A Soul of Steel

by Troy A Hill

  “I’ll heal once I feed.” I said. Gwen had exhausted her own energy when she cleaned the curse from Bleddyn. She’d need to visit the Otherworld for her own health before she could feed me again.

  Rhian's eyes reflected grief for a few seconds before she pulled her Lady Penllyn persona back into place. Cadoc still stood by the door.

  “You have questions, milord?” I asked.

  Cadoc’s eyes shifted between me and his mother. They settled back on me.

  “It is your story, Mair. Tell it when you are comfortable.”

  “No, milord,” I said. “As heir to Bleddyn, and temporary lord in his place, you need to know what I am.”

  “You said ‘what,’ not ‘who.’”

  I told him my story, in a short form. He was quiet as he absorbed the information. Once I finished, he nodded and let his eyes drift around the room.

  “Mair told me several days ago. Afterward, I welcomed her as a friend of our family.”

  “My mother’s wisdom speaks volumes about who you are,” he said. “As for what you are, you are a daughter of Penllyn, and all who say different will answer to me.” He took my hands in his. “Penllyn owes you a great debt Lady Mair. I thank you for your aid.”

  “I trust that what I said will remain in your confidence?”

  “Perhaps someday you will share your story with my wife. She will be Lady of two cantrefi someday. You will be welcome in Meirionnydd as much as you are here.”

  “Let us keep Mair’s secret in this room for a while longer,” Rhian said. “Your lady wife has enough to worry about right now beyond stepping up to help with extra duties.”

  Cadoc stared at her. Then a huge smile erupted on his face.

  “You mean she is…”

  “With child.” His mother finished. “Lady Gwen confirmed it before you left, but we waited for her to discover it on her own.”

  “You should pretend to not know, and let her surprise you with the news, herself,” Gwen suggested. “That will be the happy time she needs in the middle of this.”

  “When our Penteulu stormed in… Emlyn had a fire in his eyes and I knew something was about to happen.” He looked my way and gave a little shrug. “I left Enid downstairs to calm fears about father. I wanted to be here to confirm details for Emlyn.”

  “Go relieve your lady wife, so she can come upstairs and see your father for herself,” Rhian said.

  “I will come along. Can you help Mair?” Gwen asked Rhian. “She needs to change her clothes.” Gwen said.

  “Oh dear,” Rhian rose. “I am very sorry I forgot about that, Mair. I have a dress here that should fit. Please take mine so you aren’t seen in what’s left of your own.” She moved to a wardrobe set along one wall and pulled a dress from within. The dress was dark red, decorated with white embroidery. She looked at her son, then toward the door. “You’ve seen enough of Lady Mair’s skin for one day, Lord Cadoc.” He glanced away, his cheeks red.

  “I will send Enid with more bandages for Mair,” Gwen said, as she stood. Her hand gripped the bedpost to steady herself. “Would you help Mair with her dress? I only have enough energy to make it down the stairs.”

  “Let’s get you out of sight before Enid arrives,” Rhian said led me into her dressing room. Her rooms and Bleddyn’s were connected, so there was no need to venture onto the balcony.

  Rhian helped me peel off my ruined clothing, and insisted I sit while she got her water basin and rags. She had refilled the bowl with clean water, and sat on a small stool in front of me. Beyond her, another door stood open into her sleeping chamber. Pillows were piled on the bed, to make it more of a nest than the stark utility of a bed Bleddyn lay on.

  “Ironic, isn’t it,” she said as she wiped the dried blood from my belly. “It was our sword master’s blood that gave you energy to fight the creature.”

  I hadn’t thought of that. It was ironic, and I grinned. But my mood darkened. Emlyn needed to work off the energy of his guilt. But there was only one person here who keep up with him on the weapons field. I wasn’t in the mood to face him. He needed to get over his snit before I went on the field with him again.

  She moved to the gashes in my side that ended under my breast. Another rinse and shift off to my side. She ran the wet cloth along the underside of my breast. I couldn’t see her eyes, but I was grateful for the care in her touch. She wet it again and wiped the cloth along my breast again. I sighed and closed my eyes. I envisioned us together, skin to skin. My mouth on her neck. Our hands giving pleasure.

