Coming Home

by Karen Kingsbury

  “No. Please stay.” His tone was beyond somber. Ashley watched him take a few minutes to check Erin’s numbers, her chart, her physical responses. He jotted down something in her file, and he released a sad sigh as he faced them. “You already know what I’m going to say, John.” He looked at his friend. “Don’t you?”

  “Yes.” Her dad put his hand on Ashley’s shoulder. “I’m praying for a miracle. That the evidence of my eyes might be wrong.”

  What evidence? Ashley wanted to scream. Why hadn’t he told her when they were talking earlier? Her mind spun and her heart pounded. All the sounds tried to blur together. Dear God, help me focus. Don’t let her be worse, please. She forced herself to listen.

  Whatever the doctor said next, Ashley only caught bits and pieces. Erin wasn’t responding, her numbers were failing, her brain activity was minimal. Wait! Again she wanted to shout at the man, at her dad, even. They couldn’t give up on Erin. She was still fighting, still making progress — even if only because she was still breathing. But as she fought the idea in her mind, the doctor’s final words screamed through her heart and soul, as clear as any words ever spoken. They needed to tell the others, he told them. Because the truth was this: Erin was failing.

  “She’s fading fast.” He sounded like he might cry. “I’d say it’ll be sometime tonight.”

  Everything about the past hour swirled together and Ashley could only think of one very terrible sad truth. If Dr. Hazel was right, then her father was wrong. She would not have time to make things right with Erin, to be the sister she’d always meant to be. Unless God gave them a miracle, she’d run out of time. And there was nothing she could do to make up for it.

  Not if they only had a few hours left.

  Nineteen

  LANDON FINISHED THE CLEANUP WITH RYAN, AND THE TWO OF them hurried back to the hospital. Luke had said there was no real news with Erin or Amy Elizabeth, but that he needed a meeting with them all. Whatever had happened, that sounded important. Landon prayed as he drove that Ashley would handle the news well, that he could be there to hold her up and help her through.

  The way he’d done at difficult times since he first fell in love with her.

  Even with their efforts to hurry, Landon and Ryan were the last to the meeting. They found the others holding down two tables in the waiting room, which was thankfully otherwise empty. Brooke and Peter sat across from Kari. Ryan took the empty chair next to her. Landon did the same, sitting next to Ashley, with Luke and Reagan at the far end. Dayne and Katy sat next to their dad, and Luke was about to take charge of the meeting when John Baxter held up his hand. His face looked gravely sad.

  Only then did Landon notice the sorrow on Ashley’s face, too. He had the sudden certainty that something else had happened. John looked down for a long while and when he lifted his eyes, there were tears on his cheeks. “Erin only has a few hours.” They might’ve been the most difficult words John had ever uttered. “They told Ashley and me a few minutes ago in her hospital room.”

  Kari hung her head and Brooke glanced at the waiting room door, as if she might run back to Erin’s room herself and see if there wasn’t something else that could be done. But in the end she relaxed and rested her head on Peter’s shoulder. Luke held tight to Reagan and Dayne did the same with Katy. They’d had enough bad news that week that they weren’t shocked. Just deeply sad.

  The thing they had prayed and hoped wouldn’t finish off this horrible week was about to happen. Barring a miracle, they would have to say good-bye to their sister.

  They absorbed the news and John prayed for them, prayed that even in this moment God would take this cup and deliver Erin from her debilitating injuries. “Give us new strength, Father. We don’t understand.” His voice was a mix of sorrow and defeat. “We might never understand. But we lean into You this hour. In Jesus’ name, amen.”

  A few more minutes passed, and then Luke broke the silence. “We really need to talk. Especially now.”

  Landon felt Ashley tense up. She pressed her shoulder into his and looked at Luke, the way all of them did.

  Luke had a notepad full of what looked like bullet points. His pen was poised on the first one. “I’ve talked with the social worker. She’s new to the case and she’s with us. She’s very concerned about Amy’s birth mother.” He looked from one side of the two tables to the other. “Of course now, we’re talking about more than visitation. We’re talking custody.”

