Spite: A Bully Reverse Harem

by Candace Wondrak

  Xander said nothing, his brown eyes heavy as they focused on me, ignoring Alec entirely. I understood that, since Alec had ghosted him the moment he’d learned Xander was coming back to River High, but if the boys wanted me, they’d have to play nice. They’d have to help me, show that they were on my side one hundred percent.

  “Why is he here?” Alec asked me.

  With Alec on my right and Xander on my left, I felt oddly comfortable, like this people sandwich was natural. A weird thought, right?

  “I need you. Both of you. I thought we could all do something tonight, hang out or whatever—” Smooth. “—and talk.” I sounded so cringe-worthy right now, it was ridiculous. I was ridiculous for thinking this could work, that I could have both Xander and Alec on my side. In every high school movie, in every love triangle, didn’t the girl always have to choose?

  Although, if I said it was a love triangle, that would exclude Christian, who I apparently had a deep-seated attraction to, somehow. So…a love square? A love pyramid? I didn’t know; geometry was not my favorite math class. Me and shapes, angles and all that, didn’t mix well.

  Xander’s voice was low when he said, “I don’t think there’s anything to talk about.”

  “Nothing at all to say,” Alec agreed. Well, at least the boys were on the same wavelength as each other, but they weren’t on mine. I had to get them on mine, though. They were once Christian’s posse; now they were mine. They just didn’t know it, yet.

  “Please,” I said, closing my locker, my backpack around my shoulders. My eyes flicked between the two, and I sent them desperate, pleading looks. Come on. How were they going to say no to me? “Can you guys do it for me? Can we all put aside our pasts, just for tonight, and see where it goes?”

  I waited for their reply, hoping with all that I was they would agree. I mean, what’s the worst that could happen? We hang out, dig up the past a bit? We all had a tumultuous past, especially with each other. There was nothing stopping us from figuring it out like adults and getting over it.

  “Fine,” Alec was the first to relent. “Where are we going?” He didn’t wait for Xander to agree verbally, for the other boy was busy nodding as he nibbled on his lip ring.

  “I was hoping one of your houses,” I said. For some reason, I had the feeling it was going to be a long night. We all had a lot to unpack. Plus, if I truly wanted these two on my side, they had to know just how badly I needed to go after Christian. They needed to know I’d lost sleep over it. And, of course, they needed to know I’d do anything to make that sexy, good-smelling bastard pay.

  We chose Alec’s house, mostly because mine was out of the running, and I knew Xander would’ve felt odd bringing us both over. Alec said his parents were cool, so I hoped that meant they would leave us alone.

  As we walked into the school’s parking lot, I reached for Alec, grabbing his hand, which caused him to turn and look at me. “I’m going to ride with Xander, okay?” Alec’s eyes flicked to Xander, and I wished I knew what went on in that mind of his.

  “Okay,” he said after a moment. To Xander, he managed to say, “You remember where—”

  Xander cut in, “Of course I do.” His eyes were busy staring at Alec’s and mine’s hands intertwined, and I slowly released Alec, returning to Xander’s side. As Alec wandered to his car, I trailed him to his.

  Once we were inside, I asked, “You’re not mad, are you?”

  He started the car and backed out of his parking spot. “No, I’m not mad.” More toying with his lip ring. “I’m just…I haven’t talked to Alec since…” Xander stumbled over his words, which I found immensely adorable.

  “I know,” I said, and when he didn’t respond, I said again, “I know.” A different tone this time. A tone I hoped told him that I didn’t just know he hadn’t talked to Alec in a while, but that I knew why they stopped talking.

  We were at a stop sign, and Xander’s dark eyes turned to me. His mouth was open, but he couldn’t find the words to say. I wanted to touch him, to hold him, to tell him everything was okay, that I didn’t think of him differently—but I held back, mostly because he was driving and we were still on school property.

  “I think you have a clear shot to take a turn,” I mumbled, my eyes scanning the empty road we had to turn onto. I should be texting Diane and telling her I wasn’t coming home until late, but that could wait. She and my dad could wait.

