The Perfect Gift

by Emma Hannigan

  ‘It’s an alphabet and numbers box,’ she said. ‘We’re going to use them to teach you how to read and do some basic sums.’

  Mouse swallowed. She placed the other package on the table unopened. She shoved it away. Her movement was only slight, but Nell clocked it all the same.

  ‘Don’t be scared, Mouse. I know it’s strange and you probably feel as if you’ll never learn. But I promise I won’t be impatient. I’ve no affiliation to Postman Pat or any of the curious fools at the village, so I don’t have a lot of time for them. But you’re my friend. I may not be many things, but I’m very loyal. I want to help you. You’ll allow me to try, won’t you?’ Nell wished her voice sounded less harsh. But she wasn’t good at being gooey, so it probably didn’t come out as heartfelt as she hoped.

  Mouse clicked her knuckles and eyeballed the cards before nodding.

  ‘Good girl. Now be a dear and open that other package. Even if you’re not interested, I am. I paid good money for it so I need to check the company have sent the correct things.’

  Mouse tore it open and several thin books slid out.

  ‘Smell them,’ Nell ordered. Mouse looked wary. ‘Pick one up and flick through the pages while holding it beneath your nose,’ she insisted.

  Mouse did it and a smile spread across her face.

  ‘Nice, isn’t it?’

  Mouse nodded.

  ‘If you can learn your letters and how to recognise them in words, you can read all sorts of books. You can get that lovely smell whenever you like.’

  Mouse picked up each of the books and sniffed them in turn.

  ‘Touch the covers,’ Nell said, spreading them out on the table. ‘Look at how shiny they are. Which colour do you like the best?’

  Mouse pointed to a bright yellow one. ‘It’s like Mo’s car only it looks better on the book.’

  ‘Well let’s make a pact to try and get you reading a page from the yellow book by this time next month.’

  ‘I dunno,’ Mouse said, shoving it away again. ‘Maybe we’ll just see how we go. I’m probably too thick to learn it. So I wouldn’t want to disappoint you or anything.’

  ‘We’ll see.’

  Knowing she could balk and refuse to comply, Nell grabbed the letters box and took out the vowels. All the other letters were blue and the vowels were red. She’d done as much research as she could online and had a vague idea of how to get started.

  ‘These five lads are called vowels,’ she said. ‘They’re like the lead singers of the band. And the others are called consonants, and they’re the backing singers and the instruments. But we need all of them to make a hit.’

  ‘Huh?’ Mouse said, looking confused.

  ‘OK, what band or singer do you like?’

  ‘Don’t tell anyone,’ she said looking over her shoulder.

  Nell smiled. ‘Who on earth am I going to tell? The kettle?’

  ‘Ah, yeah. Sorry,’ she laughed. ‘OK then, Da and the brothers would’ve slagged the knickers off me. But I kind of like 1D.’

  ‘Me too,’ said Nell with a sniff.

  ‘You know what 1D is?’ Mouse said.

  ‘I live in a lighthouse, not at the bottom of the sea, Mouse.’ The young girl grinned. ‘So we’ll pretend the vowels are the lads from 1D. This is Harry, then Louis, then Niall and so on.’ She laid the five vowels on the table. ‘So when we use the lads with the rest of the letters …’

  ‘They can be the fans,’ she said happily.

  ‘Right then, when we mix the lads with the fans, it makes words.’

  ‘Got ya,’ she said with a grin.

  The special writing copies she’d ordered reminded Nell so much of Laura it made her want to weep. Laura had loved to sit and make rows of perfect letters in between the red and blue ruled lines.

  Handing Mouse a pencil, she sat opposite her with a copy of her own and demonstrated what she wanted her to do.

  ‘The first letter we’re going to try and draw is “c”. But when you’re learning to read we call it “cuh”,’ she said, pronouncing it phonetically. ‘As in cuh-ah-tuh, cat!’ She found the letter and made the word on the table.

  She fully expected Mouse to stare at her as if she’d lost her mind. Instead she strained her neck like a little baby bird and darted her eyes back to her own page and made a ‘c’. She did another one beside that and continued until she’d filled three lines.