  The word hit Landon hard enough to take his breath. He tightened his hold on Ashley and caught the desperation on the faces around him. The situation was so much worse than he’d expected coming into this meeting. If Erin died — and it looked that way — then Amy could end up being raised by her birth mother.

  Brooke frowned. “Are you saying … this woman could get full custody of Amy?”

  “Absolutely.” Luke moved his pen to the next bullet point. “Which leads us to this. Sam and Erin both had life insurance policies. Looks like they total about three hundred thousand dollars.”

  Again the blow hit Landon full force, the way he could clearly see it was hitting the others at the table. John was the first to recover. He coughed a few times, his throat tight from what was obviously a terrible revelation. “I’m assuming Amy would be the sole heir.”

  “Exactly.” Luke sat back in his chair and dropped the pen on the notepad. “This is very, very bad. The social worker — a woman named Naomi Boggs — will tell Candy and her mother the news about the accident today. It won’t take long for them to figure out that if Erin dies, Amy will get the estate. Not that they’ll know the amount right off. But the life insurance … that’s enough for Candy to hire an attorney and fight hard for custody. It’s more money than she could possibly imagine.”

  “There has to be some kind of protection built into the policy,” again Brooke looked upset.

  Landon studied her, the oldest Baxter daughter. Brooke was a fighter — much like Ashley — but Ashley fought with passion. Brooke fought with brains — as if she could outthink a problem like this. But Luke’s tone and expression told them this would be harder than they thought.

  “A level of protection, yes.” Luke frowned. “But it assumes a level of trust with the parent or guardian raising Amy. It allows for ordinary and customary expenses in raising the child, and then a mandatory twenty percent that must be saved for Amy’s college costs.”

  “What?” Ryan raised his voice. “Twenty percent of three hundred thousand wouldn’t get her through a four-year degree.”

  “Exactly.” Luke worked the muscles in his jaw. “Again, the policy assumes a level of trust. Meaning if Sam had died and Erin was in charge of the money, she wouldn’t abuse it and Amy would have enough to pay for a college education and a house one day.”

  Landon watched Luke, waiting. Clearly there was more coming.

  Luke picked up his pen again and tapped the third bullet point on his list. “That brings us to the main reason we’re meeting today.” He paused, looking intently at each of his siblings. “I told Naomi we were going to fight this. I have temporary power of attorney where Amy is concerned. She’s a minor and that gives us permission to authorize treatment or any decisions a parent might make on her behalf.”

  “Does that mean we have custody?” Dayne released his hold on Katy and leaned his forearms on the table. “Maybe we’ll have the edge over the birth mother.”

  “It’s a step in the right direction, for sure. But it doesn’t guarantee anything. The fact is, Candy Burns — Amy’s birth mother — has legal right to her. The open adoption allows for it, as long as the court has no proof that Amy would be in danger going to live with her.”

  “That’s ridiculous.” Brooke slapped her hand softly on the table. “How dangerous does it have to be? Any time a child goes through something this traumatic, this life altering, of course the last thing she should have to worry about is whether she’d be sent to live with a felon she doesn’t even know.”

  “I’m w
orking on that. Erin texted Naomi, alluding to the fact that she had proof Candy wasn’t fit. She didn’t elaborate, so I’m trying to imagine how she might’ve gotten that information. And where I can find it.” Luke looked from Brooke to their dad. “Here’s the main thing. We need a plan. One of us has to be willing to take custody of Amy if …”

  He didn’t have to finish his sentence.

  The reality spread through Landon’s heart like warm rain, like everything inside him was crying for Erin’s loss, for Amy’s loss. The child was nine. How would she ever be okay if she woke up and found that everyone else in her family had been killed? But then another thought came with the rain. How much worse would the situation be for Amy if she had to live with her birth mother?

