Embracing Reckless

by Melanie Shawn

  I thrust in and out of her, my strokes powerful. She was right, it was deeper. I could feel that the head of my cock was plumbing the depths of her, to an extent that I had not reached before in any other position.

  After only a few moments of this intense pounding, she dropped from her hands down to her elbows, her entire body convulsing and shaking. “Oh, yes. It’s so good!”

  I could tell by the way her inner walls spasmed around my member that she was coming on my cock.

  It was such a powerful thought. Except for my hands gripping her hips to control our rhythm, I hadn’t been touching her in any other way. It was my cock that had made her come. Nothing but my cock, and now that same instrument of pleasure was getting to feel every slight tremor and spasm of her orgasm as it washed through her pussy.

  Whether it was the power of her orgasm on my dick, or how fucking hot it was to think that I made her come with only the power of that dick, I didn’t know—but whichever it was, it made me explode right at that moment.

  I was so happy. I was coming with her. The experience was so powerful on its own, but when I shared it with Brandy, both of our bodies cresting that peak simultaneously, it just increased and strengthened the bond that our lovemaking created between us. It was better than any drug I could imagine. It created a high that lasted forever.

  When she collapsed back down on the bed, panting and trembling, I let myself tumble down onto the mattress right next to her. I wrapped her up in my arms, held her to me as we came down, the sweat on our bodies mingling just like our heartbeats and breathing patterns were.

  “That was amazing,” she gasped. “Our best time yet, I think.”

  “Absolutely,” I agreed.

  “Sets the bar pretty high for the future,” she teased.

  I squeezed her a little tighter to me, kissed her on the top of her head. “I’m not worried.”

  Chapter 51

  Brandy

  I opened my eyes, and for a moment, I couldn’t quite remember where I was. I looked around the small, sundrenched apartment. Nothing looked familiar.

  When my eyes alighted on Clay, asleep in the bed next to me, it all came rushing back. The accident, our reconciliation, the double date, the bar…and the apartment above the bar.

  I snuggled back down into the pillow and pulled the blankets up around me. I smiled as memories of the apartment above the bar portion of the evening flooded back over my brain. Mmmm…it’d been one for the record books.

  I heard my phone chime, the sound that indicated a text message was coming in. My stomach clenched, an automatic response. Already, before I’d even read the text, I was filled with fear and stress, wondering who was going to be needing something from me. Expecting something.

  I closed my eyes and slowed my breathing. I needed to be calm. I wanted to break the cycle of always jumping to the worst conclusions.

  Being with Clay had showed me that some of what made my life difficult was because of the circumstances I found myself in, but a lot of it was also because of the way I reacted to those circumstances. Patterns had formed in my life when it came to how I related to the people that I loved. To my mom, to Sandy. I needed to break those patterns, even if it was only little by little. Baby steps were fine, as long as I was moving forward.

  So, this morning, my baby step was going to be that I would calm my own state of mind and not already be in an annoyed panic by the time I even read whatever text had come into my phone. Rather, I would approach it with a cheerful disposition and an air of optimism. Whatever lay behind that chime, whether it was a casual hello or a catastrophe, I’d be better equipped to handle it if I started from a place of calm readiness.

  I stood up, taking the sheet that covered me out from under the blanket that lay on top of it and wrapping it around me as I walked toward my purse. I pulled it tight and then tucked one end into itself to hold it up like a bath towel as I dug around and looked for my phone.

  “Hey, beautiful. Good morning.” Clay’s sleepy voice came from the bed behind me and I glanced over my shoulder at him as he sat up in bed and stretched. “What are you doing up so early?”

  “I got a text. I heard the notification go off. I just wanted to check it to make sure it’s not an emergency. Sorry to wake you.”

  He smiled, the muscles around his mouth moving slower than usual as he arose from the depths of sleep. “I’m not sorry. If I hadn’t woken up, I wouldn’t be getting to watch you walk around the apartment in that thin, thin sheet while you’re backlit by the morning sun through the windows.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh. I picked up one of the throw pillows from the couch and threw it at him. “Perv!”

