Generation Misfits

by Akemi Dawn Bowman

  * * *

  When Millie let Zuki into the house, Zuki closed the door quickly and marched straight toward Jane and Scott and thrust out her hand. “Hi, I’m Zuki! Thanks for letting me stay! I was just going to eat cold pizza for dinner, so this is really nice of you. I couldn’t find my sleeping bag, but I’m fine sleeping on the floor. Do you need help with anything? Oh, and Merry Christmas! Well, for tomorrow, anyway. Oh, wow, I love your tree!”

  Scott shook her hand, eyeing the door behind her. “Er—thank you, Zuki. Did your parents want to come in and say hi?”

  “No, they’re not those kinds of parents.” Zuki laughed like she’d told a joke.

  Millie tried to keep her face from revealing anything. She knew Zuki’s parents weren’t outside. They didn’t even know she was here.

  Zuki had explained on the phone how she was going to take a bus all the way to the park near Millie’s house and then walk the rest of the way with her overnight bag. Millie didn’t even know it was possible to take a bus like that without your parents. But Zuki had laughed like it was something she’d done a million times before.

  Jane smiled. “Millie, do you want to show Zuki where your room is? Dinner will be ready in a couple of hours.”

  Millie tugged at Zuki’s arm to pull her away, and when they reached her bedroom, she lowered her voice.

  “I didn’t say anything about your parents not being home, so it might be a good idea not to mention it,” Millie said.

  Zuki nodded, but her eyes were scanning the room. “Oh my goodness, I love all your posters! I have that one of Chiyo, too—did you get it with the deluxe edition CD?”

  Millie fidgeted with her sleeves. Zuki looked so happy. Maybe a little too happy. Millie would be absolutely devastated if her parents had left her home alone for Christmas, but Zuki was acting like she’d won a million dollars. Like being forgotten about was a good thing.

  “Are you okay?” Millie asked. “Because you can talk about it, if you want to.”

  Zuki turned around. “Talk about what?”

  “It’s just … your parents…” Millie tried hard to find the right words. “I guess I’d be feeling kind of weird about it, is all.”

  Zuki waved a hand. “This is so much better than being home with them, honestly.” When Millie didn’t say anything, she sighed. “Okay, it bothers me a little. I mean, at home, I always try to be quiet and stay out of their way. I know, it’s weird, right? Because I’m not quiet at school at all! But it’s different at home. I think they want me to be quiet.” Her shoulders sank, like it wasn’t just her heart that felt heavy—it was everything. “But I guess maybe I was too quiet because they forgot about me altogether.”

  “I’m really sorry, Zuki,” Millie said.

  “Sometimes I don’t know what to do differently. I’m loud at school, and it’s so hard to make friends. I’m quiet at home, and I can’t seem to get anyone’s attention.” She paused. “But maybe it’s better that way. Maybe having their attention would make things worse.”

  “Worse?” Millie repeated.

  Zuki’s smile reappeared. “It’s so cool that we’re having our first sleepover! And at Christmas, too. Which reminds me—I have a present for you.” She stuffed her hand in her bag and reemerged with a small frame. It was made of cardboard and paper, but it was covered in bright paint and splotches of glitter. There was even a small drawing of Generation Love in the corner, like they were tiny anime characters. And in the frame was a photo of everyone in J-Club.

  A photo of her friends.

  Millie didn’t know what to say. It was perfect. “I—I didn’t get you anything,” she admitted sadly.

  “That’s okay,” Zuki said with a grin. “I just like making things for people.”

  “You don’t have to do anything differently, you know. You just have to be exactly the way you are.” Millie looked up and found Zuki’s eyes. “Because you do have friends. And you’re my best friend.”

  She hoped that they’d stay friends forever.

  “You’re my best friend, too,” Zuki said.

  They stayed in Millie’s room talking about J-Pop and school and how there were photos all over the internet of Chiyo and her new boyfriend, who were spending Christmas at a ski resort, until Millie’s dad called them down for dinner. They spent the rest of the evening laughing with her parents, eating delicious food, and watching My Fair Lady until everyone was too tired to stay awake.