  Xander finally took the turn, and it was a long minute before he said, “When you say you know…”

  “Alec told me what happened between you two,” I spoke cautiously, not wanting to make him mad at Alec for telling a secret that wasn’t just his. It was Xander’s too. I didn’t think anyone knew but me. “You could’ve told me, you know. I don’t think less of you.”

  An incredulous smile spread on Xander’s face. “I can’t believe Alec told you. I always assumed that secret would die with him, with how quickly he forgot everything.” I recognized his tone. Bitter; he sounded bitter.

  “He didn’t forget. He was—”

  “Embarrassed. Ashamed,” Xander offered. With a sigh, he turned it around on me, “You’re really fine with knowing all that?”

  “I actually think it’s kind of hot.” I shrugged as I reached into my backpack and pulled out a sucker. My stash was getting low. I’d have to get more soon. My mom hadn’t left me much when she died, but since I was over eighteen when she passed, it all went to me. Dad got none of it, which was good, because he didn’t deserve shit after leaving her for Diane.

  Popping the sucker in my mouth, I turned to look at Xander, who was oddly quiet. “What?”

  Xander shook his head, trying to hide the smile playing on his lips. “Nothing. I’m just…I’m happy you’re not running away like Alec did.”

  “I would never run,” I stated, praying he believed it. It was true. I wasn’t the type of person who could ever judge others for their pasts. I mean, look at mine. I’d tried to kill myself, all because of bullying, and if I was honest, I still acted like a brat sometimes.

  We arrived at Alec’s house, and found his parents weren’t home. Alec was an only child. We had the house to ourselves for at least two hours, Alec said. We dropped our backpacks near the door and headed into his room. It was…not what I expected. Whereas Xander’s room had been full of photographs and clutter, Alec’s was almost obscenely clean. Nothing out of place. Nothing hanging on the tan walls. Not a single sock on the floor.

  Hell, it even smelled clean.

  “Huh,” I mumbled, moving to sit on his bed. Unlike Xander, he didn’t have a desk, so it was either the bed or the carpeted floor. “This is not what I was expecting.” At my comment, Xander chuckled. He went to lean on the wall near me.

  Alec cocked his head, his eyes studying my relaxed posture, the fact that I was on his bed. “And what were you expecting?”

  “I don’t know.” I reclined all the way back, sighing at the comfortableness of his bed. I could literally fall asleep right now, push away all my worries and surrender to the blackness of oblivion. “Not this.” Now wasn’t the time to fall asleep on Alec’s bed, though. We had other shit to talk about.

  “So,” Alec started, glancing at Xander. A quick, almost sneaky glance, as if he wasn’t sure he was allowed to look at his ex-friend and his, I guess, ex-boyfriend. Things were complicated around here, weren’t they? “What do we all need to talk about?”

  Holding my sucker, I twirled it, watching the red candy swirl in the air. “First, I need both of you to swear yourselves to secrecy. What we talk about here can never be spoken of anywhere else, with anyone else.” With my free hand, I held out my pinky.

  Were we about to pinky swear like we were in first grade? You bet your fucking ass we were.

  Alec let out a sigh, the first to move closer to the bed and meet my pinky with his. His was a strong pinky, and though the touch was gentle, fast, I couldn’t help but shiver when we touched. Before releasing my pinky from his, he said, “I solemnly swear tha
t I am up to no good.” He grinned. “Wait, wrong thing.”

  I laughed, putting the sucker in my mouth before pushing him away. Next, I offered my outstretched pinky to Xander. I waggled my pinky as much as I could, playful as I tried to get him to lighten up.

  “Fine,” Xander said. He pushed off the wall, moving to the bed, closer to both me and Alec. His pinky was more slender, but it wrapped around mine with no problems.

  Once everyone was sworn in, once I had them sitting on the floor before me like I was their regal queen with a candy addiction, I told them everything. Mostly everything. I did leave out the part about making them fall in love with me, because I didn’t want either of them to think that I’d used them, even if I had, at first.

