Abby only have eyes for each other. My own heart picks up the pace as Jackson puts his hand on my leg and once again the electricity of his touch shoots through me. The limo pulls into the roundabout and Kyle swoops Abby up into his arms, joking about needing to carry her over the threshold.
Back in our own room, I stand in front of the mirror so I can take the bobby pins out of my hair. Jackson comes up behind me and takes over, allowing me a chance to watch him as he got to watch me earlier. I still love him with every piece of my heart. When the last pin is out, he brushes my hair to one side and runs his lips along my shoulder and neck.
I press my body back into his and tip my head so he can have better access. Jackson’s hands grip my waist and then begin to slide upward, stopping at the top of my zipper. Slowly, he slides the zipper down and then traces his fingers across my shoulders, hooking them under my straps and helping to free my arms. My dress falls to the floor, leaving me standing in just my underwear and heels.
Turning to Jackson, I grab the lapels of his jacket and pull him to me so my skin meets the fabric of his tux. His hands trace my curves and I arch into him, loving the way it feels to be with him. I slip my hands under his jacket and run them to the top of his shoulders before taking his jacket off. I can feel every line of his body through the vest and I loosen his tie and pull until it is free, dropping it next to my dress on the floor. His vest is next, and by the time I take his shirt off I’m practically melting into him. I ache for his touch and feel drunk off the high of being explored by his hands. I step out of my heels and he begins to guide me backward toward the bedroom. I giggle when he has to break our kiss to check behind me, the imperfection of the moment making our time together more real.
When I’m on the bed, he removes my panties and then unbuckles his belt and pants, allowing them to fall to the floor. While I watch, he removes his shoes and socks and strips his boxers down. It is just him and me now, no clothing between us.
Jackson climbs on top of me and gently kisses my lips. Pausing for a moment, he looks into my eyes. He’s holding back but I don’t push, afraid I’ll ruin the night. “I love you, Maddy. I would do anything not to have to let you go. I had hoped that this weekend might be our chance to put things back together, but I can’t help but acknowledge that this is goodbye, no matter how good we are together. With every kiss and every touch I can feel that you’re letting me go.”
I don’t have time to answer before his lips are on mine again and I run my hands over his skin, trying to memorize every piece of him. When I tip my hips up so he can make love to me he shakes his head no. “I didn’t bring anything. I never thought this trip would end like this.” He chastely kisses my lips and starts to roll to my side but I wrap my legs around him.
“Jackson, I trust you.” I watch as he considers what I’ve said, and then his lips find mine again and I can feel him at my entrance.
“Well, rookie, I guess you get one of my firsts, as well. I have never had sex without a condom.” I allow my legs to fall open and he guides himself inside me. I know not to run tonight, so I keep my eyes locked onto his, our stare only broken when he places kisses across my shoulder or runs his hands down my legs.
I surrender myself to him; I look into his eyes as mine grow heavy with lust and pleasure and see that he has all of his cards on the table and has surrendered himself to me, too. When the tightness builds and heats every inch of me, I arch my body up and Jackson slides his arms underneath me, embracing me as we unravel together. In the history of goodbyes, never has one brought such pleasure with such pain.
Chapter Eighteen
I lie awake all night cocooned by Jackson’s body. We’re due to meet Abby and Kyle in the lobby at ten o’clock, and when the morning arrives we dress in silence. Just after eight, Jackson tells me he is going to return our wedding attire, and I know it must be that he needs to put a little space between us. My phone is going crazy with texts from my brothers, checking to see what time I will be coming home. I have to wrestle myself away from Jackson’s bag to keep from stealing one of his shirts. It’s pathetic. I decide I should make a trip upstairs to have a look at the honeymoon suite.
Abby and Kyle decided to wait until this morning to let their families know they had eloped. They wanted to spend the night together free from distractions and tangled up in each other. Kyle answers my knock on their door and rolls his eyes as Abby squeals into the phone, looking the happiest I have ever seen her.
“Are you and Jackson almost ready to go?” Kyle asks. I nod yes and then try to smile, but fail. “You know, Maddy, you can just decide that love is enough. Throw all the other shit out the window and let yourself be happy. You asked me to share my answer with you so I will. When you truly love a person and believe their soul complements yours, then you find a way to make it work and accept whatever comes with it.”
I swipe at a tear, which races angrily down my face, and whisper a quick thank-you.
When I get back to the room, Jackson is lying on his back on the bed. He has packed our bags and set them by the door, so I thank him for that. We head down to the lobby to meet up with Abby and Kyle and find a taxi to take us to the airport.
On the flight home, Jackson doesn’t reach for my hand and I feel a sense of loss. After claiming our bags, Abby and Kyle leave to meet their taxi, on their way to see Abby’s family. Jackson stops me just before the exit and kisses my lips one last time.
“I know your family, rookie. One day they’ll see that I would never make you give up your dreams for mine. Last night, when we were vulnerable you told me that you trusted me. I would never take advantage of that. I hope you’ll realize you know me better than you think. Until then, please look after yourself and know that I still love you.” He smiles briefly, and then walks away from me, ripping my soul out as he goes. Once the door is shut, I realize I can’t just watch him leave. I try to stop his taxi, but it pulls away from the curb and gets lost in the airport traffic.
My father and my brothers are tied up in a business meeting, so I’ve asked my aunt to pick me up. When she pulls up to the curb, I’m a mess. I’m sobbing so hard the hiccups have started and I wipe at the tears with my sleeve. She says nothing as I get in the car and stays silent until we merge onto the freeway. I look at every taxi, but never find him.
“What’s going on, dea
r?” I can’t hold back any longer and I spill the details of the past two months of my life without pausing to let her speak. I tell her about the pressure I feel to make my family happy and how I felt so betrayed when Jackson withheld who his family was from me.
“He was right in the end, wasn’t he?” she asks.
“Ben? I know. I hate it,” I agree like a child.
“Not Ben,” Aunt Gwen says.
I turn so I’m looking at her.
“Jackson. He was right,” she tells me.
“What do you mean?” I ask, reaching for a tissue and wiping my eyes.
“Who his family is closed the door on you loving him. You were simply unwilling to give him a chance.” She says it so matter-of-factly as if it is a rule.
“No. That’s not the case.”
“So it didn’t have anything to do with who his family is?”
“Well,” I pause. “It did, but it doesn’t matter anymore.”
My aunt turns to me and arches an eyebrow. “So what stopped you?”
“I’m not used to going after what I want. It could be a disaster if we don’t work out and I wasn’t willing to take that risk.”
“It could be epic if you do.” She smiles.
“He wants what you want, Madeline. A chance to love and be loved without any of the family nonsense. Love doesn’t care what you do for a living. You either love him or you don’t. That’s it. That’s the big mystery and the only question that matters. The rest of it’s all noise. It’s all stuff that you can figure out later.”
We pull up outside my apartment. I know what I need to do. I hug my aunt and head upstairs in a daze. I broke Jackson’s heart.
