#1 Muse

by T Gephart

  “Okay, so your mom is taking a nap, which is good, so we can chat just the two of us. Anyway, so I know you’re in a hurry to come meet us all, and trust me we can’t wait to meet you too. But if you can, just try and hold out a little while longer. We need you big and strong, so you can play that drum kit I’m going to buy you on your eighth birthday. Just act surprised when you get it.” I laughed. I was totally going to buy it too.

  “So try and hang out another few days or even a week, and when you’re ready you’ll get to see everyone. I promise you, you are going to have the best life.” That was probably one of the easiest promises I was ever going to make, my eyes tearing up a little knowing how much love he or she had waiting for them on the other side.

  “Okay, why don’t we all try and get some sleep, and I’ll check back on you in the morning?” I wiped away a stray tear and took a deep breath. “Sound like a plan? Awesome. Oh, and by the way.” I paused, taking another look at Scully and making sure she was still asleep before I continued. “I told Nick that I loved him, and he said he loved me back. But don’t tell your mom, she’ll be planning our wedding and gunning for a playmate for you.”

  Scully giggled, a sleepy eyelid sliding open. “You told him?”

  “You know once this baby is born your get out of jail free card is gone.” I rolled my eyes, only mildly annoyed with her. I really should have known better.

  She leaned down cupping her stomach and smiled. “All the more reason to stay in there little one, we need to find out more of Aunt Claire’s secrets.”

  I shook my head, giving her a stern look. “You should be resting.”

  “If I close my eyes will you tell me everything?” She yawned, sliding her eyes closed.

  I took a deep breath, slowly blowing it out. “I’m in love with him, Scully. Not like infatuation, I’m talking the real deal.”

  He was so much more than I could have imagined, the connection deeper than I thought. It wasn’t only about how he made me feel, but how uncomplicated it all was. In the mess that had always cluttered my life, he was a spot of calm. And I loved that he wanted nothing from me other than me.

  No strings attached.

  Just me.

  Her eyes stayed closed as she tried to smile. “Claire, I’m so happy for you. And I’m happy for him too because let’s face it, he is getting one hell of a woman out of this deal.”

  “You’re only saying that because you’re my friend.” I pointed out the obvious, me feeling like I was getting a whole lot more out of it than he was.

  “No, not because I’m your friend.” Her eyelids rose slowly as she focused on me. “But because here you are holding my hand when you just told the man of your dreams you loved him.”

  I squeezed her hand, the choice one I would make every time. “You need me, of course I’m here. I’d never leave you when you need me.”

  “And that’s why he is the lucky one. Because he’ll have that too.” Her voice got wavy as she cleared her throat. “But if he ever hurts you, Luke and I will probably kill him.”

  I laughed, shaking my head. “Just make sure you don’t get caught, okay.”

  “Please,” Scully scoffed. “We’re like professionals now.”

  Not sure I agreed that she had the necessary skillset to avoid prosecution, but what I didn’t have any doubt of was how much she’d meant what she said.

  Not killing Nick, or at least I hoped not.

  But that she had my back.

  Just like I had hers.

  And Luke’s.

  And now Nick’s.

  God, I hoped he had mine too.

  “Get some sleep, Scully.” I swallowed, fatigue overcame me as I laid against the recliner. “We’ve still got a long way to go.”

  And that was true for both of us.

  SEBASTIAN DYLAN SOUTHERLAND WAS BORN at thirty-seven weeks with a scream that rivaled a hurricane.

  He’d held out, just liked I’d asked him to, for another five weeks.

  And I’d never cried as much as when I saw his perfect little face nestled in the arms of his momma.

  Scully had been an absolute warrior, not complaining once about being stuck in a bed for over a month, and delivering her son with the strength that would make Thor jealous. She didn’t even flinch when her well-meaning—but slightly crazy—mother demanded she call the baby daddy. Instead she stayed strong, reminding her mom that she hadn’t moved, changed her number and it had been the deadbeat’s choice not to be involved. She wouldn’t stop him from seeing his son if he wanted, but she’d be damned if she was going to beg him. She’d rather take her placenta and serve it as hors d’oeuvres before she cut that man some slack. And there wasn’t a day where I wasn’t still in awe, feeling beyond lucky that I got to be a part of it.

