The Perfect Gift

by Emma Hannigan

  ‘Oh Keeley,’ Nell said, tears rolling down her cheeks, ‘she wasn’t mine to take. She’s yours. Yours and Doug’s. I would never have dreamed of ripping her from her happy life. I just wanted to be near her. Stupid, I know, but I couldn’t help it.’

  ‘Did you know she was happy?’ Keeley asked.

  Nell nodded. ‘I kept scrapbooks over the years. Any time she was mentioned in the local papers or even the national ones for Nourriture, I snipped the picture out and kept it.’

  ‘God help you,’ Keeley said sadly. ‘You’ve watched your granddaughter from afar and had the incredible restraint to refrain from interfering.’

  ‘You must think I’m cold and selfish.’

  ‘Oh no,’ Keeley said shaking her head vehemently. ‘I think you’re the strongest and most giving person I’ve ever met. You bestowed the gift of a daughter on us when we thought we’d never, ever have a family. For that I can never thank you enough.’

  The women were still holding hands and crying openly when they heard a voice coming from behind them.

  ‘Mum?’

  ‘Oh Jesus, help us and preserve us,’ Keeley said as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. Her eye make-up smudged all over her face, making her look ten times worse than before.

  ‘Mum?’ Róisín said rushing over. ‘Hello there,’ she said nodding at Nell. ‘What’s happened?’

  Nell took a small step back. She caught Keeley’s gaze and nodded her head ever so slightly. Keeley took a deep breath and lifted her hands to rest them on Róisín’s shoulders.

  ‘Róisín, there’s never going to be a great or right time to tell you this.’

  Róisín looked from one woman’s face to the next. Nell honestly wanted to run and never return. Keeley took her hand and manoeuvred her body around so they were both facing Róisín.

  ‘This is Nell.’

  ‘Hello Nell, you’re the lady Mouse lives with, right? You live out in the lighthouse? Keep yourself to yourself,’ Róisín said, smiling.

  Nell couldn’t find her voice so she simply nodded. With Róisín staring at her at such close proximity, she could examine her face properly. She had Laura’s eyes. She shared a similar steely determination.

  ‘Nell …’ Keeley said closing her eyes and shuddering. ‘Róisín … Nell is your maternal grandmother.’ The words hung in the air. Nell cowered, expecting Róisín to explode. She’d imagined angry tears and hateful expletives should this moment come to pass.

  ‘Róisín, I hope some day you can forgive me,’ Nell managed. ‘Your mother was my daughter, Laura. She died of organ failure due to severe diabetes after you were born. I couldn’t … I wasn’t able … I brought you to the nuns for adoption.’ Nell couldn’t bear the tension a second longer as she dropped to her hunkers and tried to curl into a ball. She prayed she’d either pass out or die of shame.

  She jumped when Róisín put one hand on her tightly folded arms.

  ‘I can’t believe you’re my maternal grandmother,’ she said softly. ‘Please look at me.’

  As they looked directly into each other’s eyes, it was as if the rest of the world had melted away. Róisín guided Nell by the elbows to a standing position.

  ‘I’ve wondered all my life about where I came from,’ Róisín said. ‘I was very happy always. But I have always had a curiosity about who I really was. And it’s been so much worse of late. It’s actually been eating me up. I could barely understand it myself, but I just felt there was something else I didn’t know, but no one could tell me what it was.’

  ‘I told her from the time she could understand that she was adopted,’ Keeley said. ‘But we only got one little file with barely any information. You remember how it was then, Nell, the convent didn’t expect anyone to come back looking for more. So I wasn’t able to tell Róisín anything, but then … then,’ Keeley said, dissolving into tears.

  Róisín turned and held her arm out. ‘Come here, Mum,’ she said with a watery smile. ‘You’ve been the most incredible mother. I couldn’t have been happier. You put me in the right hands,’ she said to Nell. ‘But I’ve always felt that there was a piece of the jigsaw puzzle missing.’

  Keeley’s shoulder shook violently as she covered her face with her hands. Róisín embraced her and rocked her back and forth.

  ‘You’re a wonderful woman,’ Nell said. ‘I know my Laura would be proud of you, darling girl.’

  As soon as she said the words, Róisín’s head spun around.