  Sure, at first I wanted revenge on them all, but now—now I had feelings for these guys. Now I really cared for them, and all of my hatred was pointed toward one Christian Moore. Now, I wanted them both on my side. I wanted them to get along.

  And, say, if they wanted to make up with each other, I wouldn’t be opposed to it. Might be fun, and would definitely be hot.

  It took me a while, but I explained it all. What I planned on doing, how I planned on doing it. My big plan revolved around Snowball, and getting Christian there. Maybe even going as his date. One thing at a time.

  “I don’t go to dances,” Xander said. “I wouldn’t be of any help.”

  Alec tossed him a look. “I think that’s why she’s telling us. She wants us both there, as backup.”

  “But I don’t—”

  My sucker was long finished, and I slid off the bed, landing on the floor before Xander. I set a hand on his knee. “Please,” I said. “I’ll beg, if you want. I’m not above it. I want you both there.”

  Alec, I had hook, line, and sinker. Xander, on the other hand, was more resistant, which I’d expected.

  “How do I know you’re not just using me?” Xander’s dark eyes flicked to Alec. “I don’t want to be used again.” Beneath his black shirt, his shoulders were hunched, sleeves drawn to his wrists, where thick leather bands sat to hide the flurry of scars.

  “Because I—” Damn it, almost professed my love for him. Way too soon for that shit. I wasn’t even sure what love felt like after the roller coaster that was my life. “—I care for you. Both of you. I like you both.”

  Alec ran a hand through his brown hair, his green eyes vibrant and on me. Zeroed in on me like I was the only other one in the room. “Like us as friends or…” Though he trailed off, it was obvious where he was going with it.

  “More than friends,” I said instantly. “I want us to be more than friends, and I don’t want there to be any judgement whatsoever.” No judgement for my revenge plot with Christian, and no judgement when it came to our relationship.

  “But you still want to…” Xander coughed. “Be free to do stuff with Christian?”

  “I’m not saying I’m going to have sex with the guy,” I said, watching both boys across from me cringe. “But I have to lead him on a bit, yeah. Make sure he doesn’t start dating anyone else before the dance.” If he did that, my plan would be royally screwed.

  Alec said, “But even ignoring that, it’s…it’s weird.”

  “Weird to who? To you?” I shook my head. “Why is it weird I want to be with both of you? You two were with each other, so I don’t see—”

  “You don’t need to keep bringing it up,” Xander muttered, shooting Alec a fast look.

  These boys were being such…stupid boys.

  I checked my phone before setting it on the carpet beside me. “It’s three-thirty-four. How much time do we have until your parents get home?” What I did next would depend on his answer.

  “A little over an hour. My mom usually gets home a bit before five, my dad at five-thirty,” Alec rattled off. “Why?”

  My eyes fell to my lap. More specifically, to my wrists. If I did what I wanted, my scars would be visible for any and all to see. But…maybe that was the point. Maybe that’s what I needed. Maybe, eventually, I could forget the spiteful feeling inside of me and just live.

  Living. It’s what my mom would’ve wanted me to do.

  I sat on the most uncomfortable chair ever, hunched over in the hallway of the hospital, too far away from the one person that mattered above all else to me. Somewhere, in one of the rooms, was my mom, hooked up to machines, talking to doctors. I’d ridden in the ambulance with her, and I used one of the nurse’s cell phones to call Leah, since I left mine at home in the chaos. Leah and her mom were on their way.

  My heart felt heavy in my chest. I was sad, but it was a different kind of sad than I’d felt before. Not the shoulder-crushing weight of sheer depression, but something else.

  I looked at my hands, turning them until my palms faced the ceiling. I wore a jacket, and I tentatively reached for a sleeve, exposing my scar. It was a deep, thick scar, because it’d been a deep, thick gash made with a kitchen knife.

  These were my scars, and they would stick with me until the day I died for real. Would I change my past, if I could? Probably. It was stupid of me to try to kill myself all because my world was crumbling around me. My life would get better, it would go on, just like it would move on from this. And even if things hadn’t gotten better, if I had to stay at that school and be subject to bullying and constant torment from the other kids, what did it matter? School was only until I was eighteen, and then it was college, adulthood. Then I could’ve moved away and never seen any of their faces again, my dad and his pretty girlfriend included.

