There was barely a moment that went by where I didn’t muddle over Khala’s offer. It was appealing on so many levels, but there was something holding me back. A part of me just wanted to change back so that I could be with Kaya again and be a father to my child, but I was afraid too much had happened between us. My feelings had changed, I still loved her, but it felt different. There was no trust, and I doubted there ever would be.
Even if I went through with it there was no telling whether she would accept me. How would she feel once I was forced to return to female form to allow Khala to reproduce? I don’t know if I could accept her rejection a second time.
Then there was Lily, what would she think? Our time together had been short, but I liked her. Frankly, she’d never given me a reason to distrust her and I wanted to see where things would go with her. Would she accept me as a man? Despite my very best attempts to reconcile so many of my conflicting emotions I could not come to any sort of decision.
In the end I kept silent and let myself stew over it. I wasn’t ready to voice my feelings… not yet. I needed to get a handle on my feelings before I came to a decision or voice any of my concerns to either Kaya or Becca. I wanted to make a decision with a cool head and at that moment my mind was anything, but cool.
On the twelfth night we had all gathered around a fire which Rayland had built in a small clearing within the forest. Kaya had been initially hesitant to allow this, but Rayland had shown us how to build it so that it would reduce smoke and disperse it so that it would be difficult to detect by say, a low-flying patrol ship. We hadn’t seen any in days, but it never hurt to be cautious. He dug a hole with secondary chimney which kept the smoke out of our faces as we prepared our meal.
Lily was sitting beside me and as always she was leaning against my shoulder. She loved to touch me and whenever we were around one another, which was nearly always, we were either holding hands or else she had her hands on me. I’d never been with anyone so handsy, but I really liked it. It made me feel close to her in ways that went beyond the physical which was a little strange if you thought about it.
“You know,” my sister said from across the fire a smile touching her lips. It was one of a handful of moments when I could see the old Becca shine through from within her shell. “I could spend the rest of my life here and be happy. I haven’t felt this at peace with myself since before you left, Lex.”
It had taken a while, but my sister was finally stopped slipping up and calling me by my old nickname. Farris was sitting next to her, and although he was being his usual stoic self, there was something about the way he kept looking at my sister that really made my blood boil. If Farris’s intentions were what I thought they were the two of us were going to have to have a little talk, the sooner the better.
“It is rather idyllic, isn’t it?” Rayland grinned leaning over the pot of stew and stirring it with the wooden spoon he’d carved from a fallen tree branch. “Of course, I’m rather partial to the wilderness of British Columbia.”
Kaya snorted and looked up from her phase pistol, which she was in the process of cleaning. “Idyllic? The damn weather here is enough to drive a person insane. It hasn’t even been two weeks and we’ve seen enough rain to last me a damn lifetime.”
Rayland chuckled and removed the spoon from the pot. “Which begs the question how much longer before we leave? Surely you don’t intend to stay the winter.”
Kaya pursed her lips and picked up the power-cell from her pile of pistol parts. “The doctor and I have been monitoring comm traffic. The search does seem to have lost its momentum so it shouldn’t be too much longer.”
Becca frowned and let out a long sigh. “I knew we’d have to leave eventually, but I’m not sure I’m ready. You guys are all used to fighting the gray skins, but I don’t think I have the nerves for it.”
“We need you, even if you don’t like it.” Kaya scowled staring daggers at my sister. “You’re the only one that can use the damn key.”
“I’ll do my best, it’s just I don’t know how to be brave like you guys,” she simpered fighting down a wave of tears.
“A lot of people think bravery is all about being fearless. The only people who are without fear are complete loons. Bravery is being so scared that you don’t want to do anything but crawl into a hole, but instead you grit your teeth and do what you know needs to be done,” Farris said placing a hand on my sister’s shoulder.
Becca blushed and smiled at him. “I-I’ll try.”
Though, I was suspicious of Farris, I was still floored when my sister pecked him on the lips. ‘Yes,’ I thought to myself. ‘Farris and I are going to have a little chat.’
‘How sweet,’ Khala chimed in, her voice taking on a very tender tone.
‘No one asked you,’ I thought back at her and scowled as Becca and Farris shared another kiss, this one lasting just a little longer than the first.
I’m not sure what I would have done had the doctor not chosen that moment to show up, but I doubt it would have been very pleasant for Farris. Lily and the others did seem surprised by the sudden show of affection, but I think I was the one who was disturbed by it.
Vakrexid plopped down next to the fire between me and Rayland and shuddered as he hovered over the cooking pot. “Vakrexid was not able to find any more berries.”
“That’s alright doc,” Rayland grinned. “The soup will be more than sufficient and as it so happens, your timing is impeccable it looks like our meal is ready.”
Rayland started dishing out the soup and we passed the bowls around the circle as they became available. Every time I looked at Farris and my sister huddled close to each other I couldn’t help but glower at them. The others must have picked up on my mood because we ate a quiet meal empty of discussion.
Kaya was the first to finish. She threw her bowl to the ground and rose to her feet. “I’ve come to a decision. We leave in three days.”