  ‘What did you call me?’ she whispered.

  ‘Darling girl,’ Nell said as tears rolled down her cheeks.

  ‘Nell,’ Róisín said. ‘Did you write my birthday cards?’

  Nell nodded. ‘Yes, that was one wish I did carry out properly for Laura. In the end, her strength was waning, so she dictated them to me and I wrote down every word. Her last request was to make me promise you would receive them.’ Nell regarded her gently. ‘She adored you, Róisín.’

  ‘What about the letter?’ Róisín asked.

  ‘That she was determined to write in her own hand. She gave it to me in a sealed envelope and asked me to make sure you received it on your thirtieth birthday. I believe she felt you would be ready to read it by then. I have no idea what was in it.’

  Nell turned to Keeley. ‘I’m so sorry for intruding on your birthday. I had no right.’

  ‘Nell,’ Keeley said with a heavy sigh. ‘You have lifted the veil. Who knows what the future may hold? But I know one thing for certain. Secrets are better shared.’

  ‘I have so many questions,’ Róisín said. ‘Please don’t disappear again, Nell. Don’t you agree, Mum?’ she said, beseeching Keeley to say something.

  ‘Róisín’s right,’ Keeley said. ‘There’s no reason why you shouldn’t get to know one another. I know I’m her mother. But she could do with a grandmother who loves her. Someone else to watch over her.’

  Nell nodded and a bright smile lit her eyes.

  ‘I have lots of things belonging to Laura,’ Nell said. ‘I have a video message she wanted you to have. If you’d ever like to see it, I would be delighted to give it to you.’

  Róisín’s smile matched Nell’s as she nodded vigorously.

  Suddenly Keeley’s face crumpled. ‘Róisín,’ she said. ‘I have a confession to make. But I’m afraid. I’m afraid you’ll hate me or think I’m evil …’

  ‘My God, Mum, there’s more. What is it? And I could never think that of you, so don’t worry. Please, what is it?’

  ‘I feel so guilty,’ Keeley said, covering her face with her hands.

  Nell nodded and reached over and patted her arm.

  ‘Róisín, I knew Nell was your grandmother. I saw her name on the adoption papers when the nuns were giving you to us. I knew I wasn’t meant to see that page … It was only a glimpse, but I saw it.’

  ‘Does Dad know?’ Róisín asked in astonishment.

  ‘Nobody knew, ever. It’s been eating me up inside all these years. Her name was burned into my brain, and then when a woman moved into the lighthouse and they said her name was Nell Daly, I was absolutely petrified that she’d changed her mind about you. I’ve lived in fear that Nell would come and take you …’

  ‘Oh Mum,’ Róisín said pulling her into her arms.

  Nell had never been a touchy-feely type of person, but she had a sudden compulsion to join the two women. Stepping forward, she wrapped her arms around both of them. In turn, they took her into their embrace.

  ‘Tonight is supposed to be about you, Mum,’ Róisín said. ‘But I’ve got a feeling this is only the beginning of a whole new chapter in all our lives. Now is not the time for any new announcements. I think poor Mrs Bird inside will go to her grave with her jaw on the floor after Dad handed you the ring. If we told her all of this, we’d be taking her out of that tent in a pine box!’

  ‘My goodness, this has been a birthday I’ll never forget,’ Keeley said.

  ‘Me too,’ Nell said.

  ‘Me three
,’ Róisín added. ‘I suggest we all find some make-up followed by a stiff drink and try to see this night out without looking like a herd of deer in the headlights.’

  ‘How are you so calm?’ Keeley asked Róisín.

  ‘Her mother was the very same,’ Nell said without thinking. She clapped her hand over her mouth. ‘Sorry.’

  ‘Don’t be,’ Keeley said. ‘These are precious details that Róisín has a right to know.’

  ‘Thanks Mum,’ Róisín said. ‘Now that Mouse is a connection, perhaps we can take baby steps and get to know one another?’

  ‘Keeley?’ Nell implored with a hopeful gaze.

  ‘Absolutely,’ she said. ‘I have a bit of explaining to do with Doug and Liv. But life is short and it’s ever so precious. Let’s not waste another day hiding behind the shadows of the past.’