  And in the darkness, with both girls camped out on the floor on a sea of blankets and pillows, Millie decided it was the best Christmas Eve she’d ever had.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

  Millie stared into the bowl of sticky white rice and watched as her mom flopped an over-easy egg on top. She reached for the jar of furikake and sprinkled the seasoning all over her food before stabbing the egg with her fork and letting the bright yolk soak into the rice.

  She took a bite, smiling at Zuki as she did the same. It was Millie’s favorite breakfast in the entire world, and now she got to share it with her friend.

  Zuki was beaming. “This is delicious, Mrs. Nakakura!”

  Jane poured some orange juice for the girls and took a seat beside Scott. “I’m glad you like it. I’m sorry it isn’t anything fancy; Millie is usually in a big hurry to open presents.”

  Millie stopped chewing, aware of how it must look to Zuki, to see so many unopened presents under the tree and to not have any herself.

  “I was thinking maybe we could leave them for a while?” Millie said slowly. “We could watch a movie instead.”

  Zuki swallowed a mouthful of seasoned rice. “No way! It’s Christmas! You have to open presents.”

  Millie shrugged. “Yeah, but I can open them whenever. And you don’t come over very often.”

  “I like watching people open presents. It’s one of my favorite things.” Zuki looked at Scott and Jane. “I like when someone opens a present that they really wanted, and there’s this moment—a look of genuine joy, you know?” And then more to herself than anyone, she added, “I like seeing people happy.”

  But happy or not, it didn’t seem right to open presents in front of Zuki. Her parents weren’t there, and she had no presents under the tree.

  Millie didn’t want to rub it in.

  Thankfully, her parents seemed to have the same thought.

  “Maybe you could open just one present for now, and save the rest for later on?” Jane offered. “I think there might be something under the tree you’d both enjoy anyway.”

  Jane wasn’t wrong. One of the gifts turned out to be a portable karaoke machine. Millie and Zuki were both so excited, it was sort of like sharing a present anyway.

  They disappeared into Millie’s room, spending most of the morning adding karaoke versions of their favorite J-Pop songs to a playlist. Millie’s parents didn’t tell them they were being too loud or to turn the volume down. They just let them be, which was something Millie yearned for more often than not.

  “You have really cool parents,” Zuki said when Millie was flicking through the list to find her next song. “They care about you a lot.” There was a crack in Zuki’s smile, and a rush of sadness seeped through.

  “Your parents care about you, too.” It felt like the right thing to say, but also completely wrong. Because they’d forgotten all about Zuki for Christmas. Because Millie didn’t know Zuki’s parents. Because Zuki rarely talked about them—and sometimes she actively avoided talking about them.

  Maybe there was a reason for that.

  Zuki dragged her fingers along the carpet, her eyes beginning to glass over.

  Millie’s heart sank. “I’m sure they didn’t mean to leave you home alone. They’re probably going to feel really bad about it when they come back.”

  Zuki let out a sad laugh. “Yeah. Maybe. I thought maybe they’d call today. You know, to say Merry Christmas or whatever. But maybe not all parents do that.”

  “How about I ask my parents if you can sleep over for another
day? At least until your mom gets home?” Millie offered.

  Zuki opened her mouth to speak, but her eyes suddenly went large like she’d seen something she shouldn’t have.

  Or maybe like she’d said something she shouldn’t have.

  “Millie, can I talk to you for a minute?” Jane’s voice sounded from the doorway.

  Whatever was in Millie’s stomach seemed to disintegrate. Even her ears started to ring out of sheer panic. When she turned around, her mom was standing with her arms folded and her brows pinched together.

  Millie was too horrified to look back at Zuki, so she followed her mom into the living room where her dad was already waiting.

  “Millie, I want you to tell us right now what’s going on,” Jane demanded. “Do Zuki’s parents know she’s here?”

  Millie felt the tears well up in her eyes. “No, not exactly.”

