Instead, she wrapped her arms around him and returned the attention...the affection.
Nina let herself truly touch another person.
She let James past her walls to touch her.
She allowed herself to feel what other people talked about and it shook her to her core.
Tightening her hold, she hushed the warnings in the back of her head and let herself drown in what he offered.
For just a little while.
Chapter Nine
Breaking the kiss, James stared down at her. Nina had never felt so exposed, so vulnerable.
“One day, years from now, you’re going to think back on this moment. You’re going to realize it was the moment you knew - despite your self-preservation instincts and need to insulate yourself from the world - that you were going to fall in love with me, Nina.” Her eyes felt enormous in her face. “I’m no fool. I know you’re going to fight me every goddamn step of the way...and that’s alright.”
“I won’t. I won’t let myself love you or anyone. I can’t, James.”
He put his hand over her heart and she had no doubt he could feel how fast it raced. “I fight for what I want. I don’t mind losing some blood if the situation calls for it. You might piss me off but you won’t scare me off. That’s the man I am, Nina. That’s the man who’s coming for you.”
“You-you…”
“Try and tell me I don’t know you. That lie will fall as flat as the other lies you’re going to tell yourself in the next days, months, years...until you accept that no one has ever known you better. I might not believe in all that destiny bullshit but I know when puzzle pieces fit. We fit.”
“You’ll end up hating me. You will.”
He pressed his palm more firmly to her chest and whispered, “This is going to be mine, Nina. I’ve never said such a thing to a woman before because I’ve never felt it...but I damn sure feel it now.”
Leaning closer, he murmured, “I can see the fight or flight look in your eyes. I know you’re gonna run. You’ll put miles between us and maybe you’ll fuck some randoms to tell yourself you have control, that you’re immune.”
James smiled. “I’ll leave my imprint...make sure you remember the way I feel on you, in you, around you. That way, when the ache gets too bad and no one else can ease it...you’ll know where to get what you need.”
Then he took her hand and led her into his bathroom where she took her second shower of the evening. He didn’t talk and she had no idea what to say.
No one had ever tried to claim her before. Men wanted to own her, to possess her, to watch her suck their cocks. They knew better than to fall in love with the kind of woman she was.
Did James love her?
It was impossible. They’d known each other less than a day.
She washed her body, zoned out, and watched him do the same with an efficiency she’d observed in military men and first responders.
Raking his hands through his wet hair, he leveled his gaze on her and said, “You’re thinking deep thoughts, Nina. It’s not time for that just yet. Let’s simplify.”
He picked Nina up and carried her out of the bathroom soaking wet. Tossing her across his bed, he slipped over her skin as his hands held her still for his attention.
Gasping as his lips settled over her nipple, he released it with a soft pop and stared at her. “You took everything I had. Emptied me out to a point I honestly didn’t know was possible until tonight. I’m going to need time to recover and I like to stay busy.” Flicking the tip with his tongue, he winked. “Chicken. Don’t forget your safe word.”
Then James crawled slowly over her body, spending time on parts no man had ever been remotely interested in exploring. Her elbows, knees, and ankles were licked, massaged, and kissed. He rubbed his stubbled cheek on the inside of her wrist and trailed his fingertip over the shape of her collarbone.
For some reason, his devotion to the non-erogenous zones heightened the experience, turned Nina on differently, and made her pant softly.
When he finally settled his shoulders between her thighs, she was relaxed, uncommonly happy, and present.
Raking her fingers through his hair, she whispered, “You should have been a therapist.”
“Uh.” Spreading her folds with his fingers, he suckled her clit as if it was an old friend. “I couldn’t touch you if you were my patient. That would be wrong.” His eyes met hers up the length of her torso. “Though...that might be fun to play if you ever had an interest.”
Sighing, she told him, “James, you’re a wicked man.”
Staring at her as he lapped lazily over her most sensitive flesh, he smiled. “You’re an actress and I’m trained to be stoic. Could be fun.”
