Never Just Friends

by Lily Craig

  "She needs to eat," Caroline would mutter.

  So Georgie was given the mission of making sure that Caroline was informed of whether that happened. At the time, Georgie didn't recognize it as a kind of illness, just bizarre behavior on Ariel's part. It seemed like a waste of food.

  On this day, Ariel's lunch was a rye bread sandwich with roast beef, a butterscotch pudding cup, homemade fruit leather, and carrot sticks carefully packaged in Tupperware. Georgie knew this because she'd eaten the same lunch twenty minutes before. Now she sat there, staring off into the distance at the bench in the corner.

  Madelyn sat on the far side of the bench, hunched over a sad-looking paper bag. She'd eaten the small sandwich inside of it and now her shoulders drooped. Georgie and Madelyn hadn't spoken much this school year, but Georgie still found herself checking for Madelyn at recesses, wanting to make sure she was ok.

  In the last few years, she'd learned that Madelyn was brave only when it applied to other people. For herself, she was often quiet beyond reason and seemed dreamily introverted if a problem came up. Georgie's lunchtime assignment to spend time with Ariel had been gnawing at her insides.

  "Do you want that?" she asked Ariel, pointing at the lunch box of food. When Ariel rolled her eyes as if the question were beneath her, Georgie scooped the kit up and took it over to where Madelyn sat.

  "Hi," Georgie said to Madelyn. "My sister's not hungry today. Do you want anything?"

  Madelyn's warm brown eyes lit up with eager appetite. But she was too proud to say anything other than ‘Sure’ with tepid restraint. Georgie could tell she was hungry; it was obvious from the way Madelyn wolfed down the sandwich in huge bites, from her furious chewing of the fruit leather.

  "Thank you," Madelyn said quietly when she'd finished eating. "That was really good."

  "My sister doesn't eat lunch anymore," Georgie said. As if that were a logical explanation for their situation. "You can have hers when she doesn't want it."

  Madelyn blushed and her dreamy expression turned to a frown. "It's ok, I don't need your help all the time."

  Georgie felt shame tighten her muscles and then wondered what she'd done wrong. Wasn't helping people supposed to be a good thing?

  "Ok," she said. But as she continued to sit with Madelyn, she watched Madelyn consume the rest of the lunch with a sort of resentful neediness and knew she'd done the right thing.

  That evening, Caroline was thrilled to discover an empty lunchbox in Ariel's backpack. Georgie watched from the living room couch as her mother unpacked the bag, opened its zipper, and smiled a great big, beaming grin down at the empty containers. It was soothing enough that Georgie said nothing. Some part of her knew instinctually that to break the spell would be disastrous for both her and Ariel.

  Silence it was.

  Though Georgie had known Madelyn before, having recognized her as an ally in the fight against school bullies, they had never spent much time together outside recess. Now, though, they sat together each lunchtime, eating quietly while Georgie passed over Ariel's neglected food to Madelyn.

  "Does your family not know how much you like to eat?" Georgie asked one day as she watched Madelyn scarf a sandwich.

  "What?" said Madelyn. She seemed to sense a trap in the question, like its innocence was a front to conceal cruelty beneath it. Her eyes narrowed, sandy eyebrows densely pressed together.

  "You seem really hungry is all."

  "I know," muttered Madelyn. Her face had flushed with pink when Georgie asked the question, and though Georgie knew that she must be embarrassed she wasn't quite sure why. "My mom leaves early for work so I pack lunch from what's there."

  "Where?"

  "At home," said Madelyn. "In the fridge or just around."

  Georgie wanted to ask if they didn't buy groceries often enough for there to be food, but something held her back from prying further. The obvious shame radiating from Madelyn's blushing cheeks kept Georgie silent. She'd never thought about whether other people had their moms make their lunches for them. She'd just assumed that was the way it was.

  "Do you want to come over this afternoon?" she said, instead. Maybe she could show Madelyn the rocks she'd found by the hill in the park, ones that shimmered in the light with seams of sparkly crystal. Ariel and Portia didn't care about rocks, or lizards, or anything fun.