  And life—life was as perfect as that little boy.

  Don’t get me wrong, those five weeks in between hadn’t been a picnic. I’d spent so much time in yoga pants, missing meals, working with a laptop on my knees that I almost thought I’d time travelled back to college.

  Adding to the chaos, the press had dug up every single horrible photo of me that had ever existed. It seemed just a few photogs were enough to cause a frenzy with news of our relationship causing a stir. Predictably they mentioned how plain I’d been, how surprised he’d shacked up with someone so “ordinary.” Had I not had the worry of Scully and Sebastian to distract me, it might have really hurt. I still didn’t feel great about the things that were said, but I was currently too busy to give it the attention.

  And Nick had been wonderful.

  It wasn’t every day that you got thrown headfirst into a crisis courtesy of your brand-new girlfriend. He had no problem telling the press he was blissfully happy, and they needed to back the hell off. And whenever I mentioned some stupid article I’d seen, accompanied with another unflattering photo of me running to the store for diapers with unwashed hair and yesterday’s clothes, he’d shut me down and tell me how beautiful I was and how much he loved me.

  It couldn’t have been easy, feeling like he constantly had to defend his new relationship. Not to mention that the closest he’d gotten to sex in almost a month was some fast and furious make out sessions while I was doing the laundry and a cheeky hand job in the bathroom while Scully slept a few feet away. Yes, it probably wasn’t my proudest moment, but a girl had to do what a girl had to do.

  Many men would have cut their losses and pulled the ejection handle, possibly with a “call me when things go back to normal” parting gift. But he didn’t. He not only stayed at the poker table, playing the hand I’d dealt him, but he doubled down. He brought us hot dinners, ran errands, made calls, and helped Luke build the crib all without one word of complaint. No eye rolls, no passive aggressive remarks and no pressure at all, telling me that he loved me and everything was fine.

  Clearly he was auditioning for sainthood.

  He might not be the first Saint Nick, but he would definitely be the sexiest.

  “Are you going out?” Scully had laid down Sebastian for a nap, appearing in my doorway in a fluffy pink bathrobe and ready for bed despite it only being seven p.m.

  I nodded, adding the last lashings of mascara to my eyes as I turned around. “I feel like it’s our first date again. Luke is staying home though just in case you need help.”

  “I don’t need a sitter you know.” She rolled her eyes, popping her hip to the side. “Besides, my plans include getting as much sleep as I can between feeds, so I’d be shitty company even if you were home.”

  “Well, as exciting as a nap sounds.” She wasn’t the only one who’d been sleep deprived. “I’m spending the night at Nick’s.” My head tipped to the overnight bag at my feet.

  Ever since Scully had returned from the hospital, Luke and I had been home making sure one or both of us was around to help. And while Nick had spent a couple of nights tucked up beside me, most of the time—okay, all of it—I was so tired that we just fell asleep. In fact, I was pretty sure
he’d forgotten what it was like to have sex with me, and probably had lost interest after seeing me in the same worn Tee for the third day in a row.

  “Bring condoms,” Scully warned, watching as I collected my purse.

  My stomach fluttered, excited like it was going to be our first time. “What do you think is in the overnight bag? Who needs clothes?” I laughed, giving her a hug. I was only half kidding, hoping the three jumbo boxes I’d stashed in there would be enough. It had been a while, what if he genuinely didn’t want to?

  “Do you think he still . . .” I stopped, wondering if I was overthinking it. I mean, he’d never said he didn’t. He was just being patient, giving me space and time because I’d been so busy with first Scully’s pregnancy and then the baby.

  I was doing more than overthinking it.

  Scully tugged on my arm using her new mommy voice. “If you even dare suggest that Nick is no longer interested in having sex with you, I’m going to kick your ass.”

  “We’re not supposed to swear anymore, remember?” I tried my own mommy voice, which was nowhere near as convincing.