There was no more talking as he focused on wringing pleasure from her as she begged to be fucked.
The first time she came normally. The second was the new and improved orgasm that would take some getting used to.
Limp against the mattress, she stared up at the ceiling but couldn’t really focus on it. Distantly, she heard a condom wrapper but couldn’t move to look.
James appeared above her with a grin. “Seeing you like this makes me feel pretty fucking smug, Nina. Let’s test the envelope, sweetheart.”
Pushing inside her, James listened to her moan as her body arched from the bed reflexively. She wanted to touch him but couldn’t lift her arms. She wanted to speak but the words wouldn’t come.
When their bodies were sealed snugly to each other, James sat back on his heels and supported her ass on the tops of his thighs.
“Look at you. Wide open and taking all of me. Mm. You look delicious. My mouth is watering. Once I fuck you through this bed, I’m going to eat you again.” He licked his fingertips and settled them over her clit. “Your pretty pussy is my new favorite treat.”
Breathing hard, she watched his body flex as he started to move. Built big, thick, and strong, his strokes were surprisingly gentle. He gave her time to adjust to his width and length. Playing with her clit, he kept things slow and easy until she came around him.
Then James showed her how he really liked to fuck.
Holding her hips in his hands, he drove himself as deep into her body as he could get. Every thrust was fast, strong, bordering on brutal.
Men never fucked a woman built like Nina as hard as she needed it. They handled her as if she was delicate, breakable.
Even Isaiah had been cautious about leaving bruises on her flesh or taking her too roughly. Alone, she tried to get what she really craved but it was impossible.
James possessed what she’d chased for years. He gave her the kind of fucking that held an edge of pain, that took her to the brink of what she could handle, that drowned out everything in the world - past and present - with near-violent pleasure.
Staring into his eyes, she nodded. “Yes. More.”
Holding her knees in the bends of his elbows, James gave her what she wanted without a discussion about her safety. Her clear requests of former lovers had fallen on deaf ears - as if she was too fragile to understand the risk or too stupid to know when to say when.
James fucked her body with the sort of power a man like him spent a lifetime perfecting.
Smiling, he said, “That’s what I thought, Nina.”
She clenched her teeth to keep from slamming them together with every forceful thrust he delivered. He held her limp body like a rag doll and seemed determined to fuck her literally through the mattress.
Every full-body impact, every slap of flesh meeting flesh, every time his cock found the deepest place inside her before pulling back to drive to her core again...made her want more.
He released one leg and licked his fingertips. Placing them over her clit again, he made tight little circles that threatened to drive her out of her skin.
“Let’s see if my cock is enough to make you soak me…”
Gripping the linens, her head thrashed from side to side. “Don’t stop! Please don’t stop!”
&
nbsp; “Give it to me, Nina. Give it to me.”
Then she came all over him and James fucked her through it, throwing his head back as he joined her.
Still moving, still playing with her, he growled at the ceiling, “Fucking yes…a goddamn dream fuck with the woman I’m going to make mine.” Lowering his gaze, he smiled at her. His voice was low, dangerous. “Nina. I’m going to clean us up and let you rest. Then I’m going to fuck you again so you can’t convince yourself that it didn’t happen. If you’re still here when the sun comes up, I’m going to do it again. Hydrate, sweetheart.”
“I-I…” Words wouldn’t come.
“Chicken?” She shook her head slowly and he winked. “I thought not. Come here.” He lifted her, held her on his spread thighs, and shoved her hair over her shoulders. “That was the best fuck of my entire life, Nina.”
“Mine, too,” she admitted softly.
“Stick around for more.” She didn’t answer and he kissed her. “Or run and come on back when you need another hit.” Unable to lift her arms, she nuzzled his jaw with her cheek. He hugged her close. “I understand more than you think.”
Inside, Nina’s heart quaked for the unusually perceptive man who held her, petted her skin, murmured gentle words no one had ever said in a way that made her believe them.
