by Cathryn Fox
She snorts. “What about you, Jesse? Still running the bar?” she asks, her lips twisted as she throws that back at me.
“Yeah, I am.”
She nods. “So, you’ve just given up on your future, then?”
I fight down the burst of anger. Why is my future suddenly so important to everyone? “I didn’t give up on anything. I’ve been taking care of our son, in case you haven’t noticed.”
“So that’s it, then. You’re just going to let your dreams die?”
“I’m not going to abandon anyone to pursue them,” I say.
“Well, now that I’m back, maybe I can take care of Lucas while you go to med school.”
She couldn’t handle Lucas when he was a toddler, what makes her think she can handle him now? But I don’t say that. Instead I ask, “Why are you really here?”
“Jesse,” she says softly, changing tactics. “Can you please give me a second chance?”
“Kylie—”
“I made a mistake. A big one. I was young and stupid, and…dreams are important, you know.”
“I know. I also know you resented us for keeping you from them.”
“You told me to go.”
“Of course, I did. I didn’t want you here, hating everything about this life.”
“I never said I hated it. It just wasn’t what I signed on for.”
“No, you signed on to be a doctor’s wife, and I didn’t live up to my side of the bargain. I get it, Kylie. I really do.”
Tears fall down her face and because I’m not a total prick, I put my arm around her. There was a time I loved this woman, and I can’t just push her out of my life now, not when she’s the mother of our son.
“Tell me I can have another chance,” she says.
I take a huge breath. “If you’re here to stay, and you’re serious, you can have another chance—” Before I can finish, and tell her she can have a chance with Lucas only, and that the visits would be short and supervised by me and he wouldn’t be told she was his mother until she proved herself to us, she throws herself into my arms, and my coffee cup goes flying.
“Oh, Jesse, thank you. You won’t be sorry.”
My stomach cramps, because I think I already am. “Wait, I need to explain—”
“I have to go. My mother is waiting for me.”
“Kylie, wait,” I say but she’s gone. I shake my head, and when a shadow blocks my path, I glance up.
“Cup of coffee?” Callan asks. “You look like you could use another cup or ten.”
I shake my head. “That obvious, huh?”
He looks past my shoulders. “Ah, was that Kylie?”
“Yeah, she’s back.” He gives a low slow whistle. “What?” I ask.
“Just you’re with her best friend now, and you know how girls can be?”
My stomach jumps. “Yeah, I do,” I say. I have to talk to Olivia. Now. Not only to tell her Kylie is back asking for things I have no intention to give her, but to lay my heart on the line and see where we go from there.
“Although rumor has it you and Olivia aren’t serious.”
“Where did you hear that?”
“Colin.” He looks around like he expects Colin to suddenly materialize and I hope he doesn’t. I’m in such a shit mood, anything could set me off. I’m normally calm and even tempered, but right now, with the world closing in on me, and fearing it could go to hell, I might react with my fist before my brain.
“I think he likes her,” he adds.
“Yeah, I know.”
He glances over his shoulder, and I notice his daughter playing catch with Gemma.
“But as far as Olivia and I not being serious, don’t believe everything you hear,” I say, and he nods like he totally gets it.
He shoves his hands into his pockets. “I don’t.”
I push to my feet and eye him. “Are you and Gemma together?” I ask. He’s not said anything to me at the bar, or at support group, but I know him well enough that I’m comfortable asking. I also know it’s taken a lot for him to get his life in order after his wife was run over by a drunk driver shortly after their daughter was born. My heart hurts just thinking about it. Now if there was ever a guy who needed to move on and find love, it’s him. He drags one hand from his pocket and grips his hair. The fact is, though, he loved his wife, and I’m not sure he can, or even wants to move on. For his daughter’s sake, he goes from one day to the next, much like I do. He needs more.
I need more.
“It’s complicated,” he admits.
I put my hand on his shoulder. “Complicated I understand.”
“Like really fucking complicated.”
“I understand that, too.”
He nods, looks at the ground for a second and when his eyes meet mine, there is a deep understanding there. “Yeah, I think you do.”
“Come by for a beer this week.” I give him a wink. “I’m a good listener.”
“Sounds good, man.” He jerks his thumb. “I should get back.”
“Okay, see you. I need to get to the pub, anyway.”
I hurry back to my car, anxious to see Olivia. We need to talk. We’ve needed to talk for a long time now and with Kylie back in the picture wanting to pick up where we left off, I need to know where Olivia stands. Yeah, it’s complicated. I don’t want her to go, but I can’t ask her to stay. I don’t know what is next for us, all I know is we need to get everything out in the open. Fuck, for all I know she still wants Colin.
If she did, would she have kissed you, or made love to you, the way she had?
I drive the short distance to work, and squeeze my vehicle in between two trucks. It’s busy as it usually is on a Friday afternoon, and I hope Olivia isn’t run off her feet. We need to talk. Inside, I glance around and spot Colin and a few of the other off-duty firefighters playing a game of pool. My gaze lands on Jack and Heidi watching the big screen. I catch Jack’s glance and a worried look comes over his face.
Shit, what is going on?