  Several of Ashley’s siblings and their spouses began talking quietly, and Luke quietly interrupted them. “You don’t need to decide now. Pray about it, sleep on it. Let’s make a decision tomorrow morning. In the meantime, pray for me. That I might figure out this evidence Erin was texting Naomi Boggs about.”

  In the time it took for Luke to say those last words, Landon made a decision. He looked at Ashley, softly crying beside him, and he knew the answer. Brooke and Peter worked full-time, and Kari and Ryan didn’t have room in Ryan’s custom log cabin, unless they added on or moved. Luke and Reagan had their hands full, and Dayne and Katy lived too far away to give Amy the extended family she would need.

  Which meant he and Ashley needed to take their niece. The thought created a perfect fit in Landon’s heart. He and Ashley had been through a great deal together. But God had given Landon a fairly clean bill of health last time he was in, and Amy would fit right in with Devin and Janessa.

  They all agreed to talk about the matter in the morning. Before they could get up from the table, John reminded them about Erin. “I’ll be in her room the rest of the day.” His eyes filled with tears. “Any of you who want to come in and talk to her, feel free. I already asked the nursing staff. They don’t mind how many we have, as long as we’re quiet.”

  The sobering reality settled in around them, displacing the fighter mode they were ready to assume. First they had to surround Erin, pray for a miracle and believe God would bring good out of whatever the rest of the day held. They would stay with Erin until she improved or went to heaven.

  And later tonight Landon would talk to Ashley about Amy Elizabeth.

  ASHLEY WAS EXHAUSTED, BUT SHE HAD an idea. A way she could be the sister to Erin she’d always meant to be. As tired as she was, she needed to talk with Landon before they turned in for the night.

  Erin had held on through the day, and even then Ashley hadn’t found the right time to say what she wanted to say. When they weren’t taking turns visiting the still-comatose Amy Elizabeth, the family filled Erin’s room. Then just before midnight the attending physician told them she looked stable enough to survive another day. His words sent them shuffling out to the parking lot and back to the old Baxter house. Ashley and Landon’s house. Even their dad was staying with them. He and Elaine were using the spare bedroom on the main floor.

  In the morning, she told herself. She had to find a moment alone with Erin in the morning and tell her exactly what was on her heart. The fact that she still had another chance was a gift from God alone. They walked through the front door at just before one in the morning, and like other days when they’d come home from the hospital this late, the lights were off, the kids asleep. Landon had held her hand as they drove and now as they walked inside. But they’d ridden home in mostly silence. It was enough to have him near. And besides, she needed time to formulate her thoughts.

  “Let’s go kiss the kids,” Ashley whispered near Landon’s ear.

  He caught her gently, working his fingers through her hair and taking hold of the back of her head. His kiss took her by surprise, but it felt wonderful. A reminder that they were still alive. That life still had a chance even with so much death. He smiled at her, his eyes still marked by the constant sorrow they were all feeling. “Follow me.”

  She did, and they walked to Cole’s room first. Devin and Janessa were in sleeping bags on Cole’s floor, freeing up their rooms for several cousins. Ashley and Landon took turns stooping over their sleeping children and kissing their foreheads. She breathed in deep, savoring the combined smell of dirty shoes and clean sheets, and the innocence in each of their faces.

  Cole was really struggling. He had texted her several times each day since the accident, telling her he was praying for her and asking her if she was okay. He was a good boy, a young man, really. His blond hair was darker now, nowhere near as light as Devin’s still was. Devin and Janessa seemed concerned, but it was still a great week for them — same as it was for the other younger Baxter cousins. It was a time to play and laugh and be together. Like summer camp, only better.

  A sort of cousin camp.

  Landon put his arm around her and prayed in a quiet whisper, that the kids would sleep safely and that their hearts would be protected from bitterness or doubt in the wake of what had happened this week. It was a prayer they’d all uttered on behalf of their kids. Over and over again.