  “Guilty as charged. Hey, Greek Goddess. Why don’t you throw something else at me? May be a little harder? I think that sheet is just about ready to fall right down around your ankles.”

  Warmth spread through my body, just like it did every time Clay looked at me with hunger in his eyes or spoke with that appreciative tone as he ran them up and down my body. But that warmth was quickly squashed by the iciness that slowly pushed its way out from the pit of my stomach as I found my phone and read the text message.

  “Babe, what’s wrong? You just lost all color in your face.”

  “It’s my mom,” I said flatly.

  “Shit. Did something happen?”

  “No. It just says she wants to have coffee.”

  He was silent for a moment. Finally, he said, “Am I missing something? That doesn’t seem like that big of a deal.”

  I shook my head. “It’s not. Or, at least on the surface, it’s not. It’s just that, with her, ‘not that big of a deal’ can spiral into ‘a huge gargantuan fucking deal’ in a very short amount of time, and everyone around her is just left standing there, with their heads spinning from the speed.”

  Clay stood and walked over to me, wrapping his arms around me from behind and pulling me to his chest. “Let me come with you. I’ll be your backup, and your moral support.”

  It was tempting. It was definitely tempting. “You don’t think it’s a little soon to meet my mother?”

  “Nah. I’ve already met your dad.”

  I laughed at that, I couldn’t help it. Damn, making me laugh when stress threatened to pull me under was one of my favorite things that Clay did for me. In fact, it probably was my favorite thing that he did for me that could be accomplished with our clothes on.

  “Okay, smart ass. I don’t really think you know what you’re getting yourself into, but sure. Come to coffee with me and my mom.”

  My thumbs flew over the keypad and I hit send. “I told her to meet me at the Jitter Bean across the plaza in an hour.”

  “Good. See? Don’t you feel better?”

  I snuggled my head back against his neck. “I do. I really do, thanks.”

  He moved to kiss me but I stopped him. “Wait a second. I just remembered something. I meant to ask you when we first got up here last night, but—”

  “We got distracted,” he grinned.

  “Exactly. So, what’s the deal with you and Jace?”

  “What?”

  “That’s what I wanted to ask you. You guys clearly knew each other, and then he was saying something about the apartment when you cut him off. What’s going on?”

  He smiled. “Okay. You got me. I was going to keep this as a surprise, but I’ll just tell you now.”

  My gut churned. I was still getting used to the idea that surprises could be good developments, not things that would turn my entire life upside down. My subconscious—and therefore my physical reactions—hadn’t caught up to that idea yet.

  “When I got in the accident, I’d actually been leaving here. I applied for a job. And I got it. You’re looking at Plaza Pub’s newest bartender. And you’re standing in the middle of my new living room.”

  My jaw dropped, and I flew into his arms. “You got a job? And an apartment?”

  He held me tight. “That’s right, Bran. I’m staying.”r />
  “But we were broken up.” I shook my head back and forth.

  “Yeah, I was pretty sure that wasn’t going to stick.” We held each other for a few moments, and then he leaned down and kissed my ear. “Okay. Now, to the really important question.”

  My belly fluttered and heat spread between my legs. “What’s that?” I asked, already breathless from the way he was nibbling my ear.

  “What do you think we should do to kill a whole hour?”

  Chapter 52

  Brandy

  I stopped outside the door to the coffee shop and watched my mom, sitting at her table, only taking breaks from twisting the plastic stir stick in her fingers long enough to take short, nervous sips of her coffee. She looked like a baby bird pecking at it. I almost felt sorry for her.

  Almost.

  Clay took my hand. “Ready?”

  I smiled, putting on a brave face. “As I’ll ever be.”

  We walked into the shop and my mother looked up. “Hi, Brandy,” she said, breathing out a relieved sigh. Had she doubted if I’d come?

