by Cathryn Fox
“Did you really think you could just take my place?”
“I…wasn’t trying to. No one heard from you for a year, Kylie.”
“So, you thought you’d just hone in.” She shakes her head in disgust. “My God, you are so pathetic.”
“What the hell?” Why is she talking to me like this? Where is this anger coming from? I’ve always been a good friend to her. Right up until she dropped Jesse and Lucas from her life for good last year.
She shakes her head, like I’m an idiot. “He was using you, Olivia. Scratching an itch until I returned.”
“It wasn’t like that,” I say. Or was it? He’s never been attracted to me in all these years. Was he only just satisfying a need? Was I so wrong to think there could have been more between us?
She rolls her eyes and laughs. “You and your stupid crush.”
“Wait, what?”
“Oh, come on. You’ve had it bad for him since I first met you.”
I blink once, then twice hardly able to believe what I’m hearing. “You knew that?”
“Everyone knew that.”
“If you knew that, why did you go after him?”
She laughs. “You mean like girl code. You’re one to talk.”
“You’ve been gone a long time, Kylie,” I say in my defense. I never would have been intimate with Jesse if I thought they stood a chance. Heck, I’m the one that told her to go for it.
“Like you ever had a real chance with him,” she says. “Look at you and look at me.”
I fold my arms and hug myself, feeling like that young girl in seventh grade when the mean girls zeroed in on me. “Why are you doing this, Kylie?”
“I’m tired of you being the fucking golden child, getting everything you’ve ever wanted.”
“When have I ever gotten anything I wanted?”
“Your father doted on you,” she spits out, her eyes full of jealousy and resentment. “Jesse’s mother treated you like a daughter. Jesse would walk through fire for you. You had everything I ever wanted.”
“Are you kidding me?” I blurt out. “You had everything, Kylie.” Or at least I thought she did.
“My mother and step-dad bought me things, their way of showing love, but you had the real deal, Olivia. I took Jesse from you then, and I’m taking him back now.”
The chaos in my mind settles, and my heart stops beating as understanding dawns. All the anger, hate and disappointment she had in her life, she directed at me. Then and now.
“This is about me,” I say, my heart hurting, for her, Jesse, Lucas, for all the hate and love and loss.
She laughs. “It’s always been about you.”
A fresh wave of tears sting my eyes and my throat is so tight it’s hard to get my words out. “Did you ever even love Jesse?”
She rolls one shoulder. “Yeah, of course.”
Spoken like a woman who has no idea what love is.
“There are a couple of things you should know. My life wasn’t perfect, contrary to what you might think. You might have had to move because your mother remarried, but your real father was still in your life. I lost a mother, and I lost Jesse’s parents—who were like parents to me.” She rolls her eyes, but I grab her arm and tug. She’s about to complain, but I cut her off and say, “And I was never jealous of what you had, Kylie. I was always happy for you and wanted what was best, which is why I encouraged you to go for Jesse. I was wrong, though. You’re not what’s best for Jesse. I am.”
She laughs, but I don’t miss the worry behind it. “Well, too late for that.”
The pub door opens, and out walks Colin. He takes one look at me, and worry crosses his face.
“Olivia, are you okay?”
“Stay away from us,” Kylie says and walks away.
I’m about to sag against the wall when Colin tugs me to him. “You’re not okay. I’m taking you home,” he says, and everything else that happens after that, from him putting me in his car, driving me down the road, and helping me from the passenger seat, to seeing Jesse watching us from his driveway, runs through my mind like a blur, like I’m watching someone else’s life crumble around them.
Colin helps me inside, and I’m glad Dad is home because once again, my stupid key is gone. Dad pales when he sees me.
“Olivia?”
“I need to pack. I’m going to California to find us a place to live.”
18
Jesse
It’s been almost a week since I acted like a complete dick in my office. A week since I’d last seen Olivia. From what her father told me, she hopped on a plane and went to California to find them a place to live. I don’t blame her for leaving. I was a total jerk, but when I saw those brochures, something inside me snapped and I completely lost my cool.
I spent the last fucking week thinking about everything I’d said to her, everything she didn’t say to me, because I wouldn’t give her a chance. I accused her of being like Kylie, which was a pretty shitty thing to do. She’s nothing like my ex, and deep down I’m sure she’s just pushing for me to go back to school because she cares about me.
So why did you lose your cool, dude?
Oh, maybe on some level I was pushing her away before she could leave me—us. Dr. Phil would have a field day with that one, but after so much loss, I think I was terrified of Olivia leaving us, even though I wouldn’t want to do anything to keep her from her dreams.
I am so fucked up.
The look on her face still haunts me and I said the one thing we had to protect was our friendship. I did a pretty shitty job of that. I’m sure she’ll never speak to me again, and I don’t blame her one bit.
Tara told me Kylie showed up outside the pub after I stormed out, but she has no idea what transpired between the two. All she said was that Colin was there to pick up the pieces—after I shattered her with my accusations.