  ‘I’m more than ready for the light to shine,’ Róisín said. ‘Just like my other mum … Laura … always said it would.’

  As they gathered themselves to rejoin the party, all three women felt a sense of calm contentment as never before.

  Chapter 50

  It was two weeks since Keeley’s party and so many changes had come to pass.

  Keeley had dreaded Doug’s reaction when she told him the secret she’d been holding inside all these years. But in typical Doug style, he was calm and supportive.

  ‘I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me, love,’ he said. ‘I can’t say I would’ve done anything to help, but surely you know I wouldn’t have done a single thing to hurt our little family.’

  ‘I knew you wouldn’t hurt us, darling Doug.’ She stroked his face. ‘But I shouldn’t have seen Nell’s name. The nuns were clear that Róisín’s mother wanted us to have no contact.’ She looked at him and the anguish was written all over her face. ‘That suited me just fine. Don’t you see? I was happier to put up with the guilt and go it alone rather than risk losing Róisín. With every day that passed I loved her more. The force of that love was unstoppable. I would have put up with anything to keep her.’

  ‘I know, but I wish you hadn’t pushed me out,’ he said sadly. ‘But for the record, if the tables were turned, I would’ve done the same thing.’

  ‘You would?’ she said, as a smile broke out on her face.

  ‘Damn right I would.’

  ‘Thank you for saying that, Doug. It makes me believe that some day you’ll forgive me for keeping it from you.’

  ‘I already have,’ he said sincerely. ‘You fought for our family. End of.’ As he took her hand in his, she looked down at the diamond ring he’d given her for her birthday.

  ‘Where did you get the money for that?’ she asked. ‘It’s beautiful, but it has worried me slightly.’

  ‘I sold the boat. Jimmy is going to live in Spain with his daughter. I’ve had enough of bobbing about on the ocean. I was trying to find myself, silly old git that I am. I should’ve looked in the mirror and right here under my nose.’

  ‘I hated that bloody boat,’ she said with a laugh. ‘I think it looks so much better as a diamond!’

  The old-fashioned brass doorbell of their newly acquired cottage pinged.

  ‘Hello?’ came Liv’s voice. ‘Anybody home?’

  ‘In here, love,’ Keeley said as they turned to hug her. ‘Where are the children? I thought Dad was going to mind them while we go out.’

  ‘Martin is with them. They’re spending the night in a hotel in Galway. The children think it’s the best treat ever.’

  ‘How are you feeling, pet?’ Doug asked.

  Liv’s shoulders shook and she waved her hand in front of her face. ‘I’m sorry for crying,’ she said. ‘I’m actually fine, you know?’ She nodded. ‘I thought I’d be totally shattered when Martin walked into the room. We decided to meet on neutral ground, so we went to the Thatch. But as soon as I saw him, I knew it was over for me.’

  ‘Was he at least polite?’ Doug asked, looking furious. ‘I wish I could get him in a dark corner. The things I’d like to say to him …’

  ‘Enough now, Doug,’ Keeley said. ‘That’s not helpful. We need to learn to develop a new and different relationship with him. He’ll always be Billy and Jess’s father.’

  Doug shrugged and looked like a petulant child. ‘It’ll take a long time before I’ll talk to that bastard,’ he said. ‘Political correctness can take a running jump. Tell him from me that he’d better run if he sees me coming.’

  Liv laughed through her tears and Keeley handed her a tissue.

  ‘I didn’t realise until I saw him today that I’d stopped loving him a long time ago,’ Liv admitted. ‘This is definitely the best decision for all of us.’

  ‘That may well be the case here and now,’ Doug fumed. ‘But he two-timed you and chose to forget about his wedding vows. He’s a …’

  ‘It’s OK, Dad,’ she said. ‘I hear ya. Believe me, I’ve had many worse thoughts involving everything from sharp garden shears to a hitman. But none of those things are going to change the fact that my marriage is over. I need to look out for my children and forge a new life for us.’

  ‘Well done, Liv. We’re so proud of you,’ said Keeley.

  ‘Thanks, now let’s get going. We don’t want to be late,’ Liv said.

  Doug kissed them both and wished them well.

  ‘You’re sure you don’t want to come?’ Keeley offered. ‘Now that the children aren’t here, you could if you feel like it?’