  “Hi,” I said, dropping into the seat across from her. I gestured at Clay as he sat. “This is Clay.”

  I was sure she must be wondering who he was, but I wasn’t sure what to say, so I just let the statement hang in the air as if it explained everything.

  She smiled at Clay and put her hand out. “Nice to meet you.”

  “Same,” he replied, and his handshake was firm, his smile warm. I don’t know why that filled me with pride, but it did.

  Instead of asking any questions about Clay, though, my mother turned to me, her face full of resolve. It took me aback. That was a look I’d never seen there before.

  “Brandy, I’ve been thinking about our last conversation. And talking about it with my sponsor. I’ve made a decision, and I wanted to tell you in person.”

  “Okay.”

  “I realize now how unfair it was to ask you to be there to support me through getting sober. Well, not ask you, exactly. That would’ve been fine. But to say I couldn’t do it without you. That wasn’t fair, and it wasn’t true, actually.

  “My sponsor…she’s been helping me see that my sobriety is my choice. And my responsibility. No one else’s.”

  I leaned back in my chair, completely floored. “Dang. I’d like to meet this sponsor.”

  She smiled. “You will. I promise. When I get my one year chip. They have a cake. The families come. But, I don’t want to get ahead of myself. One day at a time.”

  I nodded. I didn’t know what else to do.

  She took a deep breath. “So, anyway. My decision.” She paused and looked right into my eyes, hers more clear than any time I could remember seeing them. “I’m moving into a sober living facility. I really think it’s my best shot at this. The structure. The support. I need it. I need to be surrounded by other people who are finding their way out of this, and I need to have the guidance of people who’ve already done it.”

  I could barely breathe. That’s how shocked I was. For my mom to make a decision this momentous, and this responsible…to say it was breaking new ground would be putting it mildly. I shook my head. Finally, my voice trembling, I said. “Wow. I really do have to meet this sponsor someday. I’d like to shake her hand.”

  My mom smiled. It was small, and sad. But it was real, not fueled by either booze or bitterness. And it made my heart fill with love and my eyes fill with tears.

  She reached across the table and took my hands in hers. “Oh, Brandy, my sweet girl. You’ve had to do too much for too long. I’ve leaned on you, and you’ve supported me. You shouldn’t have had to. But you did. I’ll always be grateful for that.

  “And, then, when I hit rock bottom, you did something just as important. You walked away. You probably saved my life that night you left me in the bar. You’re my hero, baby.

  “But, I can’t depend on you like that anymore. It’s not fair to you, and it’s not healthy for me. If I spend time in sober living, learning how to stand on my own two feet…well, that’s the only way forward for us.”

  I squeezed her hands back. “I think that’s really brave, Mom. And I do support you. I always will. I’ll just be going to Al-Anon so I can learn the difference between support and enabling.”

  We smiled at each other. The first moment of genuine warmth and understanding I could remember between us.

  She wiped under her eye, where one lone tear had escaped. “I know that my main problem is that I’ve got to own my bad decisions. That’s what I’m going to work on first. No more blaming. I’m going to own my failures.”

  I leaned across the table and gave her a small hug. Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed Clay smiling at me approvingly.

  “That’s great, Mom. That’s how it should be. And then, you can fully own your victories, too.”

  Chapter 53

  Brandy

  “I can’t believe you’re going home tomorrow.” I sighed.

  “Don’t worry,” Stuart reassured me, slipping his arm around me. “It’s only for a little while. Janine and I have already started talking about possibly selling the house, and I’ve looked into options for early retirement. I can always take on private clients once we’re here. Work part-time from home. People will always need their taxes done.”

  We’d driven up the coast about ten minutes to Trinidad, which had a clear sandy beach—perfect for taking a sunset stroll. It was a perfect last evening to spend with him before he headed back to Missoula.

  “Is that realistic, do you think? That you might actually be able to move down here? I don’t want to get my hopes up if it’s just a pipe dream, you know?”