A sound catches in my throat. I guess in the end, it’s all for the best. She ended up with the guy she wanted, and is headed out west to the school of her dreams. Lucas and I will move forward—somehow—like we always do. I glance at the brochures in front of me. I fished them out of my garbage can before dumping it. I’m not sure why, but now here I am, staring at a picture of Harvard medical school and trying to figure out what’s next.
“Daddy, you’re growling. Are you a T-Rex?” Lucas asks, as I sit on the back deck with him, staring off into space and kicking my own ass as he plays with his toys.
“Yeah, buddy, I’m a T-Rex,” I say and hold my hands up, making claws with my fingers.
The doorbell rings and my heart leaps. I jump from my chair, hoping it’s Olivia. Then I remember Kylie was coming over. She’s been here to see Lucas a few times this week. He hasn’t paid her much attention, and her patience with him is running thin. She promised she was home for good, which is the only reason I’m letting her get to know him—under my supervision. Yet there is a part of me that doesn’t believe her.
“Your mother is here,” I say to Lucas.
“Daddy, why isn’t Olivia my mother?”
I shake my head. Leave it to my son to ask the question of all questions. I crouch beside him.
“Because Kylie is your mom. You like her, don’t you?”
He shrugs and my heart squeezes. “I don’t think she likes my dinosaurs.”
“Why do you say that?”
“She never wants to play with them.”
“Give her some time, okay,” I say, and hate that I’m asking that of him. She’s the one who should be trying, not the other way around.
“I like Olivia. She plays with my dinosaurs,” he says. “When are we going to Madelyn’s birthday party?”
“A little later today,” I say. I have to drop Lucas off and get to the office to take care of some paperwork. I step into the house, and open the door for Kylie. Dressed in short denim cutoffs and a tight T-shirt, she beams up at me.
“Hey,” she says, her voice light and flirty. Her antics might have worked on me once, but I�
��ve grown up a lot since then. I had to.
“Come on in.” I step away and wave her in. “Lucas is out back.”
She touches my arm. “I thought we could talk first.”
I exhale, already knowing where she’s going with this. Two days ago, when she was here, she pressed to get back together, I set her straight, but she clearly won’t take no for an answer. Gut instinct tells me she’s lost and I’m the easiest solution. Of course, she’s also pressing me to go back to school. Isn’t everyone. But for different reasons. I came to that conclusion once I was able to think with clarity.
“Kylie, I’m letting you into Lucas’ life, not mine.”
“Aren’t you two a package deal?”
Ignoring that, I pinch the bridge of my nose and make my way through the house. She follows behind and we step out onto the back patio.
“We have to leave in an hour,” I tell her. “Lucas has a birthday party.”
“Hi Lucas.”
“Hi,” he says, his focus on something else entirely.
“You should look at your mother when you’re speaking to her,” she says, her voice lacking empathy or patience for her son.
Lucas continues to play with his dinosaurs, but I don’t miss the stiffening of his body.
“Kylie,” I say quietly. “You know he has trouble in social situations. Give him time to get used to you.”
“How is he going to learn if you never correct him?”
“It’s not quite like that.”
She arches her brow like she doesn’t quite believe that. “Mom and Wallace want to see him.”
“I don’t want to go, Daddy,” Lucas bursts out.
Kylie opens her mouth, and I put my hand up. “Let’s just enjoy this afternoon, okay? We can talk about a visit later.”
She sits at the table, and I go inside to get us all lemonade. When I come back out, Kylie straightens, and has an almost guilty look on her face. She’d obviously been talking to Lucas about something that’s agitating him, judging by the way he’s pulling on the neck of his t-shirt.
“Lucas, do you want to play a game?”
He sits up. “Dinosaurs and ladders?”
“Sure, go grab it.”
He leaps to his feet and heads inside.
“I don’t really like board games,” Kylie says and takes a sip of her lemonade.
I frown at her. Does she even want to be here? “What would you prefer to do?”
“I think we need to talk, Jesse. About us.”
“Okay, fine. There is no us, and now that you’re home to stay, what do you plan to do with your life?”
She frowns. “I haven’t given it much thought. My stepfather said he could give me a job, but as a receptionist for a real estate firm. No thank you.”
“What exactly is it you want to do, then?”
“I wanted to be your wife.”
“You wanted to be a doctor’s wife.”
She curls her finger in her hair, not denying that.
“Do you even want to be back here?” I ask.
“I had to come back.”
“Had to?”
“Once I heard about you and Olivia, I—”
“That’s why you’re back? You were worried about Olivia and me hooking up?”
Instead of answering, she says, “What the hell did she think she was doing anyway?” She rolls her eyes. “Ah, girl code, and she’s so not your type, Jesse. It made me wonder what was going on with you.”
First, Olivia is my type, and what goes on with me is none of her business.
“Did you really just expect me to sit here and wait for you?”
“Well you have been, haven’t you? I mean, you haven’t been with anyone.”
Wow, just wow. What did I ever see in this woman?
“I’ve been busy taking care of our son, and running a business, Kylie.”
I stop talking when Lucas comes running out with his game. I help him set it up on the table and for the next half hour, we play. Kylie grows bored rather quickly, and checks her watch a few times.