  She laughed, folding her arms across her chest giving me old-school Scully attitude. The combo of sass and authority was actually slightly intimidating. “Seb is asleep so I can say ass, especially when you’re acting like one.”

  I shrugged, not convinced we hadn’t accidently fallen into a really good platonic friendship. Sure, there were those make out sessions and the hand job, it wasn’t like I gave my other male friends those. Nor did I spend time with them in bed just hugging them.

  So many nights I’d fallen asleep, listening to him tell me all the crazy stuff he’d gotten up to with his brothers. His mom must have been a goddess, raising amazing, strong men who also had hearts.

  Nick had also learned all about my family too, and even though he hadn’t met them, I just knew he’d love them.

  God, I hoped it hadn’t been too much too soon. Between the press attention and everything else, we had either the most amazing relationship ever, or he was my new best friend. I didn’t want to imagine a world without him; he was so deeply ingrained into my heart.

  “Well I guess I’ll find out tonight. If he hands me the remote when I suggest we Netflix and chill, I’ll take it as a sign I need to buy a vibrator.”

  The fact I wanted sex so much pissed me off a little. Not that there was anything wrong with sex, in fact, sex was a healthy and normal part of a good relationship.

  But he was being such a good man, not doing anything that was overly suggestive. And there I was, wondering how long I should wait to get naked after I walked in the door.

  I’d turned into a nympho.

  “Go, get out of here,” Scully groaned picking up my overnight bag and handing it to me. “Go have hot dirty sex with your hot boyfriend.”

  I huffed, pretending to be annoyed. “Fine, if I must.”

  Grabbing my keys and saying goodbye to Luke, I got into my car and drove to Nick’s. It had made more sense than him coming to pick me up, especially since I was staying the night.

  My body hummed with nervous energy the whole time I was driving, keeping myself distracted by singing Lady Gaga songs. You want irony? Try listening to “Paparazzi,” and keeping a straight face.

  And if I thought I was anxious on the drive over, pressing his buzzer almost sent me into a full-blown panic attack.

  What the hell was wrong with me?

  Nick was my boyfriend, and we loved each other. We weren’t some shallow sexual fling.

  But gee, was that man as hot as hel—“Hellllllloooo.” My eyes almost burst from their sockets, trying not to drool on his doorstep as I stared at him.

  Holy.

  Freaking.

  Shit.

  If he had plans to sit on the couch and watch television, he had not dressed appropriately. Because standing in front of me in all his six-foot-whatever hotness was Nick Larsson in a pair of worn blue jeans and not much else.

  Bare feet, no shirt and a smile that said nothing platonically, his arms braced either side of his door like he was giving me a show. I had to fight the urge to scrounge through my purse to find a dollar, reminding myself that wouldn’t be polite. Not that I should be worried about being polite when my tongue was washing his front doorstep.

  “You want to stand there and ogle me some more or do you want come inside.” A smug grin spread across his lips.

  “I want to come everywhere,” I said with zero shame as I lifted my chin off the floor and threw my arms around his neck.

  I couldn’t be next to all that hot toned muscle and not touch it, my hand brazenly trailing down his chest as whatever concerns I had were left at the door.

  “Good to see we’re on the same page.” He pulled me into his arms and lifted me off the floor. “I’ve missed you.”

  His mouth was on mine less than a second later, kissing me like we might never kiss again.

  My back hit the wall as his tongue stroked mine, feeling his hot body press against me with unambiguous purpose.

  “Nick,” I breathed, his tongue deciding my neck needed the attention. “Shut the door.”

  He grinned, letting me slide down the wall until my feet hit the floor. “I constantly seem to have a problem with that door, good thing you showed up when you did.”

  He grabbed my overnight bag still on his stoop, tossing it on the floor before shutting the door.

  “Now, where was I?” His hands moved back to my body, touching me all over as his mouth went back to my lips.

  Clawing at my dress, his fingers finally found the zipper, pulling it down and pushing it off my shoulders so that it pooled at our feet. It was only fair since he was wearing such few clothes, which was why I also kicked off my heels as we continued to kiss.