  They poured glasses of water in the kitchen and took quiet steps back to their bedroom. Ashley shut the door behind them and flipped on the ceiling fan and the light. The room was stuffy, but since temperatures had dropped since sundown, she opened the window and let the cool breeze in.

  A small sofa sat against one wall of their bedroom, and now Ashley took Landon’s hand. “Can we talk for a minute?”

  “Sure.” He looked like he had something on his mind, too. “I was going to say the same thing.”

  Again Ashley felt her exhaustion. She would need a second wind to get through the next half hour. Before they could take another step, Ashley turned to him. “Thank you. For staying with me all day.”

  “Of course.” Landon eased his arms around her and held her body against his. “My heart’s breaking, too. I needed you as much as you needed me.”

  “I always need you.”

  “Mmm.” Landon nuzzled her neck and left a light trail of kisses along her jawline and finally on her lips. He kissed her fully, and the moment turned more passionate.

  Ashley loved how his kiss made her feel, like there was still hope that some day they could all be happy again. She smiled at him, even if she didn’t feel her eyes quite come to life. In a move that made the world fade away, she touched the tip of her nose to his, their bodies connected in the embrace. “Yes.” She kissed him once more. “I definitely need you.”

  They swayed that way for a minute or so, finding energy in the realness of each other, the warmth of the way their bodies fit together. “Okay, then.” Ashley took a quick breath and a step back. “That’s what I needed.”

  Landon’s smile barely lifted his lips. “Me, too.” He nodded to the sofa. “Can we sit?”

  “Definitely.” Ashley had thought all day about how she would begin this conversation. Now she couldn’t remember a single option. “Okay, so I want to talk about the future.” They faced each other. “All our lives, Landon … all of it. I’ve never made life easy for you.”

  A softness appeared in Landon’s eyes. “I never wanted anyone else.”

  “But it wasn’t easy.” She folded her hands, her knuckles white from the pressure. “You took on Cole as your own son when you married me and you never …” Her voice cracked, and she stopped. She didn’t want to cry again. So many tears over the last few days. “You never made me feel like a pariah for coming back from Paris pregnant. You just … you just loved Cole like he was your own. Even when I wasn’t ready for love. Even then you loved him. And you loved me.”

  “He was the most adorable little boy.” Landon tilted his head, the light in his eyes a reflection of his soul. “If you never would’ve wanted me, I would’ve always loved him.”

  “See?” She tossed her hands and let them fall in her lap. “I was awful back then. I’ll thank God every day as long as I live that He
got my attention and snapped me out of my selfishness. To think I might’ve lost you …” She shook her head and the first tears hit her cheeks in earnest. “My whole painting thing and the purchase of this house, the way you did that for me.” She shook her head a few quick times. “Really, Landon. It’s never been easy.”

  He took both her hands in his. “Is this going somewhere?” His eyes danced the way they used to. Before the accident.

  And suddenly in that moment it occurred to Ashley that the rest of time would be defined as life before the accident and life after it. Such a sad reality. She blinked a few times and remembered what was happening. Maybe she was too tired to have this conversation now. Maybe it should wait till morning.

  She tried to focus. “No. I mean, yes. It’s going somewhere.” She tucked a few strands of her hair behind her ear. “What I’m trying to say is … I have an idea about Amy.” She hesitated, holding her breath, waiting for his reaction.

  He only nodded thoughtfully. “I think we should adopt her.”

  She had to find the right words, had to state this in a way that didn’t sound crazy. Because she needed his support. That much was certain. “See, it doesn’t really make sense for the others to —” She felt her eyes fly open. For a long time she only watched him, searched his eyes trying to understand if she’d really heard what she thought she just heard. Her voice was a tortured whisper when she finally spoke. “What did you say?”

  He ran his thumbs along her hands and his eyes told her what his words had already said. “I think we should adopt her. I’ve been thinking it all day.” He leaned forward and kissed her slowly. When he opened his eyes, he looked for her reaction. “If none of the others feel strongly about it. I mean, we’ll have to wait and — “