  ‘Nah, you girls go and get acquainted and I’ll come another day.’

  Keeley and Liv walked up the village, past the Thatch and on toward Nourriture. Róisín was waiting outside.

  ‘Hi,’ she said, kissing them both. ‘How are we all?’

  ‘Nervous,’ Keeley admitted.

  ‘Me too,’ said Róisín. ‘But I’m also excited.’

  ‘We all are,’ Liv assured her.

  Róisín insisted on driving them in her Fiat 500, so they piled in and hurtled toward the lighthouse.

  ‘It was nice of Nell to invite us all,’ Keeley said. ‘I think this is more of a big deal for her than we realise. She’s barely left this place in forty years, you know?’

  ‘I can’t believe I’m going to see a video of my mother,’ Róisín said as she opened the window. ‘I need air.’

  ‘Take your time,’ Keeley said.

  As the lighthouse came into full view they all peered up. It was more majestic than they’d realised. When they drew up out front, Mouse came out, waving.

  ‘Hey Mouse,’ said Róisín smiling. ‘It’s great to see you.’

  ‘I’m the one who knows all of you, so it’s my job to try and stop you all wanting to puke with nerves, OK?’

  They laughed and already Mouse had done her job. Nell walked outside and held her arms out to Róisín.

  ‘It’s thirty years since you’ve been here,’ she said. ‘I kept you here for three weeks before bringing you to the nuns. I never dreamed I’d have a chance to hold you in my arms again. You’re welcome back.’

  Róisín could feel the older woman’s heart thudding like a bass drum as they embraced.

  ‘Thank you. It’s great to be here,’ she said. Taking Keeley’s hand, Róisín let all the women chat for a moment.

  ‘Right, enough smalltalk,’ Mouse said. ‘In with you. The video is the main attraction and if I were you lot, I’d be gagging to see it. So why don’t we cut the crap and watch it?’

  ‘After we do one thing first,’ Nell said with a smile. ‘Follow me.’

  She walked them to the far side of the lighthouse, where they came upon a tiny grave.

  ‘Laura’s ashes are here,’ she said. ‘I wanted to keep her close and I knew I’d never leave here. So there was no point in going to some weird place in a city or town.’

  Róisín dropped to her hunkers and read the neat plaque.

  LAURA DALY

  CHERISHED DAUGHTER AND PROUD MOTHER

  TAKEN TOO SOON, NEVER FORGOTTEN

  ‘I never knew that was
here,’ Mouse said in awe. ‘Did you get permission?’

  ‘It’s only her ashes,’ Nell said with a smile. ‘And of course I didn’t.’

  They stayed there for a moment and joined hands as each of them thought of the girl who was taken too soon.

  ‘Now can we watch the video?’ Mouse asked impatiently. ‘I’ve seen it about twenty times, but I can’t wait for you to all see Laura.’

  ‘She’s saying all the things I wish I could say,’ Liv whispered to Róisín.

  ‘I know!’ Róisín said. ‘Isn’t she brilliant?’

  The ladies all marvelled at the interior of the lighthouse and how homely it was.

  Knowing that the time had finally come, Nell led them to the spare room. ‘I’ve never moved the video player or television from in here. So I don’t want to do it now.’

  They all nodded, unable to really speak. The atmosphere as Nell pressed the Play button was electric.

  As Laura waved and moved about and delivered her message, Róisín felt as if something inside her had finally clicked into place. It was like something that had been constantly jarring suddenly found its groove and everything felt smooth.

  ‘She was so beautiful,’ Róisín said, turning to Nell. ‘Now I feel complete. Thank you.’

  Nell hugged her tightly

  ‘I’d like you to know, Nell,’ Liv said quietly, ‘that I read the letter that Laura sent to Róisín for her thirtieth birthday.’

  ‘You did?’ Keeley and Nell said together. Liv nodded.

  ‘The words gave me such courage and strength. Laura’s letter was the catalyst I needed to get my own life back on track.’

  ‘She’d be so proud to know that,’ Nell said gratefully. ‘It’s kind of ironic that she seemed to give you good relationship advice when she hadn’t much luck herself.’

  ‘That was a bit of a pattern, now that I think about it,’ Róisín said.