  He looked at me, a bemused but affectionate smile on his face. “Oh, Brandy. You really did inherit my practical side. I see it in you, so much. You don’t want to place a bet unless it’s a sure thing. But, honey, not one thing in life is guaranteed. There’s nothing wrong with being smart about which risks you choose to take. But make sure you don’t miss out on something amazing because you’re too afraid to take any.”

  I nodded, mulling that over.

  He laughed. “And, I can tell you’re dying to point out that I completely glossed over the question, so I’ll answer—yes, it’s a near-certainty that Janine and I will be moving to Arcata in the next couple of months. I’ve missed almost a whole lifetime with my girls. I’m not going to miss any more.”

  I was seized by a sudden impulse, and in a move that ran contrary to my usual nature, I simply acted on it without overthinking or talking myself out of it.

  I turned and threw my arms around my father’s neck and hugged him hard. I said, “Thanks, Dad,” and my voice was hoarse with emotion.

  He held me tightly for a moment, and when he pulled back, I could see there were tears shining in his eyes. “That’s the first time you’ve called me ‘Dad,’” he said, and his voice was just as hoarse as mine had been.

  “Wow, I guess it is. I didn’t even realize I was making the transition, but, yeah. I never think of you as Stuart in my mind anymore, now. It’s always, ‘my dad.’”

  He hugged me again. “It always will be.”

  We strolled along for a few minutes in companionable silence, and when we turned to head back, I saw a figure in the distance that looked familiar.

  I looked at my dad, confusion on my face. “Is that—?”

  “Clay,” he confirmed with a smile. “I do confess to this being somewhat of a setup. He and I did coordinate the location and the time so that he could surprise you with a sunset picnic.”

  Joy bubbled up inside me. Before my dad and Janine, and before Clay, pure and unfettered joy had been an almost unknown sensation to me. In fact, it had been so rare that I couldn’t quite remember the last time I’d felt it, pre-Montana.

  Happiness? Sure. But never the unfiltered glee that could only come from having no seemingly insurmountable problems on the horizon. Now, I had teammates. I had Clay, I had my dad, and I had Janine. Three other extre
mely responsible individuals who’d pitch in and help when—or…fingers crossed…if?—any problems came up. Not to mention, my mom was on a good trajectory, Sandy was growing more mature and responsible by the hour, and she also had Hunter in her corner.

  My life had never been better. I assiduously avoided pinching myself, because if this was a dream, I sure as hell didn’t want to wake up from it.

  My dad laughed and gave my shoulder a squeeze. “I can tell you want to run. Go for it.”

  I grinned at how perceptive he was, and then took off like a shot straight into Clay’s arms.

  Chapter 54

  Brandy

  Snuggled against Clay, listening to the waves crash on the sand, and watching the sun set on the horizon… three of my favorite things combined into one amazing experience. It was quite possible that this was the most perfect moment of my life so far.

  There was only one little nagging flaw, and no matter how I tried to steer my mind away from it, it kept coming back to haunt me.

  What was going to happen next?

  I didn’t want to be the kind of person who ruined the present by worrying about the future, but damn if that wasn’t exactly what I was doing. I couldn’t fully enjoy being in Clay’s arms in the moment because I was so worried, in the back of my mind, about how long those arms would be around to hold me.

  “Penny for your thoughts?” Clay said, his chin resting lightly on top of my head.

  “Hmmm…I think they’re worth at least a nickel, buddy.”

  “They’re worth a lot more than that.”

  “Well, how about I share my thoughts instead?”

  “Yes, please. I want to know every single thing you’re thinking. Unless, of course, keeping me in the dark about something results in an amazing surprise like this one. Then, by all means. Keep me in the dark.”

  He laughed gently and kissed the top of my head. “Well, how about the fact that I love you? Would that be an amazing surprise, in your book? Because I do, Brandy. I love you more than life.”