She stopped long enough to retrieve her dish then retreated down the trail back to the ship and the others didn’t take long to follow until Lily and I were the only ones left. We lingered only a few moments, before we too made our way back to the ship hand-in hand.
Even our love-making was not enough dispel the image of Farris and Becca kissing and once Lily had drifted off to sleep I remained awake with that awful image playing inside my head over and over again.
Chapter Seven
“Hey!” I called down the hallway as Farris disappeared down an adjoining section.
He stopped and leaned around the bend giving me time to catch up. I’d been watching him and my sister for the last few days. Although he’d been pretty well behaved around her, I was afraid he might revert to his bullying ways. I knew, I wasn’t exactly being reasonable, but I couldn’t help it! My sister had been through a lot and I didn’t want that bastard manhandling her.
“What up?” he asked. “You know Kaya wants us on the bridge, don’t you?”
“This will only take a minute,” I narrowed me eyes and forced my hand against his chest pinning him against the wall.
“I can’t help but notice that you are getting pretty cozy with my sister.” I scowled and gripped my free hand around his throat. I didn’t clamp down hard enough to choke him, but with my superior strength it wasn’t like he’d do anything if I did. “I’m sure I don’t need to tell you what I will do to you if you hurt Becca.”
“No,” he coughed his hands coming up in a futile effort to tear mine free from around his throat. “I think you’re making it pretty clear.”
“Good.” I released him and moved away then turned back just before I came to the door into the bridge. “If you hurt her, I will kill you.”
‘Was that really necessary?’ Khala asked as Farris stepped into the room behind me.
I didn’t answer, but instead elected to take the pilot’s seat and started prepping the engine for takeoff.
“Something wrong?” Kaya asked glancing at first me and then Farris who was rubbing at his
neck and glowering at me.
“It’s fine!” Farris snapped.
Kaya shrugged and rolled her eyes then glanced back at me. “How long ’til the ship’s ready?”
“Ten, maybe fifteen minutes, I could do it in a lot less time if you don’t mind skipping power and engine checks,” I replied scrolling my hands across the control panel. It felt good being behind the figurative wheel of a ship again even if it was our little bucket of bolts.
“No, this thing’s been pretty reliable so far. Let’s not push it for the sake of convenience. We can wait,” Kaya replied then craned her neck and glanced back at the door. “Shit, where the hell is everybody? You’d think with a ship this fucking small it wouldn’t take them so long to get to the damn bridge.”
I chuckled and shook my head. Kaya’s mouth always seemed to get fouler whenever she was anxious. I was pretty nervous myself; our mission was easily the most important one we’d undertaken since I’d joined the resistance. I knew it was possible we might not encounter any gray skins on our little outing; my gut told me we weren’t going to be that lucky. For better or for worse, there wasn’t any turning back and I think everyone knew it.
“So this is rather momentous day, isn’t it?” Rayland stepped through the doorway then moved to the side allowing Becca to enter behind him.
The doctor appeared next and I had to do a double take when I realized he was wearing combat boots and a plain white shirt accompanied by camouflage pants and a matching jacket. I was so accustomed to him wearing the same outfit all the time that was a little strange seeing him wear something so different. I would have thought he’d look ridiculous wearing such a getup, but it actually had the opposite effect and served to make him seem much more imposing. The only weapon he carried was a tangler, a projectile weapon that shot a disabling web of non-lethal goop. It was more than likely the same one Lily had pointed out to more than a week ago and was just the sort of weapon I would expect the doctor to use. From what Lily had told me the cartridges it required were only good for three shots, but fortunately, it appeared Vakrexid had enough of them strapped to his bandoleer to last ten times that many firings.
Lily was the last to appear and she stepped inside the bridge holding a simple paper wrapped package. “Sorry, I was almost finished when Kaya called us up.”
She held the package out to me, with an expectant smile. “I-I was going to wait for your birthday, in a couple weeks, but I thought you might need it.”
I had vague memories of unwrapping presents from before the invasion, but the only gifts I’d ever received afterward had been from Becca and they’d always come unwrapped. Lily had obviously put a lot of thought into preparing it and I didn’t want to rush it. I slowly unwrapped the box and opened it to reveal a pair of phase pistols which were swaddled in cloth. I pulled one out and when I gripped it in my hand I was a little surprised to realize that it perfectly fit the contours of my hand.
They weren’t like any phase pistols I’d ever seen; for starters they gleamed and showed absolutely no signs of wear or tear. They resembled the human-made weapons I’d used, but they differed in one very noticeable way, on the side there was a slot for a Qharr made power-cell. I turned the weapon over and found in the usual place at the bottom of the handle a slot for a human-made one. The weapons were made from brushed steel and had the words ‘To Alexana with love’ etched across either barrel. The handles had been carved from polished wood and the grips were soft supple leather. “Lily, I don’t know what to say. These are beautiful how did you find the time to make them?”
“Well, I actually used components I already had for everything but the grips. I polished and brushed the metal to make it look new and as for the handle… I carved that myself, but Rayland and Dyssa had to help with the leather.”
“Dyssa?”