There was no doubt in her mind that she needed to get as far away from James as possible.
After another demonstration of his cock pounding into her body.
Chapter Ten
Before dawn, Nina crept from James’ bed, pulled her dress over her head, and carried her heels into the hall. She wasn’t a fool and didn’t underestimate the man for a single moment.
He wasn’t asleep.
The fact that he gave her the freedom to leave when he could have easily stopped her, tempted her back to bed, and taken her until she was too weak to resist, heaped more confusion on top of what she already felt.
At the base of the stairs, a good-looking suited man inclined his head and smiled at her politely.
“Miss Adams, good morning. My name is Trey. Mr. Statton ordered me to see that you reach your destination safely. Shall we stop to retrieve your luggage at the bungalow?”
“I…” Her insides were in chaos. Giving herself a sharp mental slap, she nodded. “Yes, please. I-I need to leave a note for my friends.”
“Of course, ma’am. Take your time. You have a first-class ticket waiting at the airport but we have plenty of time to make your flight.”
He escorted her to an SUV and held the door while she got in. Taking an access road around the property, he entered the cluster of bungalows from the opposite direction and parked in front of the one assigned to her.
“A moment, ma’am.” Trey came around and opened the door.
“Thank you. Give me fifteen minutes.”
He nodded and went to military parade rest beside the SUV.
Racing inside, she quickly showered and put on leggings, a t-shirt, and running shoes. Coiling her hair at the base of her neck, she found stationery in the small desk and wrote a note to Rowan first.
It was wonderful to see you again, Rowan. You’re glowing with love and happiness. I’m sorry I couldn’t stay longer but I need to get back to the theater. If you need me, I’ve put my phone number and email address at the bottom. Thank you for being mature and gracious. It shouldn’t surprise me. You were the same at twelve. I’ve missed you...perhaps we can make a careful fresh start. I’ll leave that up to you. ~ Nina
To Miss Jeffries, her words were far more honest.
After twenty-five years of leaving men broken and bleeding in my wake, I’ve happened upon one that will set fire to me if I let him. I can’t stay here another minute. Even now, my resolve to go is weakening. I’ll call you next week at the usual time. Please tell Gage it was good to see him and I’m glad that awkwardness is behind us. Love you. ~ Nina
Shaking, she tapped the pen against a fresh piece of paper. Starting and stopping several times, she felt anxious on the inside. Finally, she decided to tell the truth.
James, thank you for the best night of my life. I have to leave. I can’t risk spending more time in your presence. You may have things all figured out but I’m far less confident in your predictions. This would never work. I know that even if you don’t. ~ Nina
PS: I briefly considered seducing young Trey but couldn’t be bothered. I’ve never been as exhausted as I am now. I’ll hunt when I get back to New York because I have to. It’s the only thing that keeps me breathing.
Putting each letter in an envelope, she wrote names on the fronts and grabbed her suitcase. Outside, handing her bag and two of the letters to Trey, she left the one for Miss Jeffries tucked in the door jamb of her bungalow.
Gage stepped out on his porch. Hands on his hips, he asked, “Nina. You runnin’?”
“Hell, yes. See you around, Gage.”
“Hope you know what you’re doin’. Later, Nina.”
Trey closed her in the back of the SUV and Nina slipped sunglasses over her eyes while she tried to pretend her entire body wasn’t trembling.
An hour later, she was waiting to board her flight when her cell vibrated. She knew it was from James, even though the number wasn’t programmed into her personal phone, because there was only one word...
Chicken.
She walked up the boarding ramp as her legs shook and her mind felt split in two. By the time she took her seat, tears fell steadily into her lap.
“Oh, honey. You leavin’ somebody behind you love?”
“I need two whiskey and sodas. Make them both doubles.”
“Uh…”
“Yes. I’m leaving behind someone I love...his dying wife just made a full recovery. Please help me before I shatter into a million pieces. Two whiskey and sodas.”