  But that would involve me leaving my mom, which was just something I couldn’t do.

  It was before Leah and her mom arrived that a nurse came to get me, telling me softly, “You can come see your mom now, if you want.”

  I nodded once, following her through the sterile white halls until we walked into a private room, where my mom lay on a bed beneath a sheet, looking pale. Beside her, her IV dripped steadily. A doctor stood near her, holding a clipboard. I rushed to her side, hugging her, glad she was back.

  “Be gentle with her for a while,” the doctor advised, giving me a small smile.

  I ended the hug. “What’s wrong?”

  “Your mother had a seizure,” the doctor said. “And it wasn’t her first.” At that, I looked at Mom, meeting her guilty eyes. She’d been hiding seizures from me? How?

  The doctor glanced at my mom, who gave him a nod as she wiped her tears. He went on, “She has stage four glioblastoma. She’s forgone chemotherapy and surgery.” When I kept staring at him with a stupid expression, he added, “Brain cancer. Your mom has brain cancer.”

  The words hit me like a bag of bricks. Brain cancer? How? My world began to spin, and I wanted to shout, wanted to argue, but I knew he was a doctor, with years of practice under his belt, and this…this wasn’t something new. You didn’t just wake up one morning and have stage four brain cancer. It was something that built up.

  My mom had hidden it from me. For how long? Why? If she would’ve told me, I would’ve…

  What could I have done? Begged her to try chemo? Told her to get a surgery that might not even help her?

  “Based on the size and how much it’s spread, I’d give her six months, at the most.” To my mom, he said, “It’s time to get everything wrapped up, Rosie.” Her life insurance, her will, all the other things dying people had to worry about.

  Because my mom was dying.

  I didn’t remember much after that. I recalled stumbling into the hall, finding Leah and her mom. I remembered collapsing into my friend’s arms, too stunned to cry.

  I’d survived River Elementary. I’d gone to therapy, gotten better, had a life here. I smiled more, I tried hard in school. I did everything my mom and my therapist had told me to do, and this was how I was going to be rewarded? All that work, and this was where we ended up? I stood taller than ever after my suicide attempt just to watch my mom die.

  Chapter Eighteen

  Oh, fuck it. These two already knew my p
ast. What use was it to waver now?

  “If either one of you runs away screaming, you’re out of the super-secret club,” I teased as I started tugging my sleeve. We had a little over an hour until Alec’s parents came home, and it looked like these two needed some incentive, some reassurance that this wasn’t weird.

  After all, life was only as weird as you made it.

  “What are you…” Xander’s words caught in his throat as he watched me take off my shirt.

  I set my shirt atop my phone, getting to my feet as I kicked off my shoes and worked at the button on my waist. Within a moment, I stood before them both in nothing but my underwear. Thank God I’d worn a decent pair, not a hole in sight. I’d call that a win.

  “So,” I began, sitting back down, “where were we?” I stretched out my legs between Alec and Xander, aware their eyes were eating me up. They weren’t even sneaky about it. “You were just telling me how weird this would be, I think.” I wiggled my toes; both boys definitely caught the movement. “Me, personally, I think it’s weird I’m the only one in my underwear.”

  Xander and Alec met eyes, and I could tell both had an inner war going on. Who would break first? Who would take off their clothes and join me first? It was a battle of wills, and whoever broke first would win.

  “I’m getting kind of cold,” I whined, reaching a finger up, toying with a strap on my bra. Off my shoulder, back on my shoulder. Off, on, off, on, all the while having their rapt attention on me. With both of my bra straps hanging off my shoulders, I said, “Tell me if I’m crossing too many lines here. I’d hate to make either one of you uncomfortable.” I reached behind me, unhooking my bra and releasing my breasts. Apparently these boys needed more incentive.

  I felt…strangely beautiful right now. Like my scars didn’t exist. Like Alec and Xander saw me for me and thought me some pretty thing, and not broken, used-up trash. The feeling was partially why I was being so confident, so outgoing.