  I told my demon to quiet. Caer Penllyn wasn’t a dinner buffet for us. Rhian was being gentle and caring. Not offering me a meal and her bed.

  Rhian leaned into me, and kissed my cheek.

  Perhaps she was. I leaned my head onto hers. But, the door to Bleddyn’s rooms opened.

  “Rhian?” Enid’s voice came to us.

  “In the dressing room helping Mair.” Rhian replied. Her foot caught the door into Bleddyn’s room and swung it most of the way shut. Enid didn’t know what I was. One explanation tonight was enough.

  Rhian sighed and gave my cheek a quick kiss.

  “I’ll be out in a moment,” she called, loud enough for Enid to hear. Her hands were busy as she wrung out the cloth. She finished cleaning the blood from me with a few more of the gentle passes.

  “Lady Gwen sent bandages,” Enid’s voice drifted to us from the other room. “She said Mair might need them.” Rhian patted my shoulder.

  Rhian asked Enid to sit with Bleddyn for a few minutes, then came back with the linen bandage roll. She directed me to hold one end of the cloth in place. She stood in front of me and leaned in close each time she passed the cloth from one hand to the other behind me. I smelled the floral scent of her soap. Not a lavender like Gwen used, but pleasant all the same.

  She was near enough I sensed her pulse. My eyes stayed on her neck and cheek as she moved back and forth. When she leaned away, she caught my glance at her, and smiled. I smiled back, but left my desire unspoken. My need to feed was getting the better of me. I had to growl at my demon again as a vision of Rhian’s bare flesh pressed against mine flooded my mind. My demon teased me like that when we needed to feed. The goddess was sending me enough energy to keep my hunger in the friendly stage. If not, my demon would have pushed me to take anyone and everyone. With no regard who saw.

  Rhian tied the bandage off and tore the linen cloth loose from the roll.

  “Let’s get the linen dress on first, and see if that is comfortable.” Once the under-dress was positioned, she helped me get the dark red dress over my head. Rhian liked her skirts wider than Gwen. I turned to thank Rhian. She stood with my sword belt in hand, ready to buckle it on me. I let her reach around me, then cinched the belt tight on my hips. She stood and our eyes met. My hunger rose again. My demon really liked Rhian. I blinked and fought the urge to reach into her mind.

  “Thank you, Rhian,” I whispered. “You are most kind.”

  “Oh, Mair.” She pulled me in tight and put her head on my shoulder. “Thank you for saving Cadoc and Bleddyn. Thank you for protecting our people.” She stayed there for several seconds, squeezing me tight. I pushed my desire to feed, to be intimate with her into the back of my mind. I concentrated on giving back the love I felt from her. A single sob escaped from her.

  “I’m one step short of becoming a mess,” she said, and wiped her eyes. “Forgive me for my earlier presumptions.” I waved off her apology. “I have to be Lady Penllyn and comfort our people. They’ll need reassurances. Afterward, I’ll come back here to have a good cry.”

  “Would you like me to stay?”

  She shook her head.

  “Perhaps Emlyn will have calmed down…” I shook my head.

  “I doubt it. He has too much guilt for not going himself.”

  “You are right. He was like that when his father died.” She opened the door toward the bedroom where Enid sat beside Bleddyn. “Say hello to Enid, then go help Gwen. Folks will hav
e heard about you saving the day. You must make an appearance.”

  31

  Argument

  Once Gwen and I were back at our cottage, she collapsed onto the bed without taking off her dress.

  “I could sleep for a year.” She yawned. “I’m too tired to head to the Otherworld tonight. Don’t light a lamp, dear. I will be asleep before…” She rolled onto her side with her eyes shut.

  I went to the bed and kissed her forehead and sensed her mind drift off. I covered her with a blanket. The curtains were still pulled back from the window, so I sat on the other bed and looked toward the hillside.

  Gwen wasn’t the only one had drained her energy tonight. The sweet tang of The Lady’s blood was still on my tongue. I still sensed the surrounding land, though nowhere near as detailed as when her blood first hit my tongue. Now the land’s energy flowed into me. More than I ever got from my naps in the earth.