  Scott shook his head, the anger tense in his jaw but the disappointment practically pouring from his eyes. “We don’t lie in this house. We’ve talked about this.”

  “But they forgot about her!” Millie blurted out. “She was all alone because neither of her parents remembered it was their turn to have her for Christmas. I couldn’t leave her by herself. She’s my friend.”

  Jane’s face softened while she worked through her thoughts. Finally, she sighed. “Of course Zuki shouldn’t be home alone. But right now, neither of her parents realize the other one isn’t watching her. They have no idea she’s here.” Jane lifted her shoulders. “Millie, there are rules. Not just in this house, but in the world, too. And Zuki’s a child—it’s not right for us to have her over without her parents even knowing.”

  “Why not? She’s safe here,” Millie said. Safer than she would be at home, a small voice in the back of her head wanted to add. Millie had no proof, but she knew it was true.

  She knew Zuki better than anyone, and it was obvious something about Zuki’s home life worried her. Maybe even scared her.

  “But her parents don’t know that,” Scott argued. “How do you think we’d feel if you were spending the night at someone’s house without even telling us? We’d be terrified.”

  “But that’s because you care, and Zuki’s parents don’t!” Millie said. “Zuki deserves better. She deserves to have a happy Christmas with someone who cares about her.”

  Jane and Scott exchanged a glance.

  “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” her mom said. “But I need to call Zuki’s parents. They need to know where she is.”

  Scott’s voice was firm. “Please ask Zuki for their number. And we’ll talk about the lying again later, understood?”

  Millie’s lip wobbled, even as she made her way back to her room and tried to explain to Zuki what was happening. Zuki’s face was devoid of any reaction at all. She looked like someone had sucked all the color out of her, and when she wrote down her dad’s cell number, she didn’t say a word.

  Millie and Zuki sat in silence while Jane made a call from the other room.

  They sat in silence while Scott explained Zuki’s dad was on his way to pick her up.

  They sat in silence when they listened to the doorbell ring and heard their parents’ voices from downstairs.

  And when Millie watched Zuki leave from the window, her eyes following the way Zuki’s dad grabbed her arm too roughly and shoved her into the car, she was silent then, too.

  It scared Millie, realizing how silent the world could be.

  * * *

  Nobody from J-Club heard from Zuki for the rest of winter break.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE

  Brightside Academy came into view, framed by soft gray clouds and brittle trees. Everything seemed sleepier than usual, like the school had gone into hibernation for the winter.

  The bus eased into the parking lot, and Millie spotted Zuki from the window. She was standing under the main archway, like she was trapped in a photograph. Normally Zuki was the kind of person who sent color out into the world, but instead it looked like all the gray in her surroundings was swallowing her up. She looked sad. And Zuki was never sad to be at school.

  Her expression morphed as soon as Millie stepped onto the sidewalk.

  “Hi!” Zuki waved, beaming from ear to ear.

  Millie walked toward her. “I haven’t heard from you in days. What happened with your parents? Were you in trouble? Did they take away your phone?”

  “Oh, that,” Zuki said with a shrug. “They were more embarrassed than anything. I think if I’d just stayed home, nobody would’ve even cared. But now your parents know, and, well…” Her voice trailed off. A moment later, she waved her phone in front of her. “But I got my phone back, so we can text again!”

  “Your dad looked really angry when he picked you up,” Millie pointed out. She couldn’t get the image out of her head—his fingers latched tight around Zuki’s arm, and the way he flung her into the car like she wasn’t a person at all.

  “Come on,” Zuki said quickly. “Let’s go and find Rainbow and Ashley. I need to hear about their breaks!”

  Millie wanted to ask her more, but she followed Zuki anyway.

  * * *

  When Millie walked into the auditorium with Zuki, Ashley, and Rainbow, she was surprised to find Luna waiting for them.

  Millie was so happy to see everyone reunited that she felt like a water balloon about to burst. “You’re here!” She looked at Luna. “How was Disney World? I didn’t think I’d see you today. Since it’s the first day back, I thought you’d be with your friends.”