  "Ok," said Madelyn. They continued to eat in comfortable silence, and Georgie's excitement burbled inside her stomach throughout the rest of the school day. She watched the classroom clock wind round through the minutes of each hour that afternoon. Quiet reading time was the worst part, with no distractions other than the words in front of her.

  Miraculously, the time passed. Georgie shoved her book into the compartment beneath her desk and grabbed her backpack eagerly when the end-of-day bell rang. While their teacher lectured about homework assigned for Friday, Georgie shot a glance over to where Madelyn sat.

  Was she as excited as Georgie? If she was, it wasn't obvious on her face. Georgie bounded over to the spot in front of where she knew Madelyn's locker was, and she fidgeted with the loose button on her coat while she waited.

  Finally, Madelyn packed up her reading and shuffled out of the classroom. Madelyn's winter coat was too big for her, and the inside label had a name scrawled over it that wasn't Madelyn. Georgie's mother bought a new winter coat for each of her daughters each year, so the thought that a coat could be a hand-me-down didn't occur to Georgie.

  "I just need to tell my brother where I'm going," said Madelyn, shrugging her backpack on top of the too-big winter coat.

  "I can come with you," said Georgie. She didn't want to let Madelyn out of her sight in case she changed her mind about spending time together. Though Georgie's sisters were popular, Georgie knew that her own social prospects were much less promising. The consensus in her class was that Georgie was weird.

  But maybe Madelyn didn't mind. She'd been a champion for Georgie in those early days of kindergarten, when Georgie's quirks had caused ridicule and embarrassment.

  Georgie traipsed after Madelyn along the bustling elementary school hallway. They were headed towards the lockers for the Grade 7 class, as she could tell from her experience with her sisters' classrooms. When they reached the far corner of the hall, Madelyn poked her head around the open metal door of a locker where another sandy-haired figure stood.

  "Sasha?" she said. The boy who looked down at them shared Madelyn's dark eyes, but unlike her small stature, he was already at a height that looked quite adult. A grim expression of resignation sat on his square face, and he stood with a slouching posture as if he were apologizing silently for his height.

  "I'm going over to Georgie's for a bit. Is that ok?"

  Sasha nodded, his face impassive, and continued to dress himself for the winter temperatures. Madelyn took his acceptance happily and steered Georgie down the stairs and to the outside.

  "You don't need to check with your parents?" asked Georgie.

  "Sasha takes care of me after school, so if he says it's good, it's ok."

  Georgie still puzzled over Madelyn's unusual family situation. Her brother took care of her? Did they have to take the bus together or walk home, rather than having someone come pick them up at the end of the day?

  Caroline was waiting for Georgie, Portia, and Ariel at the usual parking spot, the car still running to keep it warm while she sat. Georgie and Madelyn arrived after Ariel and Portia did, so the two older girls frowned at Georgie and complained bitterly when she let the cold air in with her.

  "Mom, tell Georgie she needs to be faster getting ready to leave school," said Ariel.

  "Or at least don't take so long getting into the car, Georgie," said Portia.

  Caroline sighed and ignored the whining coming her way, and instead she smiled at Madelyn.

  "Hello, dear," she said, turning around in the front seat so she could stare all the way down the minivan to where Madelyn sat in the back row. "I'm Caroline. And you are?"

 
; "Madelyn Melnyk."

  "I don't think I know your mom, Madelyn. What's her name?"

  "Radmila."

  Georgie didn't miss the judgmental look Ariel and Portia passed each other at that.

  "Kind of a weird name," said Portia.

  "Your name's weirder, Portia," snapped Georgie.

  "It's pretty!" Portia shrieked.

  "Georgiana! Manners. We have a guest in the car with us."

  "Not my guest," said Ariel sulkily.

  "Ariel! Girls!” Caroline used her most authoritative voice to attempt to quash the uprising happening in her back seat, a din of sibling rivalry. The sisters stopped talking, though Ariel and Portia crossed their arms and scowled back at Georgie, ignoring Madelyn completely.