“Somewhere to be?” I ask her.
“It’s fine.” She crinkles her nose. “It’s just this audition…”
“Audition. Here in Boston?”
“Well, not exactly.”
“So, you’re going back then?” I shake my head. Why the hell did I ever believe her, or let her into Lucas’ life again? She’s just here to lay claim to something that isn’t hers. Not anymore, anyway.
I check my watch. “I actually need to go pack his bag for the party. Are you two okay out here alone while I run inside?”
“Of course we are,” Kylie says.
“Daddy, I want to go to the party.”
“We are, kiddo. I’m going to go get your things.”
I leave the two of them alone, reluctantly, and dash upstairs to Lucas’ bedroom. I pack his bag with a few of his favorite toys, and I’m about to toss in his headphones when his wail reaches my ears. I rush to the window and glance out. What the hell is going on?
He’s holding something in his hand and bent over, and Kylie is trying to pry it from his fingers.
“Let it go, Lucas. It’s not your turn. You need to learn the rules. You can’t get away with things just because you’re different. You’re babied too much.”
I stand there dumbfounded. Did she really just call my son a name and berate me for my parenting skills all in one breath? This woman has no idea how to take care of her son.
Lucas screams louder, and before I can drop everything and get downstairs, Olivia is there, allowing me to breathe again. Sweet Olivia, the sweet girl from next door, reaches for Lucas and cradles him in her arms. He calms from her touch and soothing words.
“What are you doing here?” Kylie says. “I told you to stay away from us. Jesse and I are working things out.”
She told her to stay away?
She told her we were working things out?
“What about you and Lucas? Are you trying to work things out with him too?” Olivia shoots back. “If you are, you’re doing a bad job of it.”
I swallow. Olivia is mild-mannered, but when push comes to shove, she’ll protect those she cares about, and she cares about my son.
She cares about me, too.
Why did I have to fuck everything up?
“Not that it’s any of your business, but he won’t listen to me,” Kylie says.
Olivia puts her hands over Lucas’ ears to reduce the stimuli. “Then stop screaming at him.”
“I am not screaming,” she yells.
Olivia gives an exasperated sigh. “Please calm yourself down. For your son’s sake.”
“I’ve had enough of this.” She stands up, and runs her hand down her hair. “That child is out of control. I think the courts need to be involved here.”
I drop everything, and hurry down the stairs.
“No, Kylie. You’re out of control.” My glance goes from Kylie to Olivia and I give her a grateful smile.
“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Kylie says.
I eye her. “About what?”
“You like…her?” she jerks her finger toward Olivia. “Desperate much?”
Anger hits sure and swift, and my fingers curl. She can say whatever she wants to me, but I won’t stand for her hurting my son, or the woman I love. My gaze flies to Olivia, and her eyes are cast downward, but I know the dig—from her former best friend—had to sting.
“I think it’s time for you to leave.”
“Fine, you’ll be hearing from my lawyer.”
“Go ahead, get the courts involved. Let’s see how favorable that will be for you.”
“I…” She hesitates for a moment. She won’t get the courts involved because that might end up with her having responsibility in raising our son. “I don’t need any of this.”
“We weren’t asking any of this from you, Kylie,” I say. “We were doing just fine.”
She shakes her head and huffs off, and I get the fe
eling that we won’t be seeing much of her anymore. I just wish I’d been smarter and not let her into Lucas’ life until she proved herself worthy.
I wish I’d been smarter with Olivia too.
I glance at the woman I love as she releases Lucas from the circle of her arms. I take a step toward them. We need to talk, but I’m not certain she agrees.
“Olivia…”
She puts her hand on Lucas’ shoulder and squeezes. “See you later, Lucas.” She steps off the deck. I stare at her as she cuts through the backyard and enters her own—taking a big part of me with her.
I want to make this right between us again. I need to make it right. I might want more from her, in my life and in my bed, but if I can’t have that, I at least want her friendship.
What do I have to do to fix this between us?
19
Olivia
For the last week and a half, since my fight with Jesse, I’ve been walking around numb, doing everything I can to fight off the tears. He seemed like he wanted to talk the other day, but what do we have left to say to each other? Maybe this is the way things were supposed to work out.
When I walked out of the bar that day, it was with the intention of never stepping foot in it again, and I don’t plan to. I’m still having a hard time wrapping my brain around Kylie, and how vile she was to me. I’ve never been anything but nice to her, but underneath her polished exterior, I guess her true colors finally showed.
I’m sad that she can’t be the mother Lucas needs, and that she disrupted his life once again, before bailing and heading back to California. I’ll be bailing and heading there myself soon enough. A huge lump forms in my throat. When it comes right down to it, it’s not what I want at all.
I’m waiting on the realtor, wanting to talk to her about putting the house up for sale, when my cell phone rings. I tug it from my pocket and my pulse leaps when caller ID informs me it’s Dad. He’s at paint night with Heidi. I hope everything is okay.
“Hey Dad,” I say. “What’s up?”
“Can you come to the pub?”
My first reaction is no…hell no, but there’s something in his voice that gives me pause.