  Luna gave a harmless shrug. “I am with my friends.”

  Ashley’s entire face brightened.

  They spent the rest of their lunch hour talking about their vacations and presents and funny stories. And even though they didn’t practice their routine, it didn’t matter.

  They were together again.

  * * *

  As the days went on, rehearsals went back to normal. For a while, everything felt normal.

  But Millie couldn’t stop watching Zuki. She watched the way Zuki’s demeanor would jump from animated to hyper-elated. The way Zuki’s eyes never seemed to quiet, like they were forever watching an alarm clock. The way Zuki was always moving, moving, moving, like she was on a high-speed train that was impossible to catch.

  Millie worried that if her friend went any faster, she might never come back.

  CHAPTER FORTY

  “Try that again—it should be one, two, tri-pa-let, four.” Scott clapped his hands and sang the notes.

  Millie clenched her teeth so hard they hurt.

  “Come on,” Scott urged, clapping a beat like a human metronome. “Da, da, da-da-da, da.”

  Millie played the notes, but halfway through her dad interrupted her.

  “No, that’s not right. Try it again.” He continued clapping, and every time the sound snapped through the room, Millie winced like she was in pain.

  “Dad,” she begged exasperatedly. “I can do it on my own.”

  “But you’re not.” He put his hands down and frowned. “Every time I walk past your room, I can hear you getting it wrong. And as soon as you hit those sixteenth notes, you start rushing.”

  “Well, maybe you should stop walking past my room,” Millie mumbled under her breath before she could help herself.

  Scott lowered his chin. Millie’s eyes widened.

  “I don’t like your attitude,” he warned.

  “I’m sorry. I’m just—” Millie squeezed her flute like she wished it would break in half. “I don’t like it when you’re always telling me how to practice.”

  “I’m trying to help, Millie,” Scott said.

  “But I don’t need your help!” Millie cried.

  Scott looked wounded. Millie felt like someone had sucker punched her in the stomach. She hadn’t meant to hurt his feelings, but still, she needed space. Was that so much to ask?

  “You don’t want anyone’s help. That’s part of the problem. You complain about flute lessons, you never want to prac
tice, and you still haven’t challenged the second chair for your spot back.” Scott let out a heavy sigh. “You’re not even trying anymore.”

  “I don’t care about second chair,” Millie huffed. “I’ve told you already, but you never listen to me. I hate playing the flute.”

  “I think the problem is that you don’t like to work hard,” Scott challenged.

  Millie’s eyes began to well up. She worked hard at school. She worked hard at J-Club. She even worked hard at being a good friend.

  Why didn’t any of those things matter?

  “Now I want you to start again from the beginning. Watch the tempo, okay?” Scott raised his hands. Clap, clap, clap.

  Millie shut her eyes, played the notes, and hoped the sooner she got it right, the sooner her dad would leave her alone.

  * * *

  Millie stepped into the empty quad, thumbs tucked under the straps of her backpack. “Sugar Pop” was stuck in her head, and she started walking in time to the beat without even realizing it.

  She mouthed the lyrics to herself before letting her feet fall into a few of the dance steps they’d been practicing during lunch.

  “Nice step-ball-change,” Luna said.

  Millie froze, embarrassed, and looked up to find Luna making her way down the gymnasium stairs. “I didn’t know anyone was watching.”

  Luna grinned. “You never have to apologize to me for dancing!” She stopped in front of Millie. Her curly hair was twisted into two French braids. “Do you have tutoring today?”

  “Yeah. I’m headed over to Mrs. Seo’s classroom now.” Millie paused, noting the lack of a bag hanging from Luna’s shoulder. “What are you doing here?”

  Luna motioned toward the gym doors. “Helping to set up for tomorrow’s assembly. And by ‘set up,’ I mean I’m listening to the upper-level students fight about whether the banners should be facing the doors or the stands.” She turned back to Millie and rolled her eyes. “I can’t believe I volunteered for this.”