  They drove along bustling streets to the South-East suburb where the Brewer house sat, imposing, near an artificial pond. Though the suburb's marketing tried to paint the pond as a lake, everyone knew it was for storm water runoff, and its most popular use was as a repository for joyridden grocery store carts teenagers discarded. Madelyn's posture remained impeccably poised, but her eyes widened as she stared out the window at the houses they drove by.

  Georgie knew that the houses on her street were large. Big families lived there, ones with children who played street hockey in the cul-de-sac or scampered around on the driveways shooting basketballs up at hoops over the garage door. She'd never thought more about the appearance of the suburb before now. It was more than just her home; it spoke about what her family was like.

  "Thank you for picking us up," said Madelyn to Caroline when they hopped out of the minivan. Ariel, Portia, and Georgie had all started walking up the front steps without speaking a word. Caroline, taken aback, smiled at Madelyn and said that she was very welcome.

  Georgie noticed that her mother became nicer to Madelyn after that moment, opening the door with a delicate flourish and gesturing to Madelyn that she should take a seat on the good bench near the door so she could take off her boots. Usually, Caroline scolded the girls when they flung coats onto the bench and told them it was decorative, not functional.

  "What would you girls like for a snack?" asked Caroline. Madelyn stared, switching her gaze from Caroline to Georgie and back again, unwilling to speak first. Ariel shrugged and went off to her room without answering, and Georgie could see the worry crease on her mother's face deepen in response.

  Portia grabbed an apple and said she was good, thanks, so it was left to Georgie to answer.

  "Ants on a log?" she said, staring at Madelyn hoping that she'd react positively. It was a little kid snack, Georgie knew, but she still loved it.

  "Wonderful!" exclaimed Caroline. She threw herself into preparing the snack, ushering the girls into the den where they could play. Madelyn's eyes roved the sizeable built-in bookshelves, the marble mantelpiece and gleaming hardwood floors around them.

  "Your house is really pretty," she said to Georgie in a low voice.

  "Oh," answered Georgie. "Thank you?"

  It hadn't occurred to Georgie that her house was beautiful; it was simply where she lived. Sometimes, she wished they had secret passages, or a workshop where she could collect more rocks and not get in trouble for having muddy shoes. But rarely did she ever look at the appearance of the place and assess its merits. Now, she watched Madelyn stare at the fireplace, and she felt a strange combination of pride and embarrassment.

  "Snack's ready, girls!" called her mother, saving Georgie from having to think of something else to say.

  While Madelyn ate log after log of celery, Georgie munched a few absentmindedly in between sips of chocolate milk. The peanut butter combined well with the drink, so she felt she was eating one of her favorite candies. Caroline watched the two of them eating and edged closer to the island.

  "Madelyn, I can make more if you'd like," she said.

  "Oh, they're really good. Thank you, Mrs. Brewer. But I had some of Georgie's extra lunch today so I'm ok."

  Caroline raised an eyebrow at Georgie after Madelyn's comment, but she said nothing. The girls finished their snack and went to play and look at Georgie's rocks before Caroline had to drive Madelyn home. Georgie brimmed with pride as she explained that one of the rocks she had was what they called "fool's gold", even though it looked like it had real gold inside.

  "So it's not really worth anything, even though it maybe could be if you didn't know any better."

  "That's so cool!" exclaimed Madelyn. Georgie wanted to burst with happiness then, having not only found a recess friend but someone who'd listen to her talk about the things that her sisters thought were boring.

  "Do you want to come over again sometime?" asked Georgie. Madelyn nodded vigorously. The two smiled at each other, a new sense of friendship forged in the eager silence. When it came time for Madelyn to go home, Georgie wanted to grab her hand and force her to stay.

  After Caroline returned home from her errand, she cornered Georgie.

  "What was Madelyn saying about an extra lunch, Georgie?"

  She couldn't meet her mother's eye, staring instead at the pile of the carpet beneath her feet. "Sometimes I saw that Madelyn didn't have very much lunch. And she looked really hungry, so when Ariel didn't want her food, I thought Madelyn might want it."

  "Oh, sweetie," said Caroline. "That's very kind of you."