  But, the goddess couldn’t heal me. She was life, and I was death. I could use her raw energy to keep my demon at bay. That’s how I carried Bleddyn back through the mists with Cadoc. Perhaps how this goddess of Gwen’s seemed to like me wasn’t a bad thing? I’d never met a goddess before.

  I’d met a few kings and emperors who believed they were gods. But without their military might, they were just another bag of flesh and blood that would die. Usually on someone’s sword point when they got too big for their egos.

  I thought back to Bleddyn, my new friend, and the anguish on his face as he collapsed back in that cave. The shifter almost killed him. He had surprised me by staying alive long enough for Gwen to reach him. When we laid him in his bed, his smile crept through. Like he knew he was home.

  With luck, Ruadh would be here in a day or two. I hoped he’d be willing to fill my cup a few times. I thought of Rhian. Most human got squeamish when I mentioned opening a vein for me. Back in our master’s house, only the most experienced of donors would be asked to open a vein and fill a cup.

  Why wouldn’t I ask Rhian? Was she interested in sharing a bed and a meal, or was that just her guilt? She and Bleddyn were a couple only in the loosest sense. Most political marriages were like that.

  The stars moved across the sky as I listened to Gwen’s soft breathing. I had forgotten to mention to Sawyl or Enid that I was in no shape for classes in this morning. Despite the energy from the goddess, the sunlight would steal some of my energy. Better that I sit inside, away from its glare until I had a meal.

  As the first red glow of the impending sunrise flickered in the distance, a lone figure walked toward the practice field. It wasn’t Sawyl, nor Enid.

  Time to go have the discussion I dreaded. But, if I avoided him, he’d come find me. I needed to get this done and over with so he could heal his guilt. I rose and belted Soul on my hip.

  Emlyn stood in the middle of the practice field. His steel blades, Corff and Medwyll, bare in the morning light. He watched me approach. I stopped at the edge of the field where Gwen liked to sit on her blanket.

  “Let us dance,” he commanded. I shook my head. He motioned with his blades, but I would not budge. His guilt still bloomed in his eyes. He wanted pain. That was obvious. He needed to punish himself. But there was only one person here who could best him, and give him the pain he sought. Me.

  Behind me, footsteps crunched on the gravel path. It sounded like Sawyl coming toward us. I shook my head at the sword master again.

  “Not today. You have too much guilt to overcome. I will not be the tool you use to harm yourself.”

  “Sure of yourself?” He snorted. “You should not have let them wander that far alone.”

  “Tired of blaming yourself?” I kept my arms crossed. I wasn’t sure how to get him to see the truth. Throwing it in his face wasn’t working.

  Sawyl joined us. He paused as he bent to lay the wooden swords on the ground. His eyes darted between Emlyn and I.

  More footsteps, lighter this time, behind me. Enid stepped in next to Sawyl. Crap! We didn't need an audience for this argument.

  “I blame no one.” Emlyn said and paced, like a caged animal. He obviously wanted me to get mad and take his bait. But I didn’t want to play his game.

  “We both have energy we need to expend,” Emlyn said. “What better way than to dance?”

  “Energy? You saw my wounds.” I said. He kept pacing and waved me out again. He wouldn’t shift his eyes off me.

  “If you have that much energy to burn, go and run the ditch,” I said. “Isn’t that what you make your guard do when they act like children?”

  That stung him. He glared for a second, then snorted again.

  “The mighty warrior woman refuses to dance.” He pointed a blade at Enid. “Bring your wooden weapons out here and learn to spar.”

  I kept my eyes on Emlyn, but put a hand out and stopped her before she reacted.

  “He just needs to burn his energy,” she said. I stayed firm. Emlyn stalked over to me.

  “If she wants to come on the field, then she may.”

  “She is MY student.” I didn’t need Enid anywhere near him right now. I would have trusted Emlyn with her life. But he had another motive right now.

  “He won’t harm me.” She said, but didn’t move.

  “You are right, he won’t, but he’ll come so close, so very close, that I have to intercede.” I knew he’d do it, too. Land a blow to harm her, confident I’d be watching, waiting to stop him with my blade.

  “That is what he needs. Me on the field.” I continued to block her. “I’m the only one he can push to hurt him. I’m the only one he knows can go fast enough to get past his blades and give him the wounds he craves.”