  ‘Cuh for cat,’ she said. ‘Next, how do I write the “a”?’

  Nell was flabbergasted by the speed and enthusiasm with which Mouse was learning. Almost two hours passed before she felt her back beginning to ache and her neck getting stiff.

  ‘That’s more than enough for today. You did good. Better than that, you’re a star. You should feel very proud.’

  ‘I feel buzzed,’ Mouse said as she balanced on the two back legs of her chair. ‘The only time I spent in school was a disaster. I had no idea what the teacher was doing so I didn’t even try to understand. But this is mega. If I can already read a few words and it’s only the first day, I really can imagine being able to know how to do a page of that yellow book. It’s happening, isn’t it, Nell? I’m learning!’

  ‘Yes, Mouse, you are.’ A little tear escaped from her eye as Nell accepted a hug from Mouse.

  ‘I’m going up to look at the water with the binoculars. Coming?’ Mouse said.

  ‘I’ll follow you in a few minutes,’ Nell said. She gathered the books and pencils and put them to one side. It both saddened and astonished her that a bright little one like Mouse could end up being so overlooked. Life really wasn’t fair, she mused. Why had Mouse had such a tough time? Why did Laura have to die? There were rapists and murderers who had no regard for human life walking around without so much as a backwards glance, and yet in her limited experience of other humans she had come into contact with, two wonderful women who had been given a damned raw deal.

  This was why she’d shunned the world. What had it to offer but disappointment and unfairness? Swallowing the large lump in her throat, Nell sighed. She was more convinced than ever that living out here was the best place for her. But she was wise enough to realise that Mouse had been sent to her for a reason. Perhaps Laura had guided her here? So she would stand by her and help her in any way possible. She would take pride in giving this young woman as many tools as she could to pave the way to making her future brighter. And as soon as she was ready to go, Nell would set her free and go back to the comfort of her own company.

  Even though so many years had passed by, Nell was acutely aware that none of the pain and heartache she carried had been eradicated.

  Still, she mused, she ought to know by now that life wasn’t meant to be plain sailing. If there was a God, which Nell wasn’t certain she believed at all, what was the line of thinking?

  She was muttering to herself and giving out when Mouse shouted up to her.

  ‘Nell, there’s a boat out on the water. It looks like a dinghy and it’s being washed down towards us at mega speed.’

  Nell ran up the stairs and there in the distance was an orange and black rubber dinghy. On closer inspection, she could make out several figures.

  ‘Is that allowed?’ Mouse asked.

  ‘Well it’s not safe, that’s for sure,’ she said. The boat came into clearer view and with the help of the binoculars Nell could see there was an adult male flailing and laughing with a set of plastic oars as the three younger guys with him joined in.

  ‘They should be fine,’ Nell said handing the binoculars back to Mouse, who stood on a chair and stared at them until they’d gone by and out of sight. She sighed and jumped down off the stool looking quite dissatisfied.

  ‘So how did you live here with a kid for so long? Was she as weird as you, being locked away out here like Rapunzel?’

  ‘No, she wasn’t,’ Nell said. ‘Laura went to school the same as all the other girls. At least, she did when she was well enough. During the holidays she was happy here with me. She was quiet and arty. She
loved to paint and draw and read.’

  ‘They’re all things that you do by yourself,’ Mouse pointed out. ‘Didn’t she go to ballet or Irish dancing or play sports?’

  ‘She couldn’t.’

  ‘Why, because she was too odd?’

  ‘No, because she had type one diabetes and was frail. We spent a lot of time at the children’s hospital, as a matter of fact. The treatments weren’t as good as they are now.’

  ‘Did she have many friends?’

  ‘A few,’ Nell said. She’d tried to block out those anguished tears that used to soak Laura’s cheeks.

  ‘Why can’t I be normal like everyone else, Ma?’

  ‘Most of her friends were from school. We didn’t get many visitors up here. In the beginning some of the mothers came with their children, but it was clearly out of curiosity more than a real desire to play with Laura.’

  ‘Well you have to admit not many people live in a lighthouse. So you can hardly blame people for wanting to have a good look.’

  ‘No, and of course I don’t blame them for that. But it was incredible how quickly they all tossed my beautiful girl aside. Her limitations made her invisible. Her sickness made her an outcast.’