“Oh, dear! Oh, you poor thing. Give me just a minute.”
Leaning her head back, Nina closed her eyes and started to count. She counted every minute to New York.
Every minute to her apartment.
Every minute to midnight that marked the end of the longest day she’d had in a long time.
The next morning, she got up and counted again.
* * *
“Nina darling, you’ve spent three sessions staring at nothing without a word. Tell me what’s happening. Perhaps I can help if you let me.” Kelley sat in her usual chair, her hands holding a fresh cup of tea. She took a sip. “You know I’ll sit with you as long as it takes but...there’s a strange vibration in you that I’ve never seen before.”
“I can’t fuck, Kelley.”
Her therapist’s eyes widened. “That’s...different.”
“I’ve had seven failed attempts in the six weeks since I got back from Texas. Seven, Kelley. I want to vomit the moment I touch a man skin to skin.”
Tilting her head, the woman asked carefully, “Darling...you haven’t told me what happened in Texas. Could it be trauma? Facing one of your greatest regrets?”
“No.” Nina twisted her fingers together, staring at them. “No, it isn’t that. Rowan was wonderful. It-it was unusual at first but that part was so much easier than I imagined.” She smiled at her lap. “I should have known Rowan would have gotten classier with age.”
“Perhaps seeing Gage after all these years? He and Isaiah were the lovers you had the longest.”
Shaking her head, Nina took a deep breath. “Gage is like all the others - in a little box. I liked him more than most but he was nothing different, nothing special. Not to me. He was always meant for Rowan. They loved each other and I-I inserted myself in the middle.”
“Something new then?” Nina lifted her face and met Kelley’s eyes. “Someone new. A man?” Nina didn’t respond and the psychologist was quiet for almost a minute. “It appears you met someone who shook you to your foundation. Hmm. I bet you weren’t expecting that. Tell me about him. Tell me about the man who had such a powerful impact on you that you’re unable to touch anyone else.”
&nb
sp; It took far longer than an hour to explain James. By the time Nina was done, she’d gone through several tissues.
Punching the top of her own thigh, she hissed, “I refuse to be emotional about a man I knew for less than a day! I will not!”
“Well, darling,” Kelley began, “I think you need to speak to your heart about your demands. It seems ready to negotiate with this one-man army who’s stormed your walls.”
“I can’t, Kelley…”
“Of course you can, dear. Can’t is such a dismal word and there’s nothing dismal about you. Can’t is defeating and you’ve never backed down from a fight in your life.” She took another sip of her tea. “Have you been in contact with him since you returned home?”
“H-he texts me. I don’t reply.” Nina lifted her chin. “I don’t have to.”
“Naturally. You’re a powerful woman who bows to no one. You’ll find no disagreement from me, dear.”
“He’s just a man.”
“So you’ve said. Are you attempting to convince me or yourself that he’s no different than the ones before him?”
“I…” Her voice trailed away and fresh tears slipped over her cheeks.
“Nina, of all the injury done to you in your young life, the wounds you inflict on yourself are some of the deepest. Tonight, I want you to go home and respond to your James.”
“He’s not mine. He will never be mine, Kelley.”
“The lady doth protest too much.” The small woman got down from her chair and walked over to stand beside Nina’s. “Respond to James. If he means nothing, it will cost you nothing. If he means something, perhaps you can shore up your defenses and shove him into one of those tidy little boxes you’re so fond of. Fear is an emotion uncommon for you and I bet it’s raking across your insides like ground glass.”
“Yes. Yes, it is.”
“You are fearless, Nina. It’s your most powerful tool for survival. You’ll do whatever it takes to protect yourself. Perhaps you’ll discover that what you felt was the result of high emotions from seeing Rowan and Gage again - being back in Texas where you experienced so much pain.”
Run To You: The Damaged Series - Book Four Page 7