  "Did I do something wrong?" Shame was building inside Georgie, condensing the feeling of her blood pumping through veins so that she wondered if her heart might explode from the effort of keeping her alive.

  "No, Georgie. You were being a good person trying to help your friend. It sounds like Madelyn's family might not have enough for her to eat sometimes. I'm just surprised that Ariel's still not eating properly, that's all."

  In the pause that followed, Georgie squirmed. She knew she ought to have told her mother that Ariel wasn't eating her lunch, but she didn't understand the sadness blooming on her mother's face. It rained down from her brow over her soft blue eyes and on to the delicate cupid's bow framing her mouth. Georgie’s mother was beautiful, feminine in a way Georgie already knew she was not.

  Now that they were standing in silence together, she felt as if a moment had just passed where she saw her mom as an individual, a person who'd had a life before her children were born. It was the first time she'd considered such a thing, and she wondered why it hadn't come up before. Her mother was sad and though she couldn't help that, she wanted to.

  "I'm sorry," Georgie said, finally.

  The tears in Caroline's eyes never fell, but Georgie could see them wavering on the boundary of spilling. Georgie ground her teeth together and felt a rush of heat circling her neck—anger at Ariel for dodging her mother's questions about food every day, fear for Madelyn's confusing family, self-pity for being in the situation at all. This didn't feel like the kind of thing most kids had to deal with. But Georgie wasn't actually like most kids after all.

  "Mom, are we rich?" asked Georgie. Her mother's faltering smile in response to the question brightened the mood considerably.

  "No, honey. We're comfortable. Middle class, but comfortable." Caroline took a steadying breath and then shouted upstairs. "Ariel! Get down here right this instant, young lady!"

  5

  Present Day

  When Madelyn woke, she had forgotten where she was. The unfamiliar wooden scent in the air confused her half-sleeping brain, and she jolted upright, searching for clues in the environment that could tell her where she was.

  Log beams.

  Trees outside.

  Cabin!

  She stood, stretching, and butterflies teemed in her stomach at the prospect of seeing Georgie again. Last night had been good.

  At least, Madelyn thought it had been good. All her eager plans to tell Georgie about how she felt seemed silly in the context of Georgie arriving early. It wasn't that simple. Couldn't be.

  Could it?

  She longed to take Georgie's hand and kiss the work-toughened skin of her palm, meeting her eyes w
ith an expression that somehow said everything she wanted to with words, but couldn't. Madelyn had finally figured out that she needed to be with Georgie, but the process of telling that to Georgie proved much more daunting than Madelyn’s self-discovery.

  Madelyn padded down the hallway, her socked feet light on the wooden floorboards, and when she reached the second-floor landing she paused, turning to the huge prow-shaped windows. Snow was still falling, piling onto massive drifts that changed the landscape outside completely. Everything was coated in thick piles of the stuff, from the heavily laden evergreens with branches bending underneath the snow's weight, to the front deck now covered by at least a foot of flakes.

  It was incredible that something as simple as frozen crystals of water could join up to make this teeming, overwhelming vista. Madelyn stood at the second-floor railing and stared.

  "I'm guessing Nadia and Hannah won't make it," said a voice coming from behind her. Madelyn jumped, whirling around to see Georgie, fully dressed already.

  "Morning!" she said. "And no, I'd think the roads would be bad."

  "Shit luck," said Georgie. Her eyes twinkled with warmth that was surprising at this hour, Madelyn being about as far from a morning person as you could get. It appalled her to see anyone happy before noon, especially before coffee.

  Georgie was wearing a flannel button-up shirt in a navy plaid print, the sleeves rolled up to reveal her wiry forearms. Underneath a homemade beanie that Madelyn had sent Georgie in the mail for Georgie's birthday, wisps of messy brown hair were tangled rakishly.

  "Hey," said Madelyn, suddenly unable to think of anything but the fact Georgie was wearing the hat she'd made her, "you like the knitting I made for you?"

  "It's cozy," said Georgie, shrugging. "And I guess we'd better figure out what we'll do for the next while, cause even if we wanted to leave right now, there's no way we'd be able to drive home in this mess."