  Lifting me off the floor like he had when I’d arrived, he pulled me against his body and carried me to his room. I could barely breathe, the anticipation building inside of me as he laid me down on the mattress.

  With a quick flick of his finger my bra was off, my breasts coming to attention like he’d given them an order. Nodding in approval, he lowered his lips and sucked one of my puckered nipples into his mouth while his hand palmed the other.

  He alternated using his mouth and hands, touching my body all over while I struggled to reach his jeans. Don’t get me wrong, I would have loved to have laid there and let him give me an orgasm with absolutely no penetration. It wouldn’t take long, just a swipe of his thumb on my clit and I’d be picking up what was left of my brain cells off the floor. But I was greedy, wanting to feel him hard and knowing it was only for me.

  Twisting around from under him I was able to reach the waistband of his jeans, my fingers wasting no time in undoing the button and lowering his zipper.

  It felt like I was trying to jump rope drunk, trying to push down his jeans while his mouth made its way down my body.

  “Get naked,” I demanded, unable to concentrate on anything other than the flick of his tongue as he licked me through the fabric of my panties.

  He chuckled, covering me with his mouth as he blew hot air against the lace.

  “Ah.” I arched my back forgetting what I’d asked him to do.

  Pants.

  I wanted him to get rid of them.

  Clearly he wasn’t to be trusted, continuing his own agenda while he ignored mine, I peeled my body away from him and flipped him down on the bed. Well, it wasn’t so much a flip as it was a shove, only able to be achieved because he’d been taken by surprise.

  And that was exactly what I intended to do.

  Take him.

  Yanking at his jeans, I pulled them and his boxer shorts down and off while he looked on in amusement. I kneed open his legs, taking his thick cock in my hands and stroked it.

  He edged up onto his elbows, his eyes hooded with lust as watched me take him into my mouth, lollipopping him while jerking him off.

  I loved his hot gaze on me, the control he was trying to keep simmered un
derneath as I pleasured him with my tongue.

  He pulled his cock from my mouth and hand, moving to his knees in a rush. With a decisive jerk, he hooked his thumbs into my underwear and pulled them down my legs. The air hit my bare skin first and then it was his hand, his fingers coated in my slickness, while my core burned with need.

  “Claire, I’m going to fuck you.” His voice so raw, it vibrated through my body.

  Oh my God, yes.

  I moaned, the only thing I could manage as he grabbed a condom from his nightstand and put it on. There was no time to enjoy the view, pulling me onto all fours as he steadied me with his hands on my hips.

  He plunged into me, the invasion filling me so suddenly I gasped out loud, pitching my body forward.

  “Please, more,” I begged, not wanting him to be gentle. “Don’t stop.”

  And he didn’t.

  Driving in hard behind me, he reached down fingering my clit, gaining more power and speed with each commanding thrust. “Let me feel how much you missed me,” he continued. “Because I sure as hell missed you.”

  My body shook as the orgasm tackled me from behind, radiating through me like a sunburst. I couldn’t hold my weight, feeling my body fall toward the mattress as rivulets of pleasure echoed through me, his hands locking around my waist to keep me upright.

  And with one final thrust, he was right there with me. Both of us falling, his body crashing down on mine as he pumped into me, giving me exactly what I wanted and needed.

  “I’m crushing you.” He tried to roll off, his chest plastered to my back as the mattress compressed under our weight.

  I shook my head, loving the feeling against my skin and begging him to stay. “No, please. I need to feel you.”

  He slid out of me, flipped onto his back, taking me with him and laid my torso on his chest. His hand caressed me as we panted on the bed.

  “Well, that was interesting.” I laughed against his skin unable to suppress my smile.

  “Wow, interesting?” he scoffed. “I think you need to reevaluate your choice of words.”

  I was about to agree, list a million adjectives that I was sure wouldn’t be sufficient, when he kissed me. Not desperate and hard like when I arrived, but slow and soft, taking his time with each pass of his lips.