  ‘That’s crap,’ Mouse said. ‘They sound like a shower of losers.’

  ‘That’s exactly what I thought,’ Nell said. ‘I knew they weren’t worth her tears and we had enough love right here with just the two of us.’

  Mouse still didn’t look convinced.

  ‘Laura had major surgeries, Mouse. She had her right foot amputated when she was fourteen.’

  ‘Christ! Why?’

  ‘Some diabetic patients suffer with ulcers. Toes are often affected, too. Laura got a particularly nasty ulcer. She was given all the treatments possible, but it didn’t heal. Instead it spread and caused her such hideous suffering she actually begged the doctors to remove her foot.’

  ‘That’s terrible,’ Mouse said in a voice barely above a whisper.

  ‘We went to London to the children’s hospital for that.’ Nell sighed. ‘We made the best of it. Once she was out of danger we took an apartment for a couple of weeks. We saw all the sights and had a wonderful time. By the end of it she was like a formula one driver in that wheelchair!’

  ‘Why didn’t you think of moving to London then? Wouldn’t it have been better to be in with people?’

  ‘No. Both of us were relieved to get home.’

  Mouse narrowed her eyes and Nell guessed she was trying to fathom the scenario.

  ‘I know it sounds totally messed up. But you would’ve needed to know Laura to understand our relationship. We were like two peas in a pod. As I said, all we needed was right here.’

  ‘Hey, I’m not judging you,’ Mouse said holding both hands up in surrender.

  ‘Yes, you are,’ Nell said. Her voice wasn’t angry, however. ‘It would be impossible for you not to, Mouse. But every case of every sickness is different. From the word go, Laura’s diabetes seemed to be determined to try and curb her life.’

  ‘Really?’

  ‘That’s why her father ran off to Australia. He couldn’t take the prospect of a life with a sick child. It wasn’t what he wanted apparently.’

  ‘And you did of course,’ Mouse said sarcastically. ‘What a low-life he was.’

  ‘Well, that was the start of diabetes attempting to stamp us down,’ she said sadly. ‘Laura was so brave. She never complained and even though I used to hear her sobbing at night sometimes, she didn’t act as if she was down in the dumps when we were together.’

  ‘Do you think she put on a happy front to please you?’

  Nell nodded. ‘I didn’t realise it for years, but that’s exactly what she was doing. Guilt was the worst emotion back then. I felt guilty that she’d been born with this horrible weakness in her body. I blamed myself and used to sit and try to rack my brains for what I’d eaten or drunk that could’ve caused it while I was pregnant.’

  ‘Why, is that how you get diabetes? If your ma eats a bucket of snails while you’re in her belly? Or drinks a litre of gin a day? Although if that were the case, I’d be well and truly fu—’

  ‘No,’ Nell interrupted. ‘It’s not about that. In fact there’s no known cause for type one diabetes.’

  ‘Well there you go then!’ Mouse said. ‘If the bloody doctors don’t even know how it gets there, then you can’t be to blame.’

  ‘I know that sounds logical, Mouse. But when you see a tiny child struggling with a life-limiting disease and you’re her mother, it’s hard not to shoulder the blame. That’s what mothers do.’

  ‘Huh,’ she said in disgust. ‘Not mine.’

  ‘It sounds as if your mother wasn’t well.’

  ‘That’s putting it mildly,’ she said. All of a sudden the bravado vanished and Mouse’s shoulders shook.

  ‘Hey,’ said Nell. ‘I’m sorry … I …’

  ‘Ah it’s not your fault,’ Mouse said waving her hand. ‘She did her best. She was tortured by demons in her head. She had an abusive father growing up and he messed her up. She drank to escape. But when she was sober and when she was being herself, she was great.’

  ‘Do you miss her?’

  Mouse nodded.

  ‘I miss Laura. I’ll never stop missing her, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I did everything I could for her. It may not have been conventional and it wouldn’t suit everyone, but we were happy, you know?’

  Mouse nodded again. ‘I can see why she was happy here.’

  ‘Thanks,’ Nell said. ‘I’ve a few things to do so I’ll be at my desk.’