“Tara have you seen Olivia?” I ask when she walks by, empty tray in hand.
“She’s in the office.” I’m about to walk away when she captures my arm. “Listen, Boss, about this breakup—”
“Not now, Tara. Olivia and I need to talk.”
“Yeah, you do,” she says, her face so serious my heart stalls.
“What?” I ask.
She opens her mouth, then shuts it. What is going on with her? “Nothing,” she finally says. “Go.”
I hurry to my office, and catch Olivia dumping the contents of her backpack on the desk. She roots through the contents and snatches up her lip balm. She’s about to open it and her head lifts when she hears me enter.
“Oh, hey,” she says. “I was looking for my lip balm and you’re not going to believe this, but I can’t find my key, and…” Her words fall off as I stand there, every muscle in my body tense. “Wait, what’s going on? Why are you here?”
My gaze drops, takes in the brochures on my desk. Blood pumps faster through my veins, and the room closes in on me. I drive my clenched hands into my pockets, and lift my gaze to the woman staring at me.
“Why would you do this, Olivia?”
17
Olivia
“Oh, it’s just…” I begin, but my words fall off when his jaw clenches so hard, I’m sure he’s going to break teeth. In all the years I’ve known Jesse, I don’t think I’ve ever seen him so angry, not even when Kylie up and left him and Lucas. “Jesse?”
“What makes everyone think they know what’s best for me, Olivia?” he asks through clenched teeth, the muscles in his jaw rippling.
His head lifts, and his blue eyes are arctic, instantly freezing the blood racing through my veins. Holy hell, I’ve never been the focus of such scrutiny before.
“I just thought—”
“Stop,” he says and tugs on his hair so hard, I’m sure it’s going to leave a bald patch. He walks up to the lockers, his broad back covered in a navy T-shirt,
and pounds a fist against the metal cabinets. Not hard enough to dent them, or bruise himself, but definitely loud enough for the noise to be heard from the bar area. I almost run and shut the door, but my legs are frozen in place.
What the hell is going on with him?
Every muscle in his body is tight, so tight, I’m worried something is going to snap.
“Is Lucas okay?” I ask tentatively, trying to pry the problem out of him, and praying to God his son is okay.
“He’s fine,” he grumbles, his voice clipped, his eyes now blazing as he turns back to me. “Am I not good enough for you, Liv?” A sound crawls out of his throat. A humorless laugh, mixed with a snort, as he jerks his head toward the brochures. “Not good enough unless I go back to school?”
Why would he say that to me? Does he not realize I only want the best for him? That I’d walk the highest mountain, and swim the largest ocean to see this man fulfill his dreams and live a happily ever after? Of all people, all the sacrifices, he deserves that. Do I want to be a part of those dreams? Hell, yes I do, even if it means switching schools and trying in vitro, to give him the family that he wants.
But what if I can’t give him the family he wants?
Would I be holding him back from fulfilling all his dreams?
And what about my father?
I don’t know. I just don’t know the answers to anything. I only know I love this man with every fiber of my being, and I can’t take him not being in my life. But whatever is going on with him right now is scaring the crap out of me.
“Jesse…” I take a step toward him and reach for his arm, wanting to pull him to me and tell him no matter what it is, we can work through it together.
But can we?
He holds his hands up to stop me. “Don’t.” A fast shake of his head. “Maybe you’re not so different after all.”
My arm drops, and the energy emanating off him wraps around me and spreads dread and worry through my body. “Different from what…or maybe I should be asking who?” I query, but nausea wells up inside my tight stomach as he glares at me. I put my hand over my belly. I don’t need him to answer that question. I’m pretty damn sure I already know. The hairs on the back of my neck stand on edge. The way they did when I was leaving his place earlier today.
Kylie.
I falter backward, until my legs hit his desk. She’s back in town. That has to be the logical answer here. “Kylie,” I murmur.
“Yeah.”
His nostrils flare as he inhales, and he bends forward, places his hands on his knees and takes a few more breaths.
“What did she want?” I ask, not sure if I want to hear the answer as my gaze goes to the brochures. Jesse’s head lifts, and his gaze follows mine.
Are these brochures a reminder of what he lost because he didn’t follow his dream, choosing instead to follow his parents? Does this anger mean he still loves Kylie, that he wants her back in his life? I’m not sure, but to accuse me of being just like her…
I don’t think so.
I picked up those brochures out of love. How could he think otherwise? My own anger coils tightly inside me, a snake preparing to strike, but I bite it back, desperate to get to the bottom of matters, because I have to be reading this situation wrong.
The alternative is too painful to consider.
“Is that what you think, Jesse?” I ask, fighting like hell to understand what’s really going on here. Someone walks by the open office door, and I stiffen. Looks like all the staff are trying to figure out what the hell is going on between the two of us.
They’re not the only ones.
He pushes to his full height, scoops the brochures from his desk and waves them. “You tell me.” He tosses the papers back onto the desk and they scattered. “Actually, the fact that you picked these up says it all.”
I’m so rattled, I can barely get my words out, but I’m not sure what to say. This man that I’ve known and have loved all of my life just put me in the same category as his ex, who up and left him and his child and never looked back. Tears pound behind my eyes and I desperately work to keep them from falling. He doesn’t deserve my tears.