“She gave me the measurements for your hands. Apparently she was able to figure it out after you touched me. Don’t ask me how the last time she tried to explain it to me it gave me a headache. I actually kind of started working on them before we got together. I thought I might be able to get your attention if I made you something nice. I hid them on the Phoenix before the Qharr attacked the base and I was able to save them from the wreckage after we crashed.” She admitted glancing back down at the box and pulling free a well-used and a ratty looking double shoulder holster. “I wanted to make you something to carry them, but I didn’t have time. Fortunately, this thing was in Mara’s supply cache so at least you’ll have something to holster them in until I can make you a better one.”
“Thank you,” I muttered then shared a brief kiss with her before I heard Kaya clear her throat. I glanced at her remembering that before Lily entered I’d been working on the pre-flight procedures. Kaya seemed to be in an unusually foul mood so I elected not to push the matter and returned to prepping the ship.
“May I have a look?” Rayland asked leaning over the railing behind Lily and I.
“Knock yourself out,” I muttered absently tapping the control which would begin the process of starting the engines up. The diagnostics had all turned out fine and since most of the process was automated it didn’t require too much attention from me.
I turned back to Rayland and watched him turn one of the guns over and over in his hand. “Beautiful work Lily, you should be proud. The engraving is a nice touch,” he muttered handing the pistol out for her to take.
“Yeah, they look nice,” Becca agreed hovering over the railing making an obvious effort to seem interested. I knew my sister, and while I’m sure she could appreciate the meaning behind the gift, I very much doubted she’d ever be able to appreciate the guns themselves.
“Matt you should come look at these!” she added waving for him to come over. Farris stared across the control room and for a moment his eyes lingered on me. He didn’t look angry, just conflicted and a little bit put out.
“Come here,” My sister repeated and Farris finally complied reluctantly shuffling over to stand next to Becca. He placed his hand on my sister’s shoulder and glared at me defiantly as if daring me to say something.
He held his hand out and Lily slipped the gun into his open palm. For a moment he looked ready to chuck it at me, but then his face softened and started to turn it over in his hands with the same reverent and gentle touch that Rayland had given it.
“Very nice, Lily, you put a lot of thought into this. Lexa doesn’t know how lucky she is,” he said throwing me a meaningful look before wrapping his arm around Becca and pulling her close.
“Yeah, thanks again, Lily, you never know when I might need to shoot someone,” I smiled then snatching the pistol from his hands. I gritted my teeth and fought down the urge to act on my implied threat.
A brief moment later the ship came to life, the engines coming on with the usual loud whirring hum. I turned back to the console and pursed my lips. “Lily, could you take over?”
“Sure.” She beamed at me and slid her hands across the console, poising them to take control from me and promptly did so when I rose to grab the holster from its resting place. With Becca’s help I was able to get it adjusted and sized so that it fit reasonably well. The guns hung against my side just a few centimeters below my breasts. The unfamiliar weight wasn’t very comfortable, but I was sure I’d be able to grow accustomed to it. I used the buttons to snap the pistols in place. They weren’t exactly tight, but it was more than sufficient to keep them in place.
“Course set for the nearest communications array,” Lily said.
“Uh, Kaya,” Lily added when the other woman failed to respond.
Kaya still didn’t answer and instead she stormed out of the control room without saying a single word. I followed her out and once I caught up with her placed a hand on my former lover’s shoulder who jumped and spun around to face me. Her lips were trembling and a few tears had started to form the corner of her eyes.
“I-I’m sorry,” she bit her lip and wiped the tears from her eyes, “God, I’m a nervous w
reck and this damn pregnancy isn’t helping! Lex, I-I need you to take command I don’t think I can be trusted to make any more important decisions.”
“Kai,” I said with a shake of my head completely taken aback. “I can’t lead, we need you. I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.”
“No!” she protested gritting her teeth and jumping to her feet to look me in the eyes.
“Then someone else–”
“NO!” she screamed. “Who the fuck else could it be? Lily, who is just barely coming out of her shell? Or maybe, Farris? Can you honestly say you’d follow him into battle!? How about the doctor? He’d be great if you could get him to shut up about all the fucking things he likes to juice! Oh, and let’s not forget your sister who’s afraid of her own shadow and of course Mr. Smiles… because his upbeat attitude will just make everything better!”
“Well no, bu–”
“But nothing! It has to be you! You’re the only one who can keep a cool head and do what needs to be done!”
“Oh, Kaya–” I took a step forward and she shrunk away from me as if I were some disease ridden rat.
“Don’t touch me!” She screamed then closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Please, I need you to do this. It has to be you.”
“Okay, Kai,” I conceded taking a step back and placing my hands on my hips. “Why don’t you go lay down for a little bit? We can call you back up when we’re almost there.”
“I-I think I will,” she glance toward the control center turned bright red then stormed away without matching gazes with me.
I hesitated then returned to the bridge and immediately came face to face with Farris.
“Jeez the fucking Louise! Any idea what’s up with her?” Farris said craning his neck to glance back at the door.
Battle For Earth Page 33