  ‘I’m going to watch a movie, if that’s OK?’

  ‘Knock yourself out.’

  Nell listened to make sure Mouse was engrossed in her movie before she began a search through the newspapers. She was behind with her usual chores but she didn’t really mind.

  Flicking through the pile of papers Mo had left, she found nothing of interest until the very back page. A tiny article caught her eye. She snipped it out with the scissors and pasted it into her scrapbook.

  As she replaced the scrapbook in the drawer, Nell wondered how different her life would have been if Laura had survived. If she’d lasted even a year longer, nothing would be the way it now was.

  ‘Thank you for sending me Mouse,’ she whispered, because Nell now honestly believed that Laura had guided her here.

  Chapter 21

  Keeley had just finished her chores for the morning when Doug pitched up in the car with Jimmy.

  ‘Hello,’ she said with a smile.

  ‘How’s it going, love?’ he asked pulling her into a bear hug. ‘Ah it’s great to be back. We’re starving, mind you. The food on the boat wasn’t the best and we’ve had a long drive.’

  ‘I’ll do you a fry up,’ Keeley said. ‘And you can tell me all about your adventures.’

  ‘That’d be smashing,’ Doug said as she dragged his bag into the kitchen with Jimmy in tow, laden down with wine boxes.

  ‘How much wine did you buy?’ Keeley asked.

  ‘That’s it, just a few cases. It was so cheap and it’s very drinkable.’

  It was all deposited on the kitchen floor alongside the bag.

  As they ate their food the men were talking like two teenagers. It seemed they’d had a great bonding session and were delighted to announce that they would go back in the next few weeks.

  Keeley wished she could smile and feel delighted for Doug, but she actually wanted to grab him and shake him.

  ‘So how did your fund-raiser go then?’ Doug asked.

  ‘We had a huge turnout and people were incredibly generous. I’m exhausted today, but it was well worth it. We’ve no final figure yet, but I’m hoping we beat last year.’

  ‘Good on ya,’ Jimmy said. ‘I’ll be off. Better try and get my haul into the house and all that.’

  Doug went out to wave him off as Keeley cleared the plates and wiped the table down.

  He came bounding b
ack in the kitchen door and immediately started rooting in his bag, tossing clothes all over the floor while he was at it.

  ‘I bought you a pressie,’ he said. ‘It’s in here some-where …’ He stood up and scratched his head. ‘Ah no, I think I put it into one of the wine boxes for safekeeping.’ He pulled one open and found the gift. Wrapped in white tissue paper, it looked like a holy figurine. He handed it to her looking sheepish.

  As she unwrapped it, Keeley wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry. It was a bad plastic replica of the Madonna, filled with water.

  ‘It’s got vodka inside. I think it’s one of those gifts you can use as a statue afterwards. Two gifts in one.’

  ‘I don’t drink vodka,’ was all she could manage. Looking down at the mess on the kitchen floor, she honestly wanted to cry. ‘Can you please lift the wine boxes out of here?’

  ‘Absolutely,’ he said, scooping them up. Sighing, she stuffed the dirty clothes back into the bag and dragged it out to the small utility room where her oversized washing-machine and dryer stood. Everything in the bag was either worn or covered in dirty clothes, so the whole lot needed doing.

  She was about to call Róisín to say hello when the landline rang.

  ‘Mum?’

  ‘Hi Liv, how are you today?’ she asked wearily. She knew it was uncharitable of her, but she hoped the children weren’t about to arrive for the day.

  ‘Mum, I’m up at the doctor’s. But it seems I need to go to the hospital.’

  ‘Why?’ Keeley felt her blood go cold as guilt washed over her. ‘Are you OK, love?’

  ‘Doctor Murphy says I need to get the burn on my arm dressed properly at the hospital.’ Liv started crying.

  ‘Don’t cry, love, where are the children? What burn?’ Keeley asked in confusion.

  ‘The children are here with me,’ she said. ‘Can you come and take them? And the students will be back from their language school. I’ve no shopping done and they won’t have any dinner.’

  ‘I’ll do it all,’ Keeley said. ‘I’ll be there in five minutes. Dad is home so he can help too. Who is taking you to the hospital?’