“I…uh…” I try to speak but my words get stuck in my throat. Then again, does he even deserve an explanation from me.
“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” He scoffs. “Ready to stage that breakup?” he asks, his face and eyes so hard, I’m not even sure I’m looking at my neighbor anymore. He might be standing before me, looking like the guy I know, but he’s not acting anything like him.
My legs nearly go out from underneath me as he casts cold eyes my way. Is this really happening? It’s all coming at me so fast I can’t quite get my thoughts straight. But one thing rings loud and clear. We. Are. Done.
Maybe even our friendship.
Could this day get any worse? I swallow against the lump pushing into my throat. It was the one thing we were supposed to protect, and once this smoke clears, I’m not even sure we can put the pieces back together again—not after him accusing me of being just like his ex. After everything we shared, the openness and honesty between us…
Were you honest, Olivia?
Did you tell him how you really felt?
The obvious answers to those questions are a big fat no. Would things have been different had I opened up in the beginning and told him the truth? I guess I’ll never know. Not now, anyway.
“I guess so,” I say, working to keep my cool despite the tsunami in my stomach.
He stalks to the door, “We’re done, Olivia.” He waves a finger back and forth between the two of us. “It’s been fun, but Kylie is back now,” he says, his fingers gripping the doorknob so tight, it’s a wonder it doesn’t snap off.
“Yeah, it’s been fun,” I say, working to put effort into my words as I smooth my hair from my face. “I have to leave for California soon anyway.”
He shakes his head, and I get it. I’m the second girl in his life to head to California for bigger and better. Maybe that wouldn’t have happened if he hadn’t come at me like I was a matador’s cape and he was the frothing bull.
Now, everything is ruined, and irreparable.
“Yeah. Okay, so…” He pauses like he’s searching for the right word, but instead of finding it, he turns and leaves. The room chills, every single bone in my body shaking, and I drop into the chair, my legs no longer able to keep me standing. Seconds turn to minutes and I hug myself and work to get myself together. How can I go out there and face everyone after what just happened? How much did they actually hear? At least the breakup was believable, even though it was supposed to be a mutual thing, where we parted amicably.
We did anything but.
I take a couple deep breaths, then reach for my backpack. I scoop up my belongings, never planning to step foot in the pub again. Through blurry eyes, my fingers land on the brochures, and I pick them up and toss them into the trash can.
“Hey,” Tara says, poking her head in.
I shake my head fast. “I don’t want to talk about it.” She stands there for a moment, like she’s debating on what to do. “I’m okay,” I lie.
She takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I’m sorry, Olivia.”
I have no idea why her face is twisted in a guilty frown. She set this in motion, it was her idea, but Jesse and I agreed to it. This isn’t on her, it’s on me.
“You have nothing to be sorry about.” I push up and stand on wobbly legs, doing my damn best to display a confidence that I don’t feel.
“I…maybe this was all a bad idea,” she says.
Bad ideas. I almost snort. My first instinct was right. Nothing good can come from one.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. From what I understand, Colin is interested, right? Is he out there? Maybe I should go make a move.”
“Olivia,” she says her voice so full of sadness and regret, it scores my heart. “You don’t have to do this.”
“Do what?” I ask, injecting a lightn
ess into my voice that I don’t feel.
“Act like there was nothing between you and Jesse when I know full well there was.”
I laugh and it sounds almost hysterical. “Maybe you need glasses, Tara.” I sit up a little bit straighter. “We were acting.”
I believe the Oscar goes to me for this particular performance.
“Olivia—”
“I need to go,” I say. “Have to get home and get dinner up for Dad.”
“I’ll drive you,” she says and starts to untie her apron.
“No, I could use the fresh air.” I say, and forcing one leg in front of the other, I step out into the sunshine. I lean against the building, and swipe the stupid tears from my eyes. A car pulls into the parking lot, and hoping it’s someone I don’t know I push off the wall. I’m about to bolt, when someone calls my name.
Oh, God. No!
Here I thought this day couldn’t get any worse.
“Kylie,” I say as she comes straight at me, each step fast and determined. I swallow and hope she can’t tell I’ve been crying. “You’re back.”
She grins. “You always were a smart one.”
The sarcasm in her voice catches me off guard. Okay, so maybe she’s mad that I hadn’t responded to her text.
“Welcome home,” I say. “How—”
“Let’s cut right to the chase here,” she interjects. “I know you’ve been fucking around with Jesse.”
“I…what?” Kylie wobbles in front of me as my vision goes a little fuzzy. I guess Brit must have told her after all. “Kylie, you were gone.”
She plants one hand on her hip and glares at me. “Now I’m back and Jesse and I are going to try to work things out.”
My heart jumps into my throat. “Did he…say that?”
She cocks her head and eyes me, like I have the nerve to ask the question. “Yes, he said that. Why would you have such a hard time believing that?”
Because I thought he’d moved on.
With me.
I thought wrong.
“No reason. I believe it,” I say, and make a move to go, but she puts her hand on my arm to stop me.