  “You waste our time,” he sneered. “As Penteulu, I say she may enter the field.”

  “Lady Mair, I can do this.”

  I stepped in front of Enid, hoping that Emlyn’s sense of honour would keep him from striking at me from behind when I was off his practice field. I put my hands on her shoulders. My new connection with the land, the connection because of those two drops of blood from the goddess, was still active. I detected something in her.

  “But he might harm the two heirs to the cantrefi you carry.”

  Emlyn’s voice came from behind me. “She is with child?”

  Enid’s eyes grew wide.

  “Two heirs?” she whispered.

  “I will not allow him to land a blow you might take, but one of the tiny lives inside you cannot.”

  “Have you told Lord Cadoc and Lady Penllyn?” Emlyn demanded as he stepped off the field. I made a pointed glance at the bare steel in his hands. He sheathed his blades.

  “I haven’t had time yet,” she said. “He was so tired last night, and Bleddyn...”

  “We must tell them soon, this is wonderful news,” Emlyn said. We had found the one topic that banished his guilt for a time.

  “Milord, you have two laps to run,” I scolded. I wanted to roll my eyes. But, he was distracted, finally. I had to keep pushing to get him to burn that energy.

  Emlyn glared at me. I pointed at the gate. “Go, or I will let Lady Penllyn know of your shenanigans.” I looked at Sawyl. “Are you a good runner?”

  “One of the best Lord Emlyn has,” Sawyl said with a grin. “I know every inch of that defensive ditch very well.”

  “Go.” I said and put a hand on his chest to push him toward the gate. I was frustrated. Not angry, just that men can be so dumb around pregnant women.

  He stepped back, confused. “Shouldn’t we tell Cadoc and Rhian?”

  “We?” I exclaimed. “that is for Enid to share.”

  Sawyl nodded. Good, at least one of the men here understood when to keep his mouth shut. I didn’t expect it to be Sawyl before Emlyn.

  “We don’t need you running your mouth when you haven’t slept,” I said and gave Emlyn another push.

  His mouth opened. I cut him off. “No. Go run. Then sleep. Do not breathe a word of what you learned here. If you do, I’ll help Rhian administer whatever pu
nishment she sees fit to give you.”

  Enid stepped next to me.

  “Go, Milord. Lady Mair speaks wisely. You need to burn your energy before it eats you.”

  We won. He bowed to Enid, then jogged toward the gate.

  “I don’t think he will, but try to keep him from doing something stupid,” I said to Sawyl.

  “That won’t be easy, but I’ll do my best. Miladies.” He nodded a quick bow and set off at a fast jog to catch up with Emlyn.

  32

  Reflections in Sunlight

  I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched Emlyn and Sawyl jog out the gate. Emlyn needed to run off the guilt that made him try to die at the end of my blade. I winced once as my wounds pulled and scraped against the bandages.

  Enid gathered the practice swords into a bundle and was ready to head down and store them in the armoury.

  “I hope you don’t mind if we skip our lesson this morning,” I said to her.

  “Not at all, Lady Mair,” she replied. “I’d much rather spend the morning with Cadoc. He needs to hear something good.”

  “Let’s stow the weapons, then you can go share your news,” I suggested.

  “I want to thank you, and Lady Gwen again,” Enid said as we walked. “If she had not been there to pray and bring the Holy Lady’s blessing on Bleddyn…” The girl’s voice caught in her throat.

  We walked in silence to the armoury. Once we stowed the practice weapons, Enid got a mischievous glint in her eyes.

  “Will you need me further, Lady Mair?”

  “No dear,” I said. “Go wake your husband with the news.”

  “Will it harm them…?” she blushed, “I mean if we…?” I laughed.

  “Not now, I don’t believe.” I hugged her with one arm, careful of my wounds. “Go have fun with your husband. As your belly grows, you’ll figure out how to adjust.” She kissed me on the cheek before she ran back to their cottage.

  Gwen was still sleeping. As I shut the door quietly, I realised I didn’t care whether my feelings for her were blood-fuelled, Goddess ordained, or whatever. Gwen, and the other people here… they all mattered more than my own life. I had proved that last night when